Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt » family

When We’re Too Busy

caryschmidt — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:30:15 +0000

Life is busy. Honestly, in a given week or day, there is more stuff flowing at us (in the form of information and opportunities) than we can possibly comprehend, much less accept. Doing the right things in life means saying “no” to a lot more than you could ever say “yes” to. The challenge of the 21st century is saying “yes” to the right things, and accepting the built in limitations of the human condition. We just can’t do it all—though we often wish we could.

I’ve noticed something. Busyness is like a snowball. It’s size and magnitude grows simply by the motion of life, and it sort of sneaks up on you. We don’t realize we’re TOO busy until something starts to breakdown—and even then, we don’t always connect the symptoms with the real cause. For instance, fractured and stressed relationships sometimes have nothing to do with the heart or intent of the individuals, and everything to do with their schedules or level of fatigue.

Most everybody I know has a tendency to become too busy over time. And busyness is cyclical and seasonal—once you get everything back in balance, it seems it’s only a matter of time before your calendar is filled once again. Bad stuff happens when we get too busy and over-extended. Here’s a short list:

Our Walk with God Diminishes—it’s easy to negotiate this way— “I’m so busy doing things for God, that He will just have to understand why I don’t have much time to be with Him.” Somehow, I don’t think He’s holding a gun to our head either way. Yes, He desires that we serve Him with our lives. But He also desires that we walk with Him personally. Being too busy too walk with God is like poking a hole in your gas tank—you’re journey will be MUCH shorter for certain!

Our Physical Fatigue Increases—I know—DUH! Yet, I love the quote from Vince Lombardi: ““I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious” In fact, for a long time I had that quote hanging on my office wall. But I also love another quote from Lombardi: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all!” Funny that these both came from the same man, and they usually happen in that order! Sure—exhaust yourself in a good cause, but then catch up, rest, and restore. Don’t live in an extended state of fatigue unless you want to make some really bad decisions and have some very damaged relationships.

Our Relationships are Stretched—I really believe that the vast majority of marital/family stress and distress that Dana and I have ever experienced was more related to our schedules and fatigue than anything else. Now, before you get too “Utopian” on me—some stretching is simply unavoidable and even necessary—growth oriented. A young family, a growing ministry, and the regular pressures of a normal life bring with it a tension that stretches a marriage and forces needful growth on many levels. These are good things. Hard things, yes, but still very good and needful for long term strength and blessing.

But there is a line that can be crossed, and being TOO busy for TOO long only increases family frustration and emotional edginess exponentially. And it’s not only family relationships that are impacted. Co-laborers, friends, and ministry relationships can be hurt too. It’s simple. Being too busy means I’m mentally and emotionally “on thin ice”—edgy, tense, and stretched to my limits. It’s hard to have compassion, patience, and sensitivity towards people when my own emotional and spiritual “condition” is so fragile. Everybody pays when I’m too busy—especially those closest to me.

Our Health Suffers—When nearing the end of chemo, I asked my doctor what he would recommend I change about my life regarding the possible recurrence of cancer. While he couldn’t give me a “cause” or a “prevention,” he did say, “This cancer is an immune system illness. So do whatever it takes not to stress out your immune system. Eat well, rest properly, and recover when you’re sick.” Cancer taught me a lot, but one HUGE lesson was that I’m expendable in pretty much every area of my life, except to my wife and kids. The ministry doesn’t need me—I need the ministry. God’s work went along just perfectly without me. (Bummer.) Honestly, that wasn’t news, but it was a very real reminder that serving God is a privilege.

The other day my wife was asking me to “hurry” for some reason. I looked at her and jokingly said, “You’re stressing out my lymph nodes.” We both laughed. Simply put, nothing is more restorative to your health and productivity than rest, and nothing will enable you to have a long and fruitful family life and ministry more than being healthy—well rested and able to function optimally. It is possible to push yourself to a point where, for short-term gain, you ultimately cheat your family and ministry of long-term contribution.

Our Long-Term Viability is Threatened—We’ve all heard too many stories of people, who in short-term, low moments—moments of temptation, depletion, fatigue, or spiritual fog—made decisions that wrecked their family and ministry for the long term. Call it burn out, call it mid-life crisis, call is depression—there are a thousand causes and a thousand terms to describe or define conditions that bring us to poor decision-making. Over extending my life to get ahead for the short-term only threatens my effectiveness for the long-term. Some refer to this as “sustainable pace.” In other words, knowing that I must possibly faithfully run this race for forty more years, I’d better set a pace that will keep me running that long. You’ve heard it before—the Christian life is a marathon, not a sprint. If you’re sprinting, you are not setting a sustainable pace, and it will eventually catch up with you—unless you are Superman. You are trading your long-term viability for short-term gain. Bad trade.

In my experience in life and ministry, the things worth doing take time—a lot of time—in other words, patience. Pushing myself to “get it all done now” is a dead end—there’s always more to do, and what was done “faster” wasn’t usually done well. Doing less and doing it well requires patience and persistence. Someone working more and faster than you may get more done this week, but working with sustainable pace will accomplish much more over time. It’s like the difference between a sparkler and a slow, deep-burning bed of coals. One is more impressive, but the other burns hotter for a lot longer.

Being too busy tends to feeds pride and ego—it feels valuable. Being rushed and in a constant state of urgency can be validating in our search for significance.

Being balanced feeds your heart for God, helps you nurture healthy relationships, and makes you stronger and more effective on every level of life.

Being too busy, you may get more done this week and people may applaud you for it. But being balanced, you will get more done in your life time, and God will applaud you for it.

Funny thing is—what I’ve said in 1,200 words, God said seventeen— “Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit.” (Ecc. 4:6)

Now it’s your turn to choose. How will you live this year—busy or balanced?

15 Ways to Affirm Your Kids

caryschmidt — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:30:54 +0000

Not long ago, my son asked my wife, “Was dad proud?” Then he said,”I work hard to make that man proud!”

His statement reminded me of the power of parental affirmation, and of how often I fail to let him know how proud I am of him! Affirmation is HUGE! The most hopeless young person is the one who feels he or she “just can’t win.” And too often, we as parents, inadvertently lead our kids to that conclusion. We can too easily or too quickly focus on “what still needs improvement” and miss “what’s right” in our kids lives. (I’m speaking to me!)

I’m not the “affirming parent” that I want to be—and that’s partially why I made this list. It’s what I see good parents do—the parents I wish I were more like—the parents I strive to be like! So, as food for thought, here’s a starter list of fifteen ways we could affirm our kids this week:

Speak Praise to Them—just pause in an unexpected moment and say, “Hey, I just want you to know I’m proud of you, and here are some reasons why!” or “Hey, I want you to know you’re really doing a great job in (fill in the blank here!)”

Write a Specific Note to Them—Write out the good qualities and successes you see unfolding in their lives. Even better—mail it to them. Their surprise is well worth the fifty cents!

Speak Highly of Them In Front of Others—When they can hear you, speak up to others about some of the ways you see them growing, doing right, or working hard. They will rise in their attempt to live up to your decsription!

Acknowledge Their Heart—Let them know you understand their good intentions, even when the outcome isn’t what you intended!

Seek to Understand Their Emotions—There’s something powerful about having “the way you feel” validated by someone in authority—even if the circumstances can’t change. You may not be able to give them their way, but you could let them know you understand how they feel.

Reward Them Tangibly—Pick up and give a gift for no reason other than the fact that you are proud of their good efforts in some area.

Honor Them Intangibly—Prefer them in a way that lets them know they are highly valued and esteemed by you. Treat them like you would treat someone very important in your world.

Spend Time With Them—They already know you’re busy, so giving them quantity and quality time will speak loudly as to your love and honor toward them.

Express Physical Affection Toward Them—Again, just randomly pause, wrap them up in your arms, and squeeze for a while. And while you do, say something like, “I love you so much! I can’t believe how awesome you are!”

Surprise Them—Their favorite restaurant or meal, a new book, a special event, or a spontaneous family memory—do something awesome that they aren’t expecting, and let them know it’s because you are proud of them.

Do a Random Act of Kindness for Them—Help them clean out their closet, fill their car with gas, send a quick text message, pick them up at school and go to lunch. There are about ten million other ideas you could come up with on your own.

Genuinely Admire Them—Pause, think about your child, and consider the ways they excel. Consider the areas in which you might even envy them—and then celebrate those qualities. (Be honest—some times and in some ways our kids flat put us to shame!)

Praise Them Publicly—This isn’t bragging if it’s done in the right way, from a grateful heart—but acknowledge what your children are doing right and what God is teaching you through them. One easy way to do this is to thank them in front of others.

Defer to Their Decision (When Possible)—Don’t fight over things worth losing. Preferring one another is a wonderful expression of love. For instance, let them choose where or what to eat for dinner. When possible, let them make a key decision and praise them for “getting it right.”

Made a Big Deal of Good Decisions—When your kids make a wise choice, go nuts! Celebrate spiritual victories with all the zeal and energy of a lunatic Super Bowl fan!

Man, do I want to grow in this area! I have so much room for improvement, and I’m sure you do too. Ask the Lord to give you an affirming spirit, and to make consistent affirmation a ritual part of your parenting efforts!

