Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt

Five Values of Successful Homeschooling

Cary Schmidt — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 14:04:00 +0000

Educating Your Children with a Winning Philosophy

Recently I had the privilege of meeting with a wonderful group of families in our church that homeschool their children. I fully believe in the value of traditional, Christian education and schooling, but I also have respect for Christian parents who, out of necessity or by preference, choose to homeschool. I shared with these families a short list of values that I’ve seen in successful homeschool families.

This list flows from family counsel, studying the home, and seeing both the blessings and pitfalls of homeschooling. I’ve known many success stories in homeschooling, and in every case, the family had these five basic values in place:

1. The Value of Biblical Curriculum—Successful homeschooling places a premium on the selection of curriculum. When it comes to the choice of either saving a few dollars or having a truly biblical curriculum, these families place a high value on a biblical education. In addition to this, they select Christian curriculum carefully. Not all “Christian” curriculums are the same. In fact several are just plain dangerous.

Selling Christian curriculum can be big business, and wise families ask the Lord for discernment to see beyond the sales pitch and really inspect the biblical validity of the philosophy and approach that a particular publisher takes. Some providers go to unbiblical extremes to build a loyal customer base—including driving a wedge between the family and other biblical institutions.

2.The Value of the Local the Church—Successful homeschool families always place a high value on the local church, in keeping with the clear, New Testament pattern. A few curriculum and resource providers in the homeschool movement are clearly anti-local church. For some, this sentiment is an over-reaction to the failure of the contemporary church. For others, it flows more from their own past family relationships. For some it’s an inner rebellion and aversion to authentic, biblical structure and authority. Often it is due to fear and over-protectionism. (Becoming reclusive from God’s institution isn’t protective for our children, it’s harmful.) Wherever the withdrawal originates, this anti-local local church philosophy is purely unscriptural and therefore, dangerous to the family.

Sometimes this is referred to as a “home-church” philosophy. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with having a church in a home (as churches began in the New Testament), the modern-day typical “home-church” is somewhat morphed and mutated from the New Testament pattern.

Biblical churches have pastoral leadership, structure, order, giving, Biblical preaching and teaching, and authentic outreach ministry. They have pastors, deacons, new life, and missions efforts. But the “home church” philosophy tends to be, more or less, a few families gathering for loose-knit fellowship. It’s more exclusionary and reclusive. The daily operation, outreach, ministry, and administration of an effective local church is quite different.

Here’s the core point—successful homeschool families understand God’s structure of authority and submit to it. These parents don’t demand submission from their children while simultaneously rebelling against God themselves. They place themselves under God’s authority and model the submissive hearts they teach. In addition, they don’t redefine church according to their own terms—like meeting with a few families to play soccer once a week. If I despise God’s biblical authority in my life—church and pastor—I’m teaching my children to eventually cast off authority themselves.

Finally, these families place para-church organizations in proper perspective. They don’t allow curriculum or resource providers to usurp the local church and their commitment to gathering, growing, serving, giving, and participating with a local, called out assembly. I’ve seen God bless this commitment over and over.

3. The Value of Avoiding “Extreme Family Exclusivity”—Sometimes it is born out of fear—fear of exposing our kids to the “outside world.” Other times it is born out of pride—refusing to recognize that God has ordained other institutions to cooperate with the home in spiritual development and support. Some fringes of the homeschool movement tend toward reclusive family tendencies—withdrawing from church-family and biblical support relationships or structure.

As a “grown-up” child, I will be forever grateful for parents who kept my heart tender towards the lost, toward a godly pastor, and towards other growing Christian homes that weren’t “just like us.” In addition, they helped us to refrain from being judgmental or arrogant towards the lost or those who were growing in grace in our church family.

The successful homeschool stories that I have witnessed have always maintained a strong social and relational connection with healthy influences. They teach their children to avoid “peer dependence” while still meeting the need for peer interaction. They make sure their family is participating in the great work of the gospel with a vibrant church family. These parents have helped their children have a heart for the lost world, not to merely withdraw from it. As one friend of mine said—these families are not just cursing the darkness—they are punching holes in it with the light!

4. The Value of a Structured Format—Every parent is gifted by God to train up their child, but many struggle with the academic and structural side of daily education. Homeschooling is a huge commitment on the part of parents. It requires the shouldering of a massive schedule and academic responsibility, in addition to the already overwhelming responsibilities of nurturing and parenting our children and managing the household.

I have counseled families who, not long into the effort, find that they are falling behind. On occasion I’ve had moms or dads admit to being a year or more behind in their child’s education. Homeschooling is a serious commitment to a disciplined regimen—a structured schedule and format. We can’t afford to allow our children’s education slip because of a lack of discipline or academic training.

Success stories always include parents who were passionately committed to providing their children with the very best education possible—and that always includes a structured schedule and the daily discipline of school routines.

