Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt » college and career

Spiritual Weapons for Wayward Kids

caryschmidt — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 06:58:03 +0000

What can you do when your grown children begin to stray spiritually? I’ve seen a lot of parents hurt, mystified, and shaken by sudden and radical spiritual changes in the lives of their adult children. I realize, one day I may be one of them—and so could you.

In these moments, some parents grasp for control—trying to maintain a mythical strangle-hold of childhood authority. This always escalates a situation to become worse and creates greater distance relationally and spiritually. In a wild swing to the other extreme—some parents abandon their post of parental influence. They mentally, emotionally, and spiritually disconnect with an “oh well” resignation, as if there is nothing they can really do. Others respond in anger—returning hurt for hurt.

Recently, Dana and I prayerfully and fearfully sat down with some parents who were facing circumstances in which we all felt powerless. Together, we rediscovered the weapons God had given us to fight battles that are far beyond our human control. And together, we saw God work a miracle. These are the weapons that God gives us all to use against impossible circumstances:

Unconditional Love and Acceptance—regardless what my child does, how my child hurts me, or how far out of bounds my child behaves—I will choose to respond with Christ-like compassion and unconditional love. This is a powerful weapon that speaks to the heart and the conscience. By the way, acceptance of a person does not equal approval of sin.

Godly Grace—regardless of what my child has done, I extend grace—unmerited favor. Just as grace is God’s response to my sin, grace will be my response to my child’s sin. Grace is always undeserved, and is the most powerful resource for creating an environment where repentence and change are possible.

Intercessory Prayer—this weapon brings all the powers of Heaven to work in the situation. It is the single most powerful and yet most neglected response to any strained relationship.

God’s Word—opinions and personal preferences matter little, but the principles of God’s Word are powerful. When battles of the will only escalate a situation, the principles of God’s Word speak to the heart with the potential of lasting life change.

Patient Endurance—change takes time. Repentence is rarely instantaneous. Parents who win these battles never give up (emphasis on NEVER.) They faithfully and persistently use these weapons until the battle is won.

These are weapons of the Spirit. Think about it:

Weapons of flesh will react, weapons of the Spirit will respond.
Weapons of flesh will lash out. Weapons of the Spirit will reach out.
Weapons of flesh desire retribution. Weapons of the Spirit desire reconciliation.
Weapons of flesh will seek control. Weapons of the Spirit will seek influence.
Weapons of flesh will make demands. Weapons of the Spirit will make pleas.
Weapons of flesh will acuse. Weapons of the Spirit will accept.
Weapons of flesh will return hurt. Weapons of the Spirit will return grace.
Weapons of flesh will argue. Weapons of the Spirit will reason.

Here they are again: unconditional love, godly grace, intercessory prayer, God’s Word, and patient endurance.

Take hope, parent! If you are facing impossible circumstances and you feel hopeless and powerless—there is much you can do to fight a spiritual battle for your wayward child! God’s work is not finished in your child’s heart, and God’s Word is still powerful to change lives!

In reality, these weapons are effective in any broken or strained relationship. About the time you think there’s nothing you can do, about the time you want to over-react or fight in the flesh—these are the only weapons that can truly make a difference. May God give us wisdom to fight our relational battles in the wisdom of His Word and the power, and filling of His Holy Spirit.

Repost: 3 Reasons to Get Good Advice

caryschmidt — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 04:01:51 +0000

Isn’t it amazing how often people venture into major life-changing decisions without getting any outside, biblical advice. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Sometimes we fear that a counselor will have a private agenda and won’t counsel us honestly. At other times, we presume to know what our counselors will say, and rationalize it away without even talking to them. But the most common reason we don’t get advice is because we would rather not hear what we already know. Self deception is a scary thing—we would rather be wrong and fantasize that things will work out, than really build a good decision with plenty of outside, biblical advice.

God’s Word is clear—Proverbs 11:14, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”

God instructs us to bring in a multitude of counsellors on our decisions, but I find that many Christians sell godly counsel short—they don’t get the full picture of how valuable good advice can be. There are three huge dynamics in play when getting counsel. It’s not merely about getting a “yes” or “no” on a particular decision. It’s bigger than that, so let’s break it down:

1. Counsel helps define a right decision—this is the first and perhaps biggest aspect of getting advice—just determining whether a decision is right or not. I would never make a major decision in life without a team of people standing behind me saying, “Yes, that’s the right move!” It’s not about being unduly dependent upon others to make my decisions. It’s about having confirmation from the collective wisdom of a godly team of advisors.

2. Counsel helps to define the right process—we often miss this. It’s very easy to do the right thing the wrong way! Getting biblical advice is a great way to put a plan together. It’s not enough just to do the right thing—it needs to be done the right way, and a team of wise advisors will help craft a plan of attack that will give the right decision the right process.

3. Counsel helps to define the right timing—finally, it’s possible to do the right thing the right way, but at the wrong time! For instance, a young person might have found the right person and have the right plan for marriage, but the timing can be way off. Getting counsel is sometimes about waiting for God to prove the right time.

There’s nothing better than doing the right thing, the right way, at the right time! Getting godly, biblical counsel is about putting together this kind of decision. It’s a fail-safe way of finding and doing God’s will. Are you willing to hear what you don’t want to hear? Are you willing to define the right process? Are you willing to find the right time?

