Encouraging Words from Cary Schmidt » family

Your Schedule is Also Your Example…

caryschmidt — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 06:56:05 +0000

If you serve in the ministry, people are watching you and your family. If you don’t want to be watched, then ministry is not the place to be. That said, we are commanded to be ensamples (or examples—a pattern to follow) to the flock (1 Peter 5:3.) As spiritual leaders we’re supposed to be saying, “Hey, follow me—let’s do this God’s way!”

Some people neglect their family in favor of ministry. Ministry needs are never-ending and incalculable, and some falsely presume that such neglect in favor of ministry service is actually spiritual or somehow honoring to God. This is both unbiblical and dishonoring to God. Neglecting family, even for good things, is never spiritual—it’s idolatry.

Your family is your primary ministry. And God has given you and me enough time to do everything He has given us—both in family and in ministry. We are without excuse if we fail on either side of the equation.

But there’s a subtle, often unconsidered danger to the “neglect family for ministry” syndrome.

Busyness makes me feel validated, important, and significant. So being busy is often a “juice” to the ego on a number of levels. But on the flip side, nobody feels more significant because they spent more time with their spouse or kids. It’s not an “ego boost” to speak publicly of taking a day off or a vacation (although it is a good example!) And God forbid, someone might even think you’re lazy! So it’s easy to, even unintentionally, uplift our extremes, and down-play the balance. One seems more “spiritual” and the other seems more “selfish.” But in actuality, the opposite is true.

Truly investing into family is deeply spiritual and God honoring—and never selfish.

Living “too busy” may feel more fulfilling in my search for significance, but it does something else quite harmful. Because I’m a living example, my schedule becomes my example to others. While people might appreciate my busyness, they may also emulate it. If I neglect my family, they will think that’s what God expects—that’s what pleases Him. If I neglect my marriage, they may do the same.

In the end, my example weakens both my family and the families that are watching me. If I live the over-extended life, I’m leading others to do the same. And that’s one thing I do not want to give an account for at the judgment seat of Christ.

In short, living a balanced life may not feed your ego, and it may not win the admiration of others, but it will set a solidly biblical example that honors God and encourages others to have healthy relationships.

For this cause, I challenge you to publish a different example—a balanced one! Talk about working hard, for we should. Talk about living sacrificially, for we should. But also talk about balance. Talk about taking time off. Talk about resting. Talk about nurturing your family with time and attention. Talk about taking a vacation. And don’t just talk about these things—do them, in balance, in your own home. Make a balanced life your living example.

The results are staggering! First, your own health and sanity will be preserved. Second, your marriage will be strong, healthy, and enjoyable. Your spouse will be filled—needs met, heart content. Third, your kids will thrive in the context of your presence, and parenting will be enjoyable, memorable, fun, and cherished as opposed to frustrated and fragmented. Fourth, those to whom you set an example will see a biblical standard and begin to follow your example. Those you lead will experience all of these benefits as well! And most importantly—God will be glorified and honored. We already know, He honors them that honor Him!

So the significant question with your schedule and life balance is this: What would you want other families to emulate? Your schedule is your example. The way you live will inevitably become the way others live by reason of your example. That’s simple spiritual leadership.

God bless you as you hold forth a biblical example of life balance in every area. And the next time you have a tough choice in regards to personal schedule—stop and ask the Holy Spirit this question: Which would be the best example for others to follow?

He’s Never Even Dropped a Pizza!

caryschmidt — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 16:21:19 +0000

Earlier this week I was drying my hands in an airport restroom when I overheard a conversation between a father and his two-year-old son. Dad was handling diaper duty and he had placed his son on one of those flimsy, plastic changing tables that fold down in public restrooms. The boy, being at the size limit for one of those tables, was nervously feeling the inherent instability of this device—which was producing some crying and anxiety.

Through moans of uncertainty and nervousness the boy hesitatingly said, “Ohhhhh… me not like this…” his tones were long and drawn, and then he continued, “I gonna fall…”

Dad was doing his absolute best. First, he was hurrying! He didn’t want this to take any longer than necessary. Second, he was speaking comfort.

“C’mon buddy, I’ve got you. I’m right here. It’s ok!”

The boy groaned again, “No… I gonna fall…”

Then the Father replied, “Hey, I have never, ever dropped one of my children off of one of these these things! In fact I’ve never dropped one of my children at all! I’VE NEVER EVEN DROPPED A PIZZA!”

With that, the misery came to an end. He lifted the boy off of his temporary table of torture, buttoned him up, and lowered him to the floor. Standing upright again, the boy’s anxiety disappeared and childish security flooded back into his heart. He bounded ahead of his dad and on with the good life.

I couldn’t help but think of the times I’ve been placed into discomfort by the will of the Heavenly Father—some of those times when I felt I was on a very unstable “changing table.” (Not too sure I like that metaphor!)

In those times I want to moan and complain. In those times I feel unsafe and vulnerable. I wonder if God is about to drop me! I feel like everything in life is about to fall out from under me.

It’s then that I’m reminded—God doesn’t do that. He doesn’t drop us.

No matter where you are, if you have Jesus as your Saviour, you can be assured He is in control. He isn’t going to drop you. And he most certainly will use these trying times to change you! Trust Him today!

HE’S NEVER EVEN DROPPED A PIZZA!

“My times are in thy hand…” (Psalms 31:15)

“When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD, held me up.” (Psalms 94:18)

No related posts.

Repost: Christmas From a 4-Year-Old

caryschmidt — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 17:27:39 +0000

A friend of mine who serves the Lord at the BBN Radio Network sent me this link to the Christmas story told by a four-year-old little girl. It blessed our family. It will captivate you from the first word! Merry Christmas!

This was recorded and is available on CD from Jeff Apthorp, Sound Amazing Studios. The little girl is Valerie Apthorp, Jeff’s daughter. She was four at the time and is now 18, preparing to be a missionary. Much thanks to Tim Young for sending this!

Lord, Thank you…

caryschmidt — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 18:09:03 +0000

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your love and for my salvation in Christ. My life and destiny would be utter, hopeless despair were it not for the cross of Jesus and your amazing grace! I thank you for redeeming me by the precious blood of Christ. Thank you for making me your child.

Thank you for your Word. It is the foundation of truth for everything that is blessed and good in my life. I have never regretted obeying it, but I have regretted not knowing it better. There is nothing better in life than opening its pages and hearing from you.

Thank you for my family. Not only did you allow me to grow up with godly and loving influences, you then blessed me with a wife and children who mean more to me than life. They convict me to become more like Jesus. Dana reminds me Jesus in her caring and loving servant’s heart. Lance reminds me of Jesus in his tenderness toward people and joyful nature. Larry reminds me of Jesus in his humor and his diligent, quiet intensity about things that are important. Haylee reminds me of Jesus in her kindness, sincerity, and desire for understanding. Thank you for allowing me to share life with them.

Thank you for my church and pastor. Thank you for a loving, growing church family led by a faithful, godly man who loves your truth and loves people. It is an awesome joy and privilege to be a part of Lancaster Baptist Church.

