Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt » biblical living

Here’s a VERY BIG Bag of Seed…

caryschmidt — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:47:47 +0000

Would you like to know about a completely free, biblically reliable resource that could help you and those you know to greatly grow in the Word of God? If so, keep reading! You’re gonna like this!

A few years ago we built preaching.lancasterbaptist.org and launched it, and it keeps getting better! Our media team works diligently to archive in multiple formats all of Pastor Chappell’s preaching, as well as special guest speakers such as this week’s revival meeting from Dr. John Goetsch.

Each sermon, shortly after it is preached, is placed in it’s own series and archived by date. Video and audio files are posted and downloadable to any device. And all of the material is also subscribe-able via iTunes podcasts and RSS feed. Imagine having all the messages of Lancaster Baptist Church automatically streamed to whatever your favorite viewing or listening device may be!

Also, every sermon is tagged and searchable by text, topic, title, keywords, etc. For instance, when you visit the site and enter a search for “Ephesians” you will discover more than 45 sermons—audio and video—from that single book of the Bible! Searching for the word “love” provides 36 sermons. You can imagine what a fantastic resource this could be if you are studying a particular text and topic.

Why blog about this? Because it’s a HUGE resource that we have actually said very little about. There are years and years worth of sermons and preaching series from Paul Chappell available at your finger tips—and ALL of them shareable, tweet-able, and useful in a myriad of ways!

So get to it. It’s free. It’s for you. And it’s about the power of the Word of God. Think of all the people you know, those who need Christ, or those who need encouragement, who may be helped because you shared or tweeted a link!

We are trying to hand you a very BIG bag of seed. What will you do with it? We pray that you will grab it and start planting! God’s Word NEVER returns void!

Happy harvest!

Thoughts On Blogging…

caryschmidt — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 15:35:42 +0000

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the word “blog.” It sounded like my friend burped. And the concept sounded about as stupid. That was years ago, and—well, it is self-evident that the concept caught on, not only for me but for millions of others. We live in a day when everybody and their brother has a blog. And like every other form of media or communication—blogging has its positives and negatives in contributing to daily life on earth.

Some people blog for business reasons. Some blog for family. Some blog for gossip and criticism. Some blog for platform or personal “branding.” For better or worse, blogging is here. And here’s why and how I jumped in:

Reasons I Blog:

1. To Glorify the Lord Jesus—I desire for every single opportunity for ministry and every single word of ministry to honor the Lord Jesus. To me, social networking and blogging are purely and simply ministry opportunities.

2. To Encourage Others—I remember sitting down to think of a name for this blog and immediately thought of “Encouraging Words.” I wanted something “cooler” but came up with nothing but blanks! I am encouraged by reading the blogs of friends, so perhaps I can return the favor. It’s that simple.

3. To Pass Along Helpful Information—A lot of my friends in ministry exchange ideas and questions back and forth. It occurred to me that a blog would be a reasonable place to post such questions/thoughts that might help others in similar situations.

4. To Inform Ministry Friends of Resources—I desired a way to inform friends when our ministry is introducing a new book, curriculum, or resource.

5. To Have a Place to Share Ministry Experiences—My ministry learning curve is still HUGE, I realize that. But I still enjoy posting some learning experiences here that might help someone in ministry who is younger than me.

6. To Protect My Name Online—This is perhaps the last of all reasons, but occasionally I am slandered online. Why should I give Google results to someone who is lying about me?

7. To Grow in Writing—Sitting down to write here, on my personal time, helps me grow, think, and stretch myself. Some people golf. Others boat. Some play the stock market. Everybody has some sort of hobby or interest that helps them disconnect and restore. One of mine is writing.

8. To Communicate with Friends/Family—This was especially helpful when I was battling cancer. Being able to update people easily was a blessing.

9. To Promote Biblical Living—I figure it this way. There are lots of negative, back-biting, mean-spirited Christians online. Why should we let them dominate? For a few minutes a week, I’d like to be an encouraging online voice for those who would like to read.

10. To Promote Biblical Ministry—God still blesses the principles of His Word in ministry, and I enjoy sharing how he’s doing that at our church.

11. To Leave a Life Message Behind–This might sound simplistic, but I don’t expect to live forever. In fact, after this year, I’m just glad to still be here right now. Perhaps the things posted here can outlast me in some way for a good purpose.

NOT Reasons I Blog:

1. I don’t blog to gain a following or readership—I really have no clear strategy for building readership. That’s in God’s hands, and if you show up here on some regular basis, I am grateful!

2. I don’t blog to earn money—lots of bloggers do so for side income. That’s fine. I don’t.

3. I don’t blog to appear to be someone or something I am not—Sometimes this is a matter of the reader’s perception. But just for clarity, I am nothing and Jesus is everything.

4. I don’t blog to pass myself off as an expert—Again, this is a perception thing. There is no area of my life in which I have “arrived” or in which it’s all under control. It’s only by God’s grace that I am ever allowed a voice of any kind. Personal experiences are shared here, not in arrogance or pride, but in a spirit of transparency. I’m just a growing Christian struggling as much as the next guy trying to serve the Lord—nothing more.

5. I don’t blog to strategize my online presence or brand—I hear these terms every now and then, and for some, I guess that’s fine. But I couldn’t care less about my personal “brand”—whatever that is.

6. I don’t blog to promote self or build my own platform—this is another term I hear or see sometimes. Platform might be a great goal for someone in secular work—someone trying to build a public speaking career. For ministry, I think the best platform is “He must increase and I must decrease.”

7. I don’t blog to impress anyone—Again—a perception thing. You could read a post and think, “Who does this guy think he is?” Or you could read it and think, “Well, I’m really glad he shared those thoughts.” It’s sort of up to you, but again for clarity—I am nothing and Jesus is everything. Be impressed with HIM.

How I Blog:

1. On personal time—This is not something I do during “work hours”—my daily efforts to serve the Lord in ministry at my church. It’s a personal hobby that refreshes me and brings some purpose to (and something productive from) my “disconnected” times.

2. As an overflow of my own spiritual growth—A long time ago, God just put on my heart to share stuff He teaches me. I guess that’s a call to preach or teach. I’m not sure. I just know God compels me to transfer His truth to others in a way that makes the light-bulb go on in my own head. Teaching or preaching is a part of that. Writing is too.

3. About subjects that I face in the trenches of ministry—Someone asked me years ago, “Do you ever see yourself writing full time?” I laughed and said, “What would I write about?” It goes this way—I want to wake up, love my family, serve God, and encourage people every day. From those experience in the trenches of life and ministry, if I learn something or come across something helpful, I want to pass it on to others.

4. In a spirit of friendship, encouragement, and humility—Learning from others goes both directions. I learn from people older and younger than me. I learn from people with more experience and from those with less. Everything shared in this blog is simply offered from a heart that desires to be helpful.

5. In collaboration with daily ministry, not competition with it—I think this one speaks for itself.

6. Typically only publishing a post after I’ve re-edited it multiple times over several days or weeks.

7 . With limited time investment—frankly, I just don’t have a lot of time to do this. My target is a few minutes a week and about one post per week. Sometimes I hit that, sometimes less or more (thanks to reposts!) This is really just an overflow of baseline ministry.

So there you have it—why and how I blog—for what it’s worth.

One day at the judgement seat of Christ, lots of Christians are going to be ashamed of how they gossiped and hurt others through online communication—blogs, tweets, posts, status updates, etc. Lots of people will be embarrassed by the silliness, carnality, and human emotions that they hastily and carelessly threw online. Others will be surprised to discover how carnal and unChristlike their spirit was.

Influence is a stewardship that we should take seriously for Christ. Online and off—determine to steward your influence wisely for the glory and honor of Jesus Christ and for the edification, equipping, and encouragement of anyone gracious enough to stop and read.

