Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt » student ministry

What Teens Ask About Their Parents

caryschmidt — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 04:00:11 +0000

A couple times a year we host an anonymous question and answer time for teenagers. They respond well. You can read about these in past posts: Getting Teens to Air Their Questions and The Top 15 Questions Christian Teens Ask. We did this Q&A time again recently, and I was surprised how many questions were submitted about parents. Bear in mind, these were anonymous. My heart was stirred and challenged, both as a parent and a pastor, as I read these questions:

1. What do you do when your parents fight a lot and your mom has constant negative things to say about your dad?

2. My mom & dad have been going through a tough time. My dad really hurt my mom, and she is bitter and often “vents” to me. I’m not really sure how to take it or how to feel about it.

3. I turned 18, but my parents are reluctant to treat me like an adult. I still honor and obey them, but they still treat me like I’m 12. What should I do?

4. I’m bitter with my parents, and I want to make it better… I just don’t know how to.

5. How do I live for God with the ungodly ways of my parents who are not Christians?

6. If our parents have trouble in a certain area in life, are we likely to fail in this area as well? How do we stop from doing the stuff our parents do if their example is always before us and effects how we turn out?

7. How do you deal with a dad/parents who want you to be just like them? How do you live up to their high expectations?

8. Is a family problem partly your fault?

9. How do I deal with the fact that my parents always make an assumption and believe their assumption, which is a lie, and don’t let me tell them the truth. When I do tell the truth, they don’t believe me.

10. My parents have conflicting standards, and I’m a little confused as to where to put my standards. Should I find a median? (one is high, one is low.. not too low, but definitely not strict)

11. My mother is in an abusive relationship, what should I do?

Think about that list. It’s convicting if your a parent. It’s challenging if you serve in family ministry. In addition to this, we’ve recently dealt with many situations of abuse, grief, rejection, and desertion in the lives of young people. The pain of such trials is immense, but God’s grace is greater!

There are a thousand responses one could have to this list, so I’m not quite sure how to end this post. Let the Holy Spirit take it and do what He desires in your life and family.

1. What do you do when your parents fight a lot and your mom has constant negative things to say about your dad?

2. My mom & dad have been going through a tough time. My dad really hurt my mom, and she is bitter and often “vents” to me. I’m not really sure how to take it or how to feel about it.

3. I turned 18, but my parents are reluctant to treat me like an adult. I still honor and obey them, but they still treat me like I’m 12. What should I do?

4. I’m bitter with my parents, and I want to make it better… I just don’t know how to.

5. How do I live for God with the ungodly ways of my parents who are not Christians?

7. How do you deal with a dad/parents who want you to be just like them? How do you live up to their high expectations?

8. Is a family problem partly your fault?

10. My parents have conflicting standards, and I’m a little confused as to where to put my standards. Should I find a median? (one is high, one is low.. not too low, but definitely not strict)

11. My mother is in an abusive relationship, what should I do?

There are a thousand responses one could have to this list, so I’m not quite sure how to end this post. Let the Holy Spirit take it and do what He desires in your life and family.

Strengthening Spiritual Decisions

caryschmidt — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:31:48 +0000

As promised, here are a few short thoughts about how to respond to your teenager after teen camp, especially in regards to their spiritual decisions.

Begin with the long-term perspective—Our view of spiritual decisions is often just too short. Every good decision of life begins with short-term challenges, but also bears long-term results at a “core-values” level. Even if a teen struggles with a decision in the few weeks after camp, that doesn’t negate the fact that a long-term value was established. The key is, encourage your teen to take the long-term view that they might not get discouraged with short-term struggles. For example, let’s say a teenager decided to start walking with God personally. We all know that teen will struggle with keeping that decision every single day. But the long-term value of walking with God has been established. If that teen can take the long view, and not get discouraged when a day or two is missed, he might still be walking with God twenty years from now. 2 Peter 3:18 says, “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.” Growth is always a long-term proposition.

Recognize what real spiritual victory looks like—With many of our spiritual struggles, the victory is in the battle—it’s in staying in the fight. For example, just because I decide to have a good spirit towards my parents doesn’t mean I won’t ever have a struggle with them again. It means that I’ve decided to engage in the fight to maintain a good spirit or to restore one when I fail. Staying in the fight is the most important part of long-term victory. Many Christians give up too soon. It is for this reason that 1 Timothy 6:12 says, ”Fight the good fight of faith” and Ephesians 6:13-14 says, “…having done all, to stand. Stand therefore…” Spiritual victory in this life involves staying in the fight no matter what.

Make decisions public and share with family—If you haven’t already, carve out some time to sit down and ask your teenager what God is doing in his life. Too often, parents are convicted by their teen’s decisions and actually criticize them or belittle them. Phrases like, “Well, we’ll see how long that lasts…” or “We’ll see if you really mean it” are discouraging. Sometimes within moments of getting back from a camp or retreat, family members start tearing down what God did in the heart. Hebrews 10:24 teaches us, “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:” Be thankful if your teenager is taking a higher road than you’re taking. In fact, join them on the journey. You really won’t miss your bad music, rotten TV shows, or bad spirit. Usually teen camp decisions are good for the whole family.

