Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt

Old Soldiers, Young Soldiers…

caryschmidt — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:42:10 +0000

I apologize in advance that this is a long post—but I pray it will stir you. The topic has surely stirred me. I pray you will pass it along to a young soldier, and an old soldier!

A couple of weeks ago, during our son’s Senior trip, God allowed me to visit the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington Cemetery. I’ve been to Arlington before, but this trip was special for a number of reasons. Being there with our Pastor and teens was special. Sharing the moment with my son and wife was special. But something else put this visit over the top.

As we approached the Tomb area, we saw a sea of white ball-caps on the gray heads of dozens of senior citizens—many of them seated in wheel chairs. I knew immediately what this was. It was an honor flight.

The honor flight network was begun by physician and retired Air Force Captain, Earl Morse in 2005—shortly after the World War II Memorial was completed. It was his desire to honor “the greatest generation” (World War II veterans) who are presently passing away at a rate of 900 per day. He wanted to personally fly them to Washington D.C. to let them visit the World War II Memorial, as well as other sights in the D.C. area. And his dream has become a huge success. Since 2005, the honor flight network has generously hosted more than 85,000 veterans on a dream trip to Washington D.C. to recognize and honor their service for our country. My grandfather is one who has taken this flight.

What a joy it was to stand at the Tomb that day—as more than 100 honor-flight veterans were experiencing their dream trip. I will never forget the way they were treated. Most of them had someone assisting them—pushing the wheelchair, holding their arm, directing their steps. And for those of us “sight-seers”, their presence made the experience both emotional and sacred.

I watched the young soldiers during the ceremonies. They were, of course, in perfect form. They displayed the highest respect for the soldier in the Tomb as well as the old soldiers in the wheel-chairs. After the ceremony, one of the guards changed out of his formal uniform and came out of the barracks to greet the veterans before they boarded their bus. Quietly, I lingered behind our group to watch. The young tomb guard stood and spoke to the large group of veterans, “…not one of you is allowed to board your bus until I have personally shaken your hand and said thank you for your service!” And then, he did just that. He patiently and respectfully greeted every single veteran to say thank you.

And then I thought of Christian leaders who deserve their own memorial and honor flight. I thought of men in their sixties and seventies, some of whom I’ve had the privilege of spending significant time with recently, who have fought a good fight and who are finishing their course faithfully. As I thought of the generation they helped to pastor, train, mentor, and prepare—I couldn’t help but regret the fact that some of our young leaders are treating our older soldiers with contempt.

The young soldiers at the tomb had a spirit toward those veterans that we need in our lives today. They honored and cherished those who fought before them—for them.

Can I speak to the young men coming up in leadership (of whom I am one)? I see some guys today who are spitting on the old soldiers. Their spirit is unthankful, bitter, arrogant, and unspiritual. Their spirit is carnal and fleshly. And this is just wrong. Maybe these younger men have been mistreated by someone older than them. It’s still wrong. Maybe they think a little differently. It’s still wrong. Mistreating old soldiers is simply not justifiable. They deserve reverence, respect, honor, and esteem. More than that, they deserve a hearing. They deserve to be listened to and their counsel considered carefully. Their hearts are deep, rich, vast repositories of spiritual wisdom and strength.

Rehoboam wrecked his life and his nation for one simple reason—he forsook the counsel of older men. And he listened to his friends instead. And, by the way—he was 40 years old when that happened! The young men had their own agenda. The old men had no agenda. And the story of Rehoboam’s life would have gone very differently had he listened to the counsel of the old soldiers. (See 1 Kings 12)

Likewise, the young soldiers at the tomb were humbled and honored to be in the presence of greatness. They didn’t spit on the old soldiers, they esteemed them highly in love.

Were there differences in the ways those old soldiers fought versus the way the younger men would today? Sure. Were their personalities different—man to man? Sure. But something very strong and very deep rose above all that—a common call, a sacred brotherhood, a shared passion for freedom’s fight. The younger revered the older for the battles they had fought, the freedom they had won, and the foundation they had preserved.

In like manner, I wish my generation would cherish, honor, and esteem our old soldiers. I wish our shared faith, our common call to the gospel, and our sacred commission to the Army of the Lord would conquer our personality differences and preferences. I wish our esteem for their greatness would rise above our youthful identity crisis’. Esteeming and receiving the counsel of an old soldier doesn’t mean you must be exactly like that old soldier in every way—but it does mean your spirit is right and your heart is pure. And it means you will probably avoid some serious and tragic pitfalls in life and ministry.

For truly, in our young lives, today’s greatest arrogances will be tomorrows greatest regrets!

Young men who revile old soldiers are immature and ignorant. Young men who hold old soldiers in contempt are simply broadcasting their own pride, ego, and bitterness. Twitter and Facebook only makes them more effective in doing so. And sadly, they will eventually sow what they reap.

For our lives are a vapor. And it’s not long before we (the young) will be them (the old.) Time has a way of turning the pages very quickly—faster than any of us think! Today young soldiers scorn the old soldiers—they scorn their ways of doing battle. But in the shadows, the next generation is watching. And in time, if the Lord tarries, the tables will turn, and it will our ideas that will be scorned by those coming behind us.

Yes, your super cool, hip, awesome ministry strategy of today (whatever it is) is but a short decade or two away from being archaic—old news—the next generation’s fodder to laugh at. You won’t be young and amazing forever. Your ideas will age right along with you. Which is why fruitful and effective ministry is and always has been all about the timeless truth of God’s Word.

Ironically—today’s pop-culture ministry fads and trends are but one generation away from being old fashioned—but thankfully, the Word of God endures forever!

If you are a young leader (as I am)—consider the young men standing at the Tomb. As they fight today’s wars, they aren’t holding the old soldiers in contempt for how they fought theirs. They aren’t spitting on them, blogging about them, tweeting inflammatory remarks toward them, and flaunting their arrogant spirit’s in their aging faces. They hold them in high regard and deeply felt reverence.

How much more should we who are Christ’s honor, cherish, thank, and love those who have gone before us. We could grow much deeper and stronger by seeking their wisdom and knowledge.

Now, may I make a request of the old soldiers (of whom I will one day be one!)? We need you! As your days wind down, your race comes to a close, and your fight grows nearer to it’s end—we need your mentoring!

We need your encouragement, your affirmation, your insight, your wisdom, your knowledge of God’s Word, your knowledge of people and spiritual needs. We desperately need you to come along side of us and share with us how God led you. We need you to tell us what you did right and what you did wrong. We need your counsel, your prayers, your hearts. We need a double portion of your spirit. And perhaps more importantly we need you to display a right spirit.

There are a whole lot of young men out here in ministry who love you and reverence you. You are highly esteemed and cherished. Your counsel is highly valued.

Yes, some of us younger men are arrogant. Some of us are overly self-confident. Some of us are impetuous and thoughtless. And hence, sometimes old soldiers hold us in contempt. Sometimes they think we’re stupid (and in many ways, we are.) Sometimes they write us off. Sometimes they treat us with disdain and they scorn our youth. Sometimes they are just plain grumpy. By the way—I’m thankful that the old soldiers in my life are not this way. In fact they remind me of Jesus in every way—gracious, joyful, energizing, and faithful. They are men I long to be like, and they motivate me greatly!

