Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt » student ministry

What Teens Ask About Their Parents

caryschmidt — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 04:00:11 +0000

A couple times a year we host an anonymous question and answer time for teenagers. They respond well. You can read about these in past posts: Getting Teens to Air Their Questions and The Top 15 Questions Christian Teens Ask. We did this Q&A time again recently, and I was surprised how many questions were submitted about parents. Bear in mind, these were anonymous. My heart was stirred and challenged, both as a parent and a pastor, as I read these questions:

1. What do you do when your parents fight a lot and your mom has constant negative things to say about your dad?

2. My mom & dad have been going through a tough time. My dad really hurt my mom, and she is bitter and often “vents” to me. I’m not really sure how to take it or how to feel about it.

3. I turned 18, but my parents are reluctant to treat me like an adult. I still honor and obey them, but they still treat me like I’m 12. What should I do?

4. I’m bitter with my parents, and I want to make it better… I just don’t know how to.

5. How do I live for God with the ungodly ways of my parents who are not Christians?

6. If our parents have trouble in a certain area in life, are we likely to fail in this area as well? How do we stop from doing the stuff our parents do if their example is always before us and effects how we turn out?

7. How do you deal with a dad/parents who want you to be just like them? How do you live up to their high expectations?

8. Is a family problem partly your fault?

9. How do I deal with the fact that my parents always make an assumption and believe their assumption, which is a lie, and don’t let me tell them the truth. When I do tell the truth, they don’t believe me.

10. My parents have conflicting standards, and I’m a little confused as to where to put my standards. Should I find a median? (one is high, one is low.. not too low, but definitely not strict)

11. My mother is in an abusive relationship, what should I do?

Think about that list. It’s convicting if your a parent. It’s challenging if you serve in family ministry. In addition to this, we’ve recently dealt with many situations of abuse, grief, rejection, and desertion in the lives of young people. The pain of such trials is immense, but God’s grace is greater!

There are a thousand responses one could have to this list, so I’m not quite sure how to end this post. Let the Holy Spirit take it and do what He desires in your life and family.

1. What do you do when your parents fight a lot and your mom has constant negative things to say about your dad?

2. My mom & dad have been going through a tough time. My dad really hurt my mom, and she is bitter and often “vents” to me. I’m not really sure how to take it or how to feel about it.

3. I turned 18, but my parents are reluctant to treat me like an adult. I still honor and obey them, but they still treat me like I’m 12. What should I do?

4. I’m bitter with my parents, and I want to make it better… I just don’t know how to.

5. How do I live for God with the ungodly ways of my parents who are not Christians?

7. How do you deal with a dad/parents who want you to be just like them? How do you live up to their high expectations?

8. Is a family problem partly your fault?

10. My parents have conflicting standards, and I’m a little confused as to where to put my standards. Should I find a median? (one is high, one is low.. not too low, but definitely not strict)

11. My mother is in an abusive relationship, what should I do?

There are a thousand responses one could have to this list, so I’m not quite sure how to end this post. Let the Holy Spirit take it and do what He desires in your life and family.

Becoming an Insightful Parent #2

caryschmidt — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 17:08:10 +0000

Part two of an article on discerning Your Child’s Needs and Responding Biblically. You can read part one here.

We’re discussing “reading” your children—understanding and interpreting their behavior and needs in the light of biblical wisdom. In our last article we said it begins with understanding God’s Word and asking God for wisdom. Then praying with your children allows the Holy Spirit to soften the heart and connect you on a more spiritual level. From there it’s a matter of obeying God’s promptings regarding your children’s needs and responding to His leading. The fifth point was on working together with your spouse and sharing your insights. Let’s move on…

6. Spend Quantity Time with Your Children—Discernment takes study, and study takes time. The more time you spend with your children, the better you will understand their ups and downs, their growth, and their behavior. Time with them will help you be able to sort through what is a normal part of their personality, what is a spiritual struggle, and what is the expression of a heart need. This time should be connected time when you are communicating—not TV or movie time, and not time shared with other friends. Try to spend one on one time with each child each week. You may miss some weeks, but if every week is your goal, you stand a good chance of staying on course.

7. Choose to Look Beyond the Surface—Don’t focus merely on behavior. Ask where the behavior is coming from. Consider the reasoning, the logic, and the emotions that produce the decisions and behavior of your child. This is discernment in action—seeing beneath the surface. For instance, when your child is misbehaving, obviously it’s a sin problem, but ask the Lord, “What’s the trigger?”

8. Respond with Biblical Principles—Target the heart and pursue the transformation of the heart. Teach and transfer biblical principles and constantly be sensitive to whether the heart is open to those principles or whether there is merely outward conformity. Always point them to the highest authority—the Heavenly Father. If you’re not sure what to say or how to say it, then get help and seek advice. At all costs, point your child to God’s truth as the answer for every life problem. Always show them how your discipline connects to God and His ultimate authority in life.

9. Respond with Appropriate Authority—A variety of behaviors require a variety of responses. As parents, we can’t answer everything with a heavy hammer. Strong discipline should be but one of many tools in your parental toolbox. It’s doesn’t make sense to kill a mosquito with an atomic bomb, but many parents use the atomic bomb for everything. That’s unwise. Ask the Lord to guide your responses and to make them appropriate to the need. Sometimes our children need reproof, other times rebuke, and other times exhortation. (2 Timothy 4:2, “…reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.”)

10. Respond with Compassion—No matter how firmly you deal with a situation, always rest your parenting on the firm foundation of compassion. Begin and end with compassionate nurture, even if firmness is needed in between. If your child will hug you, pray with you, or respond to you, then the heart is open. If not, then the heart is closed. Whatever you do, don’t rest until your child’s heart is open to you.

Other than the Holy Spirit, my best teacher on becoming an insightful parent has been my wife. Dana is the most discerning parent I know. God has given her a tremendous sense of our children’s needs and the direction of their hearts. Thousands of times over the years, she has been my best parenting counselor. She has seen needs that I was blind to. She has suggested a course of action that proved effective. It has been our constant commitment to stay united as a parenting team.