Thank you for cancer. One year ago today, chemo treatments had begun and life was quite uncomfortable and uncertain. Thank you for the unspeakable experience of walking with you through a deep valley, and for all the treasures of darkness found there. Thank you for allowing a trial to shape me in ways that nothing else could have.

Thank you for health. Today, cancer is in remission and health has returned. In both circumstances, You are GOOD—but I am grateful for the gift of more time to live for you. Only give me wisdom to use what’s left of my life to honor you. Thank you for a body that’s getting stronger, lungs that are healing, and energy with which to obey my calling.

Thank you for my calling. There is no greater joy than to help others understand your truth and walk in it—and then to see you bless them for it. As unworthy as I am, thank you for allowing me to teach the Word of God and serve Jesus with my life.

Thank you for meeting my needs (and wants.) You are exceedingly good, and you have sustained me every day in large and small ways. You have never left me needy or let me down in any way. I do not deserve the things you have blessed me with—both spiritually and physically—but I am grateful, and I desire to be a good steward.

Thank you for godly friends. You have filled my life with cherished relationships—a bit of Heaven on Earth. They serve with me, pray with me, encourage me, and sharpen me. They are spread out around the world, and in many cases, we don’t see each other very often—but they are blessed gifts from you that invest into my life in significant ways. I am grateful for each and every one, and I look forward to spending eternity together with them, thanking you!

Thank you for new life. It’s still awesome to see an unsaved soul choose to trust Christ as Saviour, and then to see the spiritual transformation that the Holy Spirit brings into a new heart. Thank you for allowing me to be a laborer together with you.

Thank you for the subtle stuff. Like an artistic, colorfully-woven tapestry, our lives are enmeshed in less conspicuous blessings that continually flow from your hand—things that we may hurry by and forget to notice. The color of autumn leaves, the sound of rain drops, the embrace of a loved one, the encouraging text message from a friend, the answered bed-time prayer, the quiet afternoon of reading, the music that lifts our lives toward you, the taste of our favorite foods, the millions of modern comforts and conveniences we experience every day, and the fellowship and delight that will garnish millions of Thanksgiving dinner tables today. What an artist you are to so graciously and marvelously create and weave all of this together for us to enjoy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. A million times a million—Thank you.

“Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.” Psalms 106:1

End Note: Dear Reader—Thank you. God’s Word says, “Let the redeemed of the Lord, say so.” (Ps. 107:2) This Thanksgiving, I just wanted to sit down and write my prayer. To share it with you is just one way of obeying God.

But I do want to say thank you for stopping by this blog—whether this one time, or on a regular basis. I may or may not know you, but I’m grateful that you would allow me to have a moment of your time to direct your thoughts toward the Lord, or toward something that He’s been teaching me lately. I pray that, when you come to this blog, I am a good steward of your time.

And for those who come regularly, and then share a post with others—thank you for passing a long something that might encourage others. I am grateful that you would allow me to speak into your life and the lives of those you love.

Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

For Past Thanksgiving Posts:

Reasons I’m Thankful for Cancer

A Funny Reminder for Thanksgiving

Learning to Laugh with Each Other

If You Leave Your Family…

caryschmidt — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 18:21:55 +0000

If you leave your family, you rebel…

You rebel against and shame the name of your great God.

You rebel against God’s Word and clear commands.

You rebel against God’s design for marriage and family.

You rebel against “who God has called you to be in Christ.”

If you leave your family, you rob…

You rob your wife of her hopes, dreams, health, future, stability, dignity, and a million other valuable treasures that mere words could never justly describe.

You rob your kids of stability, home, unity, love, a million family memories, and a much longer list of spiritual blessings.

You rob your Saviour of glory and a good testimony that should emanate from your life.

You rob your friends and neighbors of a strong and shining testimony of the true gospel and the power of God.

You rob your future from the stronger marriage that would have resulted from working through tough stuff.

You rob yourself of a clear conscience, pure heart, good name, and the respect of people that love you.

You rob your church of a godly leader, a biblical model of family, and an example of strong commitment.

You rob yourself of the opportunity to express courageous leadership through family trials.

You rob your grandkids of the privilege of knowing their grandparents as a married couple.

If you leave your family, you lose…

You lose a lifetime of God’s blessings and rewards for your faithfulness in marriage.

You lose a lifetime of a clear conscience, trading it for a lifetime of guilt and regret.

You lose the love you could have shared with someone who loved you when you were quite unlovable.

You lose the privilege of having godly and respected influence in your children’s lives during their adult years.

You lose the joys of many years of family unity, precious times, treasured memories, and spiritual rewards.

You lose opportunities to mentor others through difficult seasons of life.

You lose your dignity as a faithful, respectable man.

You lose a list of valuable life blessings much longer than this post could contain.

If you leave your family… you rebel against your God, you rob others, which means they lose… and you lose… BIGTIME!

That’s a lot to leave behind for a stupid bowl of stew… I mean, a bit of illicit pleasure or a delusional season of selfishness. It’s not worth it. Not even close! Don’t do it.

Beg God for help, get biblical counsel, hold onto your family, and refuse to ever let go! Work through it by God’s grace, no matter how long it takes! Leaving is NEVER worth it, and STAYING always is!

Whatever you do, don’t leave! You will REGRET it!

15 Ways to Affirm Your Kids

caryschmidt — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:30:54 +0000

Not long ago, my son asked my wife, “Was dad proud?” Then he said,”I work hard to make that man proud!”

His statement reminded me of the power of parental affirmation, and of how often I fail to let him know how proud I am of him! Affirmation is HUGE! The most hopeless young person is the one who feels he or she “just can’t win.” And too often, we as parents, inadvertently lead our kids to that conclusion. We can too easily or too quickly focus on “what still needs improvement” and miss “what’s right” in our kids lives. (I’m speaking to me!)

I’m not the “affirming parent” that I want to be—and that’s partially why I made this list. It’s what I see good parents do—the parents I wish I were more like—the parents I strive to be like! So, as food for thought, here’s a starter list of fifteen ways we could affirm our kids this week:

Speak Praise to Them—just pause in an unexpected moment and say, “Hey, I just want you to know I’m proud of you, and here are some reasons why!” or “Hey, I want you to know you’re really doing a great job in (fill in the blank here!)”

Write a Specific Note to Them—Write out the good qualities and successes you see unfolding in their lives. Even better—mail it to them. Their surprise is well worth the fifty cents!

Speak Highly of Them In Front of Others—When they can hear you, speak up to others about some of the ways you see them growing, doing right, or working hard. They will rise in their attempt to live up to your decsription!

Acknowledge Their Heart—Let them know you understand their good intentions, even when the outcome isn’t what you intended!

Seek to Understand Their Emotions—There’s something powerful about having “the way you feel” validated by someone in authority—even if the circumstances can’t change. You may not be able to give them their way, but you could let them know you understand how they feel.

Reward Them Tangibly—Pick up and give a gift for no reason other than the fact that you are proud of their good efforts in some area.

Honor Them Intangibly—Prefer them in a way that lets them know they are highly valued and esteemed by you. Treat them like you would treat someone very important in your world.

Spend Time With Them—They already know you’re busy, so giving them quantity and quality time will speak loudly as to your love and honor toward them.