Spiritual Weapons for Wayward Kids

caryschmidt — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 06:58:03 +0000

What can you do when your grown children begin to stray spiritually? I’ve seen a lot of parents hurt, mystified, and shaken by sudden and radical spiritual changes in the lives of their adult children. I realize, one day I may be one of them—and so could you.

In these moments, some parents grasp for control—trying to maintain a mythical strangle-hold of childhood authority. This always escalates a situation to become worse and creates greater distance relationally and spiritually. In a wild swing to the other extreme—some parents abandon their post of parental influence. They mentally, emotionally, and spiritually disconnect with an “oh well” resignation, as if there is nothing they can really do. Others respond in anger—returning hurt for hurt.

Recently, Dana and I prayerfully and fearfully sat down with some parents who were facing circumstances in which we all felt powerless. Together, we rediscovered the weapons God had given us to fight battles that are far beyond our human control. And together, we saw God work a miracle. These are the weapons that God gives us all to use against impossible circumstances:

Unconditional Love and Acceptance—regardless what my child does, how my child hurts me, or how far out of bounds my child behaves—I will choose to respond with Christ-like compassion and unconditional love. This is a powerful weapon that speaks to the heart and the conscience. By the way, acceptance of a person does not equal approval of sin.

Godly Grace—regardless of what my child has done, I extend grace—unmerited favor. Just as grace is God’s response to my sin, grace will be my response to my child’s sin. Grace is always undeserved, and is the most powerful resource for creating an environment where repentence and change are possible.

Intercessory Prayer—this weapon brings all the powers of Heaven to work in the situation. It is the single most powerful and yet most neglected response to any strained relationship.

God’s Word—opinions and personal preferences matter little, but the principles of God’s Word are powerful. When battles of the will only escalate a situation, the principles of God’s Word speak to the heart with the potential of lasting life change.

Patient Endurance—change takes time. Repentence is rarely instantaneous. Parents who win these battles never give up (emphasis on NEVER.) They faithfully and persistently use these weapons until the battle is won.

These are weapons of the Spirit. Think about it:

Weapons of flesh will react, weapons of the Spirit will respond.
Weapons of flesh will lash out. Weapons of the Spirit will reach out.
Weapons of flesh desire retribution. Weapons of the Spirit desire reconciliation.
Weapons of flesh will seek control. Weapons of the Spirit will seek influence.
Weapons of flesh will make demands. Weapons of the Spirit will make pleas.
Weapons of flesh will acuse. Weapons of the Spirit will accept.
Weapons of flesh will return hurt. Weapons of the Spirit will return grace.
Weapons of flesh will argue. Weapons of the Spirit will reason.

Here they are again: unconditional love, godly grace, intercessory prayer, God’s Word, and patient endurance.

Take hope, parent! If you are facing impossible circumstances and you feel hopeless and powerless—there is much you can do to fight a spiritual battle for your wayward child! God’s work is not finished in your child’s heart, and God’s Word is still powerful to change lives!

In reality, these weapons are effective in any broken or strained relationship. About the time you think there’s nothing you can do, about the time you want to over-react or fight in the flesh—these are the only weapons that can truly make a difference. May God give us wisdom to fight our relational battles in the wisdom of His Word and the power, and filling of His Holy Spirit.

United—Fighting for the Next Generation

caryschmidt — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:48:18 +0000

The contemporary church is seeing a mass exodus of young adults walking away from their faith in their late teens and early twenties. Some studies say the percentage is around 80% while others estimate it to be much higher. The statistic highlights major failures in many contemporary church ministry on a number of levels, but not all churches are seeing this lack of fruit.

While we are never content to see even one young life walk away from the faith, God has seen fit to bless biblical principles in the ministry of Lancaster Baptist Church. He has blessed the application of His Word across all ages of ministry. And over the past 25 years we’ve seen approximately 80% of our graduates stay faithful to the Lord. We’re not seeing the mass exodus in this church that many churches are seeing. And often we are asked “why?” What is God blessing?

In the next few paragraphs, I would like to share a concise summary of Bible principles that God is using to help young people grow up at Lancaster Baptist with a real faith that sustains into adulthood.

A Local Church Focus—simply put, while our church may have classes and groups of many ages and life context, we are one local church with one purpose and heart. The youngest to the oldest members of our church are a family. We grow together, pray together, serve together, worship together, and function as a church body.

God’s institution for reaching the world, changing lives, and carrying out His work on earth is the local church. Christ died for the church and the New Testament pattern for establishing others in the faith of Christ (of any age) is the New Testament Church. Our student ministry has never been an entity unto itself. It has always been integrally a part of our local church body. Our students may graduate from the youth group, but they never graduate from the local church.

“…that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.” 1 Timothy 3:15

A Family-Orientated Ministry—the first “institution” that God ever established was the home—the biblical family. And throughout His Word, He gives clear instructions to parents to teach, disciple, and nurture their children in the ways of the Lord. Many families have adopted a bit of a secular approach to the faith education of their children. They have essentially handed off the responsibility of Bible training to the church—considering themselves either too busy, or inadequate to the task. The problem is not that the church is teaching the Word, but that the parents are not.

Nothing could be more dangerous to our children spiritually. No local church entity can out-influence a parent. And God never intended for us parents to abdicate our responsibility simply because we place our children in a “spiritual environment.” It’s not either or, it’s both and! For twenty-five years our children’s and youth ministries have partnered with families, equipped families, and strengthened families in developing faith and discipling young people. While some youth ministries are structured to separate the family in spiritual contexts, ours has always been structured to unite the family. Together, the church youth ministry stands united with parents to fight for the next generation.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

A Father-Led Philosophy—my first morning on staff at Lancaster Baptist Church included a 7 a.m. men’s prayer meeting. I will never forget meeting in Pastor Chappell’s office with a group of men that came in early to pray. This was not a staff meeting. It was a group of laymen. That morning we prayed around the room for over an hour, and one by one I heard young Christian men—recently saved husbands and fathers—on their knees, pouring out their hearts to God. They prayed for their children, their marriages, their pastor, their church, and for lost souls.

That meeting is forever etched into my memory. I knew that morning that God was going to do something great at Lancaster Baptist. Here was a pastor dedicating himself to building and discipling men to be godly fathers and leaders both at home and in the church. And since that time, God has continued to honor Pastor Chappell’s commitment to disciple faithful men.

“And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2

An Age-Based, Biblical Education Effort—every now and then someone will ask me, “…is youth ministry in the Bible? Is age-graded education really a biblical concept?” The answer is a simple yes—when done biblically! While the title of “children’s pastor” or “youth pastor” isn’t found in the Bible, there are several passages that very clearly promote the concept of the church bringing order to age-based education.

First, in Titus 1:5, the Apostle Paul commands Titus to “set in order” the things that are wanting. This is a broad command that gave Pastor Titus a directive to establish structure and order in ministry. Then, later in Titus 2, the Apostle Paul gives a clear pattern for older men and women (not just parents) to teach younger men and women. Titus 2 is a key Bible passage for establishing a biblical ministry to youth and young adults.

He begins by telling us to teach sound doctrine, then proceeds to give a longer, more detailed list that older Christians (men and women) in the congregation should impart to younger Christians.

Finally, Galatians 4:2 gives fathers permission to appoint tutors and governors in their children’s lives to assist in instruction and education.

God has blessed these simple but powerful principles at Lancaster Baptist. In ministry to young people, we focus on faith-building, Bible teaching and training. Student ministry isn’t about entertainment. It’s about meat—content—prepared, delivered, and applied to young lives, just as the Apostle Paul did by addressing different age groups and life-contexts in his letters. (See Ephesians 5 and 6)

“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.” Titus 2:1-6

A Biblical Student Ministry—the contemporary church has missed the mark in modern student ministry, and the statistics prove it. And movements that are “anti-student ministry” or “anti-local church” are also missing the mark. Biblical student ministry is all of the things above, but it is first and foremost about the Bible!

Somewhere over the past few decades, many churches began to believe that young people couldn’t be serious about faith or truly interested in a personal relationship with Christ. This errant assumption led to a “dumb it down” mentality—an attempt to sort of sneak up on kids with spiritual things by masking it in fun and flippancy. The false assumption was that “Christ is not attractive enough, so we need to make the faith attractive by making it entertaining or humorous.”

Don’t misunderstand me. We have lots of fun with our young people. We laugh—that’s biblical. We enjoy and rejoice in the faith and with each other—that’s biblical. We love living life for Christ—that’s biblical. But we have never felt a need to mask the sober things of Scripture or the doctrines of God’s Word with the “icing” of the world. We don’t lower God to their level. We would rather, by His grace and Word, lift them into His presence.

Guess what?! They get it! They understand the truth. They appreciate it. And more importantly, they fall in love with God—not merely with a program or an entertaining activity. And when they grow older, when they out-grow juvenility, they won’t out-grow their Saviour.

“For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.” 1 Thessalonians 2:13

A Personal Mentoring Commitment—developing faith in young lives at our church has never been merely a group proposition. It has always been a personal, relational process. In addition to our group teaching times, it has always been about an older man or an older woman from within the church family investing into a younger man or younger woman spiritually. This happens in coffee shops, McDonalds booths, and living rooms every week all across our city. And this personal ministry gives the public teaching context an even greater depth and effectiveness.