These three perspectives of counsel have proven helpful in our Senior High, College and Career, and Single Adult ministries. Perhaps they can be helpful if you counsel or teach others. Feel free to pass these concepts on to others as the Lord leads.

Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read

caryschmidt — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:25:59 +0000

Parents and Pastors—Please Read!!

I received this letter from a young lady last week—a Bible college student who grew up in a Christian home and Christian school. I believe it’s the saddest letter I’ve ever read and right on the mark for so detailing the experiences of so many young Christians. I asked her permission to post it. Please read. Her words will greatly challenge you as a parent or pastor:

Dear Pastor Schmidt,

A few years ago, I read your books Hook, Line, and Sinker, Discover Your Destiny, and Life Quest. I found them to be extremely encouraging and instructive. These books showed me that not only do you have a real heart for young people, but you also understand us well. I am writing to ask you to consider writing a book to our parents and youth workers. Let me explain.

I am a junior at a well-known Christian college. I grew up in highly respected “fundamental independent Baptist” churches, and went to excellent Christian schools. My father has been a Christian worker since before I was born. One would think that my testimony would go something like this:

“I was saved when I was about 5 and I had dedicated my life to God and I have been growing a lot and serving Him and now I’m studying to serve Him full time.” But that isn’t my story. Actually, though I did make a profession of faith when I was very young, I didn’t get saved until I was 17. Since I was 12 and now on into college I have struggled with “serious” issues. And I found out when I went to college that I am not the only “good kid” who is or has struggled with or is still struggling with serious stuff. We struggle with issues like eating disorders, depression and suicide, cutting, pornography, gender identity, homosexuality, drugs, drinking, immorality, and the list could go on. We listen to “wild” music, we idolize pop culture’s heroes, we watch dirty sitcoms. We have no discrimination in our entertainment, dress, or any aspect of our lifestyle. Obviously, I’m generalizing our problems—you would not find that every Christian young person from a conservative background struggles with all of these issues, and praise God, some of us do not struggle with any of these issues.

My point is that the problems that are supposed to be bad kid’s problems belong to us too. Unfortunately, our parents and youth workers don’t know that we struggle with these things and they don’t know what to do with us when they find out. Quite frankly, I believe that if you grabbed the average Christian school teacher or youth worker and asked them, “What would you do if you found out that one of the kids you work with was a homosexual?” they wouldn’t know what to say.

My point is not simply that they don’t know what we struggle with or how to deal with it. I think there is a pretty simple reason why “good” kids struggle with such serious stuff. And that there is a solution. At the risk of being blunt, I’m going to be blunt.

Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did.

But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us.

I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.

I know that this has not been a well articulated treatise, but it comes from my heart. If you are able to help us and our families, we would be so grateful. I realize that probably, there is no way to fix the fact that kids my age are detached from our parents or to straighten out the crazy stuff that we struggle with. The alienation is fixed, the scars are permanent. I know our situation is not hopeless. God is at work in my life and my generation, among those of us who have struggled and are struggling. But maybe our younger siblings can have some help that we never had. Maybe you can write a book for our parents that will grab their attention and help them see that this is serious—that their kids need them, desperately.

I guess I’ve run out of things to say. I must say I’m a little hesitant to share my name with you because that attaches me with my parents, who are, by the way, good people. Thanks for everything you have already done to help Christian teens and their families. I’m eager to see what else God will do through you.

Sincerely,

(Name Removed to Protect Anonymity)

All I could say when I read this letter was, “WOW! She nailed it!” This is the battle I’ve been fighting for 21 years. I’m planning to write a couple of follow up articles to this letter, but for now, let this insightful young lady’s words sink in, and let God help you evaluate your own parenting and influence.

Are we teaching kids to simply appear and act right? Or are we teaching them to LOVE God and KNOW Him personally?

What are your thoughts?

PS – My first response to this letter is posted here.

Things I’d Like to Say to Every Young Adult

caryschmidt — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 04:04:03 +0000

Here’s a quick list of things I wish I could say to every young adult!

1. You are of eternal value and significance because God doesn’t make junk. Regardless of who mistreated you, what lies you’ve been told, or how bad your past has been—you have a future and God has good plans for you. Life can be bad, but God’s heart is always good! And only He can turn the bad into good. (Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”)

2. You have an amazing contribution to make to the lives of others. God created you for the purpose of serving Him in the lives of others. This will be your family, your friends, your community, your co-workers, and your future family. People you’ve never met are counting on having your good influence some day. Don’t mess it up! (Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”)

3. You have incredible skills and abilities to develop for God’s glory. Don’t compare yourself to others. Let God help you become who He designed you to be. You have gifts and abilities that you have yet to discover and develop, so don’t lose hope! (1 Timothy 4:14, “Neglect not the gift that is in thee…”)

4. Your only hope for real happiness is a real, private, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It starts at salvation, but that’s just the beginning! Walking with Him, knowing Him, and learning of Him on a daily basis is where life is really at its BEST! (Proverbs 18:24, “…there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”)

5. Your life is more about your future than your past. I know lots of teens with bad pasts and bad trials because of the terrible decisions of others. But your future doesn’t have to be a response to the bad decisions of others. Don’t get angry and bitter about someone else’s stupidity. Don’t let them mess up your future. Move forward with God and chart a different course for your kids! (Hebrews 12:15, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”)

6. You will live by faith, whether you do your will or God’s will—be smart—place faith in the One who is in control. Life is not a sight/faith proposition. It’s a faith/faith proposition. Either you place faith in yourself—blind faith since you are neither in control nor all knowing. Or you place faith in God—intelligent faith since He is all powerful and all knowing! Be smart—go with God! (Romans 1:17, “For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.”)