Express Physical Affection Toward Them—Again, just randomly pause, wrap them up in your arms, and squeeze for a while. And while you do, say something like, “I love you so much! I can’t believe how awesome you are!”

Surprise Them—Their favorite restaurant or meal, a new book, a special event, or a spontaneous family memory—do something awesome that they aren’t expecting, and let them know it’s because you are proud of them.

Do a Random Act of Kindness for Them—Help them clean out their closet, fill their car with gas, send a quick text message, pick them up at school and go to lunch. There are about ten million other ideas you could come up with on your own.

Genuinely Admire Them—Pause, think about your child, and consider the ways they excel. Consider the areas in which you might even envy them—and then celebrate those qualities. (Be honest—some times and in some ways our kids flat put us to shame!)

Praise Them Publicly—This isn’t bragging if it’s done in the right way, from a grateful heart—but acknowledge what your children are doing right and what God is teaching you through them. One easy way to do this is to thank them in front of others.

Defer to Their Decision (When Possible)—Don’t fight over things worth losing. Preferring one another is a wonderful expression of love. For instance, let them choose where or what to eat for dinner. When possible, let them make a key decision and praise them for “getting it right.”

Made a Big Deal of Good Decisions—When your kids make a wise choice, go nuts! Celebrate spiritual victories with all the zeal and energy of a lunatic Super Bowl fan!

Man, do I want to grow in this area! I have so much room for improvement, and I’m sure you do too. Ask the Lord to give you an affirming spirit, and to make consistent affirmation a ritual part of your parenting efforts!

Spiritual Weapons for Wayward Kids

caryschmidt — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 06:58:03 +0000

What can you do when your grown children begin to stray spiritually? I’ve seen a lot of parents hurt, mystified, and shaken by sudden and radical spiritual changes in the lives of their adult children. I realize, one day I may be one of them—and so could you.

In these moments, some parents grasp for control—trying to maintain a mythical strangle-hold of childhood authority. This always escalates a situation to become worse and creates greater distance relationally and spiritually. In a wild swing to the other extreme—some parents abandon their post of parental influence. They mentally, emotionally, and spiritually disconnect with an “oh well” resignation, as if there is nothing they can really do. Others respond in anger—returning hurt for hurt.

Recently, Dana and I prayerfully and fearfully sat down with some parents who were facing circumstances in which we all felt powerless. Together, we rediscovered the weapons God had given us to fight battles that are far beyond our human control. And together, we saw God work a miracle. These are the weapons that God gives us all to use against impossible circumstances:

Unconditional Love and Acceptance—regardless what my child does, how my child hurts me, or how far out of bounds my child behaves—I will choose to respond with Christ-like compassion and unconditional love. This is a powerful weapon that speaks to the heart and the conscience. By the way, acceptance of a person does not equal approval of sin.

Godly Grace—regardless of what my child has done, I extend grace—unmerited favor. Just as grace is God’s response to my sin, grace will be my response to my child’s sin. Grace is always undeserved, and is the most powerful resource for creating an environment where repentence and change are possible.

Intercessory Prayer—this weapon brings all the powers of Heaven to work in the situation. It is the single most powerful and yet most neglected response to any strained relationship.

God’s Word—opinions and personal preferences matter little, but the principles of God’s Word are powerful. When battles of the will only escalate a situation, the principles of God’s Word speak to the heart with the potential of lasting life change.

Patient Endurance—change takes time. Repentence is rarely instantaneous. Parents who win these battles never give up (emphasis on NEVER.) They faithfully and persistently use these weapons until the battle is won.

These are weapons of the Spirit. Think about it:

Weapons of flesh will react, weapons of the Spirit will respond.
Weapons of flesh will lash out. Weapons of the Spirit will reach out.
Weapons of flesh desire retribution. Weapons of the Spirit desire reconciliation.
Weapons of flesh will seek control. Weapons of the Spirit will seek influence.
Weapons of flesh will make demands. Weapons of the Spirit will make pleas.
Weapons of flesh will acuse. Weapons of the Spirit will accept.
Weapons of flesh will return hurt. Weapons of the Spirit will return grace.
Weapons of flesh will argue. Weapons of the Spirit will reason.

Here they are again: unconditional love, godly grace, intercessory prayer, God’s Word, and patient endurance.

Take hope, parent! If you are facing impossible circumstances and you feel hopeless and powerless—there is much you can do to fight a spiritual battle for your wayward child! God’s work is not finished in your child’s heart, and God’s Word is still powerful to change lives!

In reality, these weapons are effective in any broken or strained relationship. About the time you think there’s nothing you can do, about the time you want to over-react or fight in the flesh—these are the only weapons that can truly make a difference. May God give us wisdom to fight our relational battles in the wisdom of His Word and the power, and filling of His Holy Spirit.

United—Fighting for the Next Generation

caryschmidt — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:48:18 +0000

The contemporary church is seeing a mass exodus of young adults walking away from their faith in their late teens and early twenties. Some studies say the percentage is around 80% while others estimate it to be much higher. The statistic highlights major failures in many contemporary church ministry on a number of levels, but not all churches are seeing this lack of fruit.

While we are never content to see even one young life walk away from the faith, God has seen fit to bless biblical principles in the ministry of Lancaster Baptist Church. He has blessed the application of His Word across all ages of ministry. And over the past 25 years we’ve seen approximately 80% of our graduates stay faithful to the Lord. We’re not seeing the mass exodus in this church that many churches are seeing. And often we are asked “why?” What is God blessing?

In the next few paragraphs, I would like to share a concise summary of Bible principles that God is using to help young people grow up at Lancaster Baptist with a real faith that sustains into adulthood.

A Local Church Focus—simply put, while our church may have classes and groups of many ages and life context, we are one local church with one purpose and heart. The youngest to the oldest members of our church are a family. We grow together, pray together, serve together, worship together, and function as a church body.

God’s institution for reaching the world, changing lives, and carrying out His work on earth is the local church. Christ died for the church and the New Testament pattern for establishing others in the faith of Christ (of any age) is the New Testament Church. Our student ministry has never been an entity unto itself. It has always been integrally a part of our local church body. Our students may graduate from the youth group, but they never graduate from the local church.

“…that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.” 1 Timothy 3:15

A Family-Orientated Ministry—the first “institution” that God ever established was the home—the biblical family. And throughout His Word, He gives clear instructions to parents to teach, disciple, and nurture their children in the ways of the Lord. Many families have adopted a bit of a secular approach to the faith education of their children. They have essentially handed off the responsibility of Bible training to the church—considering themselves either too busy, or inadequate to the task. The problem is not that the church is teaching the Word, but that the parents are not.

Nothing could be more dangerous to our children spiritually. No local church entity can out-influence a parent. And God never intended for us parents to abdicate our responsibility simply because we place our children in a “spiritual environment.” It’s not either or, it’s both and! For twenty-five years our children’s and youth ministries have partnered with families, equipped families, and strengthened families in developing faith and discipling young people. While some youth ministries are structured to separate the family in spiritual contexts, ours has always been structured to unite the family. Together, the church youth ministry stands united with parents to fight for the next generation.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

A Father-Led Philosophy—my first morning on staff at Lancaster Baptist Church included a 7 a.m. men’s prayer meeting. I will never forget meeting in Pastor Chappell’s office with a group of men that came in early to pray. This was not a staff meeting. It was a group of laymen. That morning we prayed around the room for over an hour, and one by one I heard young Christian men—recently saved husbands and fathers—on their knees, pouring out their hearts to God. They prayed for their children, their marriages, their pastor, their church, and for lost souls.