So—please look beyond our youthful ignorance and arrogance for a moment. Let me be transparent about our generation. Truthfully, a lot of us are struggling. We wonder if we’re being effective. We wrestle with insecurities and confidence in the call of Christ. We face situations we’ve never faced and aren’t sure how to navigate. We wonder how to make our marriages better. We wonder how to parent our children. We wonder how to manage our finances. We wonder how to be most effective for God. We struggle to see the big picture and keep it clearly before us.

Frankly—we fight spiritual battles that tremble before you. We battle doubts that would cower in your presence. We face threats that would flee from your mere shadow. You would laugh in the face of dangers that we barely comprehend.

We look at different ministry models with curiosity. We are susceptible, vulnerable, and sometimes unwise. We long to grow. We want to be faithful. We want to be effective for God.

And too many of us are doing all this alone—or at best, with the inexperienced voices of our “just-as-inexperienced” peers tentatively prodding us forward. In our youth, we could gain much from your giant life of faith and faithfulness. Like a deep, vast un-mined vein of raw gold, we would grow immeasurably rich by mining the spiritual wealth and experience from your heart and journey of faith.

We need to understand the battles you have fought, the faith you have expressed, and the ways you have seen God “come through” for you. Your influence—your knowledge—could breath fresh faith, passion, vision, and Christ-centered confidence into our hearts.

When you’re young and stupid—like I am—there’s something amazingly energizing about an old soldier believing in you!

The twinkle in your eye, the smile of your approval, the cheering of your voice from the “Faith Hall of Fame” is an unspeakable gift. Your belief in our potential is invigorating and galvanizing on a level that words cannot describe. The next generation would probably kick a serious dent in history for the sake of the gospel—if they knew YOU believed they could!

Please don’t write us off for our impetuous spirits. Don’t be angry or disappointed in us for being young or curious. Don’t walk away in disgust. Please don’t fall for the lie that you have nothing to offer us or that we don’t want it. PLEASE—find a young leader with a tender heart, and pass on your faith. Pass on your spirit. Pass on your ability to run a faithful race.

Mentor us. I don’t mean a quick pat on the back or trite “hang in there.” I mean really mentor us—in marriage, in parenting, in ministry, in living the Christian life. Mentor us in the deep areas of the heart—in all the things that no one ever really talks about. It may be uncomfortable. It may require you to be transparent. It may even be embarrassing. But please go there… for us. Tell us what you did right. Tell us what you regret. Tell us how Satan almost got you. Tell us how God spared you.

Teach us how to repeat your successes and avoid your failures.

Old soldiers—you are a gift to our generation and we need you! Please, please, please—leave your legacy in our hearts.

Young soldiers—let’s adjust our attitudes and humble our hearts. Let’s start mining for the gold! Let’s honor our old mentors and glean all we can from the wealth of their hearts! Ask the hard questions and receive the answers while you can!

And if you choose to spit on the old soldiers—just remember, if it weren’t for them, you might not even have the freedom to spit!

They built the platform of faith upon which you minister. Don’t spit from it—serve from it.

Making it Easy to Make it Right…

caryschmidt — Thu, 03 May 2012 15:36:42 +0000

Not long ago, God gave us the privilege of helping some young people and their families through difficult trial. Satan had laid a cleverly disguised trap, sin had occurred, and as a result everyone involved was hurting. To make a long story short, God gave a wonderful victory over the period of many weeks. Hearts were softened, Christians responded with grace toward one another, kids and parents were reconciled, and hearts were realigned with God’s direction and purpose. Things broken were healed. Lives out of fellowship were restored. God was good through a very tough situation.

The whole experience was a powerful and immersive experience in the reconciling grace of God. It was a joy to see His truth bring hearts to repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing.

Some days after, I received a note from one of the parents involved in the situation. And one line of that note simply jumped off the page, and has resonated in my heart ever since. It simply said:

“Thank you for giving our kids a way to be right again…”

Wow! How do we miss this? The entire mission of God for time and eternity is to make things right again. Jesus made a way for me to be right again. Jesus took all the complexity and destructiveness of my sin and failure, and He killed it—giving His own life for mine. His sacrifice was the full payment for my sinfulness. With great difficulty to Himself, He made it easy for me to be right.

And then He placed you and me into the ministry of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18) “And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation…” In His plan to reconcile all things to Himself, He has given you and me the wonderful ministry of calling others to partake in His grace, forgiveness, and renewal.

So I have a simple question for you.

Do you make it easy for others to be right? As a Christian, are you quick to extend grace, mercy, compassion, and forgiveness? When someone fails, do you move quickly to the position of restoration?

Or do you focus on the sin? Do you feel the need to make someone pay—to shame, guilt, and press upon them the awfulness and weight of their sin? Do you somehow feel the responsibility to be an executor of God’s judgement for wrong?

There is a biblical place for rebuke and reproof—for we are commanded to do so. But challenging someone to turn from sin is very different than shaming them for their sin. What did Jesus do with the woman caught in adultery? He reproved her—“Go and sin no more” but He didn’t shame her, “Neither do I condemn thee…” (John 8:11) He was intolerant of the sin, but gracious to the sinner.

I have seen Christians who move well beyond the biblical command to reprove and rebuke. They assume a role of executor of judgment and justice that God never intended. They rise up in arrogance to reject, castigate, and shame—as though there is some payment that must be made. Under the guise of being “tough on sin” they are “tough on the sinner.” But God’s Word calls us to a different response.

God’s Word calls us to “restore such an one in the spirit of meekness…” (Galatians 6:1) He calls us to “be gentle to all men, apt to teach and patient… in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them a spirit of repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.” (2 Timothy 2:25)

It’s almost like we sometimes believe it’s our responsibility, in the face of failure, to produce conviction in the heart. It’s like we believe if we are “hard on the sinner” we can manufacture remorse. But this doesn’t work. It only produces guilt and shame. It’s not our responsibility to produce conviction—that’s God’s job.

Notice in the verses above—it’s God’s responsibility to produce conviction that leads to repentance, not ours. Our responsibility is to be gentle, apt to teach, and patient with a spirit of meekness. It is our responsibility to focus on restoration.

Sometimes we make it hard for people to make things right. Sometimes our flesh gets in the way. We can become frustrated and offended when someone sins or turns from God. We can think, “I taught them better than that. They know what’s right.” It can frustrate us that someone we loved is running from God. We can take it personally—it’s hurtful.

But God challenges us to be patient, meek, instructing. He calls us to extend grace and to lead others to His grace. He makes it easy for people to make things right.

We want them to pay. He says, “It’s already paid!”
We want them to feel the weight of their sin and hurt. He says, “I took the weight upon myself!”
We want them to feel remorse. He wants to lead them to a point of repentance.
We want justice. He wants forgiveness.

When someone that you love or lead is trapped in sin—respond with grace. Be tough on the sin—don’t excuse it or endorse it. But be compassionate toward the sinner. When someone hurts you by their failure, come quickly to the position of restoration and meekness. Don’t make it personal.

Don’t assume the role of executor when Jesus assumes the role of advocate!

“My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: 2 And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1 John 2:1, 2)

Let God do the convicting, and you do the reconciling. Let God handle His child His way, and you choose to be gentle, patient, and apt to teach. As a forgiven sinner, made right by the blood of Jesus—reach out in love and grace—and make it easy for others to make it right.

Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. (Romans 14:4)

Why Prayer is Amazing to Me

caryschmidt — Wed, 02 May 2012 02:25:42 +0000

Have you stopped to think recently about how amazing it is that God invites us to talk to Him? Here are some reasons I find myself in a constant, jaw-dropped state of wonder at the idea of prayer:

God already knows what I’m going to say, but wants to hear it any way.

God already knows what I need, but enjoys my asking any way.

God even enjoys hearing my voice utter the same request over and over again.

God is mindful of me and my prayer—no matter how insignificant I feel it is.

That anything I could say to God would even attract His attention.

That anything I could say to God would move Him in any way.

That anything I could say to God could change His mind or my life.

That anything I could say to God would bring Him pleasure at all.

That God desires a by faith, speaking relationship with me.

That Heaven is silenced at the faintest whisper of my prayer.

The 100% of the time I have 100% of God’s focus directly on me.

That talking to a God I cannot see actually could be more powerful than all other human efforts.

That simply speaking to God can so radically change everything—both in me and around me!

So often, prayer is what we do after all of our best efforts fail. That’s backwards. Prayer should be our first impulse in every moment.

If you haven’t talked to God today, consider what you’re missing! Prayer really is amazing!

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

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Repost: A Word to Weary College Students

caryschmidt — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:35:13 +0000

I’ve had five conversations that went almost exactly the same this week. A battle-worn college student says, “I’m not even sure what I’m doing here. I feel like I’m doing nothing and headed nowhere. I’m not where I want to be, and I’m really thinking about what I should do…” The conversations were so similar, I could almost believe that someone is handing you guys a script! And so, I want to briefly share my heart with you, if you are a weary college student. First a few questions—but hang with me until the end.

1. Did you rebel against God to get where you are? (If no, then read on. If yes, then you need to make it right and get where God wants you to be.) Point is, if you are in Bible college, you probably didn’t get there by rebellion, and Satan probably didn’t lead you there.

2. Have you slept enough in the last three months? (If no, then you are really tired and fatigue makes for a horrific emotions processor! Don’t jump ship before you get some rest so your brain can be fully functional again. If yes, then what planet are you on? I want to go there!) Point is, most college students are really, really tired at this time of year, and wrestling with emotions of depletion and doubt has a lot to do with fatigue.

3. Are you facing hardships you did not expect? (If no, you can stop reading this because you are not human. If yes, then welcome to the human condition in God’s will.) Hardships and even doubt are often the best evidence that you are right where God wants you. Why else would Satan resist you? If you’re doing the wrong thing, Satan would probably just leave you alone and enjoy the show.

4. Are you where you want to be in life? (If yes, then you are lacking a lot of vision. Hold that thought, we’ll come back to it. If no, then congratulations! You are in college and headed the right direction!) And hence we arrive at the point of this article… where you really want to be in life.

The very nature of college means it’s a place you don’t want to be! I’m not saying you shouldn’t be enjoying it sometimes, making friends, having great memories, and being generally happy. I’m saying, college isn’t a place you go because you want to be there. It’s a place you go because you want to be somewhere else! It’s a place of preparation, not a destination! So by virtue of the fact that you really wish you could already be doing what God has called you to do, you will wrestle with the preparation time. You really won’t want to prepare! It will seem like a waste. You long to be done with preparation so you can commence to doing the passion that God has placed in your heart! What an awesome bummer, huh?

So, having a love/hate relationship with college is a rather natural thing. It’s pretty normal to enjoy the campus life while simultaneously wishing you could fast forward the DVD to graduation, say “been there done that, thanks, it’s been real,” and get on with your God-given dreams. And it’s pretty normal to come to times of doubt, question, and evaluation when the devil wants to throw wide open the door of reconsideration. He will jump on your shoulder faster than you can sneeze, and he will start messing with your mind. “You shouldn’t be here! You don’t fit. You could be enjoying (fill in lies here). If you went back home, you’d have (fill in false fantasies here). You need to (fill in misleading options here).”

Frankly, if you want real bad to just be in college (and that’s it), you need to have your head examined. And you are probably too shortsighted in vision for life. College isn’t the end game—it’s the preparation for the real game! It’s practice. It’s rehearsal. It’s training time. It’s boot camp. Every athlete has wondered what “this drill” has to do with winning the real games. Every musician has wondered what “this exercise” has to do with concert night. Every new worker has wondered what “this discipline” has to do with being successful. And every soldier has wondered what “this inspection” really has to do with winning the war. Preparation is hard and seems pointless. It’s easy to get impatient and stir-crazy. It’s easy to think you can fast-forward the process, skip the pointless, and get right to the meat of life.

But I have to tell you—everything you are going through right now matters. Meat is no fun if you don’t have the teeth to chew it, and nobody ever asked for a “meat smoothie”! (Hey, somebody call Jamba Juice!) No, the stuff you are dealing with matters a lot. It has everything to do with how successful and ready you will be for real life, real ministry, and godly success. You’re growing teeth! Even the feelings of despair and doubt, and pressing through those emotions—conquering them by God’s grace and not allowing them to sideline you—even that is making you and shaping you for God’s purpose and plan.

So, if part of you really hates college and wishes you were someplace else in life—welcome to normal! Your emotions and consternation are merely an indication that God has placed a higher call and deeper passion on your heart. You thirst, you crave, you are chomping at the bit to be done with that which seems to be frivolous. You are salivating to sink your whole heart into significant ministry and authentic purpose. That’s why college seems like an exercise in futility—because it’s a transitional state. At times it seems like it will never end—like you’re a Chilean miner waiting for some big drill bit to come to your rescue.

But you’re not! You’re not buried in blackness, waiting for rescue. God hasn’t forgotten where He left you. The roof hasn’t caved in on you. Quite simply, you weren’t meant to stay in college indefinitely. You were designed by God to get done and get out into the harvest, where you long to be—where your heart beats ever more fervently to be. And you are headed there—no matter what the devil is telling you right now!

Don’t shortcut the process. You need the exercise—even the wrestling match with “fatigue and frustration.” In fact you probably need that more than Homiletics. If you can beat the impatience, you will have conquered the greatest struggle of Bible college. If you can keep impatience from ruining you, then you have a great potential to be mightily used of God. Impatience destroys more people than pretty much anything else.

Your doubt, your despair, your “spinning my wheels headed nowhere” feeling, your deepest lonely moments of emotional introspection—most of it is a product of impatience. “I want to be there now! I don’t want to be here.” The “here” is the catch…

God has you “here” so He can one day take you “there“! If you shortcut “here“—if you bail out on “here” to get “there” sooner—you will never get “there.” College isn’t a place you’re supposed to fall in love with. It’s a place you’re supposed to become increasingly spiritually restless in—so much so, that you press on to the finish line and finally allow God to take you where you have longed to be. And when you get “there”—for all that you went through and wrestled with, you will be a survivor with a well-prepared servant’s heart. You will be useful, teachable, strengthened, well-furnished, and eventually fruitful! You will be an honorable vessel, strengthened by the fire of adversity, and prepared by the pressure of impatience—fit for the Master’s use.

Don’t give in to doubt. See it as a part of the training process, and then spit on it! Defy it! Dare it to knock you off course! Put your tired eyes and uncertain heart back on the face of the One who placed you in Bible college. His grace and His presence alone will see you through. And one day, I promise, you will glad you stayed “here” so that God could eventually take you “there“!