7. You will get through the confusion and frustration you face during your teen years. Don’t freak out when you get confused or when things don’t go as you hoped. Go to God and let Him get you through it. He is the only way to sanity! (Isaiah 45:2, “I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight…”)

8. Your only hope for the fulfillment of your deepest dreams is to passionately pursue God. If you chase dreams, you will come up disappointed, even if they get fulfilled. Dreams are the product of the design of God—He knows how to fulfill them. Loving Him is your job! Fulfilling your heart is His job! Don’t get the roles reversed! (Psalm 37:4, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”)

9. Your pathway to godly success is littered with traps and pitfalls—so follow the Guide. God’s Word is the ultimate guide. When you know God and know His principles, you are safeguarding your steps. Unless you want to step into a lot of pain, stay close to the Guide! (Joshua 1:8, “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”)

10. Your greatest enemy is impatience. Waiting is hard—ok. But look at it differently! You aren’t merely waiting! You are preparing! Don’t rush what God is doing in your life right now. Let Him have His way in His time, and don’t always wish you were three years down the road. Impatience destroys more people than anything else I know! Be willing to wait for God’s best! Illustration: Would you rather have a dollar today or a million next week? The best is worth waiting for! (Hebrews 10:36, “For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”)

11. Your greatest assignment is preparation. Most big mistakes in young adult lives somehow involve trading preparation for pretend. In other words, rather than really preparing for God’s best in His time, let’s just rush forward and pretend we’re there already. Bad decision. Stick with the preparation of youth! You’ll be WAY ahead of the rest of the planet when life demands the most of you. (Galatians 6:9, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”)

12. Your greatest asset is godly authorities. God has given every life some good authority—even if some authorities have let you down. Somebody in your life will help you make right choices, avoid wrong, and see clearly through the fog of youth. One of the best decisions you could make is to trust godly authorities. Question them—fine—then listen to the answers they give and follow their advice! Godly authorities have no desire to control you, but they do want to protect you! (Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”)

Please—live life God’s way! While everything will try to drag you off track, I promise, you will never regret it! God has a good life in store for you—so go get it by His grace!

Ministry Idea: 3 Questions

caryschmidt — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 21:32:16 +0000

Are you looking for a good way to get to know your students or those to whom you minister? Here’s a quick and simple way to get a glimpse into the heart and cause someone to think more deeply.

This past week, in our 12th grade Sunday school class and at our Single Life retreat, we did a short assignment that really helped me understand where the students are in their hearts and on their spiritual journeys. It’s an easy exercise, but informative, and it causes someone to pause and take inventory spiritually.

We handed out a blank sheet of paper in class and asked each student to answer the following three questions:

1. What has God been teaching me lately? Step back and survey the things you’ve heard from God’s Word, the choices you’ve made, and the circumstances you’re facing and simply ask, “What is God saying to me in all of this?” Anybody with even a slightly sensitive heart will be able to answer this question in a matter of moments. This is always a very valuable thought process. Take it a step further and ask, “How are you responding? Are you doing anything with what God is saying to you?”

2. What are my goals for the next 12 months? Fast forward the DVD of your life to 12 months from now. What would you like to see accomplished? What is your vision (the less tangible direction) and what are your goals (the tangible steps to achieve your vision)? I asked them to list three to five things they would like to see happen on a practical level in the coming year.

3. What are my dreams for the next 5 to 10 years? Ten years from now, where would you like to be and what would you like to be doing? What has God placed on your heart as a long-term direction. God’s will is a good start, but dig deeper. What do you hope God’s will includes?

The practical uses of this simple exercise are many. First, these are great questions to ask yourself, your spouse, or your family. Second, they work well in a variety of ministry contexts where you are trying to understand the hearts and desires of people. I have greatly enjoyed reading what our 12th graders and singles wrote down on their pages, and I have a much better understanding of how to pray for them in the coming months.

As a follow up for the seniors, I wrote them a letter and returned their pages to them. I also sent it to their parents with an encouraging letter. Then I typed up their goals and placed it into my files where I can pray for them over the year.

I’ve been a bit buried lately and haven’t been able to write many blog posts, but hopefully this simple thought will prove to be helpful to you. God bless!

The Road to Adulthood Gets Longer

caryschmidt — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:52:24 +0000

New Data on the Growing Distance Between Youth and Adulthood

The New York Times ran a fascinating article yesterday entitled “The Long Road to Adulthood Is Growing Even Longer” by Patricia Cohen. The article reinforces a growing body of research, much of which I wrote about in Life Quest: Braving Adulthood with Biblical Passion. The point is, the twenty and thirty-something generations are increasingly choosing to postpone the decisions and responsibilities of adult life, choosing rather to stay in a perpetual state of limbo—between youth and adulthood. They are taking longer to finished education, begin a family, and become independent.