That meeting is forever etched into my memory. I knew that morning that God was going to do something great at Lancaster Baptist. Here was a pastor dedicating himself to building and discipling men to be godly fathers and leaders both at home and in the church. And since that time, God has continued to honor Pastor Chappell’s commitment to disciple faithful men.

“And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2

An Age-Based, Biblical Education Effort—every now and then someone will ask me, “…is youth ministry in the Bible? Is age-graded education really a biblical concept?” The answer is a simple yes—when done biblically! While the title of “children’s pastor” or “youth pastor” isn’t found in the Bible, there are several passages that very clearly promote the concept of the church bringing order to age-based education.

First, in Titus 1:5, the Apostle Paul commands Titus to “set in order” the things that are wanting. This is a broad command that gave Pastor Titus a directive to establish structure and order in ministry. Then, later in Titus 2, the Apostle Paul gives a clear pattern for older men and women (not just parents) to teach younger men and women. Titus 2 is a key Bible passage for establishing a biblical ministry to youth and young adults.

He begins by telling us to teach sound doctrine, then proceeds to give a longer, more detailed list that older Christians (men and women) in the congregation should impart to younger Christians.

Finally, Galatians 4:2 gives fathers permission to appoint tutors and governors in their children’s lives to assist in instruction and education.

God has blessed these simple but powerful principles at Lancaster Baptist. In ministry to young people, we focus on faith-building, Bible teaching and training. Student ministry isn’t about entertainment. It’s about meat—content—prepared, delivered, and applied to young lives, just as the Apostle Paul did by addressing different age groups and life-contexts in his letters. (See Ephesians 5 and 6)

“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.” Titus 2:1-6

A Biblical Student Ministry—the contemporary church has missed the mark in modern student ministry, and the statistics prove it. And movements that are “anti-student ministry” or “anti-local church” are also missing the mark. Biblical student ministry is all of the things above, but it is first and foremost about the Bible!

Somewhere over the past few decades, many churches began to believe that young people couldn’t be serious about faith or truly interested in a personal relationship with Christ. This errant assumption led to a “dumb it down” mentality—an attempt to sort of sneak up on kids with spiritual things by masking it in fun and flippancy. The false assumption was that “Christ is not attractive enough, so we need to make the faith attractive by making it entertaining or humorous.”

Don’t misunderstand me. We have lots of fun with our young people. We laugh—that’s biblical. We enjoy and rejoice in the faith and with each other—that’s biblical. We love living life for Christ—that’s biblical. But we have never felt a need to mask the sober things of Scripture or the doctrines of God’s Word with the “icing” of the world. We don’t lower God to their level. We would rather, by His grace and Word, lift them into His presence.

Guess what?! They get it! They understand the truth. They appreciate it. And more importantly, they fall in love with God—not merely with a program or an entertaining activity. And when they grow older, when they out-grow juvenility, they won’t out-grow their Saviour.

“For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.” 1 Thessalonians 2:13

A Personal Mentoring Commitment—developing faith in young lives at our church has never been merely a group proposition. It has always been a personal, relational process. In addition to our group teaching times, it has always been about an older man or an older woman from within the church family investing into a younger man or younger woman spiritually. This happens in coffee shops, McDonalds booths, and living rooms every week all across our city. And this personal ministry gives the public teaching context an even greater depth and effectiveness.

When I read or hear of someone questioning the validity of youth ministry, or when I hear someone say, “Youth ministry or age-based ministry isn’t in the Bible…” I wonder how young Timothy would feel about that. Long before he was a pastor or a minister in training, he was a lost youth without a Christian father, who was reached and discipled by the Apostle Paul.

In ministry to children, youth, or young adults, we can’t take the parent’s place in training the child, but thanks to local church and biblical principles, we can stand united with them—striving together for the faith in young lives. Parents should never hand off the baton of faith-training. But there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in the same boat (the local church) together and grabbing an oar!

I challenge you—parents, pastors, youth workers, children’s workers, and local church family—stand united in fighting for the next generation. God’s pattern—the local church and the family laboring together to build faith in young lives—still works, if we will commit to it!

“…that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;” Philippians 1:27

How We Keep Our Marriage Fresh

caryschmidt — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 18:42:35 +0000

When Dana and I were engaged, there was one thing we dreaded—someday becoming one of those married couples that appear to barely tolerate each other. You know—those couples who never even hold hands or exude joy in being together. We vowed to each other that we would do everything within our power to resist the trends and habits that take a couple gradually down the path to boredom, mediocrity, and relational monotony. Not even knowing what it would require, we vowed to each other to “keep the romance.”

Twenty-two years later, we’re winning the battle so far. I realize we have a long ways to go, but I sat down last night and made a list of things I think God has used between us to help us resist the normal drift apart that many couples experience. Here goes:

We spend time together: I know this is basic, but so many couples spend less and less time together the longer they are married. Big mistake! Honestly, one of the greatest blessings of my cancer battle this past year was that I got to spend a lot more time with Dana. Granted, it wasn’t the kind of time we would normally desire, but the extra time together, even in sickness, was a real delight. A good marriage take lots and lots of TIME! You can’t fast-track a strong relationship.

We listen to each other: This one sort of snuck up on me, and Dana is better at it. I really have to work at this. But when we’re together, there’s usually one of us leading the conversation. Usually Dana has more to say—she’s a woman. (And that’s not an insult, by the way.) But we both have our moments of “needing to be heard.” And I think we both value the sound of the other’s voice. I meet some husbands who get tired of “listening”—don’t do that. Be thankful that YOU are the one she’s chosen to talk to! What a compliment!

We try to bless and care for each other: After this year, Dana has a HUGE lead on me in this area. She’s waited on me hand and foot for about a year now. But even before cancer, I can honestly say we have chosen to find pleasure in taking care of each other. She delights in pouring me a glass of tea, I delight in holding her while she falls asleep at night. We both delight in doing little things that bless the other. Those little things go a long ways toward keeping love alive.

We retreat together regularly: Leaving the kids is always difficult. Finding a little extra money to get away is a challenge for any growing family. But early on, we committed to get-away together a couple of times a year—whether or not it was convenient or affordable. These retreats together have become cherished memories. They have fueled our marriage and our whole family in more ways that I could possibly describe. I would call these retreats “mini-honeymoons.” In which case, for those who do them, the honeymoon never really “ends.”

We express physical affection: This one was an easy one to see as an engaged couple. The longer some people are married, the less they touch. So we decided we wouldn’t do that. We decided we would always love holding hands, sitting arm in arm, and snuggling up to each other. Life has it’s way of getting busy and this one can easily fall by the way-side. We’ve had to remind each other from time to time, but I’m thankful that this hasn’t changed much since the day we were married.