5. The Value of Family Balance—This final value speaks to the opposite extreme of the previous. While some families struggle to establish the discipline and routines necessary to stay on schedule, others can go overboard on rigidity. It really depends upon your nature. But some parents would tend to err to the side of over-structuring and bringing all of family life into some sort of system and order. This can be overwhelming to a child.

All of our homes need the balance of rules with relationships. Our kids need time with us outside of a routine. They need to laugh, play, connect heart-t0-heart, and experience our genuine warmth and compassion as parents. That’s hard to experience while sitting in a school desk. And as a parent it can be difficult to balance the role of school instructor or administrator, with the role of parent.

The success stories always include parents who wisely struck the balance with the help of the Holy Spirit. Remember there is something far more important than your child’s education (as vital as that is!) Their relationship with you and ultimately with God trumps everything else! Through all of the efforts to give them a solid education, be sure that the relationship—heart to heart—is healthy and growing.

Every now and then, break protocol and be a parent. Fall in love with your kids and meet the needs of their heart as well as their minds.

In conclusion, again, I believe wholly in the value of traditional Christian education. Whenever possible, a godly team of teachers in the right Christian school environment is a powerful compliment to the Christian home and local church. However, for many families, Christian school is just not an option for a variety of reasons. When these parents courageously shoulder the responsibility of education rather than taking the easier paths of public options, I respect their choice.

I pray that these values will be strong in your home and will help your family to be one of God’s great success stories!

Before You Criticize Your Pastor…

caryschmidt — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:02:31 +0000

Ever noticed that some people relish the criticism of pastors? Like kids and candy—they addict themselves even though it’s rotting something in them. While choosing voluntarily to stay under his leadership, they commit themselves to finding and exploiting every possible imperfection. I’ve never understood this thinking. Selecting a pastor, only to proceed to condemn the selection doesn’t make sense. It’s a strange, sad little game that brings some bizarre satisfaction.

The next time you are tempted to join this crowd and participate in “roasted pastor” after Sunday services, take a moment to remember this list…

Remember the sacrifice he makes to be in the ministry—good pastors would be good at a lot of other things, and most of them could make a lot more money in secular employment. He stays in the ministry because he loves you!

Remember the biblical nurture he provides for your life and family—his study and prayer time have proven effective in feeding and nurturing your spiritual life. He labors in the Word so that your Christian life can be stronger.

Remember the qualities that caused you to appreciate his leadership—at some point you voluntarily placed yourself under his leadership and influence. Take a moment and remember the good qualities that originally led you to this decision!

Remember the victories he has led you towards in life—because of his leadership you’ve probably had a part in some personal and ministry victories—some joyful, abundant moments. Delight in those memories!

Remember the spiritual decisions you have made because of his influence—because of his preaching, you’ve probably avoided some traps, been spared some bad decisions, and seen some real spiritual growth. Take a moment to reflect on those decisions.

Remember that plenty of others are criticizing him—anybody can be a critic, because everybody is imperfect! Look long enough and you’ll find fault with everybody. Too many people join “the dark side.” There’s nothing virtuous or valiant about finding fault and pointing it out—any unspiritual nitwit can do it. It takes a lot more spiritual maturity and depth to be steadfastly committed to a perfect cause with an imperfect church family!

Remember he’s probably bearing burdens he cannot tell you about—outside of my petty little world, my pastor is probably dealing with big things—a man whose life is falling a part, a family on the brink of destruction, a dying loved one, a personal spiritual attack, a church member facing a trial, a child who’s been sexually abused, a wife whose husband just left. He can’t tell you about it all, but it’s still there and it’s all very, very real.

Remember he probably has information you don’t have—critics never have the full story, and usually they grossly distort the few details they do have. It’s their modus operandi! They don’t want the full story—because it removes their ability to imagine and distort it in their favor with their troll-ish followers. I used to believe everybody wanted the truth. Boy was that naive! The few times I’ve tried to approach a dedicated critic with the truth, they either ignore it, don’t believe it, or refuse to hear it. When you don’t understand a decision, just remember, the pastor probably sees a part of this picture that you can’t see.

Remember he would be by your bedside praying if you were sick—yes, even the critics are loved by the pastor. He would drop what he’s doing, leave the dinner table from his family, or change a day off just to be there to visit and pray with you.

Remember he would be standing by you if you faced a hard trial—he would pray, support, and strengthen you during a difficult time, even if he couldn’t know the details.

Remember he would be waiting with you if a family member was hanging between life and death—he would be sitting there, probably weeping with you, and praying for God to intervene with a miracle.

Remember he would be sitting beside you in a lonely courtroom—innocent or guilty, your pastor would be there to pray for the best and encourage you through the worst.

Remember he would give you counsel during a difficult decision—he would help you see through the fog of your own surroundings, sort through the options, and apply biblical principles for a wise decision.

Remember he would still love and support you if you completely failed—if you came to him with the worst news, right now, he would still love you and help you do the right thing in response. He would graciously sit down with you, your family, and those involved and help rebuild what is broken, restore what is damaged, and recover what is lost.