Christmas is a Gift—Dr. Chappell’s New Book

caryschmidt — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:32:03 +0000

This week, Striving Together Publications introduced a new, hardback, full-color, mini-book from Dr. Paul Chappell. Christmas is a Gift—Unwrap the Significance of the Season is just over 130 pages, and is filled with encouraging insights from the Christmas story, as well as a clear salvation message. It makes a perfect gift for a Christian friend or a tool for sharing the gospel with someone that is lost. The book is available now, and significant quantity discounts are available.

To find out more about Christmas is a Gift, or to order a copy today, visit www.strivingtogether.com!

We pray that this resource will help you encourage others and share the gospel this Christmas!

When We’re Too Busy

caryschmidt — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:30:15 +0000

Life is busy. Honestly, in a given week or day, there is more stuff flowing at us (in the form of information and opportunities) than we can possibly comprehend, much less accept. Doing the right things in life means saying “no” to a lot more than you could ever say “yes” to. The challenge of the 21st century is saying “yes” to the right things, and accepting the built in limitations of the human condition. We just can’t do it all—though we often wish we could.

I’ve noticed something. Busyness is like a snowball. It’s size and magnitude grows simply by the motion of life, and it sort of sneaks up on you. We don’t realize we’re TOO busy until something starts to breakdown—and even then, we don’t always connect the symptoms with the real cause. For instance, fractured and stressed relationships sometimes have nothing to do with the heart or intent of the individuals, and everything to do with their schedules or level of fatigue.

Most everybody I know has a tendency to become too busy over time. And busyness is cyclical and seasonal—once you get everything back in balance, it seems it’s only a matter of time before your calendar is filled once again. Bad stuff happens when we get too busy and over-extended. Here’s a short list:

Our Walk with God Diminishes—it’s easy to negotiate this way— “I’m so busy doing things for God, that He will just have to understand why I don’t have much time to be with Him.” Somehow, I don’t think He’s holding a gun to our head either way. Yes, He desires that we serve Him with our lives. But He also desires that we walk with Him personally. Being too busy too walk with God is like poking a hole in your gas tank—you’re journey will be MUCH shorter for certain!

Our Physical Fatigue Increases—I know—DUH! Yet, I love the quote from Vince Lombardi: ““I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious” In fact, for a long time I had that quote hanging on my office wall. But I also love another quote from Lombardi: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all!” Funny that these both came from the same man, and they usually happen in that order! Sure—exhaust yourself in a good cause, but then catch up, rest, and restore. Don’t live in an extended state of fatigue unless you want to make some really bad decisions and have some very damaged relationships.

Our Relationships are Stretched—I really believe that the vast majority of marital/family stress and distress that Dana and I have ever experienced was more related to our schedules and fatigue than anything else. Now, before you get too “Utopian” on me—some stretching is simply unavoidable and even necessary—growth oriented. A young family, a growing ministry, and the regular pressures of a normal life bring with it a tension that stretches a marriage and forces needful growth on many levels. These are good things. Hard things, yes, but still very good and needful for long term strength and blessing.

But there is a line that can be crossed, and being TOO busy for TOO long only increases family frustration and emotional edginess exponentially. And it’s not only family relationships that are impacted. Co-laborers, friends, and ministry relationships can be hurt too. It’s simple. Being too busy means I’m mentally and emotionally “on thin ice”—edgy, tense, and stretched to my limits. It’s hard to have compassion, patience, and sensitivity towards people when my own emotional and spiritual “condition” is so fragile. Everybody pays when I’m too busy—especially those closest to me.

Our Health Suffers—When nearing the end of chemo, I asked my doctor what he would recommend I change about my life regarding the possible recurrence of cancer. While he couldn’t give me a “cause” or a “prevention,” he did say, “This cancer is an immune system illness. So do whatever it takes not to stress out your immune system. Eat well, rest properly, and recover when you’re sick.” Cancer taught me a lot, but one HUGE lesson was that I’m expendable in pretty much every area of my life, except to my wife and kids. The ministry doesn’t need me—I need the ministry. God’s work went along just perfectly without me. (Bummer.) Honestly, that wasn’t news, but it was a very real reminder that serving God is a privilege.

The other day my wife was asking me to “hurry” for some reason. I looked at her and jokingly said, “You’re stressing out my lymph nodes.” We both laughed. Simply put, nothing is more restorative to your health and productivity than rest, and nothing will enable you to have a long and fruitful family life and ministry more than being healthy—well rested and able to function optimally. It is possible to push yourself to a point where, for short-term gain, you ultimately cheat your family and ministry of long-term contribution.

Our Long-Term Viability is Threatened—We’ve all heard too many stories of people, who in short-term, low moments—moments of temptation, depletion, fatigue, or spiritual fog—made decisions that wrecked their family and ministry for the long term. Call it burn out, call it mid-life crisis, call is depression—there are a thousand causes and a thousand terms to describe or define conditions that bring us to poor decision-making. Over extending my life to get ahead for the short-term only threatens my effectiveness for the long-term. Some refer to this as “sustainable pace.” In other words, knowing that I must possibly faithfully run this race for forty more years, I’d better set a pace that will keep me running that long. You’ve heard it before—the Christian life is a marathon, not a sprint. If you’re sprinting, you are not setting a sustainable pace, and it will eventually catch up with you—unless you are Superman. You are trading your long-term viability for short-term gain. Bad trade.

In my experience in life and ministry, the things worth doing take time—a lot of time—in other words, patience. Pushing myself to “get it all done now” is a dead end—there’s always more to do, and what was done “faster” wasn’t usually done well. Doing less and doing it well requires patience and persistence. Someone working more and faster than you may get more done this week, but working with sustainable pace will accomplish much more over time. It’s like the difference between a sparkler and a slow, deep-burning bed of coals. One is more impressive, but the other burns hotter for a lot longer.

Being too busy tends to feeds pride and ego—it feels valuable. Being rushed and in a constant state of urgency can be validating in our search for significance.

Being balanced feeds your heart for God, helps you nurture healthy relationships, and makes you stronger and more effective on every level of life.

Being too busy, you may get more done this week and people may applaud you for it. But being balanced, you will get more done in your life time, and God will applaud you for it.

Funny thing is—what I’ve said in 1,200 words, God said seventeen— “Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit.” (Ecc. 4:6)

Now it’s your turn to choose. How will you live this year—busy or balanced?

Spiritual Weapons for Wayward Kids

caryschmidt — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 06:58:03 +0000

What can you do when your grown children begin to stray spiritually? I’ve seen a lot of parents hurt, mystified, and shaken by sudden and radical spiritual changes in the lives of their adult children. I realize, one day I may be one of them—and so could you.

In these moments, some parents grasp for control—trying to maintain a mythical strangle-hold of childhood authority. This always escalates a situation to become worse and creates greater distance relationally and spiritually. In a wild swing to the other extreme—some parents abandon their post of parental influence. They mentally, emotionally, and spiritually disconnect with an “oh well” resignation, as if there is nothing they can really do. Others respond in anger—returning hurt for hurt.

Recently, Dana and I prayerfully and fearfully sat down with some parents who were facing circumstances in which we all felt powerless. Together, we rediscovered the weapons God had given us to fight battles that are far beyond our human control. And together, we saw God work a miracle. These are the weapons that God gives us all to use against impossible circumstances:

Unconditional Love and Acceptance—regardless what my child does, how my child hurts me, or how far out of bounds my child behaves—I will choose to respond with Christ-like compassion and unconditional love. This is a powerful weapon that speaks to the heart and the conscience. By the way, acceptance of a person does not equal approval of sin.

Godly Grace—regardless of what my child has done, I extend grace—unmerited favor. Just as grace is God’s response to my sin, grace will be my response to my child’s sin. Grace is always undeserved, and is the most powerful resource for creating an environment where repentence and change are possible.

Intercessory Prayer—this weapon brings all the powers of Heaven to work in the situation. It is the single most powerful and yet most neglected response to any strained relationship.

God’s Word—opinions and personal preferences matter little, but the principles of God’s Word are powerful. When battles of the will only escalate a situation, the principles of God’s Word speak to the heart with the potential of lasting life change.