We’re still in the middle of our parenting journey, and we’re loving every moment of it. One thing is for sure—every child is uniquely special by God’s design. That uniqueness should compel us to constantly rely upon the leading of the Holy Spirit in the moment by moment details of parenting.

Give your best effort to becoming an insightful parent, by God’s grace and power. Constantly ask Him for wisdom and guidance. He will answer, and your kids will thank you one day! I love parenting! What life work could we possibly do of any greater value?

Becoming an Insightful Parent

caryschmidt — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 03:06:21 +0000

Becoming an Insightful Parent

Discerning Your Child’s Needs and Responding Biblically

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Do you understand your children? Do you know how to interpret their behavior? Do you understand warning signs and know how to respond? Do you connect their outward behavior with the condition of their heart? In Hebrews 5:12-13 we read a challenge to believers to be skillful in the Word and discerning, “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. 13 For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. 14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”

The word discerning speaks of judicial estimation—the wisdom and ability to see what’s really doing on in a circumstance. This ability is something we should all desire in every area of life, but especially with nurturing of our own children. Frankly, the primary thing many parents care about is if their kids are “staying out of trouble.” But discerning parents desire to get beneath the surface and to understand what’s going on in they heart. Why?

The heart is where Biblical values are formed—only when we understand their heart can we understand where they stand with God, and if their faith is authentic or merely an outward, temporary show.

The heart is where questions are contemplated—every child has questions, and Satan is good at exploiting these questions and providing false answers. Parents who get into the heart, unearth those questions so they can provide biblical answers.

The heart is where real relationships are cultivated—like the root system of a tree or healthy plant, it’s beneath the surface, face to face, eye to eye, and heart to heart, that a strong relationship and authentic closeness is built.

The heart is where spiritual battle is fought—the Devil is going after our kids hearts. He wants their emotions, their beliefs, and their attitudes. If we’re going to with the spiritual battle, it must be fought for the heart.

A discerning parent is constantly on a sacred pursuit of their child’s heart. Let’s examine ten keys to developing a discerning spirit with our children:

1. Understand God’s Word —the primary way that any of us grow in discernment is the Word of God. The principles of God’s Word provide a foundation of understanding. If you will become a discerning parent, you must become a student of God’s Word and of good parenting books that expound God’s Word.

2. Ask for God’s Wisdom—This is one of God’s great promises to us in James 1—that He will give wisdom to anyone who will ask in faith. Wisdom is the ability to see the real needs and know how to respond. It is the ability to see your child as God sees and to respond as He would have you to respond. Wisdom will help you know when they need to be sent to their room, taken out to lunch, or put to bed.

3. Pray with and for Your Children—nothing will help you understand where the heart is like prayer with someone. Make it a priority to pray with them each night before bed. Sense their heart toward you, toward the Lord, and toward the challenges of life through their response—physically, in prayer. So few parents actually do this, but it’s so powerful and so simple! This brief time of prayer will accomplish spiritually what weeks and weeks of human effort could never accomplish.

4. Accept and Obey God Given Promptings—God gives every parent an internal warning system. We can either choose to accept or deny those warnings. These promptings from the Holy Spirit are easily reasoned away or ignored, but they are a most vital aspect of parenting. The times I have neglected these warnings, I have eventually come to regret it. The times I have heeded them, I have always discovered something that needed parental intervention. Wise parents accept God’s internal promptings, even if they don’t fully understand them or can’t explain them. You don’t need to explain what God is putting on your heart. You just need to heed and obey it.

5. Be a Team Player with Your Spouse—think and talk about your children together with your spouse. Pray for them together. When talking together, God will give you collective thought and wisdom to create a biblical approach to dealing with the situations your children face. In these talks, Dad and Mom can mutually benefit from each other’s insight. When parents are a team, they heed each other’s cautions, listen to each others perspectives, and respond with unified hearts. This is a great gift to any child!

6. Spend Quantity Time with Your Children—Discernment takes study, and study takes time. The more time you spend with your children, the better you will understand their ups and downs, their growth, and their behavior. Time with them will help you be able to sort through what is a normal part of their personality, what is a spiritual struggle, and what is the expression of a heart need. This should be connected time when you are talking and enjoying each other—not TV or movie time, and not time shared with other friends. Try to spend one on one time with each child each week. You may miss some weeks, but if every week is your goal, you stand a good chance of staying on course.

7. Choose to Look Beyond the Surface—don’t focus merely on behavior. Ask where the behavior is coming from. Consider the reasoning, the logic, the thought processes, and the emotions that produce the decisions and behavior of your child. This is discernment in action—seeing beneath the surface. For instance, when your child is misbehaving, obviously it’s a sin problem, but ask the Lord, “What’s the trigger?”

8. Respond with Biblical Principles— Target the heart and pursue the transformation of the heart. Teach and transfer Biblical principles and constantly be sensitive to whether the heart is open to those principles or whether there is merely outward conformity. Always point them to the highest authority—the Heavenly Father. If you’re not sure what to say or how to say it, then get help and seek advice. At all costs, point your child to God’s truth as the answer for every life problem. Always show them how your discipline connects to God and His authority in life.

9. Respond with Appropriate Authority—A variety of behaviors require a variety of responses. As parents, we can’t answer everything with a heavy hammer. Strong discipline should be only one of many tools in your parental toolbox. It’s doesn’t make sense to kill a mosquito with an atomic bomb, but many parents use the atomic bomb for everything. That’s unwise. Ask the Lord to guide your responses and to make them appropriate to the need. Sometimes our children need reproof, other times rebuke, and other times exhortation. (2 Timothy 4:2, “…reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.”)

10. Respond with Compassion—No matter how hard you deal with a situation, always let that hard response rest on the firm foundation of compassion. Begin and end with compassionate nurture, even if hardness is needed in between. If your child will hug you, pray with you, or respond to you, then the heart is open. If not, then the heart is closed.

Discerning Your Child’s Needs and Responding Biblically

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Do you understand your children? Do you know how to interpret their behavior? Do you see and understand early warning signs of future problem? Do you connect their outward behavior with the condition and direction of their heart? In this article I want to challenge you to becoming a discerning parent and give some practical steps on “how.”