Encourage each other in godly decisions—To make a spiritual decision is to step onto a battlefield. Nobody wants to go to war alone. If someone you love has chosen to fight a spiritual battle, fight with them. Pray, encourage, strengthen, and support them. 1 Peter 1:22 teaches us that we need fervent love in fighting the battle for purity, “Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:”

Renew decisions when you fail—It’s easy to spot failure. Within days of making a decision, often the devil has succeeded at getting us to fail. His ultimate goal is that we might give up. We really only lose when we quit fighting altogether. For this reason, remember the importance of getting back up. Any decision worth making is worth fighting for and worth getting back up for after failure. Proverbs 24:16 challenges us, “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again…”

I started going to camp when I was 9 years old. For the past 31 years, I’ve been to camp nearly every year. Every year I’ve made decisions. And every year I’ve struggled to keep them. Over three decades, my life is much different than it would have been. The decisions held more than short-term value. The weeks of camp were more than just short-term spiritual pep rallies. They shaped me. They formed my future. They instilled passion. They infused courage to embrace big, direction-setting values. The short-term struggles of whether I kept a decision for a week or two is massively overshadowed by the collective value of deciding many times over to continue doing right and living for God. Each decision was another choice to stay in the fight.

Don’t be discouraged if you struggle to keep spiritual decisions. Just keep making them. Keep fighting the battle. You can never go wrong making a spiritual decision—even if you make it many times over! Teen camp results should really be measured in decades, not weeks. Maybe you’ve already struggled with a recent decision and the devil has started discouraging you. Now would be a great time to get back up and stay in the fight!

Teen Camp 2010 Recap

caryschmidt — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 00:21:17 +0000

Today we completed a wonderful week of teen camp. Here’s a short recap.

First, we were able to return to Pine Summit Camp in Big Bear, California. Operationally, this was the best week of camp we’ve ever had. The good team at Pine Summit served our group well with great food, tremendous facilities, and a wide array of activities and free-time options for the teens. After several bad experiences with camp facilities, we were thankful for big improvement! In addition to this, our LBC camp staff provided great games and a fun-filled week for every teen!

Second, the main event of teen camp is always the preaching. This year Pastor Kurt Skelly preached to our Senior Highers and Pastor Josh Irmler preached to the Junior Highers. Both men were very biblical, practical, and passionate in their preaching. God used them powerfully! In addition to perhaps thousands of spiritual decisions, God gave us approximately 23 teens who trusted Christ, and another 20 who surrendered to God’s call to full time ministry. It was a delight to see the tender hearts at the invitations. Each night, many teens raised a hand asking for a counselor to pray with them about something specific.

Third, we thank the Lord for a great group! Eight other churches from the southwest joined us for the week. Approximately 420 teens and 80 adults participated in the week, and the entire group had a tremendous spirit. I’m especially thankful for the fellowship the youth pastor’s shared, and the sacrifice our adult leaders displayed as they invested their hearts and influence into the teens. From early morning to late night, God gave each of us many counseling moments to encourage, pray with, and strengthen the young people.

Fourth, I thank the Lord for a week of unforgettable moments and spiritual victories. This article would be much too long if I attempted to recall them all, but here are a few highlights of the week. Dozens of teens who have been hurt or who are bearing burdens made decisions to “overcome the evil with good.” The teens memorized several thousand verses during the week. Our new class of Seniors displayed a tremendous spirit and made many good decisions. The WCBC ladies trio did a great job singing and serving. Youth pastors participated in a round-table idea sharing time for youth ministry. Dozens of former youth group graduates returned to camp as counselors—I’m grateful for their tremendous mentoring and godly examples. Older teens consistently reached out encourage younger teens. Pastor and Mrs. Chappell visited camp on Thursday, spent some time with the kids, and shared a challenge in the evening services. And the week was filled with great laughs and hilarious memories.

The biggest take-away for me was the overwhelming understanding of the enormous burdens that many teens bear. This week we counseled many teens who have indescribable grief unfolding in their lives. A huge percentage of them have faced broken homes, abuse, rejection, desertion, and other painful trials. Our hearts broke as we wept and prayed with these young people. My prayer is that God used the week to encourage them and heal their hurts by His grace.

Looking back, teen camp is an exhausting week, but worth every moment! It’s one of the most critical spiritual weeks of the year. The hundreds of hours of personal counseling, praying, planning, and participation will reap decades of fruit in young lives. Teen Camp produces lasting life change. I can attest to this because of the powerful impact camp had on my own life as a teenager.

If you are a parent, thank you for sending your teenager! Thank you for allowing us to minister to them! It’s a great privilege. Check back this weekend for a short article on how to encourage and strengthen your teenager’s camp decisions.

If you are a youth pastor, we would love to have your group join us next year. Space is limited, so let us know soon if you are interested. We would be happy to provide you with more information. If you are a praying friend, thank you for praying for God to work! He answered prayer! Our hearts are full. God truly blessed teen camp 2010!

The Road to Adulthood Gets Longer

caryschmidt — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:52:24 +0000

New Data on the Growing Distance Between Youth and Adulthood

The New York Times ran a fascinating article yesterday entitled “The Long Road to Adulthood Is Growing Even Longer” by Patricia Cohen. The article reinforces a growing body of research, much of which I wrote about in Life Quest: Braving Adulthood with Biblical Passion. The point is, the twenty and thirty-something generations are increasingly choosing to postpone the decisions and responsibilities of adult life, choosing rather to stay in a perpetual state of limbo—between youth and adulthood. They are taking longer to finished education, begin a family, and become independent.