Patient Endurance—change takes time. Repentence is rarely instantaneous. Parents who win these battles never give up (emphasis on NEVER.) They faithfully and persistently use these weapons until the battle is won.

These are weapons of the Spirit. Think about it:

Weapons of flesh will react, weapons of the Spirit will respond.
Weapons of flesh will lash out. Weapons of the Spirit will reach out.
Weapons of flesh desire retribution. Weapons of the Spirit desire reconciliation.
Weapons of flesh will seek control. Weapons of the Spirit will seek influence.
Weapons of flesh will make demands. Weapons of the Spirit will make pleas.
Weapons of flesh will acuse. Weapons of the Spirit will accept.
Weapons of flesh will return hurt. Weapons of the Spirit will return grace.
Weapons of flesh will argue. Weapons of the Spirit will reason.

Here they are again: unconditional love, godly grace, intercessory prayer, God’s Word, and patient endurance.

Take hope, parent! If you are facing impossible circumstances and you feel hopeless and powerless—there is much you can do to fight a spiritual battle for your wayward child! God’s work is not finished in your child’s heart, and God’s Word is still powerful to change lives!

In reality, these weapons are effective in any broken or strained relationship. About the time you think there’s nothing you can do, about the time you want to over-react or fight in the flesh—these are the only weapons that can truly make a difference. May God give us wisdom to fight our relational battles in the wisdom of His Word and the power, and filling of His Holy Spirit.

Repost: 3 Reasons to Get Good Advice

caryschmidt — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 04:01:51 +0000

Isn’t it amazing how often people venture into major life-changing decisions without getting any outside, biblical advice. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Sometimes we fear that a counselor will have a private agenda and won’t counsel us honestly. At other times, we presume to know what our counselors will say, and rationalize it away without even talking to them. But the most common reason we don’t get advice is because we would rather not hear what we already know. Self deception is a scary thing—we would rather be wrong and fantasize that things will work out, than really build a good decision with plenty of outside, biblical advice.

God’s Word is clear—Proverbs 11:14, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”

God instructs us to bring in a multitude of counsellors on our decisions, but I find that many Christians sell godly counsel short—they don’t get the full picture of how valuable good advice can be. There are three huge dynamics in play when getting counsel. It’s not merely about getting a “yes” or “no” on a particular decision. It’s bigger than that, so let’s break it down:

1. Counsel helps define a right decision—this is the first and perhaps biggest aspect of getting advice—just determining whether a decision is right or not. I would never make a major decision in life without a team of people standing behind me saying, “Yes, that’s the right move!” It’s not about being unduly dependent upon others to make my decisions. It’s about having confirmation from the collective wisdom of a godly team of advisors.

2. Counsel helps to define the right process—we often miss this. It’s very easy to do the right thing the wrong way! Getting biblical advice is a great way to put a plan together. It’s not enough just to do the right thing—it needs to be done the right way, and a team of wise advisors will help craft a plan of attack that will give the right decision the right process.

3. Counsel helps to define the right timing—finally, it’s possible to do the right thing the right way, but at the wrong time! For instance, a young person might have found the right person and have the right plan for marriage, but the timing can be way off. Getting counsel is sometimes about waiting for God to prove the right time.

There’s nothing better than doing the right thing, the right way, at the right time! Getting godly, biblical counsel is about putting together this kind of decision. It’s a fail-safe way of finding and doing God’s will. Are you willing to hear what you don’t want to hear? Are you willing to define the right process? Are you willing to find the right time?

These three perspectives of counsel have proven helpful in our Senior High, College and Career, and Single Adult ministries. Perhaps they can be helpful if you counsel or teach others. Feel free to pass these concepts on to others as the Lord leads.

How to Pray for Your Pastor

caryschmidt — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 15:00:55 +0000

This is another recent challenge sent to me by Pastor Dick Hester—my friend. It was too great not to share. It’s a reminder of why and how we should all pray for our pastors. I hope these things will become a part of your regular prayers for your pastor. He challenges us in praying for our pastors in the following ways:

“Allow me to give some suggestions of things I pray for pastors and leaders:

I pray that they would love Jesus with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that their ministry would never steal from them their first love, Jesus Christ.
I pray that they would love and serve their wife and family with glad hearts and that their family would have love for the ministry instead of resenting it for “stealing” their husband and daddy away.
I pray for a passion; for conviction and dedication to their calling and to Jesus Christ.
I pray that they will walk in confidence while kneeling in humility as gentle shepherds who care for their sheep.
I pray for encouragement in their faith and ministry, and against those who attack, slander, harm, or speak evil against them.
I pray that their teaching and preaching will be accurate, true, bold, convicting, encouraging, anointed, and Christ-centered.
I pray that God will guard them from burnout and depression.
I pray that they will never fall prey to envy, jealousy, insecurity, or comparison.
I pray for their holiness and purity, and against lust, affairs, love of money, and pride.
I pray for rest spiritually and physically, and that they know that it is not their ministry they are leading, but God’s.
I pray that they will finish better than they started.
I pray that they will take time to have fun, do things they enjoy, spend time with their wives and play with the kids, and get away often to find peace and solitude.
I pray for God to raise up people around them to assist them, serve them, honor them, encourage them, pray for them, admonish them, and protect them.
I pray that ministry, teaching, preaching, and leading will never become a chore for them, but that it would always be a joy and blessing to serve the Lord and His people with kindness and gladness, and that they would enjoy every aspect of leading, whether easy or hard, for the glory of God.

I pray these things for pastors or leaders. I hope all of us will pray them for one another.”

(Written by Pastor Dick Hester)

Book Review: Diagnose Your Spiritual Health

caryschmidt — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 04:38:56 +0000

I just completed reading one of the most practical, helpful, well-written books about the Christian life that I’ve ever read. I wanted to share it with you.

Coming out of my cancer struggle, the Lord allowed my path to cross the book entitled “Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health” by Donald S. Whitney. It was timely, because I desired to step back and assess my life before the Lord, before I just resumed my “pre-cancer” mentality. I wanted to emerge from the cancer struggle with a deeper walk with the Lord, having grown in His grace through the trial. I desire for the trial to have a permanent spiritual impact on my heart and life.

This book was fantastic! It was one of those books that made me want to highlight every single paragraph! Every page was intensely scriptural, very articulate, and powerfully inspiring regarding the healthy Christian life. Here are the things that I appreciated about this book:

1. It was unquestionably biblical. The author did a great job of supporting his “health diagnosis” from Scripture.

2. It was incredibly practical. Every chapter brought me back to a baseline aspect of authentic Christian living.

3. It was very inspiring. This book made me love the Lord more, love living for Him more, and long for greater spiritual maturity.

4. It was comprehensive. The author got it right! There weren’t any glaring omissions of scriptural directives.

5. It was encouraging. Every page of this book lifted my heart and reminded me why I’m so thankful that I’m a Christian.

6. It was well written. Mr. Whitney has an easy to read, enjoyable style of writing that isn’t trivial by any stretch! His writing runs deep and challenges both the heart and the intellect.

If you’re looking for a book that will encourage you and spur you on to greater spiritual maturity, you should definitely read Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health.

United—Fighting for the Next Generation

caryschmidt — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:48:18 +0000

The contemporary church is seeing a mass exodus of young adults walking away from their faith in their late teens and early twenties. Some studies say the percentage is around 80% while others estimate it to be much higher. The statistic highlights major failures in many contemporary church ministry on a number of levels, but not all churches are seeing this lack of fruit.

While we are never content to see even one young life walk away from the faith, God has seen fit to bless biblical principles in the ministry of Lancaster Baptist Church. He has blessed the application of His Word across all ages of ministry. And over the past 25 years we’ve seen approximately 80% of our graduates stay faithful to the Lord. We’re not seeing the mass exodus in this church that many churches are seeing. And often we are asked “why?” What is God blessing?