In Hebrews 5:12-13 we read a challenge to believers to be skillful in the Word and discernment, “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”

The word discern speaks of judicial estimation—it’s wisdom, insight, and accurate perspective. This ability is something we should desire in every area of life, but especially with nurturing our children. Too many parents only care if their kids are “staying out of trouble.” But discerning parents see beneath the surface and seek to understand what’s going on in the heart. Why?

The heart is where Biblical values are formed—this is the only way to know if their faith is representative of an authentic relationships with God or merely an outward, temporary show.

The heart is where questions are contemplated—every child has questions, and when parents are out of touch, Satan is good at exploiting these questions and providing false answers. Parents who get into the heart, unearth those questions so they can provide biblical answers. (John 8:23, “And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”)

The heart is where real relationships are cultivated—like the root system of a tree or healthy plant, it’s beneath the surface, face to face, eye to eye, and heart to heart, that a strong relationship and authentic closeness is built.

The heart is where spiritual battle is fought—the Devil is going after our kids hearts. He wants their emotions, their beliefs, and their attitudes. If we’re going to with the spiritual battle, it must be fought for the heart.

A discerning parent is constantly on a sacred pursuit of their child’s heart. Let’s examine ten keys to developing parental discernment with our children:

1. Understand God’s Word—The primary way that any of us grow in discernment is the Word of God. The principles of God’s Word provide a foundation for all parental decision making. If you will become a discerning parent, you must become a student of God’s Word and of good parenting books that expound God’s Word.

2. Ask for God’s Wisdom—This is one of God’s great promises given to us in James 1—that He will give wisdom to anyone who will ask in faith. Wisdom is the ability to see the real needs and know how to respond. It is the ability to see your child as God sees and to respond as He would.

3. Pray with and for Your Children—Nothing will help you understand where the heart is like prayer. Make it your priority to pray with them each night before bed. Sense their heart toward you, toward the Lord, and toward the challenges of life. So few parents actually do this, but it’s so powerful and so simple! This brief time of prayer will accomplish spiritually what weeks and weeks of human effort could never accomplish.

4. Accept and Obey the Holy Spirit’s Promptings—God gives every Christian parent an internal warning system. We can choose to accept or deny those warnings. They are easily reasoned away or ignored, but they are a most vital aspect of parenting. The times I have neglected these warnings, I have eventually come to regret it. The times I have heeded them, I have always discovered something that needed parental intervention. Wise parents accept God’s internal promptings, even if they don’t fully understand them or can’t explain them. You don’t need to explain what God is putting on your heart. You just need to heed and obey it.

5. Be a Team Player with Your Spouse—Think and talk about your children together with your spouse. Pray for them together. When talking together, God will give you collective insight and the wisdom to create a biblical approach to dealing with the situations your children face. In these talks, Dad and Mom can mutually benefit from each other’s perspective. When parents are a team, they heed each other’s cautions, listen to each others insight, and respond with unified hearts. This is a great gift to any child!

Click here for part two of this article, as we examine five more tips for developing parental discernment.

Ministry Idea: 3 Questions

caryschmidt — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 21:32:16 +0000

Are you looking for a good way to get to know your students or those to whom you minister? Here’s a quick and simple way to get a glimpse into the heart and cause someone to think more deeply.

This past week, in our 12th grade Sunday school class and at our Single Life retreat, we did a short assignment that really helped me understand where the students are in their hearts and on their spiritual journeys. It’s an easy exercise, but informative, and it causes someone to pause and take inventory spiritually.

We handed out a blank sheet of paper in class and asked each student to answer the following three questions:

1. What has God been teaching me lately? Step back and survey the things you’ve heard from God’s Word, the choices you’ve made, and the circumstances you’re facing and simply ask, “What is God saying to me in all of this?” Anybody with even a slightly sensitive heart will be able to answer this question in a matter of moments. This is always a very valuable thought process. Take it a step further and ask, “How are you responding? Are you doing anything with what God is saying to you?”

2. What are my goals for the next 12 months? Fast forward the DVD of your life to 12 months from now. What would you like to see accomplished? What is your vision (the less tangible direction) and what are your goals (the tangible steps to achieve your vision)? I asked them to list three to five things they would like to see happen on a practical level in the coming year.

3. What are my dreams for the next 5 to 10 years? Ten years from now, where would you like to be and what would you like to be doing? What has God placed on your heart as a long-term direction. God’s will is a good start, but dig deeper. What do you hope God’s will includes?

The practical uses of this simple exercise are many. First, these are great questions to ask yourself, your spouse, or your family. Second, they work well in a variety of ministry contexts where you are trying to understand the hearts and desires of people. I have greatly enjoyed reading what our 12th graders and singles wrote down on their pages, and I have a much better understanding of how to pray for them in the coming months.

As a follow up for the seniors, I wrote them a letter and returned their pages to them. I also sent it to their parents with an encouraging letter. Then I typed up their goals and placed it into my files where I can pray for them over the year.

I’ve been a bit buried lately and haven’t been able to write many blog posts, but hopefully this simple thought will prove to be helpful to you. God bless!

Strengthening Spiritual Decisions

caryschmidt — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:31:48 +0000

As promised, here are a few short thoughts about how to respond to your teenager after teen camp, especially in regards to their spiritual decisions.

Begin with the long-term perspective—Our view of spiritual decisions is often just too short. Every good decision of life begins with short-term challenges, but also bears long-term results at a “core-values” level. Even if a teen struggles with a decision in the few weeks after camp, that doesn’t negate the fact that a long-term value was established. The key is, encourage your teen to take the long-term view that they might not get discouraged with short-term struggles. For example, let’s say a teenager decided to start walking with God personally. We all know that teen will struggle with keeping that decision every single day. But the long-term value of walking with God has been established. If that teen can take the long view, and not get discouraged when a day or two is missed, he might still be walking with God twenty years from now. 2 Peter 3:18 says, “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.” Growth is always a long-term proposition.