Stay in the preparation! We need you one day on the battlefield! And yes, the real battle is everything you dream it will be and much, much more. But if you don’t let God prepare you, it will crush you before you really begin. Trust me—I promise—it’s all worth it. Determine right now, before you click off this page— “By God’s grace, I will beat impatience!”

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. (Hebrews 10:35-36)

Repost: How to Help a Wounded Person

caryschmidt — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 14:58:39 +0000

One of the most difficult circumstances of life and ministry is to try to help someone who has been deeply hurt. These are hard moments. More than anything, you want to take away the hurt, undo the pain, and fix the problem. But it’s just not that easy. Woundedness—regardless of how it occurred—requires time and God’s grace in order to heal.

Here are a few thoughts (not exhaustive by any means) that you might be able to place in your tool box to encourage and help those who are wounded.

First—Teach through Hebrews 12. Much of life’s pain is not disciplinary in nature—but all of it is allowed of God and is intended to be used by Him to produce good in our lives (Romans 8:28). Hebrews 12 deals powerfully with how Christians should respond to wounds and chastening—by claiming God’s grace and turning away from bitterness. As I study this passage it seems that chastening is both disciplinary and nurturing. In other words, it’s not always about discipline, but it is always difficult and painful to the purpose of producing growth and fruit.

Second—Emphasize God’s Desire to Heal. (vs. 13) The focus of Hebrews 12 is the peaceable fruit—the outcome of grace. Help the hurting person find hope in looking forward. In time, God’s grace can work all things to our eventual profit. Satan wants the hurting to only focus on the past—the hurt. After all, it’s difficult to imagine how the abuse of another can produce something good in me! God calls His child to “lift up the hands which hang down.” He offers hope in what is yet to come by His grace.

Third—Call the Hurting to Pursue Peace with All Men. (v. 14) For God’s healing, the wounded must have a right heart toward the relationships of life—even the broken ones. This is a bit different for each situation, and forgiveness is always a journey—a process of forgiving over and over again. But one condition of God’s healing is that the hurting must have an agenda of peace not revenge or resentment.

Fourth—Teach the Hurting to Repeatedly Claim Grace. (vs. 15-16) Every hurt brings a spiritual fork in the road—one path leads to grace and the other to bitterness. This passage reveals that bitterness defiles but grace heals. And grace is a choice—a diligent decision. In other words, the default path is bitterness. The grace path must be claimed by “looking diligently”—carefully determining not to miss it.

Fifth—Emphasize the Patience Required for Recovery. (Hebrews 10:36, 12:1, and James 1:3) People often expect instant recovery. But the simple truth is—a problem that took 5 or 10 or even 20 years to create doesn’t just go away in one counseling session or even one week. The reality—God’s grace and healing is a process born out of intimacy with Him. By God’s design, He wants the wounded to find Him and to walk personally with Him, gradually experiencing the daily renewing, restoring power of His presence. Instant healing is not conducive to intimacy. God heals as we abide.

Some years ago I gave a short list to a hurting young man and asked him to keep it and read or pray it every day as a part of his walk with God and his daily decision to claim grace. He did. And he grew! God’s healing has been evident in his life for several years now. Not long ago, he opened his wallet, pulled this little list out, and said, “Remember this?” We both smiled, and I thanked God for His awesome grace. Here’s the little list:

I’m saved
I am highly valuable, wanted and important to God
God has a great plan for my future
God will give me strength for today if I ask for it
I will honor God and my authorities today
God, please be my best friend today
God, please give me healing and grace today

Not exactly impressive. Not really rocket science. But maybe it’s a tool you can use to encourage someone else to find God’s healing through His grace! What passages or tools do you find helpful in ministering to wounded people?

(Post a comment below. And consider sharing this article with someone who could be encouraged by it.)

Five Lies That Will Wreck Your Marriage

caryschmidt — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:19:06 +0000

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it…” (Song of Solomon 8:6-7)

This passage compares marital love to a fire that cannot be quenched—it has a “most vehement flame” and not even floods can drown it.

Building this kind of love is the dream of every young couple and the call of every committed couple—and the effort is well worth it! But to build this kind of marriage, you’re going to have to resist some lies—to get rid of some faulty and cynical thinking. You’re going to have to swim upstream and insist on not accepting anything less than a fiery, highly flammable marriage.

In short, here are some lies that will most certainly try to douse your flames…

Lie #1—Marital love must dwindle with the passing of years. While that may be true of many marriages, it is not God’s original intent or design. And it doesn’t have to be true in your marriage! Your marital relationship should grow, like a fire that is constantly being fueled… 10 and 20 years from now it should be deeper, stronger, more passionate, and more intense for each other. Marriages are like fires—they dwindle because someone let them dwindle. Or they burn brighter because someone kept putting fuel on the fire.

Lie #2—You can have an unquenchable strength and passion in marriage without Jesus Christ being central in your relationship. The key to the strengthening and maturing of your love is founding your whole life and family upon Christ. Can you get by in life by relegating Him to some lesser role? For a while. But why settle for a C-minus marriage or a D-minus marriage when you can have an A-plus marriage! Why make Jesus less than preeminent only to eventually find yourself desperately crying out to Him, wishing you handn’t.

Church attendance, prayer, walking with Christ, and living by His principles are not mere surface habits of religious people. These things are the foundation of having God’s amazing, supernatural blessing upon your home! He said, “Them that honor me will I honor!” (1 Samuel 2:30) If you want the best marriage you can have, keep Christ first and foremost in your relationship.

Lie #3—Submission in marriage means losing something. Paul said in Ephesians five that husbands are to love their wives and wives are to submit to and reverence their husbands. The only way to have a long burning, growing, fiery love (unquenchable love) is to have constant spirit of service and submission. As the husband submits to Christ, he will serve and love his wife. As the wife submits to her husband, she will honor and reverence Him as the Lord desires. In this, both people will be abundantly, mutually fulfilled and satisfied in a loving and giving relationship. This kind of selfless, giving service is also referenced in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.

Lie #4—Marital love maintains itself. Many couples find the fires of love dwindling to mere embers or faint puffs of smoke within a few years of marriage. Somewhere along the way they stopped feeding the flame. I know that sounds simplistic, but it’s true. Any fire grows smaller if it’s not fueled—and marital love is no different. There is no secret recipe to finding a mystical “self-maintaining love.” The flames of love are easily kindled and can easily burn brighter. Here’s the formula. Ask your spouse, “What fuel lights your fire of love for me or causes it to burn brighter? What can I do for you to cause you to continually fall in love with me over and over and over?” Then just keep feeding the flames. Guard the flame, fuel it constantly, and you’ll be amazed at how it will grow! True love does not maintain itself.

Lie #5—A dying flame means love is gone. Sometimes a rainstorm will come into life and cause your once brilliant flame to grow dim. Your relationship will weather storms and enter seasons when you wonder what God is doing and you wonder where the closeness and fire went. These seasons don’t mean that love is gone. These seasons don’t give you permission build a fire with someone else. It’s during these times that your commitment holds you together and you prayerfully grow and work through the trial until you can reignite the flames. These seasons will strengthen you if you allow them to. The fire you rebuild and rekindle will be stronger and brighter than before. The love you express in a trial is tough love. It says, “I still love you even when I don’t feel like it.” God instructs us in 1 Cor. 7:5 that we should travel through these seasons with consent, prayer, and fasting—and then come together again to rekindle the fires.