In the next few paragraphs, I would like to share a concise summary of Bible principles that God is using to help young people grow up at Lancaster Baptist with a real faith that sustains into adulthood.

A Local Church Focus—simply put, while our church may have classes and groups of many ages and life context, we are one local church with one purpose and heart. The youngest to the oldest members of our church are a family. We grow together, pray together, serve together, worship together, and function as a church body.

God’s institution for reaching the world, changing lives, and carrying out His work on earth is the local church. Christ died for the church and the New Testament pattern for establishing others in the faith of Christ (of any age) is the New Testament Church. Our student ministry has never been an entity unto itself. It has always been integrally a part of our local church body. Our students may graduate from the youth group, but they never graduate from the local church.

“…that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.” 1 Timothy 3:15

A Family-Orientated Ministry—the first “institution” that God ever established was the home—the biblical family. And throughout His Word, He gives clear instructions to parents to teach, disciple, and nurture their children in the ways of the Lord. Many families have adopted a bit of a secular approach to the faith education of their children. They have essentially handed off the responsibility of Bible training to the church—considering themselves either too busy, or inadequate to the task. The problem is not that the church is teaching the Word, but that the parents are not.

Nothing could be more dangerous to our children spiritually. No local church entity can out-influence a parent. And God never intended for us parents to abdicate our responsibility simply because we place our children in a “spiritual environment.” It’s not either or, it’s both and! For twenty-five years our children’s and youth ministries have partnered with families, equipped families, and strengthened families in developing faith and discipling young people. While some youth ministries are structured to separate the family in spiritual contexts, ours has always been structured to unite the family. Together, the church youth ministry stands united with parents to fight for the next generation.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

A Father-Led Philosophy—my first morning on staff at Lancaster Baptist Church included a 7 a.m. men’s prayer meeting. I will never forget meeting in Pastor Chappell’s office with a group of men that came in early to pray. This was not a staff meeting. It was a group of laymen. That morning we prayed around the room for over an hour, and one by one I heard young Christian men—recently saved husbands and fathers—on their knees, pouring out their hearts to God. They prayed for their children, their marriages, their pastor, their church, and for lost souls.

That meeting is forever etched into my memory. I knew that morning that God was going to do something great at Lancaster Baptist. Here was a pastor dedicating himself to building and discipling men to be godly fathers and leaders both at home and in the church. And since that time, God has continued to honor Pastor Chappell’s commitment to disciple faithful men.

“And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2

An Age-Based, Biblical Education Effort—every now and then someone will ask me, “…is youth ministry in the Bible? Is age-graded education really a biblical concept?” The answer is a simple yes—when done biblically! While the title of “children’s pastor” or “youth pastor” isn’t found in the Bible, there are several passages that very clearly promote the concept of the church bringing order to age-based education.

First, in Titus 1:5, the Apostle Paul commands Titus to “set in order” the things that are wanting. This is a broad command that gave Pastor Titus a directive to establish structure and order in ministry. Then, later in Titus 2, the Apostle Paul gives a clear pattern for older men and women (not just parents) to teach younger men and women. Titus 2 is a key Bible passage for establishing a biblical ministry to youth and young adults.

He begins by telling us to teach sound doctrine, then proceeds to give a longer, more detailed list that older Christians (men and women) in the congregation should impart to younger Christians.

Finally, Galatians 4:2 gives fathers permission to appoint tutors and governors in their children’s lives to assist in instruction and education.

God has blessed these simple but powerful principles at Lancaster Baptist. In ministry to young people, we focus on faith-building, Bible teaching and training. Student ministry isn’t about entertainment. It’s about meat—content—prepared, delivered, and applied to young lives, just as the Apostle Paul did by addressing different age groups and life-contexts in his letters. (See Ephesians 5 and 6)

“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.” Titus 2:1-6

A Biblical Student Ministry—the contemporary church has missed the mark in modern student ministry, and the statistics prove it. And movements that are “anti-student ministry” or “anti-local church” are also missing the mark. Biblical student ministry is all of the things above, but it is first and foremost about the Bible!

Somewhere over the past few decades, many churches began to believe that young people couldn’t be serious about faith or truly interested in a personal relationship with Christ. This errant assumption led to a “dumb it down” mentality—an attempt to sort of sneak up on kids with spiritual things by masking it in fun and flippancy. The false assumption was that “Christ is not attractive enough, so we need to make the faith attractive by making it entertaining or humorous.”

Don’t misunderstand me. We have lots of fun with our young people. We laugh—that’s biblical. We enjoy and rejoice in the faith and with each other—that’s biblical. We love living life for Christ—that’s biblical. But we have never felt a need to mask the sober things of Scripture or the doctrines of God’s Word with the “icing” of the world. We don’t lower God to their level. We would rather, by His grace and Word, lift them into His presence.

Guess what?! They get it! They understand the truth. They appreciate it. And more importantly, they fall in love with God—not merely with a program or an entertaining activity. And when they grow older, when they out-grow juvenility, they won’t out-grow their Saviour.

“For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.” 1 Thessalonians 2:13

A Personal Mentoring Commitment—developing faith in young lives at our church has never been merely a group proposition. It has always been a personal, relational process. In addition to our group teaching times, it has always been about an older man or an older woman from within the church family investing into a younger man or younger woman spiritually. This happens in coffee shops, McDonalds booths, and living rooms every week all across our city. And this personal ministry gives the public teaching context an even greater depth and effectiveness.

When I read or hear of someone questioning the validity of youth ministry, or when I hear someone say, “Youth ministry or age-based ministry isn’t in the Bible…” I wonder how young Timothy would feel about that. Long before he was a pastor or a minister in training, he was a lost youth without a Christian father, who was reached and discipled by the Apostle Paul.

In ministry to children, youth, or young adults, we can’t take the parent’s place in training the child, but thanks to local church and biblical principles, we can stand united with them—striving together for the faith in young lives. Parents should never hand off the baton of faith-training. But there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in the same boat (the local church) together and grabbing an oar!

I challenge you—parents, pastors, youth workers, children’s workers, and local church family—stand united in fighting for the next generation. God’s pattern—the local church and the family laboring together to build faith in young lives—still works, if we will commit to it!

“…that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;” Philippians 1:27

Are You a Builder or a Destroyer?

caryschmidt — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 04:51:14 +0000

Two profiles of Christian leaders are spotlighted, center-stage in this tale. Both would call themselves servants of God.

The Builder

One is a giant—in every imaginable way, a joyful, godly, spiritual giant of encouragement and mentorship—a builder. He has spent his life building. He builds everybody he comes into contact with. He loves, he gives, he encourages, he admonishes, he reproves, he exhorts, he emmulates and embodies the very spirit of Christ in a very joyful and practical way. He inspires others to live faithfully. He encourages them to serve Christ. He challenges them to remain faithful to God’s Word. He does it all with a smile, a warm heart, and a genuine love for Jesus and for people. His life is a vibrant testimony of the presence of the Holy Spirit and the likeness of Christ.

The older this builder grows, the more he is respected, honored, and the greater his influence becomes. He is a magnet drawing people into ministry for Christ. Everywhere he goes he attracts people to the Saviour. All over the world, people are serving the Saviour because of this builder. All over the world, people have been mentored, encouraged, helped, nurtured, and influenced by this treasure! He truly is a builder. He has built people. He has built the cause of Christ. He has built a life time of faithful and honorable service to Christ. And he is truly great.

The Destroyer

The other leader stands in stark contrast to the builder. He is a destroyer. He is contentious, and thrives on dividing, discouraging, and disparaging other Christian brothers. He has chosen to give his days in ministry to the sole function of inspecting others, finding fault, and magnifying it—the sole act of attacking other Christians.

Forgetting the power and providence of God, he has unethically slandered and hurt faithful Christians. Blind to his own pride, he has divided churches, attacked pastors, and acted with disregard toward many clear biblical principles. To discerning Christians, the carnal behavior of the destroyer is repulsive. He is a sower of discord—a man who claims to believe God’s Word, but directly dishonors it.