Recognize what real spiritual victory looks like—With many of our spiritual struggles, the victory is in the battle—it’s in staying in the fight. For example, just because I decide to have a good spirit towards my parents doesn’t mean I won’t ever have a struggle with them again. It means that I’ve decided to engage in the fight to maintain a good spirit or to restore one when I fail. Staying in the fight is the most important part of long-term victory. Many Christians give up too soon. It is for this reason that 1 Timothy 6:12 says, ”Fight the good fight of faith” and Ephesians 6:13-14 says, “…having done all, to stand. Stand therefore…” Spiritual victory in this life involves staying in the fight no matter what.

Make decisions public and share with family—If you haven’t already, carve out some time to sit down and ask your teenager what God is doing in his life. Too often, parents are convicted by their teen’s decisions and actually criticize them or belittle them. Phrases like, “Well, we’ll see how long that lasts…” or “We’ll see if you really mean it” are discouraging. Sometimes within moments of getting back from a camp or retreat, family members start tearing down what God did in the heart. Hebrews 10:24 teaches us, “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:” Be thankful if your teenager is taking a higher road than you’re taking. In fact, join them on the journey. You really won’t miss your bad music, rotten TV shows, or bad spirit. Usually teen camp decisions are good for the whole family.

Encourage each other in godly decisions—To make a spiritual decision is to step onto a battlefield. Nobody wants to go to war alone. If someone you love has chosen to fight a spiritual battle, fight with them. Pray, encourage, strengthen, and support them. 1 Peter 1:22 teaches us that we need fervent love in fighting the battle for purity, “Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:”

Renew decisions when you fail—It’s easy to spot failure. Within days of making a decision, often the devil has succeeded at getting us to fail. His ultimate goal is that we might give up. We really only lose when we quit fighting altogether. For this reason, remember the importance of getting back up. Any decision worth making is worth fighting for and worth getting back up for after failure. Proverbs 24:16 challenges us, “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again…”

I started going to camp when I was 9 years old. For the past 31 years, I’ve been to camp nearly every year. Every year I’ve made decisions. And every year I’ve struggled to keep them. Over three decades, my life is much different than it would have been. The decisions held more than short-term value. The weeks of camp were more than just short-term spiritual pep rallies. They shaped me. They formed my future. They instilled passion. They infused courage to embrace big, direction-setting values. The short-term struggles of whether I kept a decision for a week or two is massively overshadowed by the collective value of deciding many times over to continue doing right and living for God. Each decision was another choice to stay in the fight.

Don’t be discouraged if you struggle to keep spiritual decisions. Just keep making them. Keep fighting the battle. You can never go wrong making a spiritual decision—even if you make it many times over! Teen camp results should really be measured in decades, not weeks. Maybe you’ve already struggled with a recent decision and the devil has started discouraging you. Now would be a great time to get back up and stay in the fight!

Teen Camp 2010 Recap

caryschmidt — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 00:21:17 +0000

Today we completed a wonderful week of teen camp. Here’s a short recap.

First, we were able to return to Pine Summit Camp in Big Bear, California. Operationally, this was the best week of camp we’ve ever had. The good team at Pine Summit served our group well with great food, tremendous facilities, and a wide array of activities and free-time options for the teens. After several bad experiences with camp facilities, we were thankful for big improvement! In addition to this, our LBC camp staff provided great games and a fun-filled week for every teen!

Second, the main event of teen camp is always the preaching. This year Pastor Kurt Skelly preached to our Senior Highers and Pastor Josh Irmler preached to the Junior Highers. Both men were very biblical, practical, and passionate in their preaching. God used them powerfully! In addition to perhaps thousands of spiritual decisions, God gave us approximately 23 teens who trusted Christ, and another 20 who surrendered to God’s call to full time ministry. It was a delight to see the tender hearts at the invitations. Each night, many teens raised a hand asking for a counselor to pray with them about something specific.

Third, we thank the Lord for a great group! Eight other churches from the southwest joined us for the week. Approximately 420 teens and 80 adults participated in the week, and the entire group had a tremendous spirit. I’m especially thankful for the fellowship the youth pastor’s shared, and the sacrifice our adult leaders displayed as they invested their hearts and influence into the teens. From early morning to late night, God gave each of us many counseling moments to encourage, pray with, and strengthen the young people.

Fourth, I thank the Lord for a week of unforgettable moments and spiritual victories. This article would be much too long if I attempted to recall them all, but here are a few highlights of the week. Dozens of teens who have been hurt or who are bearing burdens made decisions to “overcome the evil with good.” The teens memorized several thousand verses during the week. Our new class of Seniors displayed a tremendous spirit and made many good decisions. The WCBC ladies trio did a great job singing and serving. Youth pastors participated in a round-table idea sharing time for youth ministry. Dozens of former youth group graduates returned to camp as counselors—I’m grateful for their tremendous mentoring and godly examples. Older teens consistently reached out encourage younger teens. Pastor and Mrs. Chappell visited camp on Thursday, spent some time with the kids, and shared a challenge in the evening services. And the week was filled with great laughs and hilarious memories.

The biggest take-away for me was the overwhelming understanding of the enormous burdens that many teens bear. This week we counseled many teens who have indescribable grief unfolding in their lives. A huge percentage of them have faced broken homes, abuse, rejection, desertion, and other painful trials. Our hearts broke as we wept and prayed with these young people. My prayer is that God used the week to encourage them and heal their hurts by His grace.

Looking back, teen camp is an exhausting week, but worth every moment! It’s one of the most critical spiritual weeks of the year. The hundreds of hours of personal counseling, praying, planning, and participation will reap decades of fruit in young lives. Teen Camp produces lasting life change. I can attest to this because of the powerful impact camp had on my own life as a teenager.

If you are a parent, thank you for sending your teenager! Thank you for allowing us to minister to them! It’s a great privilege. Check back this weekend for a short article on how to encourage and strengthen your teenager’s camp decisions.

If you are a youth pastor, we would love to have your group join us next year. Space is limited, so let us know soon if you are interested. We would be happy to provide you with more information. If you are a praying friend, thank you for praying for God to work! He answered prayer! Our hearts are full. God truly blessed teen camp 2010!