When I read or hear of someone questioning the validity of youth ministry, or when I hear someone say, “Youth ministry or age-based ministry isn’t in the Bible…” I wonder how young Timothy would feel about that. Long before he was a pastor or a minister in training, he was a lost youth without a Christian father, who was reached and discipled by the Apostle Paul.

In ministry to children, youth, or young adults, we can’t take the parent’s place in training the child, but thanks to local church and biblical principles, we can stand united with them—striving together for the faith in young lives. Parents should never hand off the baton of faith-training. But there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in the same boat (the local church) together and grabbing an oar!

I challenge you—parents, pastors, youth workers, children’s workers, and local church family—stand united in fighting for the next generation. God’s pattern—the local church and the family laboring together to build faith in young lives—still works, if we will commit to it!

“…that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;” Philippians 1:27

How We Keep Our Marriage Fresh

caryschmidt — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 18:42:35 +0000

When Dana and I were engaged, there was one thing we dreaded—someday becoming one of those married couples that appear to barely tolerate each other. You know—those couples who never even hold hands or exude joy in being together. We vowed to each other that we would do everything within our power to resist the trends and habits that take a couple gradually down the path to boredom, mediocrity, and relational monotony. Not even knowing what it would require, we vowed to each other to “keep the romance.”

Twenty-two years later, we’re winning the battle so far. I realize we have a long ways to go, but I sat down last night and made a list of things I think God has used between us to help us resist the normal drift apart that many couples experience. Here goes:

We spend time together: I know this is basic, but so many couples spend less and less time together the longer they are married. Big mistake! Honestly, one of the greatest blessings of my cancer battle this past year was that I got to spend a lot more time with Dana. Granted, it wasn’t the kind of time we would normally desire, but the extra time together, even in sickness, was a real delight. A good marriage take lots and lots of TIME! You can’t fast-track a strong relationship.

We listen to each other: This one sort of snuck up on me, and Dana is better at it. I really have to work at this. But when we’re together, there’s usually one of us leading the conversation. Usually Dana has more to say—she’s a woman. (And that’s not an insult, by the way.) But we both have our moments of “needing to be heard.” And I think we both value the sound of the other’s voice. I meet some husbands who get tired of “listening”—don’t do that. Be thankful that YOU are the one she’s chosen to talk to! What a compliment!

We try to bless and care for each other: After this year, Dana has a HUGE lead on me in this area. She’s waited on me hand and foot for about a year now. But even before cancer, I can honestly say we have chosen to find pleasure in taking care of each other. She delights in pouring me a glass of tea, I delight in holding her while she falls asleep at night. We both delight in doing little things that bless the other. Those little things go a long ways toward keeping love alive.

We retreat together regularly: Leaving the kids is always difficult. Finding a little extra money to get away is a challenge for any growing family. But early on, we committed to get-away together a couple of times a year—whether or not it was convenient or affordable. These retreats together have become cherished memories. They have fueled our marriage and our whole family in more ways that I could possibly describe. I would call these retreats “mini-honeymoons.” In which case, for those who do them, the honeymoon never really “ends.”

We express physical affection: This one was an easy one to see as an engaged couple. The longer some people are married, the less they touch. So we decided we wouldn’t do that. We decided we would always love holding hands, sitting arm in arm, and snuggling up to each other. Life has it’s way of getting busy and this one can easily fall by the way-side. We’ve had to remind each other from time to time, but I’m thankful that this hasn’t changed much since the day we were married.

We listen to good “marriage music” together: We have gradually built our own collection of songs that speak to our love and strengthen our devotion to each other. We save that collection, occasionally add to it, and use it often. Whenever we get in the car for a date or a trip together, we pull out that collection, hold each other’s hands, and let the music minister to our marriage all over again. Just last night we were doing this once again, and every song carried with it it’s own set of memories connected to when we found it and where we first listened to it. Some were sad. Some were happy. But twenty-two years later, that song collection has wonderfully blessed our marriage.

We dream together: One of the great things that keeps our marriage alive is looking forward together. Sometimes we’re looking forward to something more immediate, like a vacation or special time (like our son’s senior year.) At other times we’re dreaming for the big picture and long term, like our children getting married and starting their own families, or what the Lord might do in our lives or ministry together in the years ahead. One of my personal favorite things to do is dream out loud with Dana about God’s will for our future together. We share common dreams, and that knits our hearts very close.

We read books that challenge us: This one is simple, but we try to build our marriage book collection regularly as well. Over the years we’ve each read a lot about marriage, and every book has challenged us in different ways, provoked different discussions, and cause us to grow. These books, for us, are like attending a well-prepared, truth-filled marriage retreat. They refresh us, renew us, and reset our focus on loving each other better.

We wait out the “weary places”: Every relationship goes through valleys. For us, cancer was certainly one of those valleys this past year. Work pressures, financial pressures, busy-ness, and a myriad of other external factors can weigh down upon your marriage and bring you into a season of weariness. During these times you often lack emotional and spiritual energy, and your marriage relationship can be strained. Many couples “jump ship” during these times. Over the years, Dana and I have learned to look each other in the eye and say, “We will get through this… let’s just be patient and keep holding on to God and each other.” This year was definitely one of those years, but God has brought us through many such times.

We forgive each other quickly: Dana does a lot more forgiving than I do, but we decided years ago that we wouldn’t hold grudges against each other. Expectations often lead to unmet expectations, which lead to disappointment, frustration, conflict, and distance. To keep your marriage fresh, you must be quick to own your failure and apologize. And you must be quick to forgive when you’ve been hurt or slighted.

We laugh and enjoy our family a lot: Like every family, we have our conflicts, but we decided intentionally that we wouldn’t allow our family to be dominated by conflict. Many families are consumed with it. When conflict arises, we work through it and resolve it, and then we move back to the enjoyment mode. As a family, laughter with and at each other and abundant joy with each other is the norm. Much of this is due to Dana’s abundantly joyful spirit and delightful sense of humor as a wife and mother. The whole family sort of adopts her delightful personality.

We take walks together: We need to do this more, but we really enjoy catching a summer evening sunset or taking a late evening walk under the stars. We hold hands, we take our time, we talk, and we enjoy the closeness with each other and with the Lord. (It’s good for us physically too!)

Well, this stuff isn’t rocket science. It’s pretty simple, but it has worked for us. We are more in love today than we were twenty-two years ago. Keeping your marriage fresh is possible if you decide to work at it.

What about you? Please add to this list. What do you do to keep your marriage fresh?

P.S. One final thought… we always kiss when we’re alone on elevators…

Response #2 to The Saddest Letter

caryschmidt — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 18:16:42 +0000

A Response to Parents

As promised, I’m writing three responses to the original post called “The Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read.” I must confess, I’m in shock at the response to this letter—it obviously struck a nerve about which we all have strong feelings. So many comments have included helpful thoughts! You can read my first general response here.

In this second response I want to write primarily to parents, and in the third I will address the young lady who wrote the letter. (Also, there is a lot on this blog already written to parents, if you click on the parenting tag.) Warning—this post is a bit long.

This cannot be exhaustive, but first, I want to address what’s right.

1. If you are a part of a Bible-believing Church and faithfully involving your family there, you are doing the right thing. The local church, in its biblical form (not the current contemporary, seeker-sensitive, CCM version) is still God’s answer for His transforming work in lives. The church is to be the pillar and ground of truth. The church is commanded to preach and teach the Word of God to both the parents and the young people (see Titus 2 and 1 Peter 5).

I was saved at age seven in the ministry of a solid, Bible-believing church that proceeded to train me and my family quite well in how to develop a personal relationship with the Lord, how to walk like a Christian family, and how to balance the personal relationship with spirit-led living that honored that relationship. While there were rules involved—good, biblical, principled rules—we understood from the beginning it was not about rules or external appearances.

The ministries of this church—children’s programs, youth ministry, soulwinning, outreach, and special events all contributed to our family life and spiritual growth, and yet it was up to my parents to keep that in balance. Thankfully they did. The local church, in its biblical form, still works quite well. I experienced it as a child, and I’m watching it all around me as a pastor.

2. Church programs, Christian schools, and youth groups are a help when done biblically and in balance. Again, building on my first point, I don’t believe the local church (in principle) is the problem. There are certainly a lot of churches that are taking the wrong path, and a lot of programs that are more carnal than spiritual in nature. But in the right local church, the youth program is family focused—building both parents and teens. The youth program is not built or designed to divide the family but to help strengthen it. The Christian school is the same. I’m not saying that all models function this way, but when they are done right, these things help the whole family.

For my 21 years in youth ministry, I’ve been as focused on the parents as I have on the teens—sometimes more so. My constant battle is Malachi 4:6—trying to turn the hearts of the children and the fathers toward each other. I truly thank the Lord for families, like the family of the young lady who wrote the letter, who are committed to the Lord and the local church. One day, she will look back and be eternally grateful for the right things they did—even though at the moment she is burdened about the short comings.

If, as in some families, the programs and the activities rob family time, that is not the fault of the ministry. Every parent is responsible for setting their own family schedule, and sometimes Christian parents just need to say, “You’re not going to that youth activity.” Yes, this is a youth pastor writing this. I would much rather our teens stay home for a family night than come to a youth activity. (So long as family night is more than mindless TV or movies.)