The most interesting stats in the article were as follows: The median age for marriage is now 27 for men, 26 for women. It was 23 in 1980. Today, 40% of all births are to unwed mothers. That’s a massive shift from 28% in 1990. Parents are now spending more on their kids in their twenties than when they were teens. The average parent spends 10% of their income on their “twenty-something” children. One fourth of 25-year-old men live at home with their parents. That’s up from less than one eighth in 1970.

The article emphasized that marriage and parenthood are now viewed as lifestyle choices rather than a normal part of adulthood. The last statement of the article said that our thought that people enter adulthood in their late teens and early twenties is an “archaic idea.”

Biblically, I believe we should do everything within our power to encourage young adults to resist a trend toward immaturity and irresponsibility. Avoiding responsibility is destructive to life. Practically speaking, however, this trend is a reality in today’s culture, and it’s not all spiritually driven. There are many societal forces that make the transition to adulthood more difficult than it has ever been. The cost of living, the expense of a college education, the information age, and the economic challenges of our day all tend toward the postponement of adulthood.

If you are reaching young adults with the Gospel, this is their reality. This is their “normal.” On one hand we should encourage Christian young adults to resist the trends, but in a very real sense the world in which they live and work thinks very differently. When we reach young adults with the Gospel, their social and cultural philosophies are already deeply ingrained with this thinking.

From my perspective the dangerous aspects of the trends are not necessarily that more young adults are single, living at home, taking longer to be educated, or still having financial help. But rather it is the “why” behind these decisions. In some ways, these things may be unavoidable in today’s climate, and driven by circumstances beyond our control. God’s call and purpose may not always include a spouse, a family, a place of your own, or early financial independence. The real danger lies in avoiding purpose, responsibility, and direction. The real loss is when young adults waste a decade or two in folly rather than focusing on living God’s will and fulfilling His call.

Let’s face it, apart from Christ, secular adulthood, with its wreckage and hopelessness, is less than inviting. It’s something to avoid as long as possible. It’s much more attractive and appealing to stay uncommitted and indecisive—unfettered by adulthood’s weighty responsibilities. I would be indecisive too if so many of my options appeared to lead to hopelessness!

In today’s climate, more young adults simply don’t like their odds when they look at the generation who has gone before them. Too many adult decisions obviously result in failure and despair—so it appears easier not to make them. Many are simply choosing the path that appears to have the least risk, and avoiding the vulnerability that big commitments bring.

The painkillers of life are also attractive—alcohol, drugs, partying, illicit sex, etc. All of these things provide a temporary escape from the steady, dull ache of a meaningless life. Life in Christ is quite the contrary. It is purposeful, joy-filled, and abundant. Life in Christ is not something to escape from, curse about, dread, or avoid.

This past week at a College and Career fellowship we had a lengthy group discussion about the ridicule that Christians receive from co-workers for the things they don’t do—like cursing, drinking, drugs, parties, and sex. I said to the group, “No wonder the world needs these things. I would too if I wasn’t saved! Without Christ, life would be worth cursing about. Life would plainly stink! Life without Christ would require some painkillers and escape. Alcohol, sex, drugs, and parties would be the only hope for temporary relief from the pointlessness and emptiness. What a joy it is to know Christ, to know abundant life. Because of Him, I don’t need to escape my life.”

What does the research show us? Hope for the Gospel! It shows us that young adults are searching for answers in a world that provides none. This is a fantastic platform for the God’s Word! Twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings are prime candidates for the hope, joy, and success that Christ can bring!

As for Christians, we may not be able to rush their education, speed up their dating, or move them quickly to financial independence. But we can challenge them biblically to embrace God’s call and to live purposefully, responsibly, and passionately for Him. That commitment will rightfully lead to all the other right commitments in God’s time.

Note: The article also had some interesting links to research related to transitioning into adulthood, and some links to related articles that would be helpful to someone in young adult ministry.

7 Myths of Single Life

caryschmidt — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 19:20:15 +0000

Seven Myths of Single-Life

Myths abound in today’s culture—through urban legends, chain emails, speed-diets, and beyond! Thanks to snopes.com, it’s pretty easy to run an email, a story, or a bizarre event through a quick research test to find out if it’s true or not.

So—do you have a “snopes” for life? Has it occurred to you that life also has its myths and “urban legends.” The issue is, these myths have much greater consequences. And much like “snopes” we need to take the philosophies, assumptions, and teachings of our pop-culture and run them through the truth test—the Bible.

Here are seven popular myths of single-life—seven lies that many singles buy into. Let’s run them through the truth test and unmask them as frauds:

1. Happiness and love is found in a person and I must find that person. Many people fall for this lie. Their lives become an endless search for the right person to completely bring happiness to life. The problem is—no human being can fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts. That is reserved for God alone, through Jesus Christ. Psalm 16:11 teaches, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy;”

2. Freedom is about making decisions alone and doing my own thing—”I gotta be me…” This is a gross distortion of a biblical truth. Yes, God created you as an individual with many unique qualities—so in that sense, you do have to be you. But, God never intended for you to live independent of Him or outside of His purpose or structure for life. The greatest life is found when you are who God truly made you to be. In John 10:10 Jesus said, ” I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

3. There is a short-cut to success and fulfillment in life and I will find it. Many believe that there are quick ways to happiness and fulfillment in life, and so they fall for them—parties, illicit sex, drinking, drugs, etc. We all tend to want the path of least resistance and the quickest path to success. In truth, the best life is built one decision at a time on the strong foundation of biblical values and principle.