The most interesting stats in the article were as follows: The median age for marriage is now 27 for men, 26 for women. It was 23 in 1980. Today, 40% of all births are to unwed mothers. That’s a massive shift from 28% in 1990. Parents are now spending more on their kids in their twenties than when they were teens. The average parent spends 10% of their income on their “twenty-something” children. One fourth of 25-year-old men live at home with their parents. That’s up from less than one eighth in 1970.

The article emphasized that marriage and parenthood are now viewed as lifestyle choices rather than a normal part of adulthood. The last statement of the article said that our thought that people enter adulthood in their late teens and early twenties is an “archaic idea.”

Biblically, I believe we should do everything within our power to encourage young adults to resist a trend toward immaturity and irresponsibility. Avoiding responsibility is destructive to life. Practically speaking, however, this trend is a reality in today’s culture, and it’s not all spiritually driven. There are many societal forces that make the transition to adulthood more difficult than it has ever been. The cost of living, the expense of a college education, the information age, and the economic challenges of our day all tend toward the postponement of adulthood.

If you are reaching young adults with the Gospel, this is their reality. This is their “normal.” On one hand we should encourage Christian young adults to resist the trends, but in a very real sense the world in which they live and work thinks very differently. When we reach young adults with the Gospel, their social and cultural philosophies are already deeply ingrained with this thinking.

From my perspective the dangerous aspects of the trends are not necessarily that more young adults are single, living at home, taking longer to be educated, or still having financial help. But rather it is the “why” behind these decisions. In some ways, these things may be unavoidable in today’s climate, and driven by circumstances beyond our control. God’s call and purpose may not always include a spouse, a family, a place of your own, or early financial independence. The real danger lies in avoiding purpose, responsibility, and direction. The real loss is when young adults waste a decade or two in folly rather than focusing on living God’s will and fulfilling His call.

Let’s face it, apart from Christ, secular adulthood, with its wreckage and hopelessness, is less than inviting. It’s something to avoid as long as possible. It’s much more attractive and appealing to stay uncommitted and indecisive—unfettered by adulthood’s weighty responsibilities. I would be indecisive too if so many of my options appeared to lead to hopelessness!

In today’s climate, more young adults simply don’t like their odds when they look at the generation who has gone before them. Too many adult decisions obviously result in failure and despair—so it appears easier not to make them. Many are simply choosing the path that appears to have the least risk, and avoiding the vulnerability that big commitments bring.

The painkillers of life are also attractive—alcohol, drugs, partying, illicit sex, etc. All of these things provide a temporary escape from the steady, dull ache of a meaningless life. Life in Christ is quite the contrary. It is purposeful, joy-filled, and abundant. Life in Christ is not something to escape from, curse about, dread, or avoid.

This past week at a College and Career fellowship we had a lengthy group discussion about the ridicule that Christians receive from co-workers for the things they don’t do—like cursing, drinking, drugs, parties, and sex. I said to the group, “No wonder the world needs these things. I would too if I wasn’t saved! Without Christ, life would be worth cursing about. Life would plainly stink! Life without Christ would require some painkillers and escape. Alcohol, sex, drugs, and parties would be the only hope for temporary relief from the pointlessness and emptiness. What a joy it is to know Christ, to know abundant life. Because of Him, I don’t need to escape my life.”

What does the research show us? Hope for the Gospel! It shows us that young adults are searching for answers in a world that provides none. This is a fantastic platform for the God’s Word! Twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings are prime candidates for the hope, joy, and success that Christ can bring!

As for Christians, we may not be able to rush their education, speed up their dating, or move them quickly to financial independence. But we can challenge them biblically to embrace God’s call and to live purposefully, responsibly, and passionately for Him. That commitment will rightfully lead to all the other right commitments in God’s time.

Note: The article also had some interesting links to research related to transitioning into adulthood, and some links to related articles that would be helpful to someone in young adult ministry.

Student Ministry Idea-Gift Planners

caryschmidt — Sat, 08 May 2010 21:03:27 +0000

Note regarding this post: Part of the purpose of this blog is to share helpful news of resources from Striving Together, and part of the purpose is to share ideas and thoughts on student ministry. This post falls under both of these purposes. Bear with me as this is more than a commercial for a Striving Together resource.

For the past two years, our student ministry has done something that’s been a blessing to the students and their families of our local church. We’ve purchased a quantity of the Striving Together Student Planners, gift wrapped them, attached a nice note, and then personally delivered them to our public school and home school students. (The Christian school students receive them from the school on the first day of school.) Here’s a few thoughts on doing this project:

Compile a list of the students that should receive this gift, assemble the gifts in a nice gift bag or wrapping with some ribbon, and attach a personal note or card (volunteers usually enjoy doing this). Then create a visitation card with a map of every student’s home address. During your regular visitation time, have your student ministry leaders and volunteers personally deliver the planners (or some other gift) to the homes of the students. The parents appreciate the loving thought, the students receive a personal visit and a helpful resource, and the youth staff enjoy the blessing of personally visiting the teens. Everybody is blessed by an project like this.