So, while everybody’s experiences are slightly different, I’m dead set against pointing the finger at God’s institutions as though they are biblically flawed. Parents, find a Bible-believing church that practices God’s Word appropriately and keep your family well-grounded there.

Second, let’s discuss where we tend to lose our way, as parents. This is written with a humble spirit, because as a parent I have found myself doing all of these things at times. I’m not the expert—just a dad trying to get it right like you are.

1. We get too busy. In today’s culture, this is HUGE! From work, to more work, to sports, to internet, to other obligations, we just let events and opportunities rule our lives. Like a big dog walking a small child, we get dragged around by the agenda, and we fail to spend authentic, heart-to-heart time with our kids. The older they get, the easier it is, because they get busy too! Teenagers have sports practices, music lessons, activities, school trips, homework, projects, work, and on and on the list goes.

Successful families own this challenge and face it head on—they don’t let life run over their family. I wrote about this in Hook, Line and Sinker. They make sure, on a weekly basis, that they are getting family time and one-on-one time. Dad, you need one-on-one time with your kids every week—or nearly so. You need a whole family night minimally a couple nights a week or more. You need conversations over dinner, laughter, and uninterrupted time together.

Perhaps most importantly, you need to pray with every child, individually, at their bedside, every night. We have done this with our kids since they were infants, and I know of nothing that keeps a parent and child’s hearts knit so well as prayer before bed. Express love for them, remind them of how thankful you are for them, and pour your heart out to God for them. If you are just starting this, it will seem awkward, but work through that. The rewards are too great. Parents whom I have counseled on this and who have taken my advice have seen radical transformation in their relationship very quickly.

Every so often, take a day off—no homework, no school—just get away together. Just you and your child go do something highly relationship oriented. Take a drive, go to a park, take a long walk, toss a football, enjoy being together. Once a year, take a whole day with each one of your children, alone. Just Dad and son, or Dad and daughter. Make it happen. You will never forget it and neither will they! An occasional line around our home when homework and family time conflict is simply this— “Take a demerit… no homework tonight, it’s family night.” A teacher may not always understand that, but in the end the teacher has a better student so everybody wins!

Don’t let busyness eat up your family life. If they will ever have a relationship with your God, it must begin with you!

2. We don’t know enough and we get intimidated. Let’s face it, we as parents do struggle with knowing how to parent. What do we teach? What do we talk about? How do we respond to our kids questions, trials, struggles? How do we help them become comfortable opening up to us and sharing their struggles, and how do we help them if they do? Generally, we know when we fall short and don’t have the right information, and that scares us frozen. Instead of dealing with the situations, we ignore the problems because we don’t quite know what to do.

First, I want to say, you know more than you think you do. You know how to pray, how to love, how to encourage, how to empathize. You know how to seek the Holy Spirit and ask God for wisdom—and He’s promised to answer that prayer. He will guide you in those moments and help you say the right things. A part of it is just stepping up with courage and trusting God to help you.

But second, I challenge you to become a student of biblical parenting. When is the last time you read a Christian book on parenting? When is the last time you listened to a CD set of messages or took a class on parenting teenagers? As parents we should become constant students—growing and discovering the biblical principles at play in parenting. They are not rocket science. It just takes time, study, and commitment.

I believe the same goes for youth workers. When a youth pastor asks me for a good book on student ministry, I always refer him to parenting books and challenge him to help parents as well as young people. When parents come to me for counsel, I give them parenting books and talk them through specific steps of principled parenting. Be a learner and a growing parent.

3. We find it hard to swallow our pride. Nobody knows our struggles as well as our kids. They see us at our worst. And sometimes, we as parents find it hard to make things right when we blow it. An authentic relationship, and a Christ-like model begins with humility. A humble parent is willing to own mistakes, ask forgiveness, and make relationships right. Many families carry a constant weight of unresolved conflict and past offenses—they were never dealt with or made right—so they just sit there like dead weight, dividing the hearts and burdening the relationship.

Parent, if we want our children to have the right relationship with Christ, we must model it through sincere, transparent humility. When you do wrong, and your kids see it or know about it, deal with it. When you offend your child or fly off the handle inappropriately, sit down and ask forgiveness and make it right. Prideful parenting is hypocritical. It shuts a child’s heart to the things of God. Duplicity is death for sincere Christian living.

Have you ever had an open conversation with your child when you ask, “How can I be a better parent? How have I offended you? How have I hurt you? Do you have enough time with me? Is there a struggle that I can help you with right now? Do you feel close to me, and if not, why not? What can I do to make it right?”

These are difficult conversations to have, and sometimes they take hours—but they are part of growing in Christ as a Christian family. It may take some time for your child to open up, and it must be a non-threatening atmosphere for that to happen—but it will change your relationship dramatically.

4. We do tend to focus on externals and behavior. In our busyness and rush through life, it is easy to get the idea that if everything looks good, it is good. Then our kids start to figure out how to “play the game.” “If I look good, then everybody is happy with me and will stay off my back.” It’s a natural drift more than an intentional shift of focus. It just happens over time because life is busy. But this is where Satan takes his advantage in the heart.

In parenting we must constantly ask ourselves, how is the heart? How is MY heart for the Lord? How are my children’s hearts for the Lord? Am I training and nurturing their hearts? Are biblical principles finding their way to the heart? Is my child’s heart for God and love for God developing? We must trace everything back to the heart. We must ask of every behavior—what heart attitude or condition is driving this?

5. We get tired or weary. Sometimes we’re just tired and we get lazy. After a long day, we want to come home and collapse, and it’s right about then that our most important work should be starting. Sometimes we’re just not up for a late-night discussion with our teenager—especially a stressful one. We throw up our hands in despair, walk away, and seemingly say, “Deal with it on your own, I’m too tired…”

This is the worst possible thing we could do. Successful parents pay the price. They make the sacrifice. They go the extra mile. The will stay up as late as necessary, rearrange whatever is needed, take time off work, skip a meal, or make major changes in life to facilitate the need of a child. That speaks loudly to your teenager! The love exchanged in such tense moments says, “I’m so committed to you, I will do whatever I have to do to make this right and help you through this.” That’s Christ-like love and it touches the heart deeply.

6. We sometimes believe that providing the right atmosphere makes up for our failures. Good atmospheres like church and school and youth group are wonderful and biblical, but they are secondary to the home. They can really only complement or assist with what you are putting in place first. There is a strong tendency in today’s Christian home to deflect spiritual responsibility onto an organization. Many parents feel that their responsibility is to provide food, shelter, education, and basic needs—and the spiritual stuff is the responsibility of the spiritual environments (church, school, youth group). This is a wrong way of thinking.

Parents, you cannot, in any way, abdicate your spiritual responsibility and hand it off to another. The church, school, and youth group can help. We can reinforce and support and strengthen what you are doing, but we cannot replace what you are not doing. Children gain their understanding of a relationship with God primarily from their parents. They learn principles of Christian living and their basic understanding of the Christian life from their home. If the home is not in agreement with the church and youth group, then we are conducting an exercise of confusion and hypocrisy in their lives that will eventually blow up in our face when they walk away from it all.

7. We must model an authentic relationship with Christ. Our kids don’t expect us to be perfect—just real. If your children see you in love with Jesus, walking with Him, knowing Him, growing in His grace, and honoring Him—and then they experience that love flowing toward them from you—they too will most likely fall in love with Him. It’s really that simple. Too many parents over use their authoritarian, harsh tones, and forceful control of behavior—to the neglect of Christ-like love and genuine heart connectedness.

Don’t misunderstand. Every parent must exercise authority. But a parent-child relationship shouldn’t be characterized by the constant presence of overbearing authoritarianism. In a Christ-like home, that shouldn’t be necessary. The love of Christ should be the overriding, presiding presence in your family life, and it should flow from your genuine walk with Christ as a parent. The hearts of our kids blossom and come to life in the light of such a relationship. Home life in this sort of Christian home is a taste of Heaven—certainly not perfect or conflict free, but at least healthy and whole.

8. We must genuinely enjoy our kids and help them genuinely enjoy their Heavenly Father. Sometimes I want to ask parents, “When did you stop liking your kids?” It’s almost as if some parents find every way imaginable not to spend time together as a family and not to enjoy their children. People use to warn us when our kids were small, “Wait til they become teenagers!” Their tone was filled with dread. To this day, I honestly don’t know what they meant. Our family life and relationships have become more sweet and close, and much more enjoyable as our kids have grown through their teen years—not to mention less work because they can now help with household duties! They’ve become our best friends!

Family life in a Christian home should be close, loving, funny, enjoyable, memorable, and something a young person craves! It’s not natural for a teen to never want to be at home, or always locked in their room, or never wanting to be around Mom and Dad. It may be common. Hollywood may promote this as the norm. But it’s not what God designed or intended. I believe I can speak for my whole family—when we get busy and don’t get time together, we genuinely miss it. All of us.

Families that play together stay together. I love that! It’s true. As a parent, you must plan the play time. Get creative and recapture the heart of your child. Laugh together. Laugh at each other. Hey, I’ve got cancer—and believe it or not, we even laugh at that some times, especially my bald head.

This post is much too long, and insufficient to the discussion, but if nothing else, let it place you on a search—a growing curve of researching and grasping balanced, biblical parenting with the assistance of a solid, Bible-believing, local church and pastor who can greatly help.