Remember the Lord said to acknowledge and remember him—This is really all God’s idea. Hebrews 13:7 says, “Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation.”

Remember he is God’s shepherding gift to your life—God says it this way in Ephesians 4:11, “And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;”

Remember your critical spirit makes you and your family vulnerable—resisting God’s structure of authority is wrong for you just as it’s wrong for your children. Criticism of your spiritual authority opens the door for spiritual attack and it messes up your kids.

Remember no pastor on Earth is perfect—this is a no brainer. Your next church will have just as imperfect a pastor as your present church. Imperfect pastors are as epidemic as imperfect church members!

Remember he doesn’t have to be a pastor—he could walk away tomorrow. Many do. Many finally reach an end—tired, weary, and wounded. Many finally have enough. They realize they don’t have to put up with the public criticism. They can return to private life and live according to their own concerns. Don’t push your pastor that direction—plenty of others already are. Pull him the other direction with your encouragement!

Remember your criticism is more a reflection of your spirit than his faults—wrong-spirited criticism is a product of a impure heart, not an imperfect pastor. If your heart was pure, your criticism would not be criticism. It would be concern and it would be shared one on one with the person of concern. Critics don’t seek to resolve concerns and restore relationships—they seek to fester, stir up, and exaggerate issues. They relish turmoil—even if they have to fabricate it.

Remember your criticism ultimately hurts you—the spirit that drives criticism is like a festering cancerous sore of the soul. It robs joy, clouds vision, skews perspective, and destroys your ability to live joyfully and abundantly. Beyond the internal damage, criticism always damages your testimony. Wise people start avoiding you.

For the record—I don’t believe in hero worship. I don’t believe in dictatorial leadership. I would have no part of spiritual abuse or the manipulation of God’s people. These things are a blight on God’s original intent of spiritual leadership. They are unbiblical, man-centered, and just wrong. Having a biblical love and respect for a godly, servant-hearted, growing pastor is just right—from God’s Word. It is not man-worship. It isn’t blind. It isn’t mindless. It doesn’t violate the priesthood of every believer, the authority of every father, or the individual soul liberty of every person. It’s just wise.

The next time you want to criticize the sincere, godly man you call “Pastor,” remember this list. Stop and think about it. Someone wisely said, “Nobody ever erected a monument to a critic.” Take the high road of spiritual maturity and keep a right spirit. Over the long term, you’ll be glad you didn’t throw away your joy to such mindless, base behavior.

Benjamin Franklin said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most do.”

Teddy Roosevelt said, “It’s not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doers of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who was actually in the arena, whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood, who knows at best the triumph of high achievement and who if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat”

Hey, I have an idea—why not pick on someone who picks on you—like your dentist!

Lucky Bus Drivers!

caryschmidt — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 04:35:30 +0000

Sign found at a Burger King in Central California. Sort of like a frequent flier club for bus drivers—aren’t they lucky!

I sat in this section—even though I’m not a bus driver.

It was AWESOME!

No related posts.

Great Books for Christian Parents

Cary Schmidt — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:31:42 +0000

Frequently someone asks what books I would recommend on youth ministry or parenting. They are generally the same books. While there are some good books on youth ministry, the most helpful to youth ministry are those on the family. Whether you are a parent or a youth pastor, I would urge you to read everything you can on biblical parenting and working with young hearts. Over the years, these are a few books that have been profoundly helpful to me as a parent and youth pastor. I encourage you to read and pass along the information found in these books:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp—This is probably the best book I’ve ever read on parenting and deserves to be read by parents every couple of years, no matter the age of your children. Portions of this book deal with infancy, childhood, and then teen years, but the entire book teaches a parent how to focus on the heart and not merely the behavior. The strength of this book is that it is thoroughly biblical and that it gives parents a clear understanding of the vital biblical principles that pertain to parenting.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker—This book was given to me by a pastor friend and it deeply challenged me in my relationship with my daughter. Meg Meeker is a physician and the book, though Judeo-Christian in value, is primarily written from the experiences that Mrs. Meeker has had in dealing with families from the view of her medical practice. Every man with a daughter should read this book. It substantiates the principles of Scripture with the real-life experiences of a family physician.

Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond—I purchased this book a few years ago and worked through it in my personal time. The message of the book is that parenting by the Bible still works. The most powerful aspect of this book, in my life, was Rosemond’s explanation of authority and biblical discipline. He explains “the rod” of authority in a way that powerfully impacted me permanently in my own home. He also does a great job in dealing with heart transformation versus mere behavior modification. There were many portions of this book that I underlined, came back to, and shared with my wife.

Parenting Today’s Adolescent by Dennis Rainey—This book has been a standard in my library as a reference for teen parents for years. The book opens with much practical wisdom and then explores the traps of the teen years. As a youth pastor and parent, every page of this book resonated in my heart with wisdom and truth. One of the best aspects of this book is that it helps the parent lead the teen to develop personal convictions! This vital dynamic of training is absent in many Christian homes today.