We use the planners because they are unique, cost effective, can be used for a full year, and they encourage spiritual growth and personal planning. For public school students they make a great “statement of faith” when carried around school. This effort would work equally well with other gifts or resources. If you’ve never done something like this, the end of the summer is a great time!

Consider putting a plan together to visit all of your teens before the new school year begins. Your youth group will be blessed by the project!

Click here for more information on the student planner.

New Data on Church Drop-Outs

caryschmidt — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 13:00:06 +0000

USAToday featured an article today that stated 72% of 18-29 year olds say they are more “spiritual” than religious. You can read the original article here, and it’s filled with plenty of discouraging data. But I wanted to draw out two positives that jumped off the page at me. These two things greatly encouraged my heart in youth ministry!

The first starts with a negative—70% of young adults who call themselves Christians actually stop attending church between the ages of 18 and 23. But here’s the positive. Before they turn 30, 66% of these young adults return to church. WOW! There’s a lot of bad news there, but what a huge reason to NEVER give up on someone! 66% of the young adults who stop attending your church will someday return. Have you loved them enough to leave the door open so they could return?

The second positive is this—15% who call themselves Christians are actively passionate and committed to their faith. Why do I love this statistic? Because I would gladly give a lifetime of effort to see 15% of those to whom I minister actually be passionately engaged in living their faith on a regular basis—walking with God, sharing Christ, and serving the Lord. I wish the number was higher—and in our ministry it has been. But what a great reason to keep pressing on in ministry—if only for the 15% who will truly be impacted!

Incidentally, the survey was taken among a broad cross-section of “Christians.” In our local church, over the past 20 years, we’ve actually seen the statistic dramatically differ. About 75-80% of the young people who grew up at Lancaster Baptist Church have stayed faithful to the Lord into their 20’s and 30’s. And yes, many of those who fall away for a time eventually return to their faith.

Honestly, I don’t know that the Apostle Paul’s ministry statistics would have been any better. People have been faking their faith and falling away from Christ for a long time! Don’t stop fighting the fight for higher statistics, but don’t forget, we don’t serve statistics. We serve God, and the fruit is the product of His Holy Spirit. Many who fall away will someday come back! And there’s always at least a remnant of those who are truly “unfeigned” in their faith.

Why Young People Stay Faithful

caryschmidt — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:30:56 +0000

Have you ever wondered what contributes to young people staying faithful to the things of God, while others wander away? What contributes t0 two kids in the same local church, hearing the same preaching, ultimately going dramatically different directions? Ultimately, it’s free will—everybody makes their own decisions. But what influences those decisions?

One of our youth group graduates, Josh Tanner, just began serving the Lord in youth ministry. Josh recently emailed me, asking what I would place on a list of “things that help young people stay faithful.” My quick reply was simply “a good relationship with godly parents,” but then I asked him to send me his list. I was curious what he considered to be the factors that kept him faithful since his childhood.

To put it simply—he nailed it! Josh sent me a strong list of ten things that contributed to his spiritual course. Here’s the list:

1. Parents—faithful parents who lived the Christian life, not perfectly, but genuinely.

2. Pastor—a great relationship with a faithful pastor. These first two trump all the rest!

3. Youth Pastor—someone to come along, teach the Bible, and encourage the first two relationships.

4. Godly Relationships (friends, peers, dating, mentors, friends’ parents)—choosing right influences and good crowds.

5. Involvement in church functions, events and work around the church—making church life a priority, and letting fun, social life, and friends revolve around spiritual things.

6. Seeing and experiencing the joy that comes from serving in ministry—acting out your faith by getting involved in ministering to others.

7. Seeing miracles and seeing God do amazing things—being a part of a dynamic local church where God is at work.

8. Seeing and realizing the need—taking eyes off of self and looking around long enough to see that God wants you to make a difference in someone else’s life.

9. God’s grace—the supernatural working of God developing desires and direction in life—probably a result of the prayers flowing from points one and two!

10. Relationship with God (devotions, prayer, prayer meetings, etc.)—the outflow of a real personal walk with Christ. At some point, Josh made his walk with God real and personal.

The first two on the list are the foundation. Everything else can be built on those two. If you’re wondering what factors help a teen choose to stay faithful to God, I believe this list states it well! May God bless you in the work of establishing young hearts in the faith of Christ!

Thanks, Josh, for sharing your heart in this list!

Do Big Events Really Count?

caryschmidt — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:51:07 +0000

We just completed two huge events in our ministry—Easter weekend and West Coast Baptist Youth Conference. After many months of diligent prayer and preparation by a large team, God gave us a great week of decisions for Christ and personal life-change. Over the course of both events we had at least 200 people trust Christ as their personal Saviour, and another 200+ teenagers surrendered their lives to serve Jesus Christ.

The Devil’s advocate might wonder, “Are these decisions real?” “Do they last, or are they just made in the emotion of a moment?” Are they truly the work of God or are they just hype—merely the results of a pepped up crowd in an energized environment? I’ve heard my share of cynical questions over the years, and I’ve even wrestled personally with doing my best to make sure the events we host are conducted in the power of the Spirit of God and not just merely hyped up.