We listen to good “marriage music” together: We have gradually built our own collection of songs that speak to our love and strengthen our devotion to each other. We save that collection, occasionally add to it, and use it often. Whenever we get in the car for a date or a trip together, we pull out that collection, hold each other’s hands, and let the music minister to our marriage all over again. Just last night we were doing this once again, and every song carried with it it’s own set of memories connected to when we found it and where we first listened to it. Some were sad. Some were happy. But twenty-two years later, that song collection has wonderfully blessed our marriage.

We dream together: One of the great things that keeps our marriage alive is looking forward together. Sometimes we’re looking forward to something more immediate, like a vacation or special time (like our son’s senior year.) At other times we’re dreaming for the big picture and long term, like our children getting married and starting their own families, or what the Lord might do in our lives or ministry together in the years ahead. One of my personal favorite things to do is dream out loud with Dana about God’s will for our future together. We share common dreams, and that knits our hearts very close.

We read books that challenge us: This one is simple, but we try to build our marriage book collection regularly as well. Over the years we’ve each read a lot about marriage, and every book has challenged us in different ways, provoked different discussions, and cause us to grow. These books, for us, are like attending a well-prepared, truth-filled marriage retreat. They refresh us, renew us, and reset our focus on loving each other better.

We wait out the “weary places”: Every relationship goes through valleys. For us, cancer was certainly one of those valleys this past year. Work pressures, financial pressures, busy-ness, and a myriad of other external factors can weigh down upon your marriage and bring you into a season of weariness. During these times you often lack emotional and spiritual energy, and your marriage relationship can be strained. Many couples “jump ship” during these times. Over the years, Dana and I have learned to look each other in the eye and say, “We will get through this… let’s just be patient and keep holding on to God and each other.” This year was definitely one of those years, but God has brought us through many such times.

We forgive each other quickly: Dana does a lot more forgiving than I do, but we decided years ago that we wouldn’t hold grudges against each other. Expectations often lead to unmet expectations, which lead to disappointment, frustration, conflict, and distance. To keep your marriage fresh, you must be quick to own your failure and apologize. And you must be quick to forgive when you’ve been hurt or slighted.

We laugh and enjoy our family a lot: Like every family, we have our conflicts, but we decided intentionally that we wouldn’t allow our family to be dominated by conflict. Many families are consumed with it. When conflict arises, we work through it and resolve it, and then we move back to the enjoyment mode. As a family, laughter with and at each other and abundant joy with each other is the norm. Much of this is due to Dana’s abundantly joyful spirit and delightful sense of humor as a wife and mother. The whole family sort of adopts her delightful personality.

We take walks together: We need to do this more, but we really enjoy catching a summer evening sunset or taking a late evening walk under the stars. We hold hands, we take our time, we talk, and we enjoy the closeness with each other and with the Lord. (It’s good for us physically too!)

Well, this stuff isn’t rocket science. It’s pretty simple, but it has worked for us. We are more in love today than we were twenty-two years ago. Keeping your marriage fresh is possible if you decide to work at it.

What about you? Please add to this list. What do you do to keep your marriage fresh?

P.S. One final thought… we always kiss when we’re alone on elevators…

Stuff My Daughter Taught Me About Fatherhood

caryschmidt — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 01:30:15 +0000

Recently, while away on family vacation, the Lord gave me some special moments with my kids. On one particular day, it seemed that God gave me some moments with Haylee that reminded me of my Heavenly Father. All day long, I kept seeing Haylee’s longing for her own father as echo’s of each of our longings for our Heavenly Father, and I was reminded over and over of my desire to more like HIM! I fail too often!

When the day ended, I made a list of the “longings.” These are the things I see and hear my children desire or need from me. These are also the things I desire from my Father. He fulfills them perfectly. Me? Not so much, but what a GREAT role model I have! I think being a good father flows from the continual attempt to imitate God’s “fatherly heart” in our relationship with our own children.

Here’s the list:

Dad, Make Special Plans for Me—On this particular day, the kids were excited that we had planned to rent a boat and a see-doo. We had an awesome day of adventure on a beautiful lake. All three of my children hugged me and thanked me for planning the day. How our kids delight in the fact that Dad would actually make good plans for them!

I’m thankful that my Heavenly Father has planned more than a day—He has mapped out my whole life, and His plan is always good!

Dad, Protect Me When I Feel Vulnerable—Haylee wouldn’t ride the see-doo with me until I promised her that I wouldn’t scare her. (She knows that her brothers and I sometimes enjoy taunting her.) I promised her she could trust me. Riding the see-doo was a scary experience that made her her feel vulnerable and at risk. Things changed when she understood I would protect her on the journey.

How much more does my Heavenly Father assure me of His strong arms, marvelous grace, and loving care—no matter what I may face in life!

Dad, Help Me When I Am Afraid—Swimming in a lake and riding a see-doo were both scary adventures for Haylee. She prefers a nice clean swimming pool that doesn’t contain living things. Yet, early in the day, I felt that it was my responsibility, not to force her, but to help her face and overcome her fears. Together, we met those fears head-on and she soon discovered that they were unfounded. She soon understood that her fears were preventing her from enjoying much of what I had planned.

How thankful I am for a Heavenly Father who understands my fears and helps me face them and overcome them, that I might fully enjoy His plans for my life.

Dad, Be Strong Where I Am Weak—When we first started out on the see-doo together, I tried to let Haylee have the controls. She refused. Over a few moments though we negotiated. “You put your hands on the handle-bars, and you control the speed,” I said. “Ok…” she said, “but you steer for me, that’s my weakness!” That struck me— “Dad, you be strong where I am weak.”

I immediately thought of all of my debilitating weaknesses and human frailty, and I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who tells me that His strength is made perfect in weakness!

Dad, Watch Me and Cheer Me On—Within twenty minutes of being on that see-doo, Haylee experienced a total transformation! Soon enough, I was holding on for dear life and she took control of both speed and direction! Her fears subsided, she was suddenly screaming with joy over the wind and water, “Hey Dad, watch this!” For the rest of the day she was commanding my attention, asking me to delight in her accomplishment. And every time I let her see my great pleasure!

It reminded me again of my Heavenly Father who looks upon me with His favour, and showers me with thoughts of goodness and delight, in spite of myself.

Dad, Listen to Me When I Need to Talk—The day on the lake came to a close, the sun set, and I found myself sitting with Haylee on the back patio—just the two of us. She was radiant with memories of the wonderful day God had given to us. As we sat there under the stars, the night was quiet, and Haylee began to talk. And like any woman, she talked, and talked, and talked. And God seemed to say to me, “Just sit here and enjoy the sound of her voice…she’s growing up fast!”

Aren’t you thankful for a Heavenly Father who always listens to your voice, understands your heart’s cry, and who is never too busy or occupied to sit quietly with you as you pour out your heart?

Dad, Show Me Faithfulness and Consistency—Part of the evening conversation revolved around the start of school—Haylee is going into 6th grade this year. She’s looking forward to her new teacher and a new year of growing. In talking about the challenges ahead, she complimented her new teacher and the positive reports that her brothers have given. In this, she made a simple statement that jumped out at me: “I know I’m going to like this teacher because I know what to expect!” She was complimenting the consistent and steadfast personality of which she had been told.

It reminded me that our kids long to see us be consistent and faithful to the things that matter. They long to know “what to expect” and their world becomes unstable when we live or act inconsistently.