As with most books but the Bible, I would give a disclaimer that I could not endorse everything about these books or the authors listed. I encourage the reader to read with Holy Spirit led discernment and biblical wisdom. But generally these books deal with vital parenting issues biblically and practically. I pray they will be helpful tools to your home and ministry.

Andrew Murray on Trials

caryschmidt — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:30:27 +0000

This quote about trials from Andrew Murray found its way to me through Dr. Mark Rasmussen. Perhaps it will encourage you!

“First, He brought me here. It is by His will I am in this strait place: in that fact I will rest.”
“Next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace to behave as His child.”
“Then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.”
“Last, in His good time He can bring me out again—how and when He knows.”

“Let me say I am here,
1) By God’s appointment;
2) In His keeping;
3) Under His training;
4) For His time.”

Andrew Murray

10 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You (Part 3)

caryschmidt — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:49:10 +0000

This is the third and final part in this series of articles. Click here to read part one or part two.

7. I’m as confused as you are about my problems. The truth—when you, in frustration, ask—“What wrong with you!?” They honestly don’t know the answer. If you feel like you are confused about what’s going on inside their minds and hearts—join the club—so are they. This is partially due to a complete brain rebuild that’s happening between the ages of 12 and 20, but it’s also due to spiritual battle for a young heart. Be willing to work through problems together and find biblical solutions with patience and prayer.

Quote: “Teens need answers to their problems and if they can’t talk to you about them and get answers, they are going to go somewhere else.”

8. God only needs a moment to change my life, and I need you to help me be there for that moment! We’re so quick to let less important things take the place of the teaching/preaching of God’s Word to our children. Soccer league trumps Bible Study. Birthday trip trumps church. Studying for a test trumps Sunday School. Cost savings trumps teen camp.

These, and all like them, are just very bad choices. There will always be a reason to miss the teaching of God’s Word—and before you know it, your family has missed dozens upon dozens of opportunities for spiritual growth and development. Make the Bible your first priority, and everything else can find a place around it—or not happen at all. Your kid can miss a few soccer practices—or the whole season for that matter—and be just fine. Miss the Bible and you invite disaster.

Quote: “I was 15 and had just come back from teen camp where God completely changed my life. The whole week climaxed to the final night where I know God called me to serve Him for the rest of my life. My parents never discouraged me from going to a camp or activity, and when I came home that Friday and told my dad, his response with a smile was, ‘I knew God was going to do something like that in your life.’”

9. Along with discipline, I really need to know you accept me in spite of my failures. Firm discipline must be coupled with acceptance. Discipline isn’t rejection. Discipline should be restorative not merely punitive. Teens can handle discipline that flows from a compassionate heart and ends with a hug and prayer. Be sure you provide biblical discipline that corrects behavior, nurtures the heart, and fully accepts the child all at the same time.

Quote: “While there needs to be a punishment when you do something wrong, there also needs to be forgiveness, and a learning process from it.”

Quote: “My parents showed no mercy when it came to discipline, however, they always emphasized that they new that I was ‘better than that’ and how much confidence they had in me. That kind of faith is what has kept me from quitting as a young adult. If your parents don’t believe in you, who does?”

Quote: “My parents not only helped me to realize that I am extremely imperfect, they helped me realize that I don’t always have to be perfect to be influential in life.”

10. More than anything I need your affirmation. Let me know when I’m doing something right! Teens generally go through life feeling like they are always in trouble. In most cases, they over-exaggerate our discipline and feel like complete failures. For this reason, it’s important to create the right context—if something is small, let them know it’s small. And when you deliver discipline, balance it out with tender love, encouragement, and unconditional acceptance. For every one time you deliver a reprimand, try to deliver ten affirmations. That ratio of 10 to 1 will keep you constantly challenged to find the good and praise it!

Quote: “When you are a teen, you get in trouble a lot. It always seems to a teenager every time they do something wrong they are always caught and always punished, but when they do something good it is just expected and nothing is ever said. Often, the only time you get attention in your home is on your birthday or when you do something wrong.”

Quote: “Sometimes it seemed like my parents paid much more attention to everything I did wrong, then anything I did right. This was extremely discouraging, and there were times when I became very bitter towards them.”

Quote: “I think this may have been my parents’ one weakness. It’s really easy to pick out the negatives in a person/situation and forget the positives. This can/did take its toll on a me emotionally. Personally, positive reinforcement is more motivating than negative reinforcement.”

So there you have it—ten things teens won’t tell you. Pray for wisdom as you seek to love those young hearts toward a life-time intimacy with their Heavenly Father!

10 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You (Part 2)

caryschmidt — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:04:04 +0000

This is part two of a three part series. Click here to read the first part of this article.