Unlike the builder, this man repels young servants of Christ. He discourages them. He dissuades them. He causes them to desire complete disassociation with his spirit and kind. Thus, with every misguided attack, his influence diminishes and the cause of Christ is damaged.

The builder and the destroyer stand in stark contrast to one another.

The builder will pass along a heritage, a legacy. He will end his life having invested into “gold, silver, and precious stones.” The destroyer will leave a trail of pain, hurt, and destruction. He will end his life regretting the “wood, hay, and stubble.”

So, you and I have a choice—today. Will you be a builder or a destroyer?

Will you be an encourager, a Christ-like lover of people, a believer in the next generation of spiritual leaders? Will you inspire and equip those coming behind you in life and ministry?

Or will you be a destroyer? Will you choose to take God’s commands about “reproof” and “contending for the faith” out of scriptural context and use them again fellow soldiers for carnal reasons?

Will you lift up yourself by hurting others or will you lift up Christ by building others?

A man recently said to me on the phone—”I’m trying to get out of the business of hurting people.” This was an interesting statement coming from a pastor who is called to be a shepherd.

Personally, I renounce dishonesty, craftiness, and the mishandling of God’s Word by destroyers. And I choose to embrace a life like the builder. I want to do everything I can to build others and pass on the heritage of my faith to the next generation of leaders who love Jesus.

Think about it for a moment:

Builders love people. Destroyers hurt people.
Builders draw people to Christ. Destroyers repel people from Him.
Builders are joyful and humble. Destroyers are arrogant and contentious.
Builders believe in others. Destroyers are skeptical of others.
Builders inspire people. Destroyers attack people.
Builders strengthen the next generation. Destroyers weaken them.
Builders love truth. Destroyers love the distortion of it.
Builders are spiritual. Destroyers are carnal.
Builders leave a legacy. Destroyers leave a stench.
Builders—gold, silver, precious stones. Destroyers—wood, hay, stubble.
Builders—like Jesus. Destroyers—most unlike Jesus.
Builders leave a heritage of faith. Destroyers leave a trail of hurt.

And one day, BOTH the builder and the destroyer will stand before Jesus and answer for how they stewarded their lives and influence.

So, choose wisely—today, and for the rest of your life. Be a builder. Be an encourager. Be a lover of people and a disciple-making mentor. May the ranks of the builders grow exponentially for God’s glory.

And most certainly, the ranks of the destroyers will diminish—for they are very good at devouring their own.

“But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.” 1 Corinthians 11:16

“For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” Galatians 5:14-16

How We Keep Our Marriage Fresh

caryschmidt — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 18:42:35 +0000

When Dana and I were engaged, there was one thing we dreaded—someday becoming one of those married couples that appear to barely tolerate each other. You know—those couples who never even hold hands or exude joy in being together. We vowed to each other that we would do everything within our power to resist the trends and habits that take a couple gradually down the path to boredom, mediocrity, and relational monotony. Not even knowing what it would require, we vowed to each other to “keep the romance.”

Twenty-two years later, we’re winning the battle so far. I realize we have a long ways to go, but I sat down last night and made a list of things I think God has used between us to help us resist the normal drift apart that many couples experience. Here goes:

We spend time together: I know this is basic, but so many couples spend less and less time together the longer they are married. Big mistake! Honestly, one of the greatest blessings of my cancer battle this past year was that I got to spend a lot more time with Dana. Granted, it wasn’t the kind of time we would normally desire, but the extra time together, even in sickness, was a real delight. A good marriage take lots and lots of TIME! You can’t fast-track a strong relationship.

We listen to each other: This one sort of snuck up on me, and Dana is better at it. I really have to work at this. But when we’re together, there’s usually one of us leading the conversation. Usually Dana has more to say—she’s a woman. (And that’s not an insult, by the way.) But we both have our moments of “needing to be heard.” And I think we both value the sound of the other’s voice. I meet some husbands who get tired of “listening”—don’t do that. Be thankful that YOU are the one she’s chosen to talk to! What a compliment!

We try to bless and care for each other: After this year, Dana has a HUGE lead on me in this area. She’s waited on me hand and foot for about a year now. But even before cancer, I can honestly say we have chosen to find pleasure in taking care of each other. She delights in pouring me a glass of tea, I delight in holding her while she falls asleep at night. We both delight in doing little things that bless the other. Those little things go a long ways toward keeping love alive.

We retreat together regularly: Leaving the kids is always difficult. Finding a little extra money to get away is a challenge for any growing family. But early on, we committed to get-away together a couple of times a year—whether or not it was convenient or affordable. These retreats together have become cherished memories. They have fueled our marriage and our whole family in more ways that I could possibly describe. I would call these retreats “mini-honeymoons.” In which case, for those who do them, the honeymoon never really “ends.”

We express physical affection: This one was an easy one to see as an engaged couple. The longer some people are married, the less they touch. So we decided we wouldn’t do that. We decided we would always love holding hands, sitting arm in arm, and snuggling up to each other. Life has it’s way of getting busy and this one can easily fall by the way-side. We’ve had to remind each other from time to time, but I’m thankful that this hasn’t changed much since the day we were married.

We listen to good “marriage music” together: We have gradually built our own collection of songs that speak to our love and strengthen our devotion to each other. We save that collection, occasionally add to it, and use it often. Whenever we get in the car for a date or a trip together, we pull out that collection, hold each other’s hands, and let the music minister to our marriage all over again. Just last night we were doing this once again, and every song carried with it it’s own set of memories connected to when we found it and where we first listened to it. Some were sad. Some were happy. But twenty-two years later, that song collection has wonderfully blessed our marriage.

We dream together: One of the great things that keeps our marriage alive is looking forward together. Sometimes we’re looking forward to something more immediate, like a vacation or special time (like our son’s senior year.) At other times we’re dreaming for the big picture and long term, like our children getting married and starting their own families, or what the Lord might do in our lives or ministry together in the years ahead. One of my personal favorite things to do is dream out loud with Dana about God’s will for our future together. We share common dreams, and that knits our hearts very close.

We read books that challenge us: This one is simple, but we try to build our marriage book collection regularly as well. Over the years we’ve each read a lot about marriage, and every book has challenged us in different ways, provoked different discussions, and cause us to grow. These books, for us, are like attending a well-prepared, truth-filled marriage retreat. They refresh us, renew us, and reset our focus on loving each other better.

We wait out the “weary places”: Every relationship goes through valleys. For us, cancer was certainly one of those valleys this past year. Work pressures, financial pressures, busy-ness, and a myriad of other external factors can weigh down upon your marriage and bring you into a season of weariness. During these times you often lack emotional and spiritual energy, and your marriage relationship can be strained. Many couples “jump ship” during these times. Over the years, Dana and I have learned to look each other in the eye and say, “We will get through this… let’s just be patient and keep holding on to God and each other.” This year was definitely one of those years, but God has brought us through many such times.

We forgive each other quickly: Dana does a lot more forgiving than I do, but we decided years ago that we wouldn’t hold grudges against each other. Expectations often lead to unmet expectations, which lead to disappointment, frustration, conflict, and distance. To keep your marriage fresh, you must be quick to own your failure and apologize. And you must be quick to forgive when you’ve been hurt or slighted.

We laugh and enjoy our family a lot: Like every family, we have our conflicts, but we decided intentionally that we wouldn’t allow our family to be dominated by conflict. Many families are consumed with it. When conflict arises, we work through it and resolve it, and then we move back to the enjoyment mode. As a family, laughter with and at each other and abundant joy with each other is the norm. Much of this is due to Dana’s abundantly joyful spirit and delightful sense of humor as a wife and mother. The whole family sort of adopts her delightful personality.

We take walks together: We need to do this more, but we really enjoy catching a summer evening sunset or taking a late evening walk under the stars. We hold hands, we take our time, we talk, and we enjoy the closeness with each other and with the Lord. (It’s good for us physically too!)