Aren’t you thankful for a Heavenly Father that is always the same?! With your Heavenly Father, you always know “what to expect!”

Dad, Tell Me About Yourself—The conversation also turned to my childhood. “Dad, tell me about your favorite teacher? Why was she your favorite?” All too often, one of Haylee’s “stay up later” strategies is to ask me to tell her a story about when I was a kid. I recalled all of my teachers and shared with her a few that were my favorites and why, and I was reminded again that our kids want to know us, to connect with us and relate with us in close and special ways.

I was also reminded of a Heavenly Father who gave me His living Word that I might know Him and relate to Him personally and closely every day!

Dad, Wait With Me When I Need to Pause—Finally, Haylee talked herself out and the conversation stopped—but not the togetherness. For some time we just sat there together, enjoying the evening breeze, looking at the stars, and being in each other’s presence. She wasn’t demanding anything of me, and I wasn’t demanding anything of her. We were just content being together.

I’m thankful for a Heavenly Father that loves me enough just to be there in my silence and remind me of His presence!

So there you go—stuff my daughter taught me about being a father, and reminded me of regarding my Heavenly Father.

As dads, we sure are blessed with an AMAZING role model! Maybe if I spend more time with Him, I can become, to some small degree, the kind of father that He is!

Praying for Your Wife

caryschmidt — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 23:31:41 +0000

I recently received the following post written by my friend and childhood pastor, Dick Hester. I asked his permission to post it here because I know it will challenge your prayer life for your spouse.

Praying for your mate: How are you praying for your treasure?

It’s one of life’s great “mixed emotions” moments for most fathers—when it’s your daughter’s wedding day and you give away your precious little girl to the man she’s marrying. The usual daddy sentiment is, “Nobody’s good enough for my little girl—but here she is.” One pastor wrote in an especially graphic way, about his feelings on his daughter’s wedding day. He loved the man his daughter was marrying. He was happy to receive him as his son. But still, he said, “When I placed my daughter’s hand in his hand, there was the feeling I couldn’t get over . . . that I was taking this rare Stradivarius violin and placing it in the hand of a gorilla.”

So, how do you treat a treasure? There’s another hand-off taking place at a wedding besides a dad giving his daughter to her new husband. We can’t see it, but God is entrusting this woman He made, into that man’s hand, as well. In fact, in Malachi 2:14 it says that “. . . the Lord is acting as the Witness between you and the wife of your youth . . .” It goes on to say very clearly that He cares very much about how you treat the treasure He’s given you. He doesn’t want the Stradivarius He created to end up in the hands of a gorilla!

God is pretty explicit about how He expects a man to treat and care for the woman he marries. “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) Notice, God reveals that if you’re not treating your wife as He expects you to treat her, your prayers may not get answered. Do you think God is serious about this?

The Lord calls us husbands to love our wives with two sensitivities. First, treat her like she is valuable—an equal with you before Jesus, sharing the same eternal inheritance you do. Respect her for how much she means to Jesus; respect her for the unique creation He made her; respect her as one He loves and respects very much. Second, treat her as if she is vulnerable: “the weaker partner,” the Bible says. That doesn’t mean she’s not as smart as a man (I believe women often have wisdom far beyond that of men’s). It does not mean they are helpless or incompetent—my wife does not come close to these adjectives. But it does mean that because of the great strength God gave women, this incredible sensitivity and intuition, she can also be deeply and easily hurt and wounded. There are many men who would never hit the woman he loves, but they would wound that woman repeatedly by their harshness, their sarcasm, their criticism or comparison. Or maybe it’s their neglect, their lack of praise, their lack of attention—maybe just not listening to them.

When we wound the woman we love, either by what we do or what we do not do, her wounds are deeply felt because God made her that way. Often the wounds are long-remembered. I think we men have a high and holy responsibility on ourselves because when we married, we vowed to love and cherish and protect our wife for the rest of our lives. It’s the responsibility to treat her as her heavenly Father meant for her to be treated. Never forget how eternally valuable she is and sometimes emotionally vulnerable.

God is trusting us with one of His treasures. Pray for her!

(Written by Dick Hester)

Why I’m Thankful for a Godly Wife

A Man, a Boy, and a Bible…

caryschmidt — Thu, 26 May 2011 17:53:38 +0000

I love the way God shows up in ways we least expect. This morning is another McDonald’s morning. As my system is coming out of chemo effects, the stomach was asking for pancakes and my heart longed for some quiet time with the Lord. (Funny thing is, before cancer I was no fan of pancakes.) Both of my normal seats in McDonald’s were taken, so I was forced to sit in a booth behind a teenage boy. He was sitting across the table from middle-aged man, and the two seemed to be engaged in a very focused conversation.

My first thought was, that looks like me! I can’t count how many times I’ve sat in McDonald’s with a teenage boy trying to mentor, encourage, minister, or mend. As I sat down, I wasn’t exactly eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help but overhear parts of the conversation. The experience was surreal.

The man took out a Bible, opened it, and began sharing various verses and principles of wisdom. He was saying things like, “You can recover from this…” “God wants to help you change these character flaws if you will trust Him…” “Don’t wait until later in life, like I did…” The boy, perhaps sixteen or seventeen, was guarded, a bit resistant, but not completely hardened against the selfless love that was being manifested toward him. At one point he looked at the man and said, “I’m just tired of being good.” This was an all too familiar response!

At this point I realized, God is giving me an outside perspective of what I’ve tried to do hundreds of times.

I felt for the man, who probably sat there feeling utterly helpless and insufficient to the moment—grabbing and desperate for words that he felt were falling on a hardened heart. In the moment I’m sure he felt as if he were losing the battle and was accomplishing very little. Silently I was cheering him on and praying for him.

I felt for the boy who was obviously in a very foggy place in his teenage life. His body language was not that of a scorner, but perhaps more of a desperate, frustrated, sceptic—someone who was dealing with a troubled situation and not sure how to respond. I’m not sure if he had done something wrong or experienced some recent trial. I know he was in a precarious moment of evaluating whether the faith and way of Jesus Christ was really his answer for life’s big stuff or not. I imagined that ten or twenty years from now, these few moments in this McDonald’s booth would prove to be pivotal either for good or bad.

I’m not sure if the man was the boy’s dad, his step-dad, a pastor, or a youth pastor. I’m certain of one thing—he loved that boy. He poured his heart out in compassionate tones. He opened the Word of God and shared timeless truth. He gave his morning to sit in a plastic booth with a needy young man. The picture of ministry and Christ-like love was powerful.

Over the forty-five minutes that they sat there, the boy gradually softened. I doubt all the problems were solved. I doubt the man felt successful. But seeds were planted. A heart was definitely turned. God’s Spirit used God’s Word in the hands of a compassionate leader to show Christ’s love and patience.

I sat there and prayed for the man and boy. Part of me wanted to interrupt and tell this boy how much this man loved him. Part of me wanted to tell this man that he was winning the battle, even though he couldn’t see it yet. Part of me wanted to just thank the Lord for people that I don’t even know who are doing the work of Christ in all sorts of quiet, unnoticed places.