4. My deepest need is a sincere relationship with you. (I need time with parents.) Not only will they not say this—they won’t even admit to it or understand it. This one resides so deep in our God-given design, that we barely recognize it. It’s the life results that make it so obvious. A teenager who has a healthy relationship with Dad and Mom is just an entirely different creature than one that doesn’t. They think different, feel different (emotionally), logic different, behave different, and have vastly different lives for the long-term. The key is—you must make it happen. You must create these moments. No force on earth—not sports, not homework, not friends, not youth group, not work—should keep you from having quality, quantity time together.

Quote: “I went soulwinning with my mom and those were the only times I really got to talk to my mom, not just about church things, but about anything. She would take me to lunch afterward. Four hours is a long time. I truly treasured that time, because home life is so busy you don’t really talk.”

Quote: “This is something I didn’t realize I needed as a teenager. Both of my parents work full time, so they had to purposefully make time for us to spend together, and most of the time they had to force us to spend time with them. Had my parents given up on making us do things with them, I know that we would have serious relationship problems today, and I would be lacking two of my best mentors and counselors.”

Quote: “Probably the best thing my dad let me do was buy a 1968 Pontiac, and we spent the next two and a half years together working on it. I got quality time with my dad doing something we both loved, and I also got practical hands-on mechanical training.”

5. I need and want rules born out of love and enforced with sincerity. (Biblically deal with your own failures.) Teens expect us to be authorities—they know that love is sometimes tough. When we fail to provide and consistently enforce boundaries, or when we give too much freedom with no restraint, they know the interpretation—”Stay out of my way, I don’t really care about you.” Biblical parenting requires much wisdom and effort. It’s a sacrifice—hard work—to stand in the gap spiritually.

Quote: “Teens might fight the rules, but they need them more than anything. I am so glad my parents protected me from certain things. I owe where I am now to them. There were times that I didn’t break rules, because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, and if the rules hadn’t been there, I would have regretted it later.”

Quote: “My parents were good about explaining to us why they had certain rules for us as teenagers. That was a good move because it didn’t give us the chance to sit and think of all the cruel reasons they had come up with these restrictions, and we respected them for it.”

Quote: “I knew the rules from day one. This was never a problem with me, because they were balanced and properly enforced.”

6. I need united authority in my life. (Nothing confuses me more than conflicting authorities!) How often I counsel families where Mom and Dad do not stand together. One parent disagrees with the other on discipline. One hides things from the other. Statements like, “Don’t tell your father” or “Just because Pastor believes it doesn’t mean we have to” abound in today’s Christian home.

For a teen, divided authorities brings confusion and frustration. If you don’t agree with your school or pastor, find one you can support. If you are at odds with your spouse, resolve the problem. For your child’s sake—stand together with biblical authorities and with one another. Work out your differences privately, but stand together publicly.

Quote: “My parents never sided against an authority figure! They always supported them in front of us even if the authority figure was wrong.”

Quote: “My parents agreed with each other (at least in front of us), supported our pastor, and took the side of our teachers.”

Note: Don’t miss part three of this series coming soon!

Great News about Striving Together!

caryschmidt — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:21:50 +0000

Great news—Striving Together Publications is growing! Today, we launched several new specials and features:

1. A Beautiful New Home Page—this new home page has been in the works for a couple of months and we’re excited to finally launch it. You’ll find three primary rotating graphics featuring newest resources or specials. Then further down the page you can more easily navigate and browse resources right from the home page.

2. March Specials—beginning now through March 31st, you will receive $20 off any order of $100 or more.

3. 50% Discount Sale—also during this month, several titles are on sale at 50% off their regular price. Some fantastic titles are included. Be sure to take a look, especially if you are needing a quantity for a church or group function.

4. New Tracts and Bulletins - we recently added 26 new bulletin covers (some of them currently being reprinted), and are also in the process of completely updating our offering of tract designs. Tracts will now be available in multiple formats and many of them preprinted for churches desiring to purchase them in smaller quantities without the customization.

5. More Books Available for Kindle—at the bottom of the page you will find a link to all titles that are currently available on the Kindle. Check back because we are adding titles to this list regularly!

There’s much more just ahead! I wish I could tell you about new publications in the works. The coming months are going to be very exciting. We also have a long list of ways we plan to improve the online store in the coming months, so stay tuned.

Take a look at the new home page and be a part of the March specials! And thank you for Striving Together with us for the Gospel of Christ!

Before You Discipline Your Child…

caryschmidt — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:27:33 +0000

Discipline is a sacred thing. Too often we parents take discipline too lightly or treat it too flippantly. In the big picture, all discipline is about bringing our children into a right relationship with their Heavenly Father, that He might bless their lives. It’s not about controlling behavior, modifying behavior, or minimizing embarrassment. Pure and simple, it’s about bringing them into proper alignment with the laws and favor of their gracious God.

With that in mind, there are two critical questions I must ask myself before I enter into any discipline of my children.