Well, this stuff isn’t rocket science. It’s pretty simple, but it has worked for us. We are more in love today than we were twenty-two years ago. Keeping your marriage fresh is possible if you decide to work at it.

What about you? Please add to this list. What do you do to keep your marriage fresh?

P.S. One final thought… we always kiss when we’re alone on elevators…

Response #2 to The Saddest Letter

caryschmidt — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 18:16:42 +0000

A Response to Parents

As promised, I’m writing three responses to the original post called “The Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read.” I must confess, I’m in shock at the response to this letter—it obviously struck a nerve about which we all have strong feelings. So many comments have included helpful thoughts! You can read my first general response here.

In this second response I want to write primarily to parents, and in the third I will address the young lady who wrote the letter. (Also, there is a lot on this blog already written to parents, if you click on the parenting tag.) Warning—this post is a bit long.

This cannot be exhaustive, but first, I want to address what’s right.

1. If you are a part of a Bible-believing Church and faithfully involving your family there, you are doing the right thing. The local church, in its biblical form (not the current contemporary, seeker-sensitive, CCM version) is still God’s answer for His transforming work in lives. The church is to be the pillar and ground of truth. The church is commanded to preach and teach the Word of God to both the parents and the young people (see Titus 2 and 1 Peter 5).

I was saved at age seven in the ministry of a solid, Bible-believing church that proceeded to train me and my family quite well in how to develop a personal relationship with the Lord, how to walk like a Christian family, and how to balance the personal relationship with spirit-led living that honored that relationship. While there were rules involved—good, biblical, principled rules—we understood from the beginning it was not about rules or external appearances.

The ministries of this church—children’s programs, youth ministry, soulwinning, outreach, and special events all contributed to our family life and spiritual growth, and yet it was up to my parents to keep that in balance. Thankfully they did. The local church, in its biblical form, still works quite well. I experienced it as a child, and I’m watching it all around me as a pastor.

2. Church programs, Christian schools, and youth groups are a help when done biblically and in balance. Again, building on my first point, I don’t believe the local church (in principle) is the problem. There are certainly a lot of churches that are taking the wrong path, and a lot of programs that are more carnal than spiritual in nature. But in the right local church, the youth program is family focused—building both parents and teens. The youth program is not built or designed to divide the family but to help strengthen it. The Christian school is the same. I’m not saying that all models function this way, but when they are done right, these things help the whole family.

For my 21 years in youth ministry, I’ve been as focused on the parents as I have on the teens—sometimes more so. My constant battle is Malachi 4:6—trying to turn the hearts of the children and the fathers toward each other. I truly thank the Lord for families, like the family of the young lady who wrote the letter, who are committed to the Lord and the local church. One day, she will look back and be eternally grateful for the right things they did—even though at the moment she is burdened about the short comings.

If, as in some families, the programs and the activities rob family time, that is not the fault of the ministry. Every parent is responsible for setting their own family schedule, and sometimes Christian parents just need to say, “You’re not going to that youth activity.” Yes, this is a youth pastor writing this. I would much rather our teens stay home for a family night than come to a youth activity. (So long as family night is more than mindless TV or movies.)

So, while everybody’s experiences are slightly different, I’m dead set against pointing the finger at God’s institutions as though they are biblically flawed. Parents, find a Bible-believing church that practices God’s Word appropriately and keep your family well-grounded there.

Second, let’s discuss where we tend to lose our way, as parents. This is written with a humble spirit, because as a parent I have found myself doing all of these things at times. I’m not the expert—just a dad trying to get it right like you are.

1. We get too busy. In today’s culture, this is HUGE! From work, to more work, to sports, to internet, to other obligations, we just let events and opportunities rule our lives. Like a big dog walking a small child, we get dragged around by the agenda, and we fail to spend authentic, heart-to-heart time with our kids. The older they get, the easier it is, because they get busy too! Teenagers have sports practices, music lessons, activities, school trips, homework, projects, work, and on and on the list goes.

Successful families own this challenge and face it head on—they don’t let life run over their family. I wrote about this in Hook, Line and Sinker. They make sure, on a weekly basis, that they are getting family time and one-on-one time. Dad, you need one-on-one time with your kids every week—or nearly so. You need a whole family night minimally a couple nights a week or more. You need conversations over dinner, laughter, and uninterrupted time together.

Perhaps most importantly, you need to pray with every child, individually, at their bedside, every night. We have done this with our kids since they were infants, and I know of nothing that keeps a parent and child’s hearts knit so well as prayer before bed. Express love for them, remind them of how thankful you are for them, and pour your heart out to God for them. If you are just starting this, it will seem awkward, but work through that. The rewards are too great. Parents whom I have counseled on this and who have taken my advice have seen radical transformation in their relationship very quickly.

Every so often, take a day off—no homework, no school—just get away together. Just you and your child go do something highly relationship oriented. Take a drive, go to a park, take a long walk, toss a football, enjoy being together. Once a year, take a whole day with each one of your children, alone. Just Dad and son, or Dad and daughter. Make it happen. You will never forget it and neither will they! An occasional line around our home when homework and family time conflict is simply this— “Take a demerit… no homework tonight, it’s family night.” A teacher may not always understand that, but in the end the teacher has a better student so everybody wins!

Don’t let busyness eat up your family life. If they will ever have a relationship with your God, it must begin with you!

2. We don’t know enough and we get intimidated. Let’s face it, we as parents do struggle with knowing how to parent. What do we teach? What do we talk about? How do we respond to our kids questions, trials, struggles? How do we help them become comfortable opening up to us and sharing their struggles, and how do we help them if they do? Generally, we know when we fall short and don’t have the right information, and that scares us frozen. Instead of dealing with the situations, we ignore the problems because we don’t quite know what to do.

First, I want to say, you know more than you think you do. You know how to pray, how to love, how to encourage, how to empathize. You know how to seek the Holy Spirit and ask God for wisdom—and He’s promised to answer that prayer. He will guide you in those moments and help you say the right things. A part of it is just stepping up with courage and trusting God to help you.

But second, I challenge you to become a student of biblical parenting. When is the last time you read a Christian book on parenting? When is the last time you listened to a CD set of messages or took a class on parenting teenagers? As parents we should become constant students—growing and discovering the biblical principles at play in parenting. They are not rocket science. It just takes time, study, and commitment.

I believe the same goes for youth workers. When a youth pastor asks me for a good book on student ministry, I always refer him to parenting books and challenge him to help parents as well as young people. When parents come to me for counsel, I give them parenting books and talk them through specific steps of principled parenting. Be a learner and a growing parent.

3. We find it hard to swallow our pride. Nobody knows our struggles as well as our kids. They see us at our worst. And sometimes, we as parents find it hard to make things right when we blow it. An authentic relationship, and a Christ-like model begins with humility. A humble parent is willing to own mistakes, ask forgiveness, and make relationships right. Many families carry a constant weight of unresolved conflict and past offenses—they were never dealt with or made right—so they just sit there like dead weight, dividing the hearts and burdening the relationship.

Parent, if we want our children to have the right relationship with Christ, we must model it through sincere, transparent humility. When you do wrong, and your kids see it or know about it, deal with it. When you offend your child or fly off the handle inappropriately, sit down and ask forgiveness and make it right. Prideful parenting is hypocritical. It shuts a child’s heart to the things of God. Duplicity is death for sincere Christian living.

Have you ever had an open conversation with your child when you ask, “How can I be a better parent? How have I offended you? How have I hurt you? Do you have enough time with me? Is there a struggle that I can help you with right now? Do you feel close to me, and if not, why not? What can I do to make it right?”

These are difficult conversations to have, and sometimes they take hours—but they are part of growing in Christ as a Christian family. It may take some time for your child to open up, and it must be a non-threatening atmosphere for that to happen—but it will change your relationship dramatically.