Parent—the letter the young lady wrote was a heart cry for parental connection—heart connection. It’s the desire and desperate need of every young person. Stay focused on the heart. Forever be in pursuit of your child’s heart, just as your heart should forever be in pursuit of God.

As you pursue God with your whole heart, and pursue your child with your whole heart—most likely the two will meet!

Response #1 to The Saddest Letter

caryschmidt — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 18:23:22 +0000

Wow! The “Saddest Letter” post provoked a lot of interesting discussion! Since I received it a week ago, I too have been pondering my response, and in many ways, those who commented touched on many of the things that have been on my heart. For reasons of length and direction, I think my response will break down into three posts. The first will be a general response to the broader issues. The second, a response to parents and spiritual authorities. The third, a personal response to the young lady who wrote the letter, and to her generation.

As a side note, let me first say, the letter is real. A few people have expressed doubt that perhaps I wrote the letter. I don’t operate that way. I wouldn’t deliberately post a lie on this blog. If I was writing fiction for the sake of illustration, I would just say so. The young lady who wrote the letter gave us her cell phone and we contacted her personally about using her letter. It jolted me as much as it did you.

So on with my general response. I want to draw a few key and critical points from a big picture perspective:

1. The letter and the problems articulated are not about finding blame. I did not read a spirit of blame in this letter, so much as a sincere and honest cry for help. She acknowledged imbalances that she experienced growing up, sensed that others experience the same, and simply asked that someone try to address these imbalances. Nobody grows up in a perfect home, and yes everybody is ultimately responsible for making their own spiritual choices—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t address these patterns of imbalance that are prevalent in many homes.

2. The problems described in her letter are universal—they are present in every group, not just one or two. This is not a set of problems that flow from a certain type of church or home. They are foundational problems that could be present in any home. Neglectful parents, fragmented families, and bitter children are the norm for our culture and society. It’s impossible to point at any particular brand of Christianity and say, “That’s the source!”

3. There truly are some fantastic resources for parents and families that address the very problems this young lady described. And I believe there is a growing generation of parents (one which this young lady will probably soon be a part of) that desperately want to fight these problems biblically and with godly compassion. The two books that come to mind that every parents should read multiple times are both written by Tedd Tripp—Shepherding a Child’s Heart and Instructing a Child’s Heart. These books excellently detail a biblical approach to parenting that will resolve the problems described in the letter.

4. Rules are not the problem, lack of relationship is the problem. (I’m talking about biblical, well principled rules.) I’ve often seen families and teens toss aside all “rules” under the guise of “legalism”—a word often misused and misunderstood. Tossing rules aside doesn’t help. But I agree strongly that the presence of rules without a strong relationship simply breeds rebellion. Any strong relationship will have boundaries. It’s that simple. My marriage, to be strong, must have boundaries. The boundaries are not standards of legalism, they are merely rules of conduct that protect the relationship. If I love the relationship—the person—there are certain things I will do and will not do—if only to PLEASE the other person. Such is our relationship with God. The behavior, the “faith in action,” along with the rules, should flow from a heart that is deeply in love and close to Him. Loving Him is the only real and lasting motivation for living a godly lifestyle. And the Bible is very clear about God’s desire for us to live godly lives—holy, distinct, separated from the world. But those “rules” or “standards” or “boundaries” are designed not to create mere performance or outward appearance, they are to flow from and facilitate a continued strong personal relationship with the Lord.

I recently taught our senior high an entire lesson on this entitled “Avoiding the Trap of Impersonal Christianity”—the point being that God would rather us put away all of our religiosity if our hearts are far from Him. He desires our hearts first, and then our lifestyle to reflect that heart. In practicality, my own children don’t have a problem with my rules as long as my heart is closely knit to theirs and as long as I am directing their hearts to the Lord. (This lesson will probably post soon on our SM127 podcast on iTunes.)

5. Everybody writes from their own paradigm. I noticed in the comments we all had pretty strong opinions about various aspects of her letter. Some are of the opinion that every church (of a certain type) is this way, or most families (of certain affiliations) are this way. It’s impossible to throw that large of a blanket over Christendom or any one segment of Christianity. For instance, I grew up in several churches. One was well balanced in these matters and trained my parents and me to put relationships first. We did, and as a new Christian family we were greatly helped. One church was exactly the opposite—total surface, appearance driven, and very political in nature. Everything was about externals—if you looked good and conformed well, that’s all that mattered. The vast majority of young people from that church have wandered away from God in their adult years, many into very deep sin. My present church is the one I have served in for 21 years.

Philosophically, we have done our best to be balanced and biblically focused on relationships, but also keep the restraint right by setting the right boundaries. I’m sure we have failed at times. But, we have seen, on average, about 80% of our young people stay faithful to God into their adult years. That’s not good enough, but we are doing our best to fight the battle biblically. Point being, don’t allow your narrow paradigm to cause you to paint with a broad brush over any one segment of Christianity. For instance, if everybody you know is doing it wrong, that doesn’t represent the whole.

6. There are a lot of churches and homes doing it right. Through our teen-parent meetings, family counseling, and fellowship at Lancaster Baptist, it has been my joy to get to know hundreds, perhaps thousands, of parents and families over the years. In addition to this, I’ve been exposed to hundreds of churches and pastors through our ministry, and I want to say, there are a lot of people—pastors, parents, youth pastors—who understand this problem, grew up with this problem, and are fighting to break out of and avoid this trend. Some are those who grew up like the young lady who wrote the letter. Others simply came through ministries where they experienced the imbalance. Others grow up with a good model and are perpetuating it. And yet others are simply godly people who have a very biblical focus in life. But I am encouraged with what I see in Bible-believing churches with whom I fellowship. I am encouraged with the families that I see at Lancaster Baptist and the parents who are diligently attempting to get it right.

7. Kids who grow up in the best of environments can still grow up and choose sin, reject God, and experience deep problems. I guess the ultimate proof of this is that people will choose to reject Christ at the end of the millennial reign! Imagine growing up in the millennial reign of Jesus Christ in the perfect world. Even then, Satan will be able to deceive many and mount an army against Christ. At some point it becomes, not a matter of how I grew up, but where I will decide to go in the future and how I will respond to my past.

8. Finally, the problems revealed in the letter are generational in nature. We’re not dealing with new problems. For the most part, today’s neglectful and disconnected parents are children of the same, and often their grandparents are too. Satan has been hard at work on the American family for many generations. It’s been a long time since healthy families were the norm. It’s been a long time since many people have seen a good model of family life—especially a biblical one.

For instance, just last week I had an appointment with a father who has never talked to his teenage son about sexual matters—this is true of most fathers (and grandfathers). He was asking for help in how to do so. He said his father had never talked to him and he was unsure of how to approach this. I was happy to help, but reminded again of the failure of past generations. I can’t imagine a more important subject for a father and teen son to have a continual and close connection on, but so few actually do.

Many parents have just never seen a good model and never been taught the biblical principles, but I find that Christian parents are hungry to help. That encourages me!

In my next response, I will write to parents. I look forward to hearing your thoughts again… feel free to comment below.

Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read

caryschmidt — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:25:59 +0000

Parents and Pastors—Please Read!!

I received this letter from a young lady last week—a Bible college student who grew up in a Christian home and Christian school. I believe it’s the saddest letter I’ve ever read and right on the mark for so detailing the experiences of so many young Christians. I asked her permission to post it. Please read. Her words will greatly challenge you as a parent or pastor:

Dear Pastor Schmidt,

A few years ago, I read your books Hook, Line, and Sinker, Discover Your Destiny, and Life Quest. I found them to be extremely encouraging and instructive. These books showed me that not only do you have a real heart for young people, but you also understand us well. I am writing to ask you to consider writing a book to our parents and youth workers. Let me explain.

I am a junior at a well-known Christian college. I grew up in highly respected “fundamental independent Baptist” churches, and went to excellent Christian schools. My father has been a Christian worker since before I was born. One would think that my testimony would go something like this:

“I was saved when I was about 5 and I had dedicated my life to God and I have been growing a lot and serving Him and now I’m studying to serve Him full time.” But that isn’t my story. Actually, though I did make a profession of faith when I was very young, I didn’t get saved until I was 17. Since I was 12 and now on into college I have struggled with “serious” issues. And I found out when I went to college that I am not the only “good kid” who is or has struggled with or is still struggling with serious stuff. We struggle with issues like eating disorders, depression and suicide, cutting, pornography, gender identity, homosexuality, drugs, drinking, immorality, and the list could go on. We listen to “wild” music, we idolize pop culture’s heroes, we watch dirty sitcoms. We have no discrimination in our entertainment, dress, or any aspect of our lifestyle. Obviously, I’m generalizing our problems—you would not find that every Christian young person from a conservative background struggles with all of these issues, and praise God, some of us do not struggle with any of these issues.

My point is that the problems that are supposed to be bad kid’s problems belong to us too. Unfortunately, our parents and youth workers don’t know that we struggle with these things and they don’t know what to do with us when they find out. Quite frankly, I believe that if you grabbed the average Christian school teacher or youth worker and asked them, “What would you do if you found out that one of the kids you work with was a homosexual?” they wouldn’t know what to say.