1. Am I Right with My Heavenly Father? It would be rather hypocritical to try to bring my child into a relationship that I will not bring myself into. It would be completely duplicitous to demand submission from my children if I myself am not submissive. I cannot expect my child to love, obey, and honor a God that I will not.

I challenge you to begin all family discipline with this question. Search your heart before you correct theirs. This will help you stay right with the Lord. It will make your discipline authentic. It will give you a spirit of humility in meting out discipline. It will give you a right perspective of your role as you are “under the authority” of your own Heavenly Father.

2. Am I Right with My Child? This one is as critical as the first. For discipline to be received, it must transfer far more than mere punishment or rebuke. It must transfer love and compassion. It must transfer care. It must transfer the heart of Christ and a passionate desire for what is broken to be made whole. This cannot happen if there is an unresolved offense between me and my child.

For many parents, the way they deal out discipline actually creates offense. We yell, scream, throw fits, and generally spout unrestrained anger. All of this is counter productive to biblical discipline. While it may temporarily curb undesired behavior (at least in our presence) it actually makes matters much worse under the surface—in the heart.

Authentic discipline only takes place when my heart is completely right with my child. Trying to throw down discipline on top of previous offense only builds and feeds a spirit of resentment. This merely invites my child to despise me.

If my own sin is standing in the way, I cannot deal authentically with my child’s—and the child intuitively knows this.

Discipline is not only sacred—it is precious. It doesn’t need to be purely unpleasant. It can actually be sweet, restorative, rebuilding, and renewing. It can bring wholeness to that which was broken, sweetness to that which was bitter, and closeness to that which was distant. Biblical discipline brings a life out of fellowship back into fellowship. It puts joy and delight back into a relationship. In short—biblical discipline heals.

If you desire your discipline to be these things, you must first provide a “YES” to these two simple questions—Am I right with my Heavenly Father? Am I right with my child? Rest assured, if these two things are in place, your discipline will find its way into the heart and have a life-transforming effect.

Note: Quick litmus test—hug your child and pray with them after you discipline. If you are sincerely, willingly hugged back, it’s a good sign that you provided biblical discipline with the heart of Christ. If not, sit down and talk it out. Don’t stop pursuing an open heart, even after a moment of discipline. Discipline done right should bring your relationship closer immediately.

Thankful for Christian Education

caryschmidt — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:27:46 +0000

This past Saturday we had some family time and decided to drive over to the coast for the afternoon. It was one of the most beautiful coastal days I’ve ever seen—the sun was warm, the waves were huge, and it seemed that we had several miles of beach to ourselves. One of the highlights was being able to take a walk along the shore with Haylee.

During our walk, Haylee said, “Hey Dad, did you know that the ocean has paths in it?” “Yes,” I said, “where did you hear about that?” She replied, “We’re studying oceanography in 4th grade, and we learned it from Psalm 8.” Then we looked up Psalm 8 and read it together while we walked by the ocean. And once again, I thanked the Lord for the wonderful teachers and Bible-based education that my children have received.

If you’re investing yourself or your resources into giving your children a biblical education, stay at it—one day they will truly thank you. Nothing could better prepare them for life than having a biblical perspective in a world full of lies!

“O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!”

Psalm 8

Problems with Fun-Focused Youth Ministry

caryschmidt — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:49:38 +0000

Is your youth ministry Bible-focused or fun-focused? It’s easy to focus more on making the youth group fun than on making it biblical. I’m all for having a good time with students in the right context, but we have a much higher calling. How easy it is to fall into the trap of spending more time planning silliness than studying for Bible lessons.

Over the years, I’ve been delighted to find that teens really appreciate a strong biblical focus. Inherently, they know life is more than fun and games, and they know we are supposed to lead them to maturity. When we raise the bar spiritually, they rise to the occasion.

Here are some problems with the pop-culture, fun-focused model of student ministry:

1. Teens find fun, they don’t need an arm of the church dedicated to producing it. Let’s face it, teens are fun-magnets. Where they can’t find fun, they create it.

2. Ministry leaders are called to biblical, pastoral roles, not entertainment roles. In pastoral ministry, our calling is to teach and preach God’s Word and to make disciples. We are called to build mature Christians, not fill water balloons. Be certain—I’m willing to fill a water balloon, but only if it has a direct impact upon the spiritual growth of young lives.

3. It takes the spotlight off of God and places it on self. The focus of “fun” is pleasure, self, and personal entertainment. This is the focus of the emergent church—what man wants not what God desires. In building an entertainment-driven youth ministry, we feed the flesh and promote the love of pleasure and self.

4. It trivializes spiritual matters—God, the Bible, Truth. The more we turn Bible truth into “slapstick” silliness, the more we say to young people—“Christianity is juvenile and you will one day outgrow it.” And sadly, eventually, they do. We must be careful not to make spiritual things childish and silly. Let’s hold high the value of the eternal!