But to really get to the heart of the answer, all I need to do is think of my own testimony. Saved at age seven, I was privileged to be a part of exciting, big events all through my childhood and teen years—junior camps, teen camps, youth conferences, revivals, pastors’ conferences, etc. And when I think back to those years, it’s easy to see that truly—they counted! Having been saved now for 34 years and serving the Lord for 20 years, I can say that every single event played a significant role in leading me to this point in my life.

How? Here are seven ways that big spiritual events made a difference in my life:

1. They served as mile markers on a spiritual journey—in the big picture of my life, God used these events to produce spiritual progress and reaffirm spiritual decisions. They were like road-signs on a long journey that reminded me I had come a good distance and I was still headed the right direction.

2. They reminded me of others who believed what I believed—each event placed me in the path of guest speakers, other churches, and other spiritual leaders who believed the same Word of God that I believed. They reminded me in a big way that I was not alone!

3. They served as focused times of revival—no doubt, the focused prayer, the preaching, and the tender expectation of my heart in these seasons brought about wonderful times of revival and spiritual renewal. Each event was like a fresh gust of wind in the sails of my life to keep me heading God’s direction.

4. They served as course correctors—often God used the preaching and teaching at these events to bring about correction and reproof. I can recall many moments at invitations in dealing with bad attitudes and sin struggles. These events were critical in keeping me engaged in the battle against sin.

5. They served as course reinforcers—often God used these events to stir up something He had already done in my life. Though I had already surrendered to serve Him, each event stirred up the gift and reinforced God’s call and direction for my life.

6. They provided awesome, wholesome spiritual memories—amazingly, to this day, when I look back on these events, they still bring a smile to my heart! I will never forget both the fun and the spiritual memories that such times provided. Young people enjoy energy—they are drawn to high energy events—and these spiritual events leave an eternal good memory.

7. They jump-started my personal walk with Christ—without fail, the result of every single event was an increased desire to walk with the Lord personally. Each camp and conference served to ignite my love for the Lord and revitalize my personal walk with him each day.

So, in case you’re wondering—YES—I believe big events count in a major way! I thank the Lord for how He used big events to strengthen my heart for Him. And I praise the Lord for the wonderful response He gave us this week in thousands of hearts because of the diligent labor of so many people!

Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands. (2 Timothy 1:6)

Re-Igniting Apathetic Teens

caryschmidt — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:30:35 +0000

Recently, a youth pastor asked about some thoughts on how to respond if the youth group is apathetic. My first thought was, we live in a spiritually apathetic world—apathy toward spiritual things is rampant, even among Christians. It’s nothing new, and as long as we serve in ministry, we will be fighting apathy. It’s what we are called to do.

With that in mind, here’s a few ways to actively engage against an apathetic spirit in your youth group:

1. Pray—Pray personally and ask God to reveal any apathy in your own life. Then have prayer meetings, etc. and claim God’s power to do a work that human efforts cannot do.

2. Teach and Preach the Bible—Ask God to ignite a fire in yourself for the Word of God and for passionately teaching and preaching in practical ways that make sense to teens. The Bible is a living book. It changes the heart. I’ve seen spiritually apathetic teens come to life when the Bible comes alive within them.

3. Personal Ministry—Launch a massive effort of personal ministry to every teen. Take them out to lunch or soulwinning, have them to your home, invest personal time. Do everything you can to build personal, mentoring relationships.

4. Give More Time to the Softest Teens—Give the most spiritually hungry teens more time and energy. Focus on the ones that are earnestly desiring to grow. It’s easy to focus on the hardest hearts, while the softest hearts are ignored. Don’t make that mistake.

5. Encourage the Family—Sometimes apathy abounds in the whole family. Try to work through the parents to strengthen the home. If you can get parents to seriously pray with their kids on a regular basis, your group will be dramatically different!

6. Provide Service Opportunities—Teens need to see beyond themselves. Try to find ways to help them serve God and give themselves to others. Their faith will become real and vibrant when they begin living it out in service to others.

7. Plan Times of Revival—A retreat, a camp, a conference, a revival—these are times when God can do something special through extended preaching and spiritual focus.

8. Uplift the Spiritual—Call attention to the good. When the teens show spiritual growth, magnify it publicly. Have them share a testimony, recognize them some how. What you praise is what others will aim for.

9. Be Patient—Spiritual apathy doesn’t change over night. It take months, maybe years, to see the seeds you plant begin to have a harvest. Your goal should be sustained spiritual direction, not a flash-in-the-pan revival that doesn’t last. Recognize small victories, and keep pressing forward through doubt and resistance.