When the rains come, cling to each other, pray through them, and then get some fresh fuel and stir those flames once again!

If you will fully commit to Christ and to each other, if you will fully engage in fueling the fires of romance and love in your relationship, and if you will persist through seasons of storms—you will defy the odds.

Your marriage was designed by God to remain ablaze for the rest of your life. These lies threaten to douse the flame. But the truth will keep it burning brightly.

Refuse the lies, and keep fueling the flame—so long as you both shall live!

Please Pray for Youth Conference 2012!

caryschmidt — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:36:32 +0000

Tomorrow evening we launch into a three day event with approximately 2,300 teenagers from all over the country. Dozens of churches are gathering on our campus for the West Coast Baptist Youth Conference, 2012. The teens will be engaged in six services filled with Bible teaching and preaching. And more than anything—we need you to pray.

Months of planning and work will culminate with three focused days of spiritual challenge for teens and youth leaders. We are praying that God will use this time to radically change the direction of many lives. We are praying that this conference will make a difference in the future of thousands of young people. We are praying that God’s preached Word will bring about repentance, surrender, commitment, and spiritual depth—that the decisions made will be life-time decisions.

Pray with us that God will work in the lives of young people, and that they would individually yield to Him. And be sure to join us online for the live stream of the services—Wednesday at 7pm, Thursday at 8pm, and Friday morning between 9am and 12:00 noon. www.lbclive.tv

Thank you for praying!

Resurrection Hope

caryschmidt — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 04:08:01 +0000

Before the resurrection, there is a cross. Dark. Death. Hopeless.

Before the rainbow, there is a storm. Howling. Desolate. Destructive.

Before the sunrise, there is night. Lonely. Black. Cold.

Before Spring, there is Winter. Frigid. Barren. Bitter.

Before healing, there is sickness. Painful. Weak. Groaning.

Before the triumph, there is testing. Wrenching. Desperate. Difficult.

Before the blessing, there is a burden. Heavy. Weary. Exhausting.

Before hope, there is hurt. Loss. Despair. Anguish.

I don’t like the cross, the storm, the night, the winter, the sickness, the testing, the burden, or the hurt.

But Jesus resurrection makes hope possible from that which is utterly and completely hopeless.

His empty tomb thunders a miracle in the face of the impossible.

His triumph declares the death sentence of death itself.

Because of Jesus, we are never hopeless.

Because He lives, we are never alone.

Because He died, He knows the feelings of our infirmities.

Because He rose again, we know our darkest night will climax with a spectacular sunrise.

Because He walks beside me, I can rest in Him until I see Him face to face.

If you know Him… then you know…

Truly—He lives!

“He is not here: for he is risen, as he said…” (Matthew 28:6)

Pit-Bulls and Passionate Parents

caryschmidt — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 22:12:44 +0000

Why the Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Kids is a Strong Marriage!

“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6)

One beautiful Spring evening when our kids were still in elementary school, we decided to take a family walk together. The boys mounted their bikes, we placed Haylee into a wagon, and we all began our relaxing trek to the nearby Walmart where we intended to enjoy some ice cream.

A few moments into the trip, the boys were riding well ahead of us, and Dana and I began to discuss our upcoming family vacation options. Bad idea. I had one set of expectations and she had another. And just a few moments into our talk, it became a “discussion”—you know one of those very “un-fun” ones. I wasn’t seeing things her way, and she wasn’t seeing them my way, and so our friendly, family adventure became rather tense and frustrating. Haylee was too young to understand it, and the boys were oblivious to it.

A few blocks later—neither of us was enjoying the walk or winning the argument. But suddenly something dramatically changed our perspective. Without warning, two vicious Pit Bull dogs came running around a corner and headed straight for our family. They were hungry. Seriously—they had napkins around their necks, and bottles of A-1 sauce in tow. They were ready for some fresh family meat!

Needless to say, our argument came to an abrupt halt as we were suddenly confronted with a very real and dangerous threat to our children.

The boys immediately panicked, and like little girls, ditched their bikes, and ran wildly the other direction behind us—leaving me, Mom, and Haylee to be eaten alive. Yep—they totally freaked and had one thing in mind—saving their own hides.

As for me—I panicked too, but running wasn’t an option. Haylee was the most vulnerable of the five of us, and I didn’t have time to grab her and run and protect Dana at the same time. So, while my mind raced for possible options, I reacted with the only thing I could come up with on such short notice. It was weak, but I opted to stand in place, lift Haylee above my head, and let the dogs chew my knee caps off, while the rest of my family ran to safety. It was an instinctive response without much reason, and admittedly—stupid.

In a fraction of a second, I grabbed Haylee, lifted her over my head, and was about to shut my eyes, grit my teeth, and endure the crunching sounds when something unimagineable happened.

At this point, I should tell you, I had never heard the information I’m about to share. The appropriate response to a Pit Bull attack is to get angry, mean, and growl—barking louder and longer directly into the face of the Pit Bulls while bearing your own teeth. The idea is to confront the animals with something meaner than themselves! In short—scare the snot out of them. (You should file this information for future reference.)

Now, my wife knew this. Somehow she had seen this on a Discovery Channel special—and to put it mildly, she took it seriously.

Suddenly, something more scary than the Pit Bulls came bounding from behind me directly into the face of the dogs. It was mean—super mean. It was growling, howling, barking, and bearing teeth. It was jumping and pouncing—completely out of control. It was… my wife!

At this point, I’m standing wide-eyed, Haylee in the air, frozen in my tracks, watching my wife go balistic—no—NUCLEAR on a couple of unsuspecting Pit Bulls. I’m telling you, these dogs picked the wrong woman on the wrong day! And then something even more unbelievable happened. The Pit Bulls started back pedaling, wide-eyed, and ran the opposite direction faster than my boys had! They met their match and gave up without even a hint of courage.

To make matters worse, the owner of the Pit Bulls rounded the corner just in time to see my wife freaking out, and started yelling at my wife for scaring her dogs. Forgetting to switch out of Pit Bull mode, my wife simply turned and started screaming at the owner as strongly as she was barking at the dogs… “Yeah, well your dogs almost attacked my kids…” The owner then tucked tail and ran too!

Then, like someone flipped a switch, a calm settled back over Dana. She turned toward me, stood up, straightened her clothing, and looked at me in a moment of rather uncomfortable silence. Our eyes locked.

There I am, still standing frozen, baby in the air, now wondering if I’m about to be attacked by my wife. My first thoughts were, “Um… we can do whatever you want for vacation, Sweetheart!”

My first words were, “What in the world was that?!” (I was still hoping she wasn’t about to attack.)

And as calmly as you can imagine, she said matter of factly, “What? That’s what your supposed to do when you get attacked by a Pit Bull!” Like everybody in the universe knows this! In this moment I still can’t believe what I just witnessed. I married a wearwolf and never knew it! But what a handy thing this is in the case of an unexpected Pitbull confrontation.

Meanwhile, all the neighborhood was just staring out their windows saying, “Look at that guy’s wife—she just saved his life! What a wimp.”