4. We do tend to focus on externals and behavior. In our busyness and rush through life, it is easy to get the idea that if everything looks good, it is good. Then our kids start to figure out how to “play the game.” “If I look good, then everybody is happy with me and will stay off my back.” It’s a natural drift more than an intentional shift of focus. It just happens over time because life is busy. But this is where Satan takes his advantage in the heart.

In parenting we must constantly ask ourselves, how is the heart? How is MY heart for the Lord? How are my children’s hearts for the Lord? Am I training and nurturing their hearts? Are biblical principles finding their way to the heart? Is my child’s heart for God and love for God developing? We must trace everything back to the heart. We must ask of every behavior—what heart attitude or condition is driving this?

5. We get tired or weary. Sometimes we’re just tired and we get lazy. After a long day, we want to come home and collapse, and it’s right about then that our most important work should be starting. Sometimes we’re just not up for a late-night discussion with our teenager—especially a stressful one. We throw up our hands in despair, walk away, and seemingly say, “Deal with it on your own, I’m too tired…”

This is the worst possible thing we could do. Successful parents pay the price. They make the sacrifice. They go the extra mile. The will stay up as late as necessary, rearrange whatever is needed, take time off work, skip a meal, or make major changes in life to facilitate the need of a child. That speaks loudly to your teenager! The love exchanged in such tense moments says, “I’m so committed to you, I will do whatever I have to do to make this right and help you through this.” That’s Christ-like love and it touches the heart deeply.

6. We sometimes believe that providing the right atmosphere makes up for our failures. Good atmospheres like church and school and youth group are wonderful and biblical, but they are secondary to the home. They can really only complement or assist with what you are putting in place first. There is a strong tendency in today’s Christian home to deflect spiritual responsibility onto an organization. Many parents feel that their responsibility is to provide food, shelter, education, and basic needs—and the spiritual stuff is the responsibility of the spiritual environments (church, school, youth group). This is a wrong way of thinking.

Parents, you cannot, in any way, abdicate your spiritual responsibility and hand it off to another. The church, school, and youth group can help. We can reinforce and support and strengthen what you are doing, but we cannot replace what you are not doing. Children gain their understanding of a relationship with God primarily from their parents. They learn principles of Christian living and their basic understanding of the Christian life from their home. If the home is not in agreement with the church and youth group, then we are conducting an exercise of confusion and hypocrisy in their lives that will eventually blow up in our face when they walk away from it all.

7. We must model an authentic relationship with Christ. Our kids don’t expect us to be perfect—just real. If your children see you in love with Jesus, walking with Him, knowing Him, growing in His grace, and honoring Him—and then they experience that love flowing toward them from you—they too will most likely fall in love with Him. It’s really that simple. Too many parents over use their authoritarian, harsh tones, and forceful control of behavior—to the neglect of Christ-like love and genuine heart connectedness.

Don’t misunderstand. Every parent must exercise authority. But a parent-child relationship shouldn’t be characterized by the constant presence of overbearing authoritarianism. In a Christ-like home, that shouldn’t be necessary. The love of Christ should be the overriding, presiding presence in your family life, and it should flow from your genuine walk with Christ as a parent. The hearts of our kids blossom and come to life in the light of such a relationship. Home life in this sort of Christian home is a taste of Heaven—certainly not perfect or conflict free, but at least healthy and whole.

8. We must genuinely enjoy our kids and help them genuinely enjoy their Heavenly Father. Sometimes I want to ask parents, “When did you stop liking your kids?” It’s almost as if some parents find every way imaginable not to spend time together as a family and not to enjoy their children. People use to warn us when our kids were small, “Wait til they become teenagers!” Their tone was filled with dread. To this day, I honestly don’t know what they meant. Our family life and relationships have become more sweet and close, and much more enjoyable as our kids have grown through their teen years—not to mention less work because they can now help with household duties! They’ve become our best friends!

Family life in a Christian home should be close, loving, funny, enjoyable, memorable, and something a young person craves! It’s not natural for a teen to never want to be at home, or always locked in their room, or never wanting to be around Mom and Dad. It may be common. Hollywood may promote this as the norm. But it’s not what God designed or intended. I believe I can speak for my whole family—when we get busy and don’t get time together, we genuinely miss it. All of us.

Families that play together stay together. I love that! It’s true. As a parent, you must plan the play time. Get creative and recapture the heart of your child. Laugh together. Laugh at each other. Hey, I’ve got cancer—and believe it or not, we even laugh at that some times, especially my bald head.

This post is much too long, and insufficient to the discussion, but if nothing else, let it place you on a search—a growing curve of researching and grasping balanced, biblical parenting with the assistance of a solid, Bible-believing, local church and pastor who can greatly help.

Parent—the letter the young lady wrote was a heart cry for parental connection—heart connection. It’s the desire and desperate need of every young person. Stay focused on the heart. Forever be in pursuit of your child’s heart, just as your heart should forever be in pursuit of God.

As you pursue God with your whole heart, and pursue your child with your whole heart—most likely the two will meet!

Response #1 to The Saddest Letter

caryschmidt — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 18:23:22 +0000

Wow! The “Saddest Letter” post provoked a lot of interesting discussion! Since I received it a week ago, I too have been pondering my response, and in many ways, those who commented touched on many of the things that have been on my heart. For reasons of length and direction, I think my response will break down into three posts. The first will be a general response to the broader issues. The second, a response to parents and spiritual authorities. The third, a personal response to the young lady who wrote the letter, and to her generation.

As a side note, let me first say, the letter is real. A few people have expressed doubt that perhaps I wrote the letter. I don’t operate that way. I wouldn’t deliberately post a lie on this blog. If I was writing fiction for the sake of illustration, I would just say so. The young lady who wrote the letter gave us her cell phone and we contacted her personally about using her letter. It jolted me as much as it did you.

So on with my general response. I want to draw a few key and critical points from a big picture perspective:

1. The letter and the problems articulated are not about finding blame. I did not read a spirit of blame in this letter, so much as a sincere and honest cry for help. She acknowledged imbalances that she experienced growing up, sensed that others experience the same, and simply asked that someone try to address these imbalances. Nobody grows up in a perfect home, and yes everybody is ultimately responsible for making their own spiritual choices—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t address these patterns of imbalance that are prevalent in many homes.

2. The problems described in her letter are universal—they are present in every group, not just one or two. This is not a set of problems that flow from a certain type of church or home. They are foundational problems that could be present in any home. Neglectful parents, fragmented families, and bitter children are the norm for our culture and society. It’s impossible to point at any particular brand of Christianity and say, “That’s the source!”

3. There truly are some fantastic resources for parents and families that address the very problems this young lady described. And I believe there is a growing generation of parents (one which this young lady will probably soon be a part of) that desperately want to fight these problems biblically and with godly compassion. The two books that come to mind that every parents should read multiple times are both written by Tedd Tripp—Shepherding a Child’s Heart and Instructing a Child’s Heart. These books excellently detail a biblical approach to parenting that will resolve the problems described in the letter.

4. Rules are not the problem, lack of relationship is the problem. (I’m talking about biblical, well principled rules.) I’ve often seen families and teens toss aside all “rules” under the guise of “legalism”—a word often misused and misunderstood. Tossing rules aside doesn’t help. But I agree strongly that the presence of rules without a strong relationship simply breeds rebellion. Any strong relationship will have boundaries. It’s that simple. My marriage, to be strong, must have boundaries. The boundaries are not standards of legalism, they are merely rules of conduct that protect the relationship. If I love the relationship—the person—there are certain things I will do and will not do—if only to PLEASE the other person. Such is our relationship with God. The behavior, the “faith in action,” along with the rules, should flow from a heart that is deeply in love and close to Him. Loving Him is the only real and lasting motivation for living a godly lifestyle. And the Bible is very clear about God’s desire for us to live godly lives—holy, distinct, separated from the world. But those “rules” or “standards” or “boundaries” are designed not to create mere performance or outward appearance, they are to flow from and facilitate a continued strong personal relationship with the Lord.