10. Exemplify a passionate, joyful, spiritual life—Your example in displaying the right life is huge. The teens are all watching you and waiting to see if you are for real. If your life is consistent, your passion real, and your ministry genuine; God will give you fruit for your labor.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

Great Books for Christian Parents

Cary Schmidt — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:31:42 +0000

Frequently someone asks what books I would recommend on youth ministry or parenting. They are generally the same books. While there are some good books on youth ministry, the most helpful to youth ministry are those on the family. Whether you are a parent or a youth pastor, I would urge you to read everything you can on biblical parenting and working with young hearts. Over the years, these are a few books that have been profoundly helpful to me as a parent and youth pastor. I encourage you to read and pass along the information found in these books:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp—This is probably the best book I’ve ever read on parenting and deserves to be read by parents every couple of years, no matter the age of your children. Portions of this book deal with infancy, childhood, and then teen years, but the entire book teaches a parent how to focus on the heart and not merely the behavior. The strength of this book is that it is thoroughly biblical and that it gives parents a clear understanding of the vital biblical principles that pertain to parenting.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker—This book was given to me by a pastor friend and it deeply challenged me in my relationship with my daughter. Meg Meeker is a physician and the book, though Judeo-Christian in value, is primarily written from the experiences that Mrs. Meeker has had in dealing with families from the view of her medical practice. Every man with a daughter should read this book. It substantiates the principles of Scripture with the real-life experiences of a family physician.

Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond—I purchased this book a few years ago and worked through it in my personal time. The message of the book is that parenting by the Bible still works. The most powerful aspect of this book, in my life, was Rosemond’s explanation of authority and biblical discipline. He explains “the rod” of authority in a way that powerfully impacted me permanently in my own home. He also does a great job in dealing with heart transformation versus mere behavior modification. There were many portions of this book that I underlined, came back to, and shared with my wife.

Parenting Today’s Adolescent by Dennis Rainey—This book has been a standard in my library as a reference for teen parents for years. The book opens with much practical wisdom and then explores the traps of the teen years. As a youth pastor and parent, every page of this book resonated in my heart with wisdom and truth. One of the best aspects of this book is that it helps the parent lead the teen to develop personal convictions! This vital dynamic of training is absent in many Christian homes today.

As with most books but the Bible, I would give a disclaimer that I could not endorse everything about these books or the authors listed. I encourage the reader to read with Holy Spirit led discernment and biblical wisdom. But generally these books deal with vital parenting issues biblically and practically. I pray they will be helpful tools to your home and ministry.

Problems with Fun-Focused Youth Ministry

caryschmidt — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:49:38 +0000

Is your youth ministry Bible-focused or fun-focused? It’s easy to focus more on making the youth group fun than on making it biblical. I’m all for having a good time with students in the right context, but we have a much higher calling. How easy it is to fall into the trap of spending more time planning silliness than studying for Bible lessons.

Over the years, I’ve been delighted to find that teens really appreciate a strong biblical focus. Inherently, they know life is more than fun and games, and they know we are supposed to lead them to maturity. When we raise the bar spiritually, they rise to the occasion.

Here are some problems with the pop-culture, fun-focused model of student ministry:

1. Teens find fun, they don’t need an arm of the church dedicated to producing it. Let’s face it, teens are fun-magnets. Where they can’t find fun, they create it.

2. Ministry leaders are called to biblical, pastoral roles, not entertainment roles. In pastoral ministry, our calling is to teach and preach God’s Word and to make disciples. We are called to build mature Christians, not fill water balloons. Be certain—I’m willing to fill a water balloon, but only if it has a direct impact upon the spiritual growth of young lives.

3. It takes the spotlight off of God and places it on self. The focus of “fun” is pleasure, self, and personal entertainment. This is the focus of the emergent church—what man wants not what God desires. In building an entertainment-driven youth ministry, we feed the flesh and promote the love of pleasure and self.

4. It trivializes spiritual matters—God, the Bible, Truth. The more we turn Bible truth into “slapstick” silliness, the more we say to young people—“Christianity is juvenile and you will one day outgrow it.” And sadly, eventually, they do. We must be careful not to make spiritual things childish and silly. Let’s hold high the value of the eternal!

5. It doesn’t build the heart towards local church and pastor (two lifelong, vital relationships). Students eventually leave the youth group, but they should always be in church. Students will have a youth pastor for a season, but they should always have a pastor. If you teach them to value the local church and love their pastor, you have prepared them for life.

6. It encourages young people to stay immature. If teens only find fun at youth group, they know in their hearts something vital is missing. In high school I had two types of coaches—the ones who made us winners, and then the ones that goofed off with us. Through the years, the coaches who pushed us have my respect. The others didn’t help me. When you expect teens to grow in maturity, they will ultimately respect you for truly helping them.

7. It implies that living for Jesus Christ isn’t “fun,” so we have to compensate. This is perhaps the biggest! Somewhere along the way we began to think that bowling and putt-putt would be more attractive to a young person than Jesus! Jesus Christ—the living Word of God—when presented accurately, is incomparably and eternally attractive! Compel teens to fall in love with Him—for there is not a more joyful or “fun” life than the one where He is preeminent.

This article makes me sound like such a prude. Truly, we have a tremendous amount of fun in student ministry. No teen should have to endure a youth group that isn’t enjoyable. My point is balance! Let’s just be sure we strike the right balance. Our calling is to see them “rooted and built up in Him, and stablished in the faith” (Colossians 2:7).

10 Things Teens Won’t Tell You (Part 1)

caryschmidt — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:30:46 +0000

Have you noticed that teens are tight lipped? For a myriad of reasons—usually intimidation being the biggest—they really find it difficult to talk to adults at times. This is especially true with parents. In every home, there is a spiritual battle against authentic communication. Let’s face it—the devil doesn’t want parents and teens to truly open their hearts to each other.