The Road to Adulthood Gets Longer

caryschmidt — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:52:24 +0000

New Data on the Growing Distance Between Youth and Adulthood

The New York Times ran a fascinating article yesterday entitled “The Long Road to Adulthood Is Growing Even Longer” by Patricia Cohen. The article reinforces a growing body of research, much of which I wrote about in Life Quest: Braving Adulthood with Biblical Passion. The point is, the twenty and thirty-something generations are increasingly choosing to postpone the decisions and responsibilities of adult life, choosing rather to stay in a perpetual state of limbo—between youth and adulthood. They are taking longer to finished education, begin a family, and become independent.

The most interesting stats in the article were as follows: The median age for marriage is now 27 for men, 26 for women. It was 23 in 1980. Today, 40% of all births are to unwed mothers. That’s a massive shift from 28% in 1990. Parents are now spending more on their kids in their twenties than when they were teens. The average parent spends 10% of their income on their “twenty-something” children. One fourth of 25-year-old men live at home with their parents. That’s up from less than one eighth in 1970.

The article emphasized that marriage and parenthood are now viewed as lifestyle choices rather than a normal part of adulthood. The last statement of the article said that our thought that people enter adulthood in their late teens and early twenties is an “archaic idea.”

Biblically, I believe we should do everything within our power to encourage young adults to resist a trend toward immaturity and irresponsibility. Avoiding responsibility is destructive to life. Practically speaking, however, this trend is a reality in today’s culture, and it’s not all spiritually driven. There are many societal forces that make the transition to adulthood more difficult than it has ever been. The cost of living, the expense of a college education, the information age, and the economic challenges of our day all tend toward the postponement of adulthood.

If you are reaching young adults with the Gospel, this is their reality. This is their “normal.” On one hand we should encourage Christian young adults to resist the trends, but in a very real sense the world in which they live and work thinks very differently. When we reach young adults with the Gospel, their social and cultural philosophies are already deeply ingrained with this thinking.

From my perspective the dangerous aspects of the trends are not necessarily that more young adults are single, living at home, taking longer to be educated, or still having financial help. But rather it is the “why” behind these decisions. In some ways, these things may be unavoidable in today’s climate, and driven by circumstances beyond our control. God’s call and purpose may not always include a spouse, a family, a place of your own, or early financial independence. The real danger lies in avoiding purpose, responsibility, and direction. The real loss is when young adults waste a decade or two in folly rather than focusing on living God’s will and fulfilling His call.

Let’s face it, apart from Christ, secular adulthood, with its wreckage and hopelessness, is less than inviting. It’s something to avoid as long as possible. It’s much more attractive and appealing to stay uncommitted and indecisive—unfettered by adulthood’s weighty responsibilities. I would be indecisive too if so many of my options appeared to lead to hopelessness!

In today’s climate, more young adults simply don’t like their odds when they look at the generation who has gone before them. Too many adult decisions obviously result in failure and despair—so it appears easier not to make them. Many are simply choosing the path that appears to have the least risk, and avoiding the vulnerability that big commitments bring.

The painkillers of life are also attractive—alcohol, drugs, partying, illicit sex, etc. All of these things provide a temporary escape from the steady, dull ache of a meaningless life. Life in Christ is quite the contrary. It is purposeful, joy-filled, and abundant. Life in Christ is not something to escape from, curse about, dread, or avoid.

This past week at a College and Career fellowship we had a lengthy group discussion about the ridicule that Christians receive from co-workers for the things they don’t do—like cursing, drinking, drugs, parties, and sex. I said to the group, “No wonder the world needs these things. I would too if I wasn’t saved! Without Christ, life would be worth cursing about. Life would plainly stink! Life without Christ would require some painkillers and escape. Alcohol, sex, drugs, and parties would be the only hope for temporary relief from the pointlessness and emptiness. What a joy it is to know Christ, to know abundant life. Because of Him, I don’t need to escape my life.”

What does the research show us? Hope for the Gospel! It shows us that young adults are searching for answers in a world that provides none. This is a fantastic platform for the God’s Word! Twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings are prime candidates for the hope, joy, and success that Christ can bring!

As for Christians, we may not be able to rush their education, speed up their dating, or move them quickly to financial independence. But we can challenge them biblically to embrace God’s call and to live purposefully, responsibly, and passionately for Him. That commitment will rightfully lead to all the other right commitments in God’s time.

Note: The article also had some interesting links to research related to transitioning into adulthood, and some links to related articles that would be helpful to someone in young adult ministry.

Student Ministry Idea-Gift Planners

caryschmidt — Sat, 08 May 2010 21:03:27 +0000

Note regarding this post: Part of the purpose of this blog is to share helpful news of resources from Striving Together, and part of the purpose is to share ideas and thoughts on student ministry. This post falls under both of these purposes. Bear with me as this is more than a commercial for a Striving Together resource.

For the past two years, our student ministry has done something that’s been a blessing to the students and their families of our local church. We’ve purchased a quantity of the Striving Together Student Planners, gift wrapped them, attached a nice note, and then personally delivered them to our public school and home school students. (The Christian school students receive them from the school on the first day of school.) Here’s a few thoughts on doing this project:

Compile a list of the students that should receive this gift, assemble the gifts in a nice gift bag or wrapping with some ribbon, and attach a personal note or card (volunteers usually enjoy doing this). Then create a visitation card with a map of every student’s home address. During your regular visitation time, have your student ministry leaders and volunteers personally deliver the planners (or some other gift) to the homes of the students. The parents appreciate the loving thought, the students receive a personal visit and a helpful resource, and the youth staff enjoy the blessing of personally visiting the teens. Everybody is blessed by an project like this.

We use the planners because they are unique, cost effective, can be used for a full year, and they encourage spiritual growth and personal planning. For public school students they make a great “statement of faith” when carried around school. This effort would work equally well with other gifts or resources. If you’ve never done something like this, the end of the summer is a great time!

Consider putting a plan together to visit all of your teens before the new school year begins. Your youth group will be blessed by the project!

Click here for more information on the student planner.

New Data on Church Drop-Outs

caryschmidt — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 13:00:06 +0000

USAToday featured an article today that stated 72% of 18-29 year olds say they are more “spiritual” than religious. You can read the original article here, and it’s filled with plenty of discouraging data. But I wanted to draw out two positives that jumped off the page at me. These two things greatly encouraged my heart in youth ministry!