My point is not simply that they don’t know what we struggle with or how to deal with it. I think there is a pretty simple reason why “good” kids struggle with such serious stuff. And that there is a solution. At the risk of being blunt, I’m going to be blunt.

Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did.

But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us.

I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.

I know that this has not been a well articulated treatise, but it comes from my heart. If you are able to help us and our families, we would be so grateful. I realize that probably, there is no way to fix the fact that kids my age are detached from our parents or to straighten out the crazy stuff that we struggle with. The alienation is fixed, the scars are permanent. I know our situation is not hopeless. God is at work in my life and my generation, among those of us who have struggled and are struggling. But maybe our younger siblings can have some help that we never had. Maybe you can write a book for our parents that will grab their attention and help them see that this is serious—that their kids need them, desperately.

I guess I’ve run out of things to say. I must say I’m a little hesitant to share my name with you because that attaches me with my parents, who are, by the way, good people. Thanks for everything you have already done to help Christian teens and their families. I’m eager to see what else God will do through you.

Sincerely,

(Name Removed to Protect Anonymity)

All I could say when I read this letter was, “WOW! She nailed it!” This is the battle I’ve been fighting for 21 years. I’m planning to write a couple of follow up articles to this letter, but for now, let this insightful young lady’s words sink in, and let God help you evaluate your own parenting and influence.

Are we teaching kids to simply appear and act right? Or are we teaching them to LOVE God and KNOW Him personally?

What are your thoughts?

PS – My first response to this letter is posted here.

Texting and Driving—Powerful Video

Cary Schmidt — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 18:49:03 +0000

A friend emailed this to me today and I thought it worth sharing. It’s a ten minute video about cell phone usage and text messaging while driving—sharing real stories. I will definitely make sure my kids watch it! If you have teens or a youth group, you might consider passing it along.

You’re Too Busy If…

Cary Schmidt — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 17:44:56 +0000

Do you ever have the feeling that you’re so busy, major values and priorities in your life are slipping? This is a sinking feeling—and bailing water doesn’t help. Time to plug the holes in the boat!

Here’s a short list that might help you evaluate priorities and return to that which is most important in your life. Not all of these things always indicate busyness. Sometimes they indicate a lack of discipline or planning. Sometimes they indicate distraction by lesser things. But if you’re so busy that these things are falling through the cracks of life—you’re just too busy.

You’re too busy if…

1. You aren’t walking with God faithfully and personally. This is when you read His Word and walk with Him in prayer—and there is no replacement. In fact, if you’re not doing this, you are absolutely more stressed and frustrated in life than God intends. Your walk with Him changes everything—it provides stability and perspective that nothing else can. If you’re too busy to walk with God, something must change right away. Develop your walk—develop variety, different spaces, good music, good books, and creative ways to spend time with God and converse with Him. Whatever you do, make sure it doesn’t become mundane, routine, and boring. If it does, you probably won’t do it faithfully. Keep it fresh and you will want to come back to it often!

2. You haven’t shared the Gospel with someone recently. This is why we are here—to be ambassadors. When we go long periods of time without sharing Christ, we miss our central purpose, and our hearts begin to grow cold towards the heart of Christ. It may be during an organized outreach time, it may be handing someone a tract or a book during your week, or it may be an ongoing relationship that you are developing around the Gospel. Don’t stop looking for opportunities in your day to be an ambassador for Christ.

3. You haven’t taken your spouse on a date recently. Whether it’s once a week, once every ten days, or once every two weeks—do you pull aside as a couple and regularly nurture your marriage and rekindle your connection. The more frequent, the better. Is it possible to spend “too much time together” as a married couple? I doubt it. But let’s face it, for most people that problem isn’t even a possibility. Strong, healthy, romantic, passionate marriages are made of people who will fight all the forces of earth to protect and maintain quantity time together. Don’t let busyness rob you of the joy of marriage. After all, when you fell in love, you didn’t marry that person with the intent to never see them…

4. Your spouse is unhappy with the time and attention your are giving to your marriage. This is a simple test—just ask. Don’t get defensive or irritated. Just honestly look at your spouse and say, “Are you getting enough time and love from me?” Be ready to take corrective action if the answer is “no.” Perhaps a good follow up question would be, “How can I do better?” If this is a difficult conversation for you to have, then there’s already trouble in the mix. Swallow your pride and decide to meet your spouse’s needs—as they are felt by your spouse, not as you feel they should be. Don’t try to tell your spouse to expect or need less. Accept the needs as your spouse has them—acknowledge them as legitimate and reasonable—and then get to it! Meet them!

5. Your kids have gotten use to not spending time with you. Are your kids content to just hang with their friends, occupy themselves in their room, or go days without meaningful interaction with you? This is not a good sign. It’s time to make some changes that allow you to deeply and relationally engage with their hearts through personal time together. If your kids still enjoy spending time with you, jump on that, thank God for it, and keep that relationship alive and well. Schedule time one on one with them as often as possible!

6. Your family isn’t enjoying a regular family night or two every week. Is every night of your week filled with extra curricular things? While there’s nothing wrong with sports practices, recitals, night classes, and other such activities—when combined, they can eat up every single night. Each week, look ahead seven days and ask, “When will we be home, together, this week? What can we do as a family to make that time special?” There are always exceptions, but don’t stop fighting for weeks where the whole family is home and enjoying each other for at least one or two evenings—or more. Again, the more the better!

7. You haven’t taught your children a Bible principle recently. Whether through regular family devotions, bed time prayer, or in the flow of daily life and conversations—are you regularly bringing God’s principles to play in the circumstances and dynamics that your children are facing? Our kids bear burdens—child-size burdens, but huge to them. And those burdens are made lighter—those problems are resolved when our kids open up to us and we provide biblical counsel and insight. When your daughter is wrestling with her friends or appearance, when your son is wrestling with issues about girls or grades—your parental wisdom provides a landing place for their emotions. Bring God’s Word into their world and help them respond with truth.

8. You aren’t taking a regular day off just to rest and restore—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If five days isn’t enough to get it all done, what makes you think six or seven days will really make difference? Let’s face it, whether you take a day off or not, there’s always more work to be done than you can possibly do. There’s nothing noble about being a self-proclaimed work martyr. In truth, you will get more done, work better, work smarter, and work more efficiently if you take your day off to truly rest and restore. And on top of that, your day off will help you keep all your other relationships in balance and healthy—which makes you all that much better an employee! If God worked six days and rested the seventh—well, that’s enough of an example for me. He certainly didn’t need the rest. Something tells me He did that as a model for us.

9. You haven’t read a great book recently. We find time to do so many things—watch a movie, catch up on news, see part of a football game. We find time to Facebook and Twitter. But rarely do people find time to immerse into a good book that will challenge them spiritually and strengthen their understanding of God’s Word. It has been said, “People who don’t read are no better off than people who can’t read.” What life challenging book have you read recently? Decide to read a book a month—and then dive in. You will be shocked at how God will change you through great biblical reads!

10. You haven’t cultivated close friendships recently. Dana and I just spent five days with some close friends. One of the most convicting aspects of our time together was that it was the first time we did so in our 25 year friendship. Life often gets so busy that we fail to appreciate and benefit from time with godly friends who sharpen, challenge, and strengthen us in all the right values of life. Fellowship is a biblical principle—and God desires for us to benefit mutually from strong friendships. Do you have people in your life that greatly encourage you and who you can encourage? Don’t take that gift for granted. Get it done—make the phone call, schedule dinner, make it happen. Cultivate closeness that honors Christ and blesses the heart.

So, there are ten things that may indicate you’re too busy—if you think of more, add them below! Now do the courageous thing—the tough thing. Make the changes necessary to make it happen. God bless as you do your best to live with Christ-like priorities!

My Personal Portrait of Grace

caryschmidt — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 19:22:51 +0000

“Oops… I’m sorry…” This has become my opening line more than I care to admit. The scene, on a sick day, is something like this. I’m convalescing in some reclined position, propped up by pillows in bed or on the couch, without much strength. It’s mid-morning. Dana has awakened long before me, helped the kids start their day, worked around the house, and done her absolute best to keep our room quiet so I can sleep. (Her favorite trick is to surround me with little electric fans so their humming will mask out the sound of the kids preparing for school. It works, but when I actually do wake up I generally feel like I’m sleeping in a manufacturing plant for small electric fans.)

Back to the scene. So, I’ve managed to prop myself up and begin needing. I need water. Gatorade. An orange. A pop-tart. Oatmeal. Saltine crackers. On the list could go—completely random and extremely urgent. Like, I need this… ten minutes ago! On three separate occasions my wonderful wife brings me a drink—in this case chocolate milk. She hands it to me, walks away, and crash… I spill it. I don’t mean I bump a little out onto the carpet. I don’t mean I drip a little onto my shirt. I mean complete and utter motor-skill failure—the whole glass is dumped upside down on something costly. Once on the carpet. Once on the couch. And once on her favorite pillow shams.

This is where the “Oops… I’m sorry…” line comes in. All three times, she stops, turns and I do my best to put on a “poor-puppy-dog look”—as milk drips and flows all around me. Then she laughs. She’s not laughing at me—like ridicule. She’s laughing with me like— “I’m raising a three year old again!” Yesterday she said, “I’m getting you sippy cups for Christmas!” And we both laughed. We decided from now on she will bring me two glasses. The first one she will just dump out all around me, the second one I will drink from.