Needless to say—I learned a lot that day. For one thing, I learned “Never mess with Dana!” She pretty much “gets whatever she wants” from that moment forward. But the greater lesson I learned was that our petty argument meant nothing in the face of a much more dangerous threat. A greater enemy called us instantly away from our selfish postures. Protecting our children called us to immediate unity and commitment.

That’s why your kids need your marriage to be strong. There is a greater enemy bearing down on them quickly—and you are their first and most important line of defense. If the enemy can distract you, weaken you, and fracture you (in your marriage commitment) then he will have a much greater success rate in ravaging your children.

What we need is more parents to go nuclear—to stand in the gap—to jump in between their kids and Satan. We need more parents to beligerantly but prayerfully growl, “You can’t have them! We stand committed and united in marriage to protect our kids—you’re not getting to them through us!” God honors that kind of passionate, committed parents.

Your kids need your strong marriage even more then my kids needed Dad and Mom to stop arguing and to engage in the battle for their protection. Stand united with your spouse, for the spiritual well-being of your kids!

The greatest gift you can give your kids is a strong marriage.

The March Spiritual Leadership Podcast

caryschmidt — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 20:16:32 +0000

Don’t miss this month’s Spiritual Leadership Podcast from Pastor Paul Chappell. The topic is “Strengthening the Things that Remain”—a lesson taught this past year at the Spiritual Leadership Conference.

This lesson will challenge you to have a spirit of encouragement, friendship, and edification toward other like-minded leaders. Don’t forget, you can always subscribe to receive the free companion outline if you visit paulchappell.com and click on the Spiritual Leadership Podcast link. This podcast, and it’s previous editions are available on iTunes.

Enjoy this month’s lesson!

We’re Coming to Memphis, TN

caryschmidt — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 21:30:59 +0000

Just a reminder that Bryan Samms and I are privileged to be in Memphis, TN this Friday and Saturday, preaching to youth groups and encouraging youth leaders and parents! We sure hope you will join us there for the Higher Call Student Summit!

This meeting is a two-day event hosted by Eastside Baptist Church of Memphis, TN in conjunction with West Coast Baptist College. The two days will feature Bible preaching and teaching for students, as well as practical training and encouragement for leaders and parents.

These events are free for your youth groups, and take place on Friday evenings and Saturday mornings. You can find out more specific details about dates, locations, schedule, etc. if you visit www.wcbc.edu/highercall.

Every hour of the Student Summits has been planned with prayer—for the purpose of challenging young people to rise above culture and commit to the call of Jesus Christ, and to encourage and equip youth leaders in student ministry.

I’m thankful for the privilege to have part in these meetings, and am looking forward to the fellowship we will have with youth groups and leaders! It would be a great honor to meet you and host your group, if you live within driving distance.

The summits will be held near two other major regions in 2012—Atlanta, GA (September 7-8), and Dallas, TX (November 2-3).

Registration is free and simple. Just visit the web site and submit your basic information and the approximate number of students you would bring. Also, we will be happy to send you brochures to distribute to your youth group if you request them when you register.

We hope to see you at one of the summits! Let me know if you have questions!

Repost: 10 Ways to Renew Your Spirit

caryschmidt — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:10:01 +0000

Ever get depleted?

Ever reach the bottom of the barrel when it comes to spiritual energy or passion?

Don’t overreact! It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing all the wrong things with your life. You’re faith is probably still alive and well. There’s no need to go AWOL. Don’t start doubting every good decision or direction in your life.

You probably just need to restore—to let God revive your spirit. God’s Word is filled with ways to find new strength and to renew your spirit. Here is a quick glimpse at ten of them:

1. Walk with God—nothing will restore your soul like time with God. Find a place where you can have quiet and calm. No distractions, no time limits, no pre-planned structure, no agenda—just be with Him. Get outdoors and literally walk—with God. This will change your perspective on nearly everything! (Genesis 6:9)

2. Cast Your Cares Upon Him—while you’re with God, you might as well put everything you’re carrying into His hands, including yourself! He already knows about it all. You’re not hiding anything from Him. Nothing you’re feeling or thinking will surprise Him, and He invites you to cast it all upon Him—so go for it! (1 Peter 5:7)

3. Meditate on Biblical Principles—choose a passage, a promise, or a verse and just rest upon it. Chew on it slowly and let it sink deep. Find a place to jot down some reflections. What you meditate upon has much to do with your attitudes and actions. (Psalm 1:2)

4. Listen to Godly Music—whether with an iPod, a CD player, or your own voice—set aside time to really listen to Christ-honoring music. Think about the message, and let God’s Holy Spirit restore and encourage you. Music is one of God’s great gifts to help us walk in the Spirit. (Psalm 118:14)

5. Read an Encouraging Book—pick up something biblical and enjoyable—a biography of a great Christian or an inspirational book. Make sure it connects to some practical aspect of your life. (Proverbs 25:11)

6. Serve Someone Else—could be your spouse, your kids, your neighbor, a church member, or a local business owner. There’s something really refreshing about choosing to perform an act of kindness “just because.” If you’re wondering who the Holy Spirit would have you serve, just ask Him. I promise He will bring a name to your mind almost immediately. (1 Corinthians 9:19)

7. Share the Gospel with Someone—No matter what’s going on in your life, your whole perspective changes when you set the burdens aside and share the Gospel. Even if you don’t see someone saved, it’s good to know you are laboring together with God. (Ephesians 6:15)

8. Rest—sounds so unspiritual compared to the others doesn’t it? But it’s not only spiritual—it’s vital! Quite often, we just run on empty, physically speaking. Sometimes the best thing you can do is “crash”! Don’t set the alarm. Actually sleep, and don’t feel guilty about it. When you’re recharged, you’ll get three times as much done than if you had continued trying to be productive on fumes! (Psalm 127:2)

9. Spend Time with Someone You Love—your spouse, your family, a godly friend. Right relationships are energizing. They have a restoring and renewing quality. Go ahead and spend yourself for others, but be sure you carve out time to be with those who strengthen you in the Lord as well. (Proverbs 17:17)

10. Use Your Spiritual Gift(s)—take your unique personality combined with God’s Divine enabling(s) in your life, and put them to use for His purposes. Do what you’re really good at—but do it for God. This is “over-the-top” fun and eternally significant. Nothing puts fresh wind in your sails like investing your life and resources into eternity. (1 Peter 4:10)

When you’re engaging in biblical, renewing activities (like these) then it’s only a matter of time before God breathes new strength into your spiritual life. Patiently enjoy His presence as He renews your strength. (Isaiah 40:31)

What are some ways that you renew your spirit?

The Most Powerful Parenting Practice

caryschmidt — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 16:08:37 +0000

What wise parents do when they don’t know what to do.

“Something’s going wrong in the heart of my child, and I’m not sure what to do!” Ever been there, parent? Have you ever seen the fruit of attitudes, behaviors, and decisions growing from the young branches of your child’s life, and been terrified by what’s producing that fruit—what sinful root might be fueling a destructive direction? What do you do in these situations?

It’s easy to feel powerless, to feel like parental failure, or to panic in over-reaction. The simple fact is—parenting is one of the most overwhelming and daunting responsibilities that an adult can assume. To be responsible for the physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, and spiritual development and health of another soul is flat scary! It’s scary because we’re know we’re in over our heads. Too often, our parental panic is merely a subconscious reaction to the fact that we don’t really know what we’re doing!