The first starts with a negative—70% of young adults who call themselves Christians actually stop attending church between the ages of 18 and 23. But here’s the positive. Before they turn 30, 66% of these young adults return to church. WOW! There’s a lot of bad news there, but what a huge reason to NEVER give up on someone! 66% of the young adults who stop attending your church will someday return. Have you loved them enough to leave the door open so they could return?

The second positive is this—15% who call themselves Christians are actively passionate and committed to their faith. Why do I love this statistic? Because I would gladly give a lifetime of effort to see 15% of those to whom I minister actually be passionately engaged in living their faith on a regular basis—walking with God, sharing Christ, and serving the Lord. I wish the number was higher—and in our ministry it has been. But what a great reason to keep pressing on in ministry—if only for the 15% who will truly be impacted!

Incidentally, the survey was taken among a broad cross-section of “Christians.” In our local church, over the past 20 years, we’ve actually seen the statistic dramatically differ. About 75-80% of the young people who grew up at Lancaster Baptist Church have stayed faithful to the Lord into their 20’s and 30’s. And yes, many of those who fall away for a time eventually return to their faith.

Honestly, I don’t know that the Apostle Paul’s ministry statistics would have been any better. People have been faking their faith and falling away from Christ for a long time! Don’t stop fighting the fight for higher statistics, but don’t forget, we don’t serve statistics. We serve God, and the fruit is the product of His Holy Spirit. Many who fall away will someday come back! And there’s always at least a remnant of those who are truly “unfeigned” in their faith.

Why Young People Stay Faithful

caryschmidt — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:30:56 +0000

Have you ever wondered what contributes to young people staying faithful to the things of God, while others wander away? What contributes t0 two kids in the same local church, hearing the same preaching, ultimately going dramatically different directions? Ultimately, it’s free will—everybody makes their own decisions. But what influences those decisions?

One of our youth group graduates, Josh Tanner, just began serving the Lord in youth ministry. Josh recently emailed me, asking what I would place on a list of “things that help young people stay faithful.” My quick reply was simply “a good relationship with godly parents,” but then I asked him to send me his list. I was curious what he considered to be the factors that kept him faithful since his childhood.

To put it simply—he nailed it! Josh sent me a strong list of ten things that contributed to his spiritual course. Here’s the list:

1. Parents—faithful parents who lived the Christian life, not perfectly, but genuinely.

2. Pastor—a great relationship with a faithful pastor. These first two trump all the rest!

3. Youth Pastor—someone to come along, teach the Bible, and encourage the first two relationships.

4. Godly Relationships (friends, peers, dating, mentors, friends’ parents)—choosing right influences and good crowds.

5. Involvement in church functions, events and work around the church—making church life a priority, and letting fun, social life, and friends revolve around spiritual things.

6. Seeing and experiencing the joy that comes from serving in ministry—acting out your faith by getting involved in ministering to others.

7. Seeing miracles and seeing God do amazing things—being a part of a dynamic local church where God is at work.

8. Seeing and realizing the need—taking eyes off of self and looking around long enough to see that God wants you to make a difference in someone else’s life.

9. God’s grace—the supernatural working of God developing desires and direction in life—probably a result of the prayers flowing from points one and two!

10. Relationship with God (devotions, prayer, prayer meetings, etc.)—the outflow of a real personal walk with Christ. At some point, Josh made his walk with God real and personal.

The first two on the list are the foundation. Everything else can be built on those two. If you’re wondering what factors help a teen choose to stay faithful to God, I believe this list states it well! May God bless you in the work of establishing young hearts in the faith of Christ!

Thanks, Josh, for sharing your heart in this list!

Do Big Events Really Count?

caryschmidt — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:51:07 +0000

We just completed two huge events in our ministry—Easter weekend and West Coast Baptist Youth Conference. After many months of diligent prayer and preparation by a large team, God gave us a great week of decisions for Christ and personal life-change. Over the course of both events we had at least 200 people trust Christ as their personal Saviour, and another 200+ teenagers surrendered their lives to serve Jesus Christ.

The Devil’s advocate might wonder, “Are these decisions real?” “Do they last, or are they just made in the emotion of a moment?” Are they truly the work of God or are they just hype—merely the results of a pepped up crowd in an energized environment? I’ve heard my share of cynical questions over the years, and I’ve even wrestled personally with doing my best to make sure the events we host are conducted in the power of the Spirit of God and not just merely hyped up.

But to really get to the heart of the answer, all I need to do is think of my own testimony. Saved at age seven, I was privileged to be a part of exciting, big events all through my childhood and teen years—junior camps, teen camps, youth conferences, revivals, pastors’ conferences, etc. And when I think back to those years, it’s easy to see that truly—they counted! Having been saved now for 34 years and serving the Lord for 20 years, I can say that every single event played a significant role in leading me to this point in my life.

How? Here are seven ways that big spiritual events made a difference in my life:

1. They served as mile markers on a spiritual journey—in the big picture of my life, God used these events to produce spiritual progress and reaffirm spiritual decisions. They were like road-signs on a long journey that reminded me I had come a good distance and I was still headed the right direction.

2. They reminded me of others who believed what I believed—each event placed me in the path of guest speakers, other churches, and other spiritual leaders who believed the same Word of God that I believed. They reminded me in a big way that I was not alone!

3. They served as focused times of revival—no doubt, the focused prayer, the preaching, and the tender expectation of my heart in these seasons brought about wonderful times of revival and spiritual renewal. Each event was like a fresh gust of wind in the sails of my life to keep me heading God’s direction.

4. They served as course correctors—often God used the preaching and teaching at these events to bring about correction and reproof. I can recall many moments at invitations in dealing with bad attitudes and sin struggles. These events were critical in keeping me engaged in the battle against sin.

5. They served as course reinforcers—often God used these events to stir up something He had already done in my life. Though I had already surrendered to serve Him, each event stirred up the gift and reinforced God’s call and direction for my life.

6. They provided awesome, wholesome spiritual memories—amazingly, to this day, when I look back on these events, they still bring a smile to my heart! I will never forget both the fun and the spiritual memories that such times provided. Young people enjoy energy—they are drawn to high energy events—and these spiritual events leave an eternal good memory.