The good news is I have an awesome excuse to use when random muscular anomalies cause drink glasses to dump on the nearest permanent fixture—”Side effects.”

I share this story, first because it’s funny and it’s a microcosm of our recent home-life—our somewhat humorous adventure with cancer and all its related experiences. But I share it for another reason. Today is our 21st anniversary, and I want to honor my modern-day hero in life!

For the past three months I’ve had my very own personal portrait of God’s grace. Every day, by my side, a virtuous woman rises to care for me and her family in exceptional ways. Since the time we received news of cancer, Dana’s heart and life have resonated with God’s grace and strength, and even humor, in ways I could never accurately describe! Her grace defies description. But I wanted to take a moment this morning and share with you what I have seen:

First, she’s radiant! In every way that word can be applied—YES. Dana radiates God’s grace. She radiates joy. She radiates strength and faithfulness and care and beauty and… well… all of it! She is a radiant portrait of God’s strength and power at work in her heart and through her life. Every time I look into her eyes—even from across a room or a crowd of people—she seems aglow with energy and abundance. How she does this in such a deep valley, I do not comprehend. But I can tell you, it isn’t contrived. It isn’t a public show. It’s real. It’s authentic. It’s there in private as well as public. She is truly radiant!

Second, she is excellent in spirit! Since this trial began she has personified a genuine, care-giving heart and faith-filled spirit. She has allowed her laughter and her smile to dominate her emotions. A trial takes a toll on your emotions, but even in the midst of the storm or through tears, Dana has smiled and refused to become hopeless or self-centered. Her smile emanates from a true heart of reliance upon God and it communicates faith, trust, and surrender. Not once have I seen her downcast, doubting, or despairing. When she could justifiably have self-pity or discouragement, she has risen up with determined delight. From the first moment until now, she abounds with joy and resolve. Her smile, her laughter, her faith, and her passion have been indomitable! I love her excellent spirit!

Third, she is an amazing servant! She has made our home a haven in every sense of the word. Every waking moment she’s anticipating needs, planning care, providing medication, handling phone calls to and from doctors, cleaning up messes, fulfilling odd meal requests, and doing anything in her power to make my life with chemo more tolerable. Never have I felt like such a burden to others—especially her. It seems I say, “I’m so sorry” about 100 times a day, but her response is nothing less than eager love! It’s as though she is sitting on a dime waiting to jump into action at my first thought or need. All of this in addition to the regular running of a busy household with three kids who generate a lot of laundry and appetites! She is relentless and exceeding in her heart to serve and desire to care.

She sits with me while I’m having treatments. She stands behind me supportively “cringing” while I’m giving myself an injection. She wakes up before me so she can be ready to help. She stays up later to do the things she couldn’t get done during the day. And from morning to evening she expends herself for those she loves. Believe me… the list goes on and on… and on.

She truly is my personal portrait of God’s grace! On this 21st anniversary, I just needed to try, in jumbled words, to describe what amazes me about Dana. I’m sure her strength and grace are largely due to the faithful prayers of so many who have promised me, “We are praying twice as much for Dana and the kids, just like you asked.” But no doubt a lot of what I see is just the Holy Spirit of God filling and using a surrendered and godly lady.

On more than a few occasions my heart has ached for my wife and kids through this. What’s it like to have a spouse or a Dad dealing with this? Big bummer, I’m sure. But with Dana, you honestly wouldn’t know it. To know her, to be married to her, and to have her love and care certainly makes me one of the most blessed people in the world!

Happy 21st Anniversary, Sweetheart! Can I have some chocolate milk???

Things I’d Like to Say to Every Young Adult

caryschmidt — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 04:04:03 +0000

Here’s a quick list of things I wish I could say to every young adult!

1. You are of eternal value and significance because God doesn’t make junk. Regardless of who mistreated you, what lies you’ve been told, or how bad your past has been—you have a future and God has good plans for you. Life can be bad, but God’s heart is always good! And only He can turn the bad into good. (Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”)

2. You have an amazing contribution to make to the lives of others. God created you for the purpose of serving Him in the lives of others. This will be your family, your friends, your community, your co-workers, and your future family. People you’ve never met are counting on having your good influence some day. Don’t mess it up! (Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”)

3. You have incredible skills and abilities to develop for God’s glory. Don’t compare yourself to others. Let God help you become who He designed you to be. You have gifts and abilities that you have yet to discover and develop, so don’t lose hope! (1 Timothy 4:14, “Neglect not the gift that is in thee…”)

4. Your only hope for real happiness is a real, private, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It starts at salvation, but that’s just the beginning! Walking with Him, knowing Him, and learning of Him on a daily basis is where life is really at its BEST! (Proverbs 18:24, “…there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”)

5. Your life is more about your future than your past. I know lots of teens with bad pasts and bad trials because of the terrible decisions of others. But your future doesn’t have to be a response to the bad decisions of others. Don’t get angry and bitter about someone else’s stupidity. Don’t let them mess up your future. Move forward with God and chart a different course for your kids! (Hebrews 12:15, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”)

6. You will live by faith, whether you do your will or God’s will—be smart—place faith in the One who is in control. Life is not a sight/faith proposition. It’s a faith/faith proposition. Either you place faith in yourself—blind faith since you are neither in control nor all knowing. Or you place faith in God—intelligent faith since He is all powerful and all knowing! Be smart—go with God! (Romans 1:17, “For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.”)

7. You will get through the confusion and frustration you face during your teen years. Don’t freak out when you get confused or when things don’t go as you hoped. Go to God and let Him get you through it. He is the only way to sanity! (Isaiah 45:2, “I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight…”)

8. Your only hope for the fulfillment of your deepest dreams is to passionately pursue God. If you chase dreams, you will come up disappointed, even if they get fulfilled. Dreams are the product of the design of God—He knows how to fulfill them. Loving Him is your job! Fulfilling your heart is His job! Don’t get the roles reversed! (Psalm 37:4, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”)

9. Your pathway to godly success is littered with traps and pitfalls—so follow the Guide. God’s Word is the ultimate guide. When you know God and know His principles, you are safeguarding your steps. Unless you want to step into a lot of pain, stay close to the Guide! (Joshua 1:8, “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”)

10. Your greatest enemy is impatience. Waiting is hard—ok. But look at it differently! You aren’t merely waiting! You are preparing! Don’t rush what God is doing in your life right now. Let Him have His way in His time, and don’t always wish you were three years down the road. Impatience destroys more people than anything else I know! Be willing to wait for God’s best! Illustration: Would you rather have a dollar today or a million next week? The best is worth waiting for! (Hebrews 10:36, “For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”)

11. Your greatest assignment is preparation. Most big mistakes in young adult lives somehow involve trading preparation for pretend. In other words, rather than really preparing for God’s best in His time, let’s just rush forward and pretend we’re there already. Bad decision. Stick with the preparation of youth! You’ll be WAY ahead of the rest of the planet when life demands the most of you. (Galatians 6:9, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”)

12. Your greatest asset is godly authorities. God has given every life some good authority—even if some authorities have let you down. Somebody in your life will help you make right choices, avoid wrong, and see clearly through the fog of youth. One of the best decisions you could make is to trust godly authorities. Question them—fine—then listen to the answers they give and follow their advice! Godly authorities have no desire to control you, but they do want to protect you! (Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”)

Please—live life God’s way! While everything will try to drag you off track, I promise, you will never regret it! God has a good life in store for you—so go get it by His grace!

‘Twas the Night Before Chemo

caryschmidt — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 05:45:02 +0000

Note: This post is both related to encouraging biblical principles as well as current events in my life, so I’m posting it here as well as the Hodgkins blog. I pray it will be useful to you.

Will a living man complain against God? Hold that thought, we’ll come back to it.

It’s the night before treatment, and I’m looking for words to describe all that’s running through my mind. Not quite fear or anxiety, it’s something more of a sobering, focused intensity of soul. Similar to the feeling of the start of a mission or critical race of some kind. I want to run this race for the Lord and honor Him. I have resolved there will be no complaints, no self pity, and no second guessing God. I want to embrace whatever hardship He desires, for His glory.

In my Bible reading today, the Lord amazingly led me to Lamentations 3. Throughout this trial God has continually called me to the study of Jeremiah, a prophet called of God as a young man. He was called of God to preach, but also to suffer, though God promised to deliver Him in all. At Lamentations 3, we find Jeremiah in a very transparent moment sharing his deepest emotions and human perspective on the suffering that God allowed. The first twenty verses are pretty transparent and raw— even scary if you don’t understand the heart of God. Just before reading chapter 3, ironically, I had read all of the technical documentation of every chemo medication I will receive tomorrow and all of the potential risks and side effects— both short and long term. (What a blessing!) It struck me that in the first twenty verses Jeremiah sounded a bit like he was on chemo! Especially verse fifteen where he states, “He hath filled me with bitterness, he hath made me drunken with wormwood…” (I vote we change the name of “chemo” to “wormwood”!)

But then at verse 21, he radically turns a corner! He moves from the human perspective to the spiritual perspective. Take a look!