Here’s some great news for you. When you feel helpless—you’re not. When you feel powerless, you’re not. When you feel that you don’t have the knowledge or expertise that parenting requires, you have access to the greatest Parent of all time. You and your child have instant access to the Perfect Father, and He is eternally capable of helping you navigate difficult family circumstances. He is ready and waiting, in a split-second, to come to your side, give you wisdom, and help you understand deep issues of the heart and how to respond.

Look at God’s promises to us when we “call upon Him.” Psalms 50:15— “And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.” Psalms 91:15— “He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.” Psalms 145:18— “The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.”

The single most powerful parenting practice is simply prayer—calling upon God. And the most powerful expression of that practice is when you pray with your children. Does that sound simplistic—it isn’t.

Yes, it’s simple, but oh so difficult and complex. If you’ve tried recently to pray with your children or family—you know what I’m talking about. And I’m not referring to praying before a meal. I’m talking about coming together in a focused moment to talk to God and seek His help and guidance. No parenting effort will ever encounter as much spiritual resistance. No parenting exercise feels so awkward (at first). And no parenting practice is more powerful and transforming to the heart and relationships.

When you pray with your children, you are doing the one thing Satan fears the most, and the one thing that most brings God’s power and presence to bear in your situation. So buckle up for some resistance. Prepare to press through some awkwardness. Let’s investigate this a bit more with some practical steps to praying with your children:

1. Accept the Responsibility of Spiritual Leadership. Dad, this begins with you. It begins with understanding that God has called you to pastor your family—to lead your family spiritually. He expects you to be the initiator of walking with God, and taking your family on that walk with you. If your family will grow spiritually, it should be with you leading the way. What your dad did is irrelevant. If you are in Christ, your Heavenly Father is your perfect role model now, and He will empower you and enable you to be what you need to be for your family. Believe it and embrace it.

2. Decide on the Best Time to Pray Together. For many families this would be bed time or the beginning of the day. For some of great reasons, I challenge you to end the day with your children in prayer. After a busy day, what could be better than opening our hearts together before God, placing the events of the day in His hands, and acknowledging His Lordship in our lives? What better way to fall off to sleep than having just spoken to our Heavenly Father together? What better way to say to your child, “I love you and cherish you as a gift from my Father” than to say it to the Lord in the presence of your child?

3. Pray Together Individually and as a Family. There’s something special about praying as a family—everybody taking a turn to speak to the Lord. But there’s also something special about kneeling by your child’s bed—one child at a time—and talking to God just the two of you. It’s impossible to continue in a fight or with contention during these moments. Pride breaks down. Strong wills melt. Bad attitudes dissolve in the presence of Jesus. The most divided parent-child relationship cannot stay divided much longer when both commit to praying together on a daily basis. These are amazing, supernatural growing moments that nothing else can create!

4. Pray Personally and Transparently. Don’t preach at or lecture your child through your prayer. Begin by thanking the Lord for all of His good blessings—especially your child. Confess out loud your love and commitment to this child. Thank the Lord for giving you this child and letting you be the parent of someone so amazing! Then, pray for yourself. Confess that you need God’s help to be a good parent. Ask for wisdom. Ask for guidance. Ask for help in leading this young life to love the Lord. “Lord, help this son/daughter to know how much I love them and you! Help me to be a good father…” Finally, pray for your child. Again—don’t preach. Pray. “Lord, give him strength tomorrow. Give him wisdom to do the right thing. Help Him to walk with you, love you, and grow in your grace. Help him have the strength to fight temptation. Give him the courage to talk with me if there is a struggle in his heart…”

5. Express Physical Affection During Your Prayer. Again, whether your parents were affectionate—or whether you are the “affectionate type” or not is irrelevant. Kids need our physical affection, so no excuses here. Just be affectionate. Hold them in your arms. Hug them. Put an arm around them. Hold their hand. Put your hand on their arm or neck. Put yourself in some sort of physical contact with your child as you pray. This communicates love and acceptance. And if your child responds in kind, it communicates a tender, open heart toward you. Make this open, affectionate relationship your goal. If you don’t share it, pursue it until you do.

6. Visit for a Few Moments. Bed-time moments are critical moments. Make the most of them. Play around a bit. Tickle your younger children. Wrestle with your boys. Tell a story. Ask them how their day went. Express interest and attentiveness. And then, in the shadow of your Heavenly Father, and in the presence of your loving acceptance, let them drift off to sleep with good things on their mind.

In conclusion—let me share a few observations about this most powerful parenting practice.

First, if this is new for you, it will be difficult at first, but will soon be natural. In our “flesh agains the Spirit” battle this takes some time to feel natural. Press through that awkward stage, just like you did when you first dated your spouse. Like every other spiritual step, the foreign feel of this will dissipate in time and it will become as natural as any other conversation.

Second, don’t force your child to pray. If there is some relational distance or damage, or if this is a new discipline for you, your son or daughter may feel uncomfortable at first. Give them some space and don’t get frustrated. In time, if you accept their hesitation, they will come around. They will soon be attracted to speaking to such a wonderful God!

Third, understand that your child’s heart was designed for this. Your child’s heart was created for closeness with you which should ultimately lead to closeness with the Heavenly Father. You are attractive to your child—knowing you, being accepted by you, being close to you matters to them. It’s a craving of their soul. And so also is being close with God and knowing Jesus. Their hearts will blossom and thrive in His presence. It’s up to you to lead them there.

Fourth, don’t make this a marathon. We’re not talking about an all-night prayer meeting here. It doesn’t need to be long, but it does need to be sincere and genuine.

Finally, this is tough. It requires time and sacrifice. It requires that you turn off the TV, even if a news story really has your attention. It requires that your spouse work with you as a team, reminding you, even nagging you if necessary. It requires courage, faith, commitment, and tenacity. It requires obedience to the promptings of the Holy Spirit to pray even when it’s tough to pray.

Think of a moment recently when you were most at your wits end in parenting. What did you do? What was your natural response? When you discovered your child did something that dishonored the Lord; when you received that call from the school office; or when that parent approached you with difficult information—what did you do? When your child suddenly and openly defied you, or rejected you—what did you do? What will you do when that happens again?

Think of it this way. You can turn to yourself and your limited understanding and perspective to pull together some human solution which won’t work. You can fight it out, wounding each other, and escalating a conflict until both hearts are hard and cold in the relationship. You can panic, over-react, and later regret your carnal response. You can make a bad situation worse by ignoring God’s desire to be involved and bring resolution and growth.

Or you can pray. You can swallow hard, grab each other’s hand, get on your knees, and invite Jesus to change your hearts and your situation. Only He can soften your spirits and resolve your conflict until both hearts—parent and child—are soft and close once again. Only He can give you wisdom and grace to rise above your natural, carnal responses and give you Spirit-filled, Christ-like responses.

It’s up to you.

Do you know where this all begins? It begins with believing that it matters—believing that prayer can make a difference. Prayer is a simple act that packs nuclear spiritual power. But if you don’t believe that, you probably won’t unpack that power. If you choose to ignore this powerful practice, you’re doomed to continue a long string of recurring parenting mistakes. And you’re leaving your child to themselves in discovering a personal, wonderful, amazing Heavenly Father!