But strong families resist this battle and conquer it. On the other side of the mountain of silence is a fertile meadow of healthy hearts. It’s a deliberate journey to get there, but it’s worth the effort. There isn’t a much sweeter experience in life than open, honest, heart-full communication between a parent and teen. When you have it, you gain a deep, satisfactory sense that this is what God intended in a family.

Malachi 4:6 teaches, “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…” In an effort to turn your heart toward your children, I wanted to share the results of a simple survey I did with our students several years ago. These statements and quotes came from faithful Christian adults who grew up in godly homes and in our youth group. The quotes below is what they shared about why they stayed faithful God. This list is what your teens think, whether they tell you or not; and it’s a great place to start a conversation:

1. I know whether you are faking it or not. (Contradiction is extremely confusing.) Amazingly, teens can see straight through us. They know our hearts, they constantly evaluate our motives, our spirit, and our life. If it’s consistent, then they accept our faith as real. If not, then they struggle with the conflict and often reject our faith outright.

Quote: “The teens are encouraged to read their Bibles and I am sure some of them have never seen their parents even pray outside of church.”

Quote: “I don’t think my parents ever contradicted themselves. They live honest lives, which makes it easy to trust them.”

Quote: “Honestly, I can’t remember my parents ever faking it. They were very open and honest with me.”

2. I need to talk openly with you about our faith. (Make sense of my faith.) Teens have questions. That doesn’t automatically make them rebels. They simply need to make a legitimate connection between God’s principles and real life. Many parents see this as the church’s responsibility. And, in part, it is. But every parent must help their teens see the common sense behind God’s eternal truth.

Quote: “My parents were great at this – especially my dad. He would always be bringing up different spiritual issues and explaining to me why we believed it. Sometimes he would bring up different arguments that unsaved people give about some of the things we believe, and he would explain to us why these arguments were wrong.”

Quote: “I never had to bring up a conversation about God or what we believed. My parents were always using every chance they got to expound on why we believe what we believe- there’s a spiritual moral to everything in life.”

Quote: “I grew up in a great church with great Bible preaching (that left few holes to be filled). I didn’t go to my parents often with questions about our faith, but when I did, I receive a Bible answer.”

3. I’m thinking about the opposite sex, and I’m curious about sexual issues. (But don’t make me bring it up.) Between the awakening of hormones and the onslaught of a godless culture, this is a very critical dynamic of youth. As parents, we want to bury our heads in the sand and hope we won’t have to talk about these things. Big mistake!

It seems everybody is talking to kids about sex today—except parents! How we need to reverse that model! Your teenager should have an open door, any time, to speak directly with you about sensitive, sexual issues. And he/she should get a clear, biblical, and understandable answer. Give them the truth, and they will be able to resist a world of lies. Fail to give them the truth—they will most likely buy the lies.

Sad Quote: ” I think the first time my dad and I talked about sexual issues was a month before I got married… maybe it was awkward for him too.”

Quotes? There weren’t any others—because most parents don’t talk about these things.

Be sure to stay tuned for parts two and three of this series.

Transforming Teens—From Kurt Skelly

caryschmidt — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:07:32 +0000

If you work with young people, I want to encourage you to read the blog series “Transforming Teens” by Pastor Kurt Skelly. This is presently a seven-part series of articles that examines how Paul mentored Timothy. It is insightful, well-written, and helpful for anyone who is mentoring young lives.

These articles highlight seven critical qualities/steps of a biblical mentor:

Recognize your own call to God and embody a life of biblical priority.
Prayerfully consider those God would lead you to mentor.
Never underestimate the power of the written word.
Confirm your love sincerely and consistently.
Communicate often your desire for him to be the recipient of God’s blessings.
Pray for him and let him know you are praying.
Tell him you enjoy being with him (develop a strong emotional bond).

Personally, I’m looking forward to Pastor Skelly continuing this series. Each of these points challenged me, especially as they flowed directly from the apostle’s own letter to Timothy! Be sure to do more than read the series—respond. Even as I read, the Lord was placing names on my heart, and I was writing letters, setting appointments, and seeking to act on what was shared.

God still blesses the principles of His Word as we minister to young lives. We don’t need to re-invent youth ministry. We just need to obey God’s original blueprint.

(Pastor Skelly is the pastor of the Harvest Baptist Church near Pittsburgh, PA. He’s a tremendous preacher, a good friend, and a man with good biblical insight.)