God taught in Joshua 1:8, that true success is a product of biblical principles in practice. Joshua 1:8″ This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”

4. Responsibility and purpose in life can be indefinitely postponed. In the short term, a life free of responsibility and commitment seems like the way to go—but in the long term, it’s disastrous. We were designed by our Creator to have purpose, to embrace commitments, and to shoulder responsibilities that honor Him. God teaches that life comes with built in accountability and responsibility. Those who embrace this, always win. Romans 14:12, “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

5. Love is a mystical, magical, fleeting thing that has something to do with sex. God is love and God created sex, so who could possibly instruct us in this matter better than Him. Quite simply, true love is a choice, not an emotion. You do it, you don’t feel it. Warm and fuzzy emotions, as enjoyable as they are, are not and never will be love. And sex is only an expression of love when it’s done God’s way—within a committed marriage for life. Outside of that boundary, sex is harmful in every way to both parties. It does irreparable spiritual harm.

Here’s how God says it: 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

6. As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, what I do doesn’t matter. This sounds great and becomes a great excuse for someone who purely lives for self. The problem is, it’s simply not true. No man is an island. We all influence somebody. We all have people in the future we will influence. And every decision you make today is countless repercussions for people around you and people in your future that you haven’t even met yet—like your kids! Think of it this way—have you become the bearer of some of your parents bad decisions? Probably so. And at the time, they too were thinking their decisions wouldn’t hurt anyone. But you know differently.

God commands us to live as examples to others, positively influencing them for right. 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

7. Pleasure, possessions, and personal pursuits can ultimately fill the longing of my heart. God created pleasure. God gives us possessions. And God calls us to purposeful pursuits. But He is the source and the giver. When we forsake following God and pursue these other things, life begins to fall apart. Apart from God, More stuff merely means more problems! We’re called to worship God and use things. But so often we get it backwards. We worship things and use God.

1 Timothy 6:17, “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;”

Are you falling for some of these myths? Begin today to align your life with God’s principles—beginning with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You can read more about having that relationship in another article in this magazine.

Build your life and future upon truth, not upon the myth and urban legends of popular philosophy. Opinions of men will fail, but God’s Word is always true!

Here are seven popular myths of single-life—seven lies that many singles buy into. Let’s run them through the truth test and unmask them as frauds:

1. Happiness and love is found in a person, and I must find that person. Many people fall for this lie. Their lives become an endless search for the right person who will completely bring happiness to life. The problem is—no human being can fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts. That is reserved for God alone, through Jesus Christ. Psalm 16:11 teaches, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy;”

2. Freedom is about making decisions alone and doing my own thing—”I gotta be me…” This is a gross distortion of a biblical truth. Yes, God created you as an individual with many unique qualities—so in that sense, you do have to be you. But, God never intended for you to live independent of Him or outside of His purpose or structure for life. The greatest life is found when you are who God truly made you to be. In John 10:10 Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

3. There is a shortcut to success and fulfillment in life, and I will find it. Many believe there are quick ways to happiness and fulfillment in life, and so they fall for them—parties, illicit sex, drinking, drugs, etc. We all tend to want the path of least resistance and the quickest path to success. In truth, the best life is built patiently, one decision at a time, on the strong foundation of biblical values and principles. This takes years—not weeks or months.

God taught in Joshua 1:8 that true success is a product of biblical principles in practice: “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”

4. Responsibility and purpose in life can be indefinitely postponed. In the short term, a life free of responsibility and commitment seems like the way to go—but in the long term, it’s disastrous. We were designed by our Creator to have purpose, to embrace commitments, and to shoulder responsibilities that honor Him. God teaches that life comes with built-in accountability and responsibility. Those who embrace this, always win. Romans 14:12, “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

5. Love is a mystical, magical, fleeting thing that has something to do with sex. God is love, and God created sex, so who could possibly instruct us in this matter better than Him. Quite simply, true love is a choice, not an emotion. You do it, you don’t feel it. Warm and fuzzy emotions, as enjoyable as they are, are not and never will be love. And sex is only an expression of love when it’s done God’s way—within a committed marriage for life. Outside of that boundary, sex is harmful in every way to both parties. It does irreparable spiritual harm.

Here’s how God says it: 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

6. As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, what I do doesn’t matter. This sounds great and becomes an easy excuse for someone who purely lives for self. The problem is, it’s simply not true. No man is an island. We all influence somebody. We all have people in our future whom we will one day influence. And every decision you make today has countless repercussions in people’s lives for years to come—like your kids! Think of it this way—have you become the bearer of the bad decisions of others? Probably so. And at the time, they too were thinking their decisions wouldn’t hurt anyone. But you know differently.

God commands us to live as examples to others, positively influencing them for right. 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

7. Pleasure, possessions, and personal pursuits can ultimately fill the longing of my heart. God created pleasure. God gives us possessions. And God calls us to purposeful pursuits. But He is the source and the giver. When we forsake following God and pursue these other things, life begins to fall apart. Apart from God, more stuff merely means more problems! We’re called to worship God and use things. But so often we get it backwards. We worship things and use God.

1 Timothy 6:17, “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;”

Are you falling for some of these myths? Begin today aligning your life with God’s principles—beginning with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You can read more about starting that relationship by clicking here.