“This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.” (Lamentations 3:21-26)

Wow! Even in the midst of bitterness, Jeremiah recalls how good God is! On the very eve of leading me into some discomfort, God reminds me to keep a right perspective through the struggle. He reminds me that this is from His hand, and regardless of what my human emotions tell me, He is still faithful!

Jeremiah continues describing God’s heart in verse 31-33: “For the LORD will not cast off for ever: But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.” In other words, God doesn’t take pleasure in our affliction. It’s not His heart to merely browbeat us out of impulse. And even in grief which He allows, He has compassion and mercy.

It gets even better at verses 39-41: “Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins? Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the LORD. Let us lift up our heart with our hands unto God in the heavens.”

A living man— especially a saved man, certainly has no right to complain before the Lord. How blessed we are that God doesn’t deal with us according to our sin and His justice. If all God ever did was save me— giving the life of Christ for my ransom, then any burden He allows in this life should pale in comparison to salvation. In light of salvation, whatever God chooses to do with the rest of my life should be just fine!

Simply put, the right response to affliction is to examine ourselves, draw close to God, be purged by His hand, and allow patience to have her perfect work in our hearts and through our lives. (James 1)

Matthew Henry said it this way: “Happy shall we be, if we learn to receive affliction as laid upon us by the hand of God… While there is life there is hope; and instead of complaining that things are bad, we should encourage ourselves with the hope they will be better. We are sinful men, and what we complain of, is far less than our sins deserve. We should complain to God, and not of him.”

I love that! “What we complain of is far less than our sins deserve.” How true! And then the challenge—complain to God, not of Him! As much as God hates murmuring (complaining from a bitter spirit against His very heart), He welcomes mourning (bringing our truthful hearts, mournful communications, and our very burden to Him)! He throws open the throne room of Heaven and invites us—fallen, pathetic creatures—to boldly cast all of our cares upon Him and to find grace to help in time of need. He doesn’t expect us to relish the afflictions, but He command us to resort to Him and rejoice in Him, in spite of them.

And so, the night before chemo— slightly intense, but also restful that this is all of God’s hand. Anything from God’s hand is going to be OK. God’s heart is always good, and the same hand that leads us into trials also holds us in them.

Many things are uncertain right now, but of one thing I am absolutely certain—God has nothing less than my absolute BEST in mind, both now, and for all of eternity.

Read it slowly, one more time:

“This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.” (Lamentations 3:21-26)

What Your Kids Want Most (and Need!)

caryschmidt — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 04:45:16 +0000

Want to know what your kids want the most from you? It isn’t stuff. It isn’t money. It isn’t entertainment, toys, clothes, or freedom. It isn’t a day at Disneyland, or an expensive vacation.These are the things we try to provide to make up for what we miss. These are the things they ask for on birthdays and Christmas. These are the things that temporarily make us feel like good parents.

What our kids want most, they usually don’t ask for. They hope for it—even subconsciously, but they don’t usually mention it. They need it more than anything, but they don’t even really know it. When they don’t get it, their world becomes chaos—emotional, spiritual, relational chaos. Their living becomes confused and frustrated. They chase after shadows and substitutes, and always come up empty.

When they get it, their world comes back into order. Their emotions settle. Their perspective changes. Their hearts soften. Their countenances become whole. Their sense of belonging returns. Their insecurities diminish. Their stability returns. They become whole again.

What do kids want most? What do kids need most?

TIME with YOU.

Kids who spend quantity and quality time with their parents are very different than kids who don’t. When you’re kids spend time with you, they are deeply impacted. I’ve watched this pattern in all three of my kids at all ages. When they are lacking time with me, their world becomes restless and unsettled. But when they have enough time with me, their world becomes peaceful and stable once again.

This past week, I was privileged to spend four days with Haylee. She accompanied me on a preaching trip that afforded us some special memories and quality time together. On one particular day, we had about 7 hours of “just us.” The trip was one of the most special times of my entire life, and one of the great delights was getting to fall in love with my little girl all over again. It’s not that I ever fell “out of love”—it’s just that she and I both needed the time together to renew and strengthen our relationship. Time, life, and busyness has a way of stagnating your family relationships. It takes intentionality to see this and resist the trend. This was our opportunity to do that.

During our few days, I watched something very special happen in her heart. It showed up on her countenance, in her tone of voice, in her spirit, and in her behavior. Everything about her became more pliable, responsive, contented, and peaceful. My wife noticed it within a few moments of us returning home. Time with me changed her—and frankly, time with her changed me too! For me, it was convicting to consider of the power that we, as parents, hold over our children’s hearts just by the time we do or don’t spend with them.

And so, I took a few moments to list the ways that “time with you” impacts your children. Think about it. Here’s the short list of what happens to your child’s world when he or she has enough time with you:

Time with you makes life have proper perspective. “If Dad and Mom love me, then everything else will be ok.”

Time with you makes hardships have context. “If Dad and Mom are taking care of me, then the tough things in life will work out.”

Time with you makes the heart settled and stronger. “Because Dad and Mom love me, I can care less what the world thinks of me.”

Time with you makes the soul feel loved and accepted. “Dad and Mom love and accept and like me, and that means I don’t need to crave love from anywhere else.”

Time with you makes God’s presence tangible. “If God is anything like Dad or Mom, then I like God!”

Time with you makes God’s heart understandable. “If Dad and Mom understand my heart and feelings, then God must also.”

Time with you makes God’s love real. “God must love me sort of like Dad and Mom love me! Then I love Him too!”

Time with you makes life’s trials endurable. “My trial seemed so big, but everything seems ok when I’m with Dad or Mom.”

Time with you makes emotions manageable. “Dad and Mom help me keep a right view of my feelings and the changes in my life.”

Time with you makes the spirit rest. “Dad and Mom are for me, believe in me, love me, and care for me—that helps me rest well!”

Think of it this way—time with you does for your kids heart what time with God does for your heart. And maybe, if our kids get enough time with us, they will see God in us and through us—and maybe they will fall in love with Him just as we have! Maybe they too will love Him for life like we do! Wouldn’t that be a great reason for spending time with our kids?

Dad and Mom—you are the closest visible, physical expression of the love, heart, and presence of God that your kids will ever experience. So let them experience it! Whatever is pulling you away from giving your children time—it isn’t worth it. Make it happen and watch your kids change in ways you could never force.

God will honor you for loving them the way He does!

A Quick Health Update…

caryschmidt — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 16:28:52 +0000

Please forgive another health update. This is my easiest way to communicate with people who have questions and to make sure everybody understands what’s going on in our lives.

Last Friday afternoon I received my official diagnosis—Hodgkins Lymphoma. Until that phone call, I was preparing for the real possibility of an early passing, while simultaneously praying that it was Hodgkins. Hodgkins is considered to be one of the most curable forms of cancer. The road ahead will be a different one for sure—especially the next 8-10 months. A lot can change along this journey, but it appears as if God has ordained a trial for a season, and then after that, a healthy future.

We had our first appointment with our oncologist on Monday morning. The doctor believes, based upon initial tests, that I am at stage 2A. That’s considered early. I have approximately 8 or 10 tumors in my upper body (give or take a couple.) This cancer is not aggressive, so the doctors are not in a big hurry. (I’ve probably had this for a year or more.) These tumors will respond to chemo and radiation, and no surgery will be required.

My doctor wants to do a range of tests. Several of them are to confirm the locations of the disease and the certain stage. A few of the tests are simply to clear me to endure chemo. These test will take about 3 or 4 weeks. Shortly after that, doctors will prescribe a treatment plan. Every case of Hodgkins Lymphoma is different, and many variables are taken into account when determining treatment. Doctors want to attack the cancer in a way that will have the fewest long term risks.

I should be starting treatment by Mid-November, and they will last for at least 6 months. I’m praying my body will respond well and be able to stay connected to ministry and life as much as possible. If treatments could wrap up in the late Spring I would hopefully be strong and healthy to participate in ministry events this summer.

Personally, other than being a little fatigued, you wouldn’t know that I’m sick. The past two weeks have been really strange emotionally. Friday’s phone call changed a lot of our thinking. Last night, Dana and I sat at dinner and talked through the last few weeks. Through tears, we each shared all the plans we were both making in the event of my passing. That was when we both realized how intricately our hearts and minds were preparing for the possibilities ahead. I am willing for this trial to be whatever God wants it to be, but at this point we are planning for survival.

One thing I told Dana last night was how I have thanked God for cancer many times in the past weeks. I gave her about 5 of many reasons I will soon share as to why I’m thankful for this. God has truly cradled us in His arms and blessed us abundantly through it. Regardless of the outcome, I will be grateful and will rejoice in Him. The first night we knew about this, something significant happened in my heart as those audible words came out of my mouth for the first time—”God, I thank you for cancer.” If you have a trial—be sure to say thank you to God for it. It will certainly change your perspective.

So, that’s the news. Our family is well—probably much due to your prayers! God has given great grace and peace. The days ahead will involve some weakness, some sickness, some suffering, and probably more struggle than I know, but the prognosis is almost certainly survival. Pray for my family over the coming months. Pray that these tests will go well. Pray that I will respond well to treatments. Pray that long-term side effects will be minimal. And most importantly, pray that God will fully exploit this for His purposes, and that I will consistently be His vessel for His use.

Thanks for reading and thanks for praying!

Cary