5. It doesn’t build the heart towards local church and pastor (two lifelong, vital relationships). Students eventually leave the youth group, but they should always be in church. Students will have a youth pastor for a season, but they should always have a pastor. If you teach them to value the local church and love their pastor, you have prepared them for life.

6. It encourages young people to stay immature. If teens only find fun at youth group, they know in their hearts something vital is missing. In high school I had two types of coaches—the ones who made us winners, and then the ones that goofed off with us. Through the years, the coaches who pushed us have my respect. The others didn’t help me. When you expect teens to grow in maturity, they will ultimately respect you for truly helping them.

7. It implies that living for Jesus Christ isn’t “fun,” so we have to compensate. This is perhaps the biggest! Somewhere along the way we began to think that bowling and putt-putt would be more attractive to a young person than Jesus! Jesus Christ—the living Word of God—when presented accurately, is incomparably and eternally attractive! Compel teens to fall in love with Him—for there is not a more joyful or “fun” life than the one where He is preeminent.

This article makes me sound like such a prude. Truly, we have a tremendous amount of fun in student ministry. No teen should have to endure a youth group that isn’t enjoyable. My point is balance! Let’s just be sure we strike the right balance. Our calling is to see them “rooted and built up in Him, and stablished in the faith” (Colossians 2:7).

10 Things Teens Won’t Tell You (Part 1)

caryschmidt — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:30:46 +0000

Have you noticed that teens are tight lipped? For a myriad of reasons—usually intimidation being the biggest—they really find it difficult to talk to adults at times. This is especially true with parents. In every home, there is a spiritual battle against authentic communication. Let’s face it—the devil doesn’t want parents and teens to truly open their hearts to each other.

But strong families resist this battle and conquer it. On the other side of the mountain of silence is a fertile meadow of healthy hearts. It’s a deliberate journey to get there, but it’s worth the effort. There isn’t a much sweeter experience in life than open, honest, heart-full communication between a parent and teen. When you have it, you gain a deep, satisfactory sense that this is what God intended in a family.

Malachi 4:6 teaches, “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…” In an effort to turn your heart toward your children, I wanted to share the results of a simple survey I did with our students several years ago. These statements and quotes came from faithful Christian adults who grew up in godly homes and in our youth group. The quotes below is what they shared about why they stayed faithful God. This list is what your teens think, whether they tell you or not; and it’s a great place to start a conversation:

1. I know whether you are faking it or not. (Contradiction is extremely confusing.) Amazingly, teens can see straight through us. They know our hearts, they constantly evaluate our motives, our spirit, and our life. If it’s consistent, then they accept our faith as real. If not, then they struggle with the conflict and often reject our faith outright.

Quote: “The teens are encouraged to read their Bibles and I am sure some of them have never seen their parents even pray outside of church.”

Quote: “I don’t think my parents ever contradicted themselves. They live honest lives, which makes it easy to trust them.”

Quote: “Honestly, I can’t remember my parents ever faking it. They were very open and honest with me.”

2. I need to talk openly with you about our faith. (Make sense of my faith.) Teens have questions. That doesn’t automatically make them rebels. They simply need to make a legitimate connection between God’s principles and real life. Many parents see this as the church’s responsibility. And, in part, it is. But every parent must help their teens see the common sense behind God’s eternal truth.

Quote: “My parents were great at this – especially my dad. He would always be bringing up different spiritual issues and explaining to me why we believed it. Sometimes he would bring up different arguments that unsaved people give about some of the things we believe, and he would explain to us why these arguments were wrong.”

Quote: “I never had to bring up a conversation about God or what we believed. My parents were always using every chance they got to expound on why we believe what we believe- there’s a spiritual moral to everything in life.”

Quote: “I grew up in a great church with great Bible preaching (that left few holes to be filled). I didn’t go to my parents often with questions about our faith, but when I did, I receive a Bible answer.”

3. I’m thinking about the opposite sex, and I’m curious about sexual issues. (But don’t make me bring it up.) Between the awakening of hormones and the onslaught of a godless culture, this is a very critical dynamic of youth. As parents, we want to bury our heads in the sand and hope we won’t have to talk about these things. Big mistake!

It seems everybody is talking to kids about sex today—except parents! How we need to reverse that model! Your teenager should have an open door, any time, to speak directly with you about sensitive, sexual issues. And he/she should get a clear, biblical, and understandable answer. Give them the truth, and they will be able to resist a world of lies. Fail to give them the truth—they will most likely buy the lies.

Sad Quote: ” I think the first time my dad and I talked about sexual issues was a month before I got married… maybe it was awkward for him too.”

Quotes? There weren’t any others—because most parents don’t talk about these things.

Be sure to stay tuned for parts two and three of this series.

New SL Podcast—Striving Together

caryschmidt — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:44:10 +0000

The February edition of the Spiritual Leadership Podcast has just posted! And Pastor Paul Chappell shares an insightful “in-studio” interview regarding the lesson.