Thoughts on Effective Youth Ministry

caryschmidt — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:52:19 +0000

A frequent question: What are some keys for effective youth ministry? While I’m certainly not the authority, here are a few thoughts that I’ve seen the Lord bless (not listed in any particular order)…

A Strong Local Church—Jesus died for the church. It is His divine authorized institution for His work on earth. A youth group should not be a stand alone entity, but an integral part of a larger body—a local church. The youth group should support and mirror the church program, and the teens should have a good relationship with their pastor. (Ephesians 5:25)

Solid Bible Teaching—Bottom line, through the ministry of the church, we are to teach the Bible and persuade young people to live biblically for the rest of their lives. This is essential—social events are not. Give quality time to preparing and teaching practical, Bible lessons—the kind that help them understand truth and embrace it. I’ve written a longer article about this point called The Greatest Student Ministry Strategy. Also, the article about How to Lose Attention would tie in. (1 Thessalonians 2:13)

One-on-One Time and Personal Ministry—Relationships are vital, and authentic ministry happens up close. I can’t persuade or influence someone that I’m not in “good standing” with—the Bible word is favor. Youth ministry happens as much one-on-one as with a group. Though our group has plenty of “group time,” our one-on-one relationships with the students create the platform for group ministry. Much of our “youth ministry time” is spent taking kids to lunch, out soulwinning, having smaller groups to our home, writing them letters, and generally trying to love and encourage each one personally. (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

Ministry and Outreach—It’s vital to allow and compel the teens to serve the Lord and others. Involving them in a soulwinning program, service opportunities, music opportunities, etc. is huge. The strongest, most mature, and joyful Christian teens I know are those that sing, serve, soul-win, and give. They are living their faith, and their commitment to Christ is real! The more you can encourage young people to live and express their faith through service, the stronger their faith will become. (1 Timothy 4:12)

Longevity and Patience—A lot of people just don’t stay at youth ministry very long—especially not in one place. It takes a few years to figure things out and another few for people to begin trusting you. That’s not to say you don’t accomplish anything in those years, just that the longer you stay with it, the more effective you will be and the greater the fruit. The best fruit in youth ministry happens as you literally watch families grow up—serving them year after year. (2 Thessalonians 3:13)

Family/Parent Focus—This one is HUGE! Effective youth ministry doesn’t merely focus on teens. We spend as much time counseling and ministering with parents as with teens. Regular teen-parent meetings are essential. Focus on reaching and ministering to the whole family. Help develop the parents as well as the teens. Teens need their parents a lot more than they need youth workers. So anything we can do to help them have a better relationship with parents, and to help the parents to live authentic Christian lives is going to bear greater fruit. (Malachi 4:6)

God’s Wisdom and Power—Obviously, this one goes without saying. Ultimately, anything good that comes from our efforts is due to the Lord using us in spite of ourselves. He blesses the principles of His Word and He delights in those who submit to His authority and His truth. We don’t need to reinvent anything—we just need to teach, preach, and practice God’s Word, anticipating that His power will do the real work. The mystery of changed lives is not in trendy new methods—it’s in the moving of God’s Holy Spirit. (Zechariah 4:6)

Lots and Lots of Patient Hope—A big part of youth ministry is just refusing to lose hope! There are far more blessings than disappointments, more victories than defeats, more winning than losing, and more ups than downs—but the devil is relentless in trying to make you feel like you’re a failure. Six years in the youth group does not make a fully mature Christian. It can help, but building a strong faith requires more than a youth group. And don’t forget free will! That was God’s idea, and everybody has one. No matter what you do, at the end of the day, people still make their own choices before the Lord. But never stop hoping and praying for those you love to become who Christ desires them to be!

Have you noticed that the emerging church movement—the seeker-sensitive movement—is constantly trying to reinvent church? Well, truthfully, God’s model doesn’t need to be reinvented. It still works very well! Effective youth ministry isn’t about making God fit into cultural trends and fads. It’s about faithfully obeying the timeless principles of His Word.

What are some other “keys to youth ministry”? It’s your turn to comment now…

7 Big Parenting Mistakes

caryschmidt — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:01:45 +0000

Here’s a short list of mistakes that all parents can make when it comes to seeing, understanding, and biblically responding to the spiritual growing pains of life. (This is as much to myself as to others.) Stop and think about it—and pray for godly wisdom in responding to the issues of your children’s hearts with proper compassion, authority, and biblical instruction.

Too often, when our kids struggle, this is our reaction:

1. Denial – denying issues or naively thinking that there aren’t any issues to deal with.

2. Embarrassment – hoping others don’t find out about an issue—which causes me to not seek help or counsel.

3. Defensiveness – taking offense at someone’s attempt to deal with an issue, or allowing my child to avoid personal responsibility by blaming others.

4. Unresponsiveness – knowing there’s an issue but hoping it will just go away on its own (you know—a phase).

5. Weariness – knowing there’s an issue, but being too tired to respond, or becoming discouraged that nothing I’ve tried appears to be working.

6. Duplicity – not wanting to deal with my own issue, and thus, creating an allowance for my child’s.

7. Over-reaction – blowing up over the issue rather than contexualizing it biblically and responding appropriately.

The answers: 1. Expect your kids to struggle. 2. And since everybody’s kids struggle, don’t be embarrassed when they do. 3. Be supportive when another authority loves your child enough to help—even if the child whines about it. 4. Don’t expect issues to disappear, they usually get worse. (See this article about passive parenting.) 5. No matter how tired or discouraged you are, don’t stop doing the right things—like praying and laboring. 6. Be willing to examine your own heart first so you can authentically help your child. 7. Put every issue into the context of obeying and honoring God, and respond in that light.

Let’s face it, our best parenting skills cannot cover for the fact that we’re human! We all have blind spots. And our children all have an enemy who is targeting them. Every kid has issues and every parent is called of God to biblically nurture and lead through those issues. Expect the enemy to come after your kids—and ask God for wisdom and strength to do the right thing when he does.

“…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4