Build your life and future upon truth, not upon the myth and urban legends of popular philosophy. Opinions of men will fail, but God’s Word is always true!

Transforming Teens—From Kurt Skelly

caryschmidt — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:07:32 +0000

If you work with young people, I want to encourage you to read the blog series “Transforming Teens” by Pastor Kurt Skelly. This is presently a seven-part series of articles that examines how Paul mentored Timothy. It is insightful, well-written, and helpful for anyone who is mentoring young lives.

These articles highlight seven critical qualities/steps of a biblical mentor:

Recognize your own call to God and embody a life of biblical priority.
Prayerfully consider those God would lead you to mentor.
Never underestimate the power of the written word.
Confirm your love sincerely and consistently.
Communicate often your desire for him to be the recipient of God’s blessings.
Pray for him and let him know you are praying.
Tell him you enjoy being with him (develop a strong emotional bond).

Personally, I’m looking forward to Pastor Skelly continuing this series. Each of these points challenged me, especially as they flowed directly from the apostle’s own letter to Timothy! Be sure to do more than read the series—respond. Even as I read, the Lord was placing names on my heart, and I was writing letters, setting appointments, and seeking to act on what was shared.

God still blesses the principles of His Word as we minister to young lives. We don’t need to re-invent youth ministry. We just need to obey God’s original blueprint.

(Pastor Skelly is the pastor of the Harvest Baptist Church near Pittsburgh, PA. He’s a tremendous preacher, a good friend, and a man with good biblical insight.)

Thoughts on Effective Youth Ministry

caryschmidt — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:52:19 +0000

A frequent question: What are some keys for effective youth ministry? While I’m certainly not the authority, here are a few thoughts that I’ve seen the Lord bless (not listed in any particular order)…

A Strong Local Church—Jesus died for the church. It is His divine authorized institution for His work on earth. A youth group should not be a stand alone entity, but an integral part of a larger body—a local church. The youth group should support and mirror the church program, and the teens should have a good relationship with their pastor. (Ephesians 5:25)

Solid Bible Teaching—Bottom line, through the ministry of the church, we are to teach the Bible and persuade young people to live biblically for the rest of their lives. This is essential—social events are not. Give quality time to preparing and teaching practical, Bible lessons—the kind that help them understand truth and embrace it. I’ve written a longer article about this point called The Greatest Student Ministry Strategy. Also, the article about How to Lose Attention would tie in. (1 Thessalonians 2:13)

One-on-One Time and Personal Ministry—Relationships are vital, and authentic ministry happens up close. I can’t persuade or influence someone that I’m not in “good standing” with—the Bible word is favor. Youth ministry happens as much one-on-one as with a group. Though our group has plenty of “group time,” our one-on-one relationships with the students create the platform for group ministry. Much of our “youth ministry time” is spent taking kids to lunch, out soulwinning, having smaller groups to our home, writing them letters, and generally trying to love and encourage each one personally. (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

Ministry and Outreach—It’s vital to allow and compel the teens to serve the Lord and others. Involving them in a soulwinning program, service opportunities, music opportunities, etc. is huge. The strongest, most mature, and joyful Christian teens I know are those that sing, serve, soul-win, and give. They are living their faith, and their commitment to Christ is real! The more you can encourage young people to live and express their faith through service, the stronger their faith will become. (1 Timothy 4:12)

Longevity and Patience—A lot of people just don’t stay at youth ministry very long—especially not in one place. It takes a few years to figure things out and another few for people to begin trusting you. That’s not to say you don’t accomplish anything in those years, just that the longer you stay with it, the more effective you will be and the greater the fruit. The best fruit in youth ministry happens as you literally watch families grow up—serving them year after year. (2 Thessalonians 3:13)

Family/Parent Focus—This one is HUGE! Effective youth ministry doesn’t merely focus on teens. We spend as much time counseling and ministering with parents as with teens. Regular teen-parent meetings are essential. Focus on reaching and ministering to the whole family. Help develop the parents as well as the teens. Teens need their parents a lot more than they need youth workers. So anything we can do to help them have a better relationship with parents, and to help the parents to live authentic Christian lives is going to bear greater fruit. (Malachi 4:6)

God’s Wisdom and Power—Obviously, this one goes without saying. Ultimately, anything good that comes from our efforts is due to the Lord using us in spite of ourselves. He blesses the principles of His Word and He delights in those who submit to His authority and His truth. We don’t need to reinvent anything—we just need to teach, preach, and practice God’s Word, anticipating that His power will do the real work. The mystery of changed lives is not in trendy new methods—it’s in the moving of God’s Holy Spirit. (Zechariah 4:6)

Lots and Lots of Patient Hope—A big part of youth ministry is just refusing to lose hope! There are far more blessings than disappointments, more victories than defeats, more winning than losing, and more ups than downs—but the devil is relentless in trying to make you feel like you’re a failure. Six years in the youth group does not make a fully mature Christian. It can help, but building a strong faith requires more than a youth group. And don’t forget free will! That was God’s idea, and everybody has one. No matter what you do, at the end of the day, people still make their own choices before the Lord. But never stop hoping and praying for those you love to become who Christ desires them to be!