Then, the conversation wrapped up. The boy walked away first and the man followed. As he did, I caught his eye, gave him a thumbs up, and whispered, “I’m a youth pastor… I know where you’re at.” He smiled with a bit of uncertainty and said, “Hey, I’ll pray for you if you’ll pray for me.” I answered, “I have been…” We both smiled and he walked out. Part of me wanted to sit with him and share war stories.

There are a lot of take-aways from this experience, but just one that I will leave here for the sake of brevity.

In real ministry, we all find ourselves in these moments when we are sharing God’s Word, talking our hearts out to someone that we are desperate to help. In those moments, we struggle for words and fight for every bit of wisdom we can possibly call on. We never feel like we did God’s Word or God’s truth justice. We never feel like we had enough wisdom or enough “right words.” We leave these moments wondering if we made a difference at all—and we really won’t know for about a decade.

But as I sat there watching this scene, the Holy Spirit reminded me—yes, the words of the man are vital and necessary, but there’s something more powerful than the verbal art of talking or persuasion. Ten or twenty years from now, there’s little chance that this boy will remember the words this man is saying in this moment. But he will NEVER forget this moment. He will never forget the heart. He will never forget that a man loved him enough, during a difficult and confusing moment, to take him to McDonald’s one morning and encourage him with a Bible. He will never forget the selfless love expressed in the sacrifice of time, the investment of relationship, and the opening of the Word of God.

The boy may not remember the lecture, but he will never forget the love. He may not remember the conversation, but he will never forget the compassion. He will forever remember the day that a Christ-like man took a timeless Bible and pointed him the right direction in life.

What a great picture of ministry! For the rest of my life, I want to spend my life taking God’s Word, opening it with confused people, and compassionately pointing them the right direction. How about you?

Managing Behavior or Mentoring Hearts?

caryschmidt — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 14:56:46 +0000

If you had to quantify your ministry or parenting focus with the following words, which two would be the most accurate?

Managing Behavior… OR

Mentoring Hearts

It’s easy to default to the “Managing Behavior” position—in both ministry and parenting. Why? Because managing behavior is easier. It simply requires a strong hand of authority and a list of expected behaviors. It’s also more visibly rewarding—you can point to “how good” everybody looks and behaves. Scary thing is—behavior changes when you’re not around to manage it.

Uh-oh… that’s where merely managing behavior becomes a horrible waste of life and an utterly futile philosophy of ministry. Managing behavior is like babysitting—it’s only concerned with the short term. It doesn’t successfully transfer the faith of Christ to another life.

“Mentoring Hearts”—this is the philosophy of ministry that creates HUGE long-term fruit. But mentoring the heart takes time, training, teaching, investment, and sacrifice. It requires that you practice the truth, and make the truth practical. It’s much more difficult, less visible, less measurable, and less tangible than managing behavior. The results take longer, but they last a lifetime!

If you are called to ministry, or called to parenting—manage behavior when necessary, but don’t stop there and don’t let behavior be your only gauge of success. Dig deeper and get below the surface.

If you wish to grow real faith in young lives for the long term—you must focus on the heart. Young people see through behaviorism. They learn the game. They learn how to keep everybody “off their backs.” They go through the motions. They mistake “the motions” for the real Christian life—and eventually they walk away from the game.

And in so doing, they never truly fall in love with God. And that’s the greatest commandment—love God with your whole heart!

Young lives that fall in love with God, rarely run from Him.

Stay focused on the heart—that’s the center of the target!

OK—your turn! What are some ways YOU minister to the hearts of those you lead?

What Really Matters Most!

caryschmidt — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 04:46:01 +0000

Have you ever rushed through your day at a frantic pace, crossing off as many things on your to-do list as possible? Have you ever finished a busy day, collapsed into bed, and wondered what you did of value that day? Have you ever sensed, deep inside, that you’re getting a lot of “stuff” done, but something is still missing? It’s easy to do a lot of good things with our time and life, but to miss the really important things—the things that matter most. And when we do, our conscience is unsettled. Perhaps you feel that way right now.

Over the past six months, my family and I have been facing a very different season of life—a battle with cancer. This post isn’t about that battle, but about an experience that happened within it. Needless to say, cancer and its related dynamics have changed our schedules and our lives dramatically. Chemo has its way of vastly limiting your capabilities in life—effectively reducing your weekly output by better than 60% (or more). This experience has required that I refine, refocus, and remain fixed on the things that truly do matter in my family and ministry.

About three months into this battle, on an evening when I had some energy, I said to Dana, “I really believe the Lord wants me to take Haylee out for a date tonight. I can sense in her heart and spirit that she needs time with me.” I have felt bad that my kids have had to watch me suffer through the effects of chemo, and often more so for Haylee because she’s the youngest. Must be hard for a ten year old to process all of that.

Later that evening, to her delight, I told Haylee I had a surprise! She smiled and, of course, asked “What is it?!” “I can’t tell you… just go get ready for a date!” With that, she excitedly began to prepare. She loves to look her best for our dates. Her delightful anticipation assured me that this was a very good decision!

A few moments later we were in the car, hand in hand, looking forward to time together. We started at Macy’s to look for a dress—no luck. Then we made our way to a restaurant in the mall where we shared a meal. Already the look on her face implied a peaceful heart, a settled spirit, and great contentment in being with her father.

We talked, and talked… and talked. We talked about the problems of growing up, the challenges of 5th grade social politics, and understanding hard things in life. We talked about cancer and how she was doing with this. We even talked a little bit about boys (Uggh!). After dinner, I had some bone pain from some shots I have to take, and was finding it a little painful to walk. “Come on Dad, you don’t feel well, we can go to the car and go home.” I think Haylee had been clued in by mom to “take care of me.” “No, no… I’m fine… come on, we gotta go find a dress.” And so we proceeded to Dillards.

It was almost closing time, but Dillards was a gold mine of new little girl dresses, and within about twenty minutes the dress was purchased and we were beginning our long, limpy walk through the mall and back to the car. As we left the store, I gently put my arm around her and said, “This is one of my very most favorite things to do in all of my life—take you out to eat and buy you a pretty dress!” She sweetly said, “Thank you.”

Haylee was very quiet for the next ten minutes of our walk. I wondered what she was thinking. Then, out of nowhere, about halfway to the car, she let go of my hand, hugged me with both arms, closed her eyes, and said with a long sigh, “I really, really love you…” It was precious. Unforgettable. The look on her face and the sweet tone in her voice seemed to say, “My heart is SO OK right now, I can’t even put it into words!”

It was then that the Holy Spirit said to me, “This is the most important thing you did today!” I thought back through my day. The morning was spent in bed, trying to answer emails and feign productivity amidst feeling sick. The afternoon enabled me to get into the office for a couple of hours to sign letters, have a couple of meetings, and try to get a little work done. But the value of the day—the real significance of the whole day was found in these final few hours with Haylee. Why?

Well, first because she is dependent upon me. She’s my daughter. She, along with the rest of my family, is my most valuable, most significant, most precious ministry. My four family members truly are the only people on the planet that are actually dependent upon me. The rest of the world is not. These precious people are dependent upon me in every way. Simply put, the most important things any of us do on any day are those things we do to love, care for, nurture, and provide for our family. How can we expect our kids to fall in love with God and grow in His grace, if we aren’t falling in love with them and showing His grace?