Isn’t it about time you unpacked the nuclear power of prayer in your family relationships? God’s arms are open. His attention is yours. He loves to hear from you. And He loves to help parents and children nurture healthy relationships with Him and each other. Why don’t you begin entering His presence with your child today!?

“Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” (Jeremiah 33:3)

If—A Powerful Poem by Rudyard Kipling

caryschmidt — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 18:14:58 +0000

I must be literarily challenged! Every now and then I come across something that everybody else knows of, but somehow I missed. Does that ever happen to you? This may be one of those cases.

Yesterday, while reading, I came across a powerful poem written by Rudyard Kipling in 1895. It’s simply called “IF”—I’m sure I’ve heard it, but had long forgotten about it, and I found it challenging and useful. I hope you will be encouraged by it and pass it along or use it in some way…

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling, 1895

Four Focuses of Effective Parents

caryschmidt — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 05:06:24 +0000

Warning: This post is longer than usual…

I love being a parent! If you have children, I hope you do too! We live in a culture that divides the home—if not physically, then relationally. A casual look at many American families would lead you to conclude that parents don’t like their children, and children don’t like their parents. From parents who neglect family time for work or personal interests, to kids who hole up in their bedrooms to “hang out” on Facebook—it appears that some families do everything possible to avoid each other. I challenge you to resist—to reverse this trend. Like a fish swimming upstream, choose to develop your family differently.

Effective parents fight the trends and keep family first. They focus on biblical priorities, and draw clear boundaries around their home life. They fight for closeness, for transparency, and for strong relationships. They understand their mission and embrace it with biblical understanding and clarity. In the next few paragraphs, I’d like to share four values that I see in effective parents. These are values I’m still learning and developing, but I’ve seen them often in the lives of parents who have effectively raised their children for the Lord. What do effective parents do well?

Effective Parents Delight in Their Children.

Proverbs 3:12 states, “For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.” Again the Bible says in Proverbs 29:17, “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” It’s easy when reading those verses to focus on the correction or discipline, and miss the delight! Do you delight in your children? Do they know that you delight in them?

The word “delight” means “to be pleased with, to have favor toward, and to accept.” Delight shows up in a warm smile, words of praise, sincere admiration, accepting laughter, physical affection, and personal affirmation. Delight delights! You can’t imagine how your delight delights your child’s heart. Having your approval and acceptance is one of their deepest longings in life.

If you delight in your children, you will like them. You will enjoy them. You will laugh with them. You will relax with them. You will “hang out” with them, and treasure every moment. You will photograph them, video them, praise them, and pray for them. It’s impossible to hide delight. Delighting in your children involves planning family fun, budgeting family fun, saving energy for family at the end of a busy workday, noticing the right things they do, and making a big deal of success. Effective parents always delight in their children, and children find it much easier to receive correction from a parent who truly delights in them.

Effective Parents Disciple Their Children.

Deuteronomy 6:7 gives every parent a tall order— “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This passage speaks to parents of teaching and training our children in the ways of the Lord. God’s command is that our relationship should be one of constant discipleship—constantly explaining and making sense of God’s laws and the principles of Scripture.

It’s easy to miss teaching opportunities. It’s easy to dismiss them for fear that we don’t know what to say. It’s easy to ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit moment by moment. But effective parents embrace this role. They see themselves as the perpetual mentor of these young lives. They see every day as a new teaching opportunity. And they are constantly shining the light of biblical truth upon every circumstance of life—helping their children to authentically develop a biblical world view.

Discipleship requires time and intentional training. It makes all of life a classroom, welcomes any question, and brings God’s principles into practical application. Discipleship determines to have even the toughest conversations and difficult talks that most parents would rather avoid. Discipling parents don’t leave their kids alone to struggle with any topic or temptation. They prepare them. They train them. The preempt the wicked one with deliberate and focused teaching in every important matter of life. They recognize that kids can handle the truth when it comes from a compassionate, nurturing parent.

If you wonder what to teach your kids, I challenge you to do a few things. First, read good parenting books. These books will fill your heart with subjects and principles to transfer. Second, consider what you struggled with at their ages—the things you wish someone had talked to you about—and then go for it. Finally, consider where they are in life and what’s coming next, and prepare them. Look at the road ahead for the next couple of years and help them know what’s around the next bend. Give them biblical principles that will help them know how to think and how to respond.

Dad, have you talked to your son about the struggles of his particular age, coping with crushes, the development of sexual desires, the changes of the teen years, what God might be preparing him to do, what his biggest burdens are in life right now, how he is struggling spiritually right now, how to navigate tough things like friendships and the teen social scene, how to be a spiritual leader, how to take a stand, how to rely on God for help in every area of life, how to use the internet safely, etc.?

Dad and Mom, have you talked with your daughter about physical changes she will experience, why she should value her body and be modest, how to avoid the world’s message of making her appearance all important, dealing with sexual issues, relationships and friendships with opposite gender, seeking to honor God in appearance and behavior, dealing with peers and pressure, asking God for help in every area of life, what God is preparing her for, what her gifts and strengths are, becoming virtuous, staying pure, etc.?

If they don’t receive the truth from you, your children are exponentially more susceptible to deception! Effective parents always disciple their children.

Effective Parents Develop Their Children.

Ephesians 6:4 teaches, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The command is to “bring them up”—to nourish them to maturity. Yes, this includes discipling them spiritually, but it also includes developing them practically. The state of the family today lends to neglect, which lends to teenagers merely vegetating their way through life—playing video games, skateboarding, facebooking, and generally just hanging out.

Effective parents seek to involve their children in opportunities that will grow and prepare them for life. They minimize things that merely distract or entertain. They limit video games, movies, TV, and social networking; and they maximize opportunities for growth, service, and the development of personal gifts and abilities. Effective parents constantly ask themselves—is this child developing or vegetating?

Developing our children requires discernment of their gifts, interests, and abilities. It involves the sacrifice of finances and time to support those gifts. It involves patient investment over years, but the commitment is always worth it!

Finally, Effective Parents Discipline Their Children.

Proverbs 19:18 states, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” Discipline is the process of bringing my child’s behavior into obedience to the Heavenly Father—teaching my child to live in submission to the authority of God and His Word. It is not merely controlling or modifying my child’s behavior. It is not punishment for doing wrong. It is not limiting the embarrassment that my child causes me in public. Authentic, biblical discipline is chastening, which involves nurture and training. It’s is always developmental and motivated by selfless love.

Effective discipline should always be restorative rather than punitive. In other words, it’s motivated by a desire to restore the heart not merely punish it. Effective discipline should always flow from an obedient, humble heart—not an angry frustrated one. In other words, I discipline my children because God commands me to, not because they anger me. Finally, effective discipline should include prayer and Scripture. The end of a discipline moment should include affection, expressions of love, and a transparent moment before the Lord in prayer together.

Probably the biggest mistake parents make today regarding discipline is that they are too tired to deal with it. Real, biblical discipline takes energy, time, and training. It’s easier to send them to their room, ground them, and forget about it. Effective parents don’t operate this way. When we are too tired to engage in biblical discipline, we are saying “Go ahead and destroy yourself… I don’t care.”

So there you have it—the job description of a biblical parent in four statements, even alliterated! The effective parents that I have watched over the years—those with a track record of success—always had these four focuses in place. They delighted in their children. They discipled their children. They developed their children. And they disciplined their children.

Decide to make these four focuses a reality in your parenting this week.