Have you noticed that the emerging church movement—the seeker-sensitive movement—is constantly trying to reinvent church? Well, truthfully, God’s model doesn’t need to be reinvented. It still works very well! Effective youth ministry isn’t about making God fit into cultural trends and fads. It’s about faithfully obeying the timeless principles of His Word.

What are some other “keys to youth ministry”? It’s your turn to comment now…

Struggling Teenagers? Don’t Give Up Early!

caryschmidt — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:11:13 +0000

Have you had a student come through your youth group, graduate, and not mature spiritually the way you hoped? It seems no matter how we pray, labor, plan, or serve—there are some that graduate and drift spiritually.

What about trying to help a struggling student, only to feel like you’re spinning your wheels? Gauging by the immediate response or lack of change, you would guess your influence was zero. Few things in life are more frustrating and discouraging to a youth worker. These experiences make us feel like failures and scream at us to quit.

The same is true for the parents of the kids who struggle—times maybe a million! Feelings of discouragement and disappointment can be overwhelming.

But consider for a moment: How many adults in your church were saved or came back to the Lord in their 20′s or 30′s? How many men surrendered their life to the Lord while they were in the military? How many mature Christians do you know that struggled during their younger years?

The reality is, as long as someone’s heart is beating, there is still hope for them to stop drifting. When do you give up? Never… ever… ever.

In the past two weeks God has allowed me to have three appointments with five adults (two couples, one single) who love the Lord and are becoming very passionate about living their lives and raising their families for Him. Between four and six years ago, these adults were teens who brought about some tearful meetings and discouragement for their parents and others. They were seriously struggling. They resisted everything—and probably hated me.

Today, they are growing in God’s grace, loving Him, and frankly— they are friends I anticipate spending time with. In every case, through their struggles, their spiritual anchor (their parents and pastor) remained in place.

After a season of drifting, many will return to the strong foundation to which you led them in the first place. Keep the big picture in focus—the long term. You might lose the battle now, after all they do have a free will. But the rest of the story hasn’t been told yet. Don’t stop praying, loving, and hoping. In time, many of those who drifted will mature and return—and when they do, they should certainly find a friend in you!

Making God’s Will Less Confusing

caryschmidt — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:03:58 +0000

Life is complex. God’s will isn’t. In fact, at any given moment, there’s a powerful question you can ask to determine if you are in or out of His will. It’s simply this:

“Did I follow God to where I am right now?”

The Holy Spirit will instantly resonate the answer in your heart—you will know it by conscience! When you look at the circumstances and situations of your present—did you arrive here by obedience or disobedience? Did you follow God into this?

If yes, then press on! The obstacles or questions are a part of His bigger plan, and you only need to keep going forward by His grace in total faith and trust.

If no, then freeze! Don’t go another step. Look back and ask this…

“At what point did I stop following God?”

Where did you become disobedient to the Heavenly Father? As quickly as you can, get back to that point, if possible. If not possible, then immediately confess the sin and begin walking with Him obediently. As you do, start asking this question…

“God, what is the very next thing you want me to do?”

Do it. Then ask that question again. And do it. And keep asking that question and obeying. It’s in moment by moment obedience that we ultimately see God’s bigger picture come together. If you obey God in the details right now, He will clarify the bigger picture in time. Confusion over God’s will is often about disobedience. Why should God clarify His will if you’re not already doing it?

God never leads us into confusion—always out of it.

“In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.” (Psalm 71:1)

How to Help a Wounded Person

Cary Schmidt — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:09:59 +0000

One of the most difficult circumstances of life and ministry is to try to help someone who has been deeply hurt. These are hard moments. More than anything, you want to take away the hurt, undo the pain, and fix the problem. But it’s just not that easy. Woundedness—regardless of how it occurred—requires time and God’s grace in order to heal.

Here are a few thoughts (not exhaustive by any means) that you might be able to place in your tool box to encourage and help those who are wounded.

First—Teach through Hebrews 12. Much of life’s pain is not disciplinary in nature—but all of it is allowed of God and is intended to be used by Him to produce good in our lives (Romans 8:28). Hebrews 12 deals powerfully with how Christians should respond to wounds and chastening—by claiming God’s grace and turning away from bitterness. As I study this passage it seems that chastening can be both disciplinary and nurturing in nature. In other words, it’s not always about discipline, but it is always difficult and painful.

Second—Emphasize God’s Desire to Heal. (vs. 13) The focus of Hebrews 12 is the peaceable fruit—the outcome of grace. Help the hurting person find hope in looking forward. In time, God’s grace can work all things to our eventual profit. Satan wants the hurting to only focus on the past—the hurt. After all, it’s difficult to imagine how the abuse of another can produce something good in me! God calls His child to “lift up the hands which hang down.” He offers hope in what is yet to come by His grace.

Third—Call the Hurting to Pursue Peace with All Men. (v. 14) For God’s healing, the wounded must have a right heart toward the relationships of life—even the broken ones. This is a bit different for each situation, and forgiveness is always a journey—a process of forgiving over and over again. But one condition of God’s healing is that the hurting must have an agenda of peace not revenge or resentment.

Fourth—Teach the Hurting to Repeatedly Claim Grace. (vs. 15-16) Every hurt brings a spiritual fork in the road—one path leads to grace and the other to bitterness. This passage reveals that bitterness defiles but grace heals. And grace is a choice—a diligent decision. In other words, the default path is bitterness. The grace path must be claimed by “looking diligently”—carefully determining not to miss it.