I recently taught our senior high an entire lesson on this entitled “Avoiding the Trap of Impersonal Christianity”—the point being that God would rather us put away all of our religiosity if our hearts are far from Him. He desires our hearts first, and then our lifestyle to reflect that heart. In practicality, my own children don’t have a problem with my rules as long as my heart is closely knit to theirs and as long as I am directing their hearts to the Lord. (This lesson will probably post soon on our SM127 podcast on iTunes.)

5. Everybody writes from their own paradigm. I noticed in the comments we all had pretty strong opinions about various aspects of her letter. Some are of the opinion that every church (of a certain type) is this way, or most families (of certain affiliations) are this way. It’s impossible to throw that large of a blanket over Christendom or any one segment of Christianity. For instance, I grew up in several churches. One was well balanced in these matters and trained my parents and me to put relationships first. We did, and as a new Christian family we were greatly helped. One church was exactly the opposite—total surface, appearance driven, and very political in nature. Everything was about externals—if you looked good and conformed well, that’s all that mattered. The vast majority of young people from that church have wandered away from God in their adult years, many into very deep sin. My present church is the one I have served in for 21 years.

Philosophically, we have done our best to be balanced and biblically focused on relationships, but also keep the restraint right by setting the right boundaries. I’m sure we have failed at times. But, we have seen, on average, about 80% of our young people stay faithful to God into their adult years. That’s not good enough, but we are doing our best to fight the battle biblically. Point being, don’t allow your narrow paradigm to cause you to paint with a broad brush over any one segment of Christianity. For instance, if everybody you know is doing it wrong, that doesn’t represent the whole.

6. There are a lot of churches and homes doing it right. Through our teen-parent meetings, family counseling, and fellowship at Lancaster Baptist, it has been my joy to get to know hundreds, perhaps thousands, of parents and families over the years. In addition to this, I’ve been exposed to hundreds of churches and pastors through our ministry, and I want to say, there are a lot of people—pastors, parents, youth pastors—who understand this problem, grew up with this problem, and are fighting to break out of and avoid this trend. Some are those who grew up like the young lady who wrote the letter. Others simply came through ministries where they experienced the imbalance. Others grow up with a good model and are perpetuating it. And yet others are simply godly people who have a very biblical focus in life. But I am encouraged with what I see in Bible-believing churches with whom I fellowship. I am encouraged with the families that I see at Lancaster Baptist and the parents who are diligently attempting to get it right.

7. Kids who grow up in the best of environments can still grow up and choose sin, reject God, and experience deep problems. I guess the ultimate proof of this is that people will choose to reject Christ at the end of the millennial reign! Imagine growing up in the millennial reign of Jesus Christ in the perfect world. Even then, Satan will be able to deceive many and mount an army against Christ. At some point it becomes, not a matter of how I grew up, but where I will decide to go in the future and how I will respond to my past.

8. Finally, the problems revealed in the letter are generational in nature. We’re not dealing with new problems. For the most part, today’s neglectful and disconnected parents are children of the same, and often their grandparents are too. Satan has been hard at work on the American family for many generations. It’s been a long time since healthy families were the norm. It’s been a long time since many people have seen a good model of family life—especially a biblical one.

For instance, just last week I had an appointment with a father who has never talked to his teenage son about sexual matters—this is true of most fathers (and grandfathers). He was asking for help in how to do so. He said his father had never talked to him and he was unsure of how to approach this. I was happy to help, but reminded again of the failure of past generations. I can’t imagine a more important subject for a father and teen son to have a continual and close connection on, but so few actually do.

Many parents have just never seen a good model and never been taught the biblical principles, but I find that Christian parents are hungry to help. That encourages me!

In my next response, I will write to parents. I look forward to hearing your thoughts again… feel free to comment below.

Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read

caryschmidt — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:25:59 +0000

Parents and Pastors—Please Read!!

I received this letter from a young lady last week—a Bible college student who grew up in a Christian home and Christian school. I believe it’s the saddest letter I’ve ever read and right on the mark for so detailing the experiences of so many young Christians. I asked her permission to post it. Please read. Her words will greatly challenge you as a parent or pastor:

Dear Pastor Schmidt,

A few years ago, I read your books Hook, Line, and Sinker, Discover Your Destiny, and Life Quest. I found them to be extremely encouraging and instructive. These books showed me that not only do you have a real heart for young people, but you also understand us well. I am writing to ask you to consider writing a book to our parents and youth workers. Let me explain.

I am a junior at a well-known Christian college. I grew up in highly respected “fundamental independent Baptist” churches, and went to excellent Christian schools. My father has been a Christian worker since before I was born. One would think that my testimony would go something like this:

“I was saved when I was about 5 and I had dedicated my life to God and I have been growing a lot and serving Him and now I’m studying to serve Him full time.” But that isn’t my story. Actually, though I did make a profession of faith when I was very young, I didn’t get saved until I was 17. Since I was 12 and now on into college I have struggled with “serious” issues. And I found out when I went to college that I am not the only “good kid” who is or has struggled with or is still struggling with serious stuff. We struggle with issues like eating disorders, depression and suicide, cutting, pornography, gender identity, homosexuality, drugs, drinking, immorality, and the list could go on. We listen to “wild” music, we idolize pop culture’s heroes, we watch dirty sitcoms. We have no discrimination in our entertainment, dress, or any aspect of our lifestyle. Obviously, I’m generalizing our problems—you would not find that every Christian young person from a conservative background struggles with all of these issues, and praise God, some of us do not struggle with any of these issues.

My point is that the problems that are supposed to be bad kid’s problems belong to us too. Unfortunately, our parents and youth workers don’t know that we struggle with these things and they don’t know what to do with us when they find out. Quite frankly, I believe that if you grabbed the average Christian school teacher or youth worker and asked them, “What would you do if you found out that one of the kids you work with was a homosexual?” they wouldn’t know what to say.

My point is not simply that they don’t know what we struggle with or how to deal with it. I think there is a pretty simple reason why “good” kids struggle with such serious stuff. And that there is a solution. At the risk of being blunt, I’m going to be blunt.

Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did.

But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us.

I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.

I know that this has not been a well articulated treatise, but it comes from my heart. If you are able to help us and our families, we would be so grateful. I realize that probably, there is no way to fix the fact that kids my age are detached from our parents or to straighten out the crazy stuff that we struggle with. The alienation is fixed, the scars are permanent. I know our situation is not hopeless. God is at work in my life and my generation, among those of us who have struggled and are struggling. But maybe our younger siblings can have some help that we never had. Maybe you can write a book for our parents that will grab their attention and help them see that this is serious—that their kids need them, desperately.

I guess I’ve run out of things to say. I must say I’m a little hesitant to share my name with you because that attaches me with my parents, who are, by the way, good people. Thanks for everything you have already done to help Christian teens and their families. I’m eager to see what else God will do through you.

Sincerely,

(Name Removed to Protect Anonymity)

All I could say when I read this letter was, “WOW! She nailed it!” This is the battle I’ve been fighting for 21 years. I’m planning to write a couple of follow up articles to this letter, but for now, let this insightful young lady’s words sink in, and let God help you evaluate your own parenting and influence.

Are we teaching kids to simply appear and act right? Or are we teaching them to LOVE God and KNOW Him personally?

What are your thoughts?

PS – My first response to this letter is posted here.

Podcast – Striving Together in Leadership

caryschmidt — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 16:57:00 +0000

The newest Spiritual Leadership Podcast from Dr. Paul Chappell is now available (above or through iTunes!)

This lesson was taught at our annual staff orientation and is entitled “Striving Together in Spiritual Leadership.” It’s a two part lesson—this is part one and focuses on the spirit of ministry. It’s a challenge to have the right spirit as you serve on and with a team of people in local church ministry.

Don’t forget you can receive the free outline by visiting here and submitting your email address! We pray that this month’s lesson from Dr. Chappell will encourage you!