Originally taught at the Spiritual Leadership Conference 2009, it is entitled “Striving Together.” This lesson focuses on how we should encourage one another in ministry.

The Spiritual Leadership podcast is a free resource from Striving Together Publications (a ministry of Lancaster Baptist Church and West Coast Baptist College).

You can subscribe to this podcast through iTunes and listen on your computer or iPod. You can also receive the complimentary outline with each lesson. Click here for more information about subscribing to the outline.

Enjoy the lesson!

8 Reasons to Follow a Great Leader

Cary Schmidt — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:23:26 +0000

Everybody, in some respect is a leader, and everybody is a follower. Few are called to be the key leader. Many more are called to follow and support a key leader. For instance, a family may have many members but should have one father. A team can have many players (and leaders) but only one head-coach. A church can have multiple leaders, but one senior pastor that clarifies the vision and sets the direction.

How about you? Do you have to be the “lead-leader?” Or has God called you, like most, to follow (and lead) from somewhere in the middle of the pack? If He has, then here are some great reasons to love what God has called you to do:

1. To Be Like Jesus—repeatedly Jesus reminded us that He was sent here by the Father and was on mission from Him, under His authority. (John 4:34, “Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.)

2. To Function How God Designed You—God designs some to be visionary and others to implement vision. I’m the latter. That’s not to say that I (or you) are not capable of vision, but simply that I would much rather administrate, strategize, and execute the vision than originate it. For example: Make me think of what should be done—and I’ll flounder in an ocean of endless possibilities, never getting anything done. Tell me what God has put on your heart to accomplish and immediately my mind and heart engage in processing a plan to make it happen.

3. To be a Part of a Great Team—One of Pastor Paul Chappell’s favorite statements is, “Teamwork makes the dream work.” Though we have a large team of leaders at LBC and WCBC, we are all very different and all fulfill very different roles. It’s true—together our strengths complement each other. We accomplish much more as a team than we would individually.

4. To be Stretched to Your Potential—Everybody wants to reach their potential, but few want to actually go there. We fail to consider that “reaching potential” is one hair’s breadth away from “total insanity!” For instance—if you stretch a rubber band to it’s full potential, you are one hair away from “SNAP!”—a broken rubberband. Are you sure you want to reach your potential? If so, be prepared to be stretched way out of your comfort zone.

5. To Develop a Vision Bigger than Self—this ties into point #2. Dynamic, visionary leaders attract people who want to partner together for something great. Everybody likes to be on a winning team!

6. To Hear and Pursue the Truth—you can’t hide from a winning team. You can’t really float or coast with a winning team. If you’re not working hard, pulling your weight, and adding value to the team—everybody knows it. The team creates a natural accountability and motivation that keeps you fully engaged, or convicted when you’re not!

7. To See Your Own Weaknesses–A good leader will help you see your weaknesses, help you play to your strengths, and place you on a team that compensates for your weaknesses. Many people are not willing to face their weaknesses, but a great leader will always help you accept and grow through them.

8. To Enjoy a Great Adventure—no doubt, working for a great leader puts you in places, positions, and circumstances that you would have never placed yourself! (Looking at that statement in light of my last 20 years of ministry, it’s seems like to understatement of the century!)

I’m privileged to work for Pastor Paul Chappell—a great leader. Whether you are a church member, a staff member, or a student, if God gives you the joy to partner with a winning team, you are most blessed! Embrace that second position and prepare for a great adventure!

What blessings have you enjoyed by following a great leader? Add your thoughts below.

New Curriculum—Salt and Light!

caryschmidt — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 01:03:40 +0000

Striving Together Publications is excited to announce the soon availability (Feb. 12) of this new adult curriculum from Dr. Mark Rasmussen! This 13 lesson series was over two years in development, and I’m extremely happy with the finished product. Dr. Rasmussen is one of the greatest Christian educators alive today, and you will find this resource helpful for both adults and teens in your church!

The study features a close examination of 13 metaphors for the Christian life—sheep, soldier, runner, salt, light, etc. It’s just a great study, and your church family will benefit from it.

The resource comes with a teacher guide and a student guide. Why? The teacher’s guide includes all the teaching material, illustrations, scripture references, and lesson details. The student guide features the blank outline, scripture references, lesson summary, and then a follow up study guide for each lesson. The student guides are extremely affordable and well worth the investment.

Why use the student guide?

Many churches ask students to invest the few dollars for the cost of their own work book, others simply give this to the students as a gift. It helps in a number of ways:

It encourages students to take the material more seriously.
It helps them follow the lesson, take notes, and further internalize the material.
It says to the students that Sunday School is a serious investment of heart and time.
It gives the student a process of application after the lesson.
It gives students a personal record of the series and their own spiritual growth to refer back to in years to come.

Presently Striving Together Publications offers fourteen adult curriculums (many which are adaptable for teens), and three teen curriculums. Additional teen and children’s curriculum are in development.