7. They jump-started my personal walk with Christ—without fail, the result of every single event was an increased desire to walk with the Lord personally. Each camp and conference served to ignite my love for the Lord and revitalize my personal walk with him each day.

So, in case you’re wondering—YES—I believe big events count in a major way! I thank the Lord for how He used big events to strengthen my heart for Him. And I praise the Lord for the wonderful response He gave us this week in thousands of hearts because of the diligent labor of so many people!

Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands. (2 Timothy 1:6)

Re-Igniting Apathetic Teens

caryschmidt — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:30:35 +0000

Recently, a youth pastor asked about some thoughts on how to respond if the youth group is apathetic. My first thought was, we live in a spiritually apathetic world—apathy toward spiritual things is rampant, even among Christians. It’s nothing new, and as long as we serve in ministry, we will be fighting apathy. It’s what we are called to do.

With that in mind, here’s a few ways to actively engage against an apathetic spirit in your youth group:

1. Pray—Pray personally and ask God to reveal any apathy in your own life. Then have prayer meetings, etc. and claim God’s power to do a work that human efforts cannot do.

2. Teach and Preach the Bible—Ask God to ignite a fire in yourself for the Word of God and for passionately teaching and preaching in practical ways that make sense to teens. The Bible is a living book. It changes the heart. I’ve seen spiritually apathetic teens come to life when the Bible comes alive within them.

3. Personal Ministry—Launch a massive effort of personal ministry to every teen. Take them out to lunch or soulwinning, have them to your home, invest personal time. Do everything you can to build personal, mentoring relationships.

4. Give More Time to the Softest Teens—Give the most spiritually hungry teens more time and energy. Focus on the ones that are earnestly desiring to grow. It’s easy to focus on the hardest hearts, while the softest hearts are ignored. Don’t make that mistake.

5. Encourage the Family—Sometimes apathy abounds in the whole family. Try to work through the parents to strengthen the home. If you can get parents to seriously pray with their kids on a regular basis, your group will be dramatically different!

6. Provide Service Opportunities—Teens need to see beyond themselves. Try to find ways to help them serve God and give themselves to others. Their faith will become real and vibrant when they begin living it out in service to others.

7. Plan Times of Revival—A retreat, a camp, a conference, a revival—these are times when God can do something special through extended preaching and spiritual focus.

8. Uplift the Spiritual—Call attention to the good. When the teens show spiritual growth, magnify it publicly. Have them share a testimony, recognize them some how. What you praise is what others will aim for.

9. Be Patient—Spiritual apathy doesn’t change over night. It take months, maybe years, to see the seeds you plant begin to have a harvest. Your goal should be sustained spiritual direction, not a flash-in-the-pan revival that doesn’t last. Recognize small victories, and keep pressing forward through doubt and resistance.

10. Exemplify a passionate, joyful, spiritual life—Your example in displaying the right life is huge. The teens are all watching you and waiting to see if you are for real. If your life is consistent, your passion real, and your ministry genuine; God will give you fruit for your labor.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

Great Books for Christian Parents

Cary Schmidt — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:31:42 +0000

Frequently someone asks what books I would recommend on youth ministry or parenting. They are generally the same books. While there are some good books on youth ministry, the most helpful to youth ministry are those on the family. Whether you are a parent or a youth pastor, I would urge you to read everything you can on biblical parenting and working with young hearts. Over the years, these are a few books that have been profoundly helpful to me as a parent and youth pastor. I encourage you to read and pass along the information found in these books:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp—This is probably the best book I’ve ever read on parenting and deserves to be read by parents every couple of years, no matter the age of your children. Portions of this book deal with infancy, childhood, and then teen years, but the entire book teaches a parent how to focus on the heart and not merely the behavior. The strength of this book is that it is thoroughly biblical and that it gives parents a clear understanding of the vital biblical principles that pertain to parenting.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker—This book was given to me by a pastor friend and it deeply challenged me in my relationship with my daughter. Meg Meeker is a physician and the book, though Judeo-Christian in value, is primarily written from the experiences that Mrs. Meeker has had in dealing with families from the view of her medical practice. Every man with a daughter should read this book. It substantiates the principles of Scripture with the real-life experiences of a family physician.

Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond—I purchased this book a few years ago and worked through it in my personal time. The message of the book is that parenting by the Bible still works. The most powerful aspect of this book, in my life, was Rosemond’s explanation of authority and biblical discipline. He explains “the rod” of authority in a way that powerfully impacted me permanently in my own home. He also does a great job in dealing with heart transformation versus mere behavior modification. There were many portions of this book that I underlined, came back to, and shared with my wife.

Parenting Today’s Adolescent by Dennis Rainey—This book has been a standard in my library as a reference for teen parents for years. The book opens with much practical wisdom and then explores the traps of the teen years. As a youth pastor and parent, every page of this book resonated in my heart with wisdom and truth. One of the best aspects of this book is that it helps the parent lead the teen to develop personal convictions! This vital dynamic of training is absent in many Christian homes today.

As with most books but the Bible, I would give a disclaimer that I could not endorse everything about these books or the authors listed. I encourage the reader to read with Holy Spirit led discernment and biblical wisdom. But generally these books deal with vital parenting issues biblically and practically. I pray they will be helpful tools to your home and ministry.

10 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You (Part 3)

caryschmidt — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:49:10 +0000

This is the third and final part in this series of articles. Click here to read part one or part two.

7. I’m as confused as you are about my problems. The truth—when you, in frustration, ask—“What wrong with you!?” They honestly don’t know the answer. If you feel like you are confused about what’s going on inside their minds and hearts—join the club—so are they. This is partially due to a complete brain rebuild that’s happening between the ages of 12 and 20, but it’s also due to spiritual battle for a young heart. Be willing to work through problems together and find biblical solutions with patience and prayer.

Quote: “Teens need answers to their problems and if they can’t talk to you about them and get answers, they are going to go somewhere else.”