Second, because she is a person. Her heart, her emotions, her struggles, her feelings, her questions, her burdens matter; and her mother and I are God’s gifts to her to walk her through all these new life experiences. She’s never been there before! It’s called parenting, and what a gift it is! Sometimes I think that we forget—our children are people—new people and their life experiences are their first! They are people who matter to God, and they are the most important people in your life, if you are a parent. No one else and nothing else should trump your relationship with your family, I don’t care who it is, what they demand, or what kind of pressure they place upon you. Nothing trumps your family!

When we got home that night, Dana instructed Haylee to get ready for bed. A few moments later, Dana came into our room and said to me, “She’s a different person! She’s at peace. She’s whole. She’s gentle and responsive. It’s like these last three hours with you untied every knot in her heart!” I could sense it also. Haylee was a different person, because Dad spent some time loving her. (And by the way, it wasn’t about the dress, it was about the connection of hearts.)

We live in a really busy age! This is a day when most people live with little to no margins in life. The spaces on our calendar that jobs and commitments don’t fill, we quickly fill with everything else—from soccer practices to music recitals to bowling leagues. And for all of our urgent busyness and frantic pace to “get it all done,” we end our days with a nagging conscience that we missed the things that matter most. A lot of things were “checked off the list” but in the process we paid a high prices in neglecting people.

I read an interesting book recently. It was called Chasing Daylight. It wasn’t a Christian book, but it was written by a highly successful CEO who was diagnosed with three fast-growing, cancerous brain tumors. Sadly, he was given three months to live. The book chronicles how he decided to live his last three months of life.

Here was a man whose life was consumed with success—earning money, making his company successful, and enjoying all the perks of wealth. And he was good at it. He had multiple homes, charted private jets, and enjoyed everything his heart desired. He provided well for his family. But from the moment of diagnosis, none of that mattered. When given three months to live, there was only one thing that mattered—relationships. He spent his last three months doing what he called “unwinding relationships”—spending time closing his relationships with people he loved and appreciated. Suddenly, money and success faded, and life was all about relationships—people!

You want to know what really matters in life? People. Study the life and ministry of Jesus. His days weren’t spent processing projects or checking off his to-do list. (Though most of us must do some of that.) His days were spent touching the lives of people. He lived in balance—resting when necessary, walking with His Heavenly Father, and giving Himself to people. He was never in a hurry. He lived with plenty of margin. (He walked nearly everywhere he went.) He never let urgency determine his agenda. His life, ministry, and daily agenda were driven by the leading of His Father and the lives of people. With Jesus, on a practical daily level, people mattered the most.

Do people matter most in your life? Begin with the people closest to you—for they are the ones God has given to you. Then work your way out from there. Focus your life on loving, serving, and investing into people. Connect everything you do—even the task list and the projects—to the needs of people. When you plan your day and your week, begin with people. Make sure that every relationship in your life is healed, restored, right, and healthy. Work to keep them that way. No matter what you accomplish in life, if your relationships are broken or neglected, you are failing at what matters the most to Jesus.

How did you live your life today? What’s your plan for tomorrow? Are you neglecting people for the sake of “more important things”? Take a good look at tomorrow’s plan and then next week’s plan—and make it people-centric. Jesus said, next to loving God, there’s nothing more important in life than loving people.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Matthew 22:39).

Someone within your reach has some knots in their heart or emotions that you can help to untie. Now go and do what Jesus would—untie those knots and truly love that person. In the end, how you lived for and loved God and people is really all that matters!

Ideas for Equipping the Family

caryschmidt — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 03:23:22 +0000

One HUGE responsibility of those in local church leadership/ministry is the strengthen the Christian family! Whether we’re preparing young people for future family, teaching them to honor their present family, counseling engaged couples, strengthening marriages, counseling parents, or encouraging grandparents—a huge percentage of scripture and of day to day ministry involves family relationships.

Someone emailed me recently and simply asked, “What does your church do to equip families?” Great question. Here is a short list and I’m sure you can add to it:

1. A Steady Diet of Solid Biblical Preaching and Teaching—obviously from the Pastor primarily, this ministry trumps all else! When it is biblical and balanced, there will be a steady flow of principles that will strengthen every family relationship. Years ago I heard a spiritual leader say, “There isn’t very much in the Bible about the family…” I wondered if he and I were reading the same Bible? If you preach the Bible you won’t be able to avoid family related topics.

2. Regular Teen Parent Meetings—about four times per year we invite all the parents (not just the parents of teens) to stay after church for a 30 minute meeting. This meeting offers well-prepared lessons, informative ideas, and scriptural principles that parents can put into place immediately. Many of the posts on this blog (those under family or student ministry) were originally a part of a teen parent meeting.

3. Biblical Teaching through Adult Classes—our adult Bible class ministry focuses on specific age groups, and those with couples or families offer regular teaching about marriage, child-rearing, and Christian home life. The more specific the age groups, the more focused the teaching.

4. Parent Training Classes—several times per year we offer Wednesday evening “electives” on a variety of topics. Church family can sign up for these and attend a special topical elective as opposed to the regular Wednesday evening Bible Study. Several times each year a parenting or a teen-parenting elective is offered as well as other topics such as financial management, etc.

5. Recommending/Giving Good Books—I try to recommend good parenting and family books at every teen parent meeting, or at other contexts when such recommendations are appropriate. Also, whenever I counsel a family, I almost always give them a book to help and encourage in their particular area of need. As a practice, giving good books to growing Christians is always a wise investment!

6. Family Counseling—our pastoral staff is available for family counseling and we all do a good bit of it. The church family knows we are here to serve, to encourage, and to help. It’s a great joy to be able to see relationships restored or strengthened through these appointments.

7. Constantly Encouraging the Teens Toward Their Parents—in teaching times for young people we are constantly trying to build home relationships. If you minister to young hearts, you cannot over emphasize honor and obedience in the Christian home. Honor and obedience is God’s place of blessing in their lives. Youth ministries that support families usually have the support of the parents!

8. Writing Encouraging Letters—an encouraging letter goes a long way! Most of the times that we spend individual time with a young person, that is followed up with a letter to the parents letting them know how their young person is doing. As a parent, that encouragement is valuable. Parenting can be difficult and discouraging at times, and your positive letter home to a parent might be just the thing that strengthens a Christian parent to keep going forward!

9. Home Fellowships—when I’m healthy, we love to host groups of young people (by age) to our home after Sunday night church. We enjoy pizza, fellowship, and testimonies; and it’s always a great time. One of our favorite things to do is invite some parents to come along. They love watching what happens at these fellowships! We get to know each other better, and the family is always encouraged!

10. Biblical Models—one of the most powerful loudspeakers for the Christian home, in your church, is your family! Your church family will watch you more than they will listen to you! If your relationships are loving, sweet, kind, rich, and balanced; they will desire the same, and your spoken message will be more powerful. Stop and consider, through your own family, what message are you sending? What model are you uplifting? Make sure you are uplifting a model of family life that includes plenty of time together, close relationships, loving attention, and together ministry.

Ok—your turn. What are some ways you equip families through your ministry?