Fifth—Emphasize the Patience Required for Recovery. (Hebrews 10:36, 12:1, and James 1:3) People often expect instant recovery. But the simple truth is—a problem that took 5 or 10 or even 20 years to create doesn’t just go away in one counseling session or even one week. The reality—God’s grace is a process born out of intimacy with Him. By God’s design, He wants the wounded to find Him and to walk personally with Him, gradually experiencing the daily renewing, restoring power of His presence. Instant healing is not conducive to intimacy. God heals as we abide.

Some years ago I gave a short list to a hurting young man and asked him to keep it and read or pray it every day as a part of his walk with God and his daily decision to claim grace. He did. And he grew! God’s healing has been evident in his life for several years now. Not long ago, he opened his wallet, pulled this little list out, and said, “Remember this?” We both smiled, and I thanked God for His awesome grace. Here’s the little list:

I’m saved
I am highly valuable, wanted and important to God
God has a great plan for my future
God will give me strength for today if I ask for it
I will honor God and my authorities today
God, please be my best friend today
God, please give me healing and grace today

Not exactly impressive. Not really rocket science. But maybe it’s a tool you can use to encourage someone else to find God’s healing through His grace! What passages or tools do you find helpful in ministering to wounded people?

(Post a comment below. And consider sharing this article with someone who could be encouraged by it.)

The Top Questions of Young Christian Singles

Cary Schmidt — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 01:37:10 +0000

Throughout the year, our ministry to College and Career and Singles brings us into counseling, retreats, and venues where young Christian singles are airing really good questions. I have previously shared the details behind our Q&A times (both for teens as well as singles) and also the top 15 questions that teens ask.

Here’s the most oft asked questions that come from our College and Career department as well as the Singles:

1. How do your parents’ roles change as you get older? (What do I do if my parents are very controlling?)

2. How can you be 100% sure about God’s will for your life?

3. How do I discern or understand that God is leading in a certain direction?

4. Where/how do you draw the line on music?

5. How do you react/talk to friends who have trials that you can’t understand?

6. How do I deal with co-workers who ridicule me for being a Christian? (How can I witness to my co-workers?)

7. How do you not let fear of the future stop you from moving forward?

8. Dating—finding the right person, developing a godly relationship, when to say “I love you,” parents’ approval, dealing with breaking up, being physical, etc.

9. How do I approach my finances—budgeting, saving, giving, etc.?

10. How can I handle trials and stay faithful through them?

11. How do I deal with spiritual struggles—my relationship with God being up and down or failing in the same areas over and over?

12. How can I help a friend that I’m burdened for who is drifting away from the Lord?

Why share these? Well, simply for those who work with these groups, these are the topics that they are wrestling with—so we should make sure we’re addressing these things regularly and biblically. In a recent post, I shared about how to lose attention while you’re teaching or preaching—these topics are almost certainly attention grabbers, because they are so common and so present in the daily lives of young Christian adults.

Hopefully this list will spur you on in your Bible teaching, counseling, and ministry to Christian young adults.

Three Reasons to Get Good Advice

Cary Schmidt — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:29:43 +0000

Isn’t it amazing how often people venture into major life-changing decisions without getting any outside, biblical advice. Why do we do this to ourselves?

God’s Word is clear—Proverbs 11:14, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”

Lessons from a 17th Century Graveyard

Cary Schmidt — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 22:01:42 +0000

“Lord, give me an ‘engraveable’ testimony like Benjamin Edwards!”

This misty morning, my wife and I took a slow, cloud-shrouded stroll through a 350-year-old cemetery in a churchyard in Setauket, Long Island. The church was established in 1660 and the graveyard was filled with tombstones barely readable after hundreds of years of decay. What we were able to read provoked some deep thoughts.

We read of a friend of George Washington—the first member of the secret service—who helped convey information to the general during the revolution. We read of a pastor who helped develop small-pox vaccines and was also a British loyalist. We read of a man who died at sea and whose body was recovered and placed to rest in Setauket. And we read of a man who pastored and walked with God for 36 years in that place. But the one that impacted and intrigued us the most was that of Benjamin Edwards. His barely readable grave-marker stated:

Benjamin Edwards, Son of Stephan and Hannah Edwards, departed this life August 10, 1829, age twenty years, five months and twenty-five days. He was, at the time of his decease, a member of the senior class in Yale College and had recently been appointed principal of the academy at Williesbarre in Pennsylvania. He was a young gentleman of early promise and possessed highly respectable talents, an amiable disposition, and an unexceptionable moral character. And as a son and brother and friend his feelings were affectionate and his conduct was exemplary.

As I read of Benjamin, I wondered how he died. I imagined the pain of those who knew him and how they must have sorrowed. I pondered the complimentary words that described his memory. I considered the time his family must have taken to craft those descriptive lines that summarized his life. And I was reminded again of the value of a “good name.” It’s hard to imagine that this young man’s testimony has lived on for 220 years beyond his death!

Most of the tombstones we read this morning were of people who passed away before age 55. Truly this life is a vapor! May God give us more people with the same kind of “engravable” testimonies that Benjamin Edwards possessed. May we live now with the knowledge that someday, family and friends will be choosing words that best describe our short life. Let’s give them something to work with!

“A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth.” (Ecclesiastes 7:1)