8. God only needs a moment to change my life, and I need you to help me be there for that moment! We’re so quick to let less important things take the place of the teaching/preaching of God’s Word to our children. Soccer league trumps Bible Study. Birthday trip trumps church. Studying for a test trumps Sunday School. Cost savings trumps teen camp.

These, and all like them, are just very bad choices. There will always be a reason to miss the teaching of God’s Word—and before you know it, your family has missed dozens upon dozens of opportunities for spiritual growth and development. Make the Bible your first priority, and everything else can find a place around it—or not happen at all. Your kid can miss a few soccer practices—or the whole season for that matter—and be just fine. Miss the Bible and you invite disaster.

Quote: “I was 15 and had just come back from teen camp where God completely changed my life. The whole week climaxed to the final night where I know God called me to serve Him for the rest of my life. My parents never discouraged me from going to a camp or activity, and when I came home that Friday and told my dad, his response with a smile was, ‘I knew God was going to do something like that in your life.’”

9. Along with discipline, I really need to know you accept me in spite of my failures. Firm discipline must be coupled with acceptance. Discipline isn’t rejection. Discipline should be restorative not merely punitive. Teens can handle discipline that flows from a compassionate heart and ends with a hug and prayer. Be sure you provide biblical discipline that corrects behavior, nurtures the heart, and fully accepts the child all at the same time.

Quote: “While there needs to be a punishment when you do something wrong, there also needs to be forgiveness, and a learning process from it.”

Quote: “My parents showed no mercy when it came to discipline, however, they always emphasized that they new that I was ‘better than that’ and how much confidence they had in me. That kind of faith is what has kept me from quitting as a young adult. If your parents don’t believe in you, who does?”

Quote: “My parents not only helped me to realize that I am extremely imperfect, they helped me realize that I don’t always have to be perfect to be influential in life.”

10. More than anything I need your affirmation. Let me know when I’m doing something right! Teens generally go through life feeling like they are always in trouble. In most cases, they over-exaggerate our discipline and feel like complete failures. For this reason, it’s important to create the right context—if something is small, let them know it’s small. And when you deliver discipline, balance it out with tender love, encouragement, and unconditional acceptance. For every one time you deliver a reprimand, try to deliver ten affirmations. That ratio of 10 to 1 will keep you constantly challenged to find the good and praise it!

Quote: “When you are a teen, you get in trouble a lot. It always seems to a teenager every time they do something wrong they are always caught and always punished, but when they do something good it is just expected and nothing is ever said. Often, the only time you get attention in your home is on your birthday or when you do something wrong.”

Quote: “Sometimes it seemed like my parents paid much more attention to everything I did wrong, then anything I did right. This was extremely discouraging, and there were times when I became very bitter towards them.”

Quote: “I think this may have been my parents’ one weakness. It’s really easy to pick out the negatives in a person/situation and forget the positives. This can/did take its toll on a me emotionally. Personally, positive reinforcement is more motivating than negative reinforcement.”

So there you have it—ten things teens won’t tell you. Pray for wisdom as you seek to love those young hearts toward a life-time intimacy with their Heavenly Father!

10 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You (Part 2)

caryschmidt — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:04:04 +0000

This is part two of a three part series. Click here to read the first part of this article.

4. My deepest need is a sincere relationship with you. (I need time with parents.) Not only will they not say this—they won’t even admit to it or understand it. This one resides so deep in our God-given design, that we barely recognize it. It’s the life results that make it so obvious. A teenager who has a healthy relationship with Dad and Mom is just an entirely different creature than one that doesn’t. They think different, feel different (emotionally), logic different, behave different, and have vastly different lives for the long-term. The key is—you must make it happen. You must create these moments. No force on earth—not sports, not homework, not friends, not youth group, not work—should keep you from having quality, quantity time together.

Quote: “I went soulwinning with my mom and those were the only times I really got to talk to my mom, not just about church things, but about anything. She would take me to lunch afterward. Four hours is a long time. I truly treasured that time, because home life is so busy you don’t really talk.”

Quote: “This is something I didn’t realize I needed as a teenager. Both of my parents work full time, so they had to purposefully make time for us to spend together, and most of the time they had to force us to spend time with them. Had my parents given up on making us do things with them, I know that we would have serious relationship problems today, and I would be lacking two of my best mentors and counselors.”

Quote: “Probably the best thing my dad let me do was buy a 1968 Pontiac, and we spent the next two and a half years together working on it. I got quality time with my dad doing something we both loved, and I also got practical hands-on mechanical training.”

5. I need and want rules born out of love and enforced with sincerity. (Biblically deal with your own failures.) Teens expect us to be authorities—they know that love is sometimes tough. When we fail to provide and consistently enforce boundaries, or when we give too much freedom with no restraint, they know the interpretation—”Stay out of my way, I don’t really care about you.” Biblical parenting requires much wisdom and effort. It’s a sacrifice—hard work—to stand in the gap spiritually.

Quote: “Teens might fight the rules, but they need them more than anything. I am so glad my parents protected me from certain things. I owe where I am now to them. There were times that I didn’t break rules, because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, and if the rules hadn’t been there, I would have regretted it later.”

Quote: “My parents were good about explaining to us why they had certain rules for us as teenagers. That was a good move because it didn’t give us the chance to sit and think of all the cruel reasons they had come up with these restrictions, and we respected them for it.”

Quote: “I knew the rules from day one. This was never a problem with me, because they were balanced and properly enforced.”

6. I need united authority in my life. (Nothing confuses me more than conflicting authorities!) How often I counsel families where Mom and Dad do not stand together. One parent disagrees with the other on discipline. One hides things from the other. Statements like, “Don’t tell your father” or “Just because Pastor believes it doesn’t mean we have to” abound in today’s Christian home.

For a teen, divided authorities brings confusion and frustration. If you don’t agree with your school or pastor, find one you can support. If you are at odds with your spouse, resolve the problem. For your child’s sake—stand together with biblical authorities and with one another. Work out your differences privately, but stand together publicly.

Quote: “My parents never sided against an authority figure! They always supported them in front of us even if the authority figure was wrong.”

Quote: “My parents agreed with each other (at least in front of us), supported our pastor, and took the side of our teachers.”

Note: Don’t miss part three of